Unhappy Birthday part two
(This scene takes place in the cafeteria. The cliffhangers are all sitting at a table together trying to figure out where Shelby is. Including the new girl Sara Hannington. To read more about her, read my fan fics on fanfiction.net A season for change and Father of Mine. This is the third fanfic of mine and the three go in order so it might refer to the other two.)
"So do you think Shelby's OK?" Julliette asked. The cliffhangers had been talking about her since they had woke up and Shelby hadn't been in the cabin.
"Why wouldn't Shelby be OK?" Sophie asked walking up behind the group. The cliffhangers looked at each other. Scott and Daisy threw Julliette a look that said see what you did and Julliette sent back a look that said I didn't know.
"So why wouldn't Shelby be OK?" Sophie asked again. She knew Shelby was outside by herself, but Shelby hadn't seemed too bad.
"Oh, just because she's not at breakfast." Sara said. Scott threw her a dirty look. "OW." Sara said. Daisy, who had been sitting next to her, had kicked her. Sophie looked at Sara. "Sorry, leg cramp." Sara said, giving Daisy a look. Daisy just smiled at her.
"Well," Sophie said ignoring the strange behavior among the cliffhangers. "I know Shelby's not here, because she's outside talking to Peter." This surprises Scott and Daisy; they are pretty sure Peter and Sophie just arrived so there not sure if she's in trouble or if something else is up. They partially wondered this because Shelby had actually been acting a little differently all week, and hadn't told them why. She'd gone back to her I'm just fine routine. They just weren't sure what to think.
"Morning." Shelby said walking up behind Sophie. Sophie gives Shelby a sympathetic look knowing that her mom is coming. Scott and Daisy are dying to ask where she's been, but not wanting to get her in trouble. They'd have to wait for Sophie to leave.
"Maybe you guys should get going." Sophie said. "Class starts soon." The cliffhangers stand and begin to clear the table that they are at. "Shelby can I talk to you for a moment?" Sophie asks. Shelby nods.
Daisy and Scott throw each other a look, they weren't expecting Sophie to want to talk to Shelby.
"What do you think is going on?" Scott asks Daisy in a hushed tone as they walk towards the kitchen.
"I'm not sure, but I don't think it's good." Daisy answered.
"Let's hurry, maybe we can catch her before class starts."
"Yea, and if not, we'll track her down after class." Scott nodded and the two headed into the kitchen.
Shelby and Sophie walk over to a corner of the cafeteria where nobody is. "I know your mom is coming." Sophie said. " And I was just going to remind you that if you need to, well, I'm here to listen and talk. Or just listen." Sophie said, trying to figure out what Shelby was thinking.
Shelby nodded. " What can I say?" Shelby asked and then walked away, heading out of the building.
What could I say? She wondered. Jess and her mom were coming. Jess knew enough about Shelby's life to be able to figure out what she'd done when she lived on the streets. Her and her little sister had talked, but her mom... Her mom had no idea. Not really. Her mom knew about Walt. Her mom knew she'd run away and her mom had found her and brought her there, but Shelby also knew how much her mom could deny everything. She had barely been able to admit that she knew what Walt had been doing.
Do I tell her? Wondered Shelby as she walked across campus. They'll look at me differently, Shelby thought. They'll not understand. Scott understood. It had taken him a while but he understood. It had taken her mom a while to admit it, but she had. Maybe it's time, Shelby thought. Maybe if I tell them it will help. No. Shelby thought. As much as people tried to grasp the concept of what she had done, they would never be able to. Scott did understand, but only as well as he could. He'd never actually sold himself on the streets. He didn't know what that was like.
Shelby had thought she was OK with it. Well as OK as a person could be with something like that, but she still couldn't shake the feeling of being dirty. The memories of the men's cars. The smell of the alcohol that was normally on there breath when they picked her up on the edge of the street. Shelby had hated them all, but she really hated the ones who were rough. Who hit and clawed. She was sure she still had scars. Shelby shook her head trying to get rid of the thoughts. But it was impossible to escape that feeling. Even when she was with Scott it was always there. Always there reminding her of what she had done.
The feeling wasn't as bad as it had used to be though. It had gotten better. It had gotten better when she turned Walt into the police. But all of her dirtyness , all of her feelings of hate towards herself and her body for what she'd done, they weren't just because of him. They were because of the other men to. The ones she couldn't have arrested or get rid of.
Shelby ran her hand threw her hair and kept walking. She focused her thoughts and tried to figure out where to go. She was supposed to go to class, but she didn't want to. Her birthday was making her think of her life and what she had done and who she was. She wanted to be left alone wanted to think. And the fact that her mother was coming in a few short hours, well, it was all too soon for her.
Shelby continued to walk, not sure where she was headed, but she ended up at the administration building standing in front of Peter's door. She knew she could talk to him, that she could trust him, that he would listen to her. Him and Sophie were the first two people who had ever really listened to her, who had ever really cared enough to listen to her. But she wasn't sure she wanted to talk. She did and then she didn't. She lifted her hand to knock, but quickly dropped it. She was nervous. Shelby almost laughed. She'd told Peter pretty much everything, yet she was nervous about talking to him. It was always hard to say the first word. After she did, it all came out and it was easier to talk, but the first word was always difficult to say. She quickly lifted her hand and knocked before she could change her mind. Peter had always been there for her and he would be there for her now.
A moment later the door to Peter's office opened and there he stood. "Shelby." He said. "Uh, come on in." He said opening the door farther so that she could come in. Shelby walked in and sat down on the couch. She pulled her legs up underneath her and then pulled a pillow up onto her lap. Peter closed the door and sat down next to her.
"You OK?" He asked concerned. She shook her head no, not looking at him. "You want to talk about it?" He asked and again she shook her head no. " Figured." He said, trying to get her to smile, but it didn't work. He took a deep breath and tried again. " Does this have to do with the visit?" Shelby looked away as tears formed in her eyes. Peter put his hand on top of hers to let her know he was there, but she pulled away. Peter tried hard not to sigh. It was hard to see someone so hurt.
"Today's my birthday." Shelby said quietly. "I'm seventeen." She said a little sarcastically. "I ... I keep thinking about my life. About my time on the streets. There were so many times, so many times I didn't think I'd make it through the day, let alone the night." She shook her, head, wishing she could erase the memories. "My mom found me. But she didn't know what I did. She didn't know that I did what I did." Shelby looks at her hands. " I don't know if I should tell her." She pauses. "Almost my entire life, I was abused. My father, my stepfather, my time on the streets, the drugs, if it wasn't others, it was myself. All of it though, made me who I am. Made me what I am. I keep thinking that if were ever to be a real family, the lies and secrets have to stop. I keep thinking I have to tell them to make it stop." She looked at Peter for the first time since she walked in the office. She wanted him to tell her, that telling them was the right thing, but she also knew he wouldn't.
Peter took a deep breath. He knew that Shelby was wanting him to make the decision for her. " Shelby, I know it's a tough choice, a really tough choice, but it's your choice."
Shelby nodded. " I had a feeling you might say that." She said.
"Shelby," He said, wanting to tell her, wanting to help her and make her hurt go away, but knowing the decision had to be hers. "You need to really think about this decision. About what might happen if you tell or if you don't. How your family will react. Think about it and then decide." Peter sighed. " I know you don't have a lot of time to think though, your mom will be here in a few short hours, but you can always decide to tell her at another time."
"Peter, I just feel that telling her is the only way for us to get past everything." Shelby said looking at her hands. " For us to really heal we need to know everything that's not healing us." Shelby looks at him. " Isn't that what you say when we don't tell you everything. That unless you know what's wrong you can't help." Peter nods.
"So you do listen to me." Peter said making a joke. Shelby smiled.
"Don't let it go to your head." She said, but then her smile faded. Her mother was coming and she did need to decide. "Peter, would it be OK if I missed morning classes. I just want time to think about this. Without my mom present." Shelby said.
Peter thought for a moment. "All right, but only this once and you have to make your homework up when your mom leaves and you also," He said standing and walking to his desk, " Have to write in this." He said and produced a blue notebook out of his desk drawer. Shelby groaned. "But I'm going to give you a choice."
"Like wether or not I actually do it." She asked hopefully.
"No, like whether or not I read it. I want you to write in here at least once before your mom gets here and once after. And you can decide whether I read it. Or whether or not I just read parts of it. Deal?" He asked holding out his hand. Shelby shook it and he handed her the notebook. She headed for the door.
"And Shelby," She turned around. " I'm here if you need me all right?" Shelby nodded. And then walked out of t