Note: I apologize for miss-spellings and uncompleted sentences my computers a mess like that and sometimes and type slower than my brain goes but I'm sure you can figure things out.

Kaitlyn spent the rest of the weekend and all of her free time reading her mothers journals. She had started at the beginning and although they weren't boring they didn't give her the answers to her questions although it had given her the opportunity to know her parents better. By reading all the time Kaitlyn had stopped eating and stopped cutting herself, ending one bad habit but starting another.

" October 21," Kaitlyn read form the top of the page.

I'm pregnant, I am pregnant. I don't believe it I should be going through menopause and instead I am pregnant. And Jed good lord doesn't understand how awful this is all he can think about is that he'll finally get his boy. God how can I have a baby? I barely have time to do all the things Carrie wants me to do let alone a new baby. Plus I can do without morning sickness, weight gain and swelling all things I don't want or need.

" Well at least I know why she doesn't like me." Kaitlyn thought continuing to read. She read about her mom's pregnancy and her delivery. She was apparently a well behaved baby which her mother appreciated. But that was basically all that was written about her. Abbey had written about Jed and their relationship, Jennie and her blossoming career, Brenda and her troublesome ways, her fights with Jed and how she missed her, and about Carrie's accomplishments and how Jed spoiled her too much.

The pain that she had that was fading had returned and worse than before. She had always believed it was only her father who hated her but now it was her mother too. She'd always believed it was her mom's work that kept her away and now she knew that it was only her preference.

As she sat on the floor in the bathroom she took out the razor and cut her arm again. Because she hadn't eaten and the fat that had been protecting her muscles was gone the pain was sharper and blood longer lasting but she didn't mind because it made her calm and feel better. And that was all she wanted to feel better.