Unhappy birthday part 9
Shelby hasn't stopped moving since she left Horizon. When she couldn't run anymore, she just walked. She was afraid to stop, afraid if she stopped moving that she would feel something. So she just kept going. She had made it to the road about an hour before. The sun was starting to come up and she knew she had to find a ride before it was daylight or else they would find her. She figured she had about half an hour to an hour left.
I'm so cold, Shelby thought. She couldn't believe how cold she felt. How numb she felt. She had stopped crying a while before. "Tears will never get you anywhere." That's what Patty had always said. "You just do what you do to get yourself through."
Shelby continued walking, she didn't want to go back. She didn't know how to deal with what had happened. She couldn't figure out if she was angry, sad, relieved, depressed. She wasn't sure it even mattered. All she knew is that for one day, she had actually had what she had always dreamed of. The happy family, a boyfriend and a best friend. And other friends hanging around, coming to a party for her. One of the few times she was having an actual birthday party instead of just cake when her mom got off work. She had hoped and prayed for a life like this and she had finally had it for one bittersweet moment. Shelby wondered if she had enjoyed it more because after everything that she'd been through she had come to believe that real happiness was a joke. Even though her time with Scott made her happy, he wasn't someone that had always been with her. He hadn't seen her grow up and change. Scott made her happy, but what Shelby wanted was family. A real family. And now she never would have one.
"I should have known," Shelby said to her self. "I should have known it wasn't for real. You let your guard down and all that happens is you get hurt." Shelby was truly convinced of this now. After everything in her life she was certain of it.
Shelby turned at the sound of the car that had broken her out of her thoughts. She stuck out her thumb, indicating that she needed a ride. She'd done this to every car that had passed. This car was different though. This one stopped.
"Where you headed?" A young guy behind the wheel asked.
He looks ok, Shelby thought. Better then some of the other people she used to take rides from. The young man behind the wheel had dusty blonde hair and sort of an athletic build. He was dressed nicely in a business suit. Shelby found that odd since he was driving a pick up truck.
"Any place your going." Shelby said with a smile. She was amazed that she was able to smile after everything that had happened. She had gotten used to giving the fake friendly smile to guys. But every time she did it, she was amazed that she could actually smile. Shelby shook the thoughts away and opened the door and climbed into the truck.
They drove in silence for a while. "My names Mark." The guy said looking at Shelby. "What's yours?"
"Clarissa." Shelby said. Shelby had learned on the streets that you never use your real name. Too easy for people to find you.
"Well Clarissa," Mark said, "What's a girl your age doing out at this hour?" Shelby didn't answer him. "Not in the mood for chit chat?" He said. "That's fine."
Shelby watched out the window as they drove down the road. Shelby remembered the ride up this rode. The first time she'd come to Horizon, her mom had brought her. She had found Shelby on the streets a few days earlier. Shelby had been high when her mom found her. At least I hadn't been dressed in my "work" cloths, Shelby thought. Her mom had freaked out that her daughter was using. But her mom had really sent her to Horizon because she had ran away so much.
Flashback
Shelby is sitting in the car, her mom is driving. Shelby was pale and thin. Someone had spotted her on the streets and called her mom. And now she was on her way home. Back to that house with that man. The high had worn off and now Shelby actually had to face a little bit of reality. She didn't speak to her mother though. She just stared out the window. I'll just run away again, she thought. She'd done it so many times before.
"One of these times, you're going to run away and your not going to make it home." Her mother said angrily. Alice was used to this, but it didn't bother her any less. Shelby had been running away for years now. Every time they had found her, but every time she was gone longer and longer. And every time Alice and Jess waited at home by the phone, praying that the next call wouldn't be someone telling them that they needed to identify the body.
"Yea, well that might be better then going home." Shelby said.
"Is home really that bad? You have a sister that adores you, a mother that cares about you and a step father that loves you very much and that goes to work every day just to support you."
Shelby thought she would be sick. Any mention of that man made her skin crawl. He was a monster. But Shelby would never tell that.
"You might not care whether or not you live, but your family does and I'll do what ever it takes to keep you alive."
End of Flashback.
Shelby's almost laughed at the words she heard in the flashback. If only her mom had known what she had gone through back then. Maybe her mom wouldn't have looked for her, maybe she would have been better off on the streets, doing drugs and prostituting to make money. Shelby thought maybe that would have been easier, at least then she wouldn't hurt like she did now. Before she had hurt, but the drugs had made it tolerable. It hadn't gotten rid of the pain, but it had made it tolerable. But Shelby knew that had her mom not found her when she did, if her mom hadn't made her go, she'd be dead right now. Horizon really had saved her life.
Horizon, Shelby thought as she watched out the window.
(FLASHBACKS)
"The key to Horizon is that it's a safe place."
"The essence of Horizon is responsibility and you were irresponsible."
(end of Flashbacks)
Shelby shook the thoughts away. Horizon might have been able to save her once, but they couldn't save her this time. Her mother and her sister had let her down. I left her there, Shelby thought. I left Jess with her. No, Shelby assured herself, Peter could help Jess, now that Shelby was no longer at Horizon Jess could go there for help. Peter could save her, there was still time for her little sister to get help.
"Could you save my life, too?" That's what Jess had asked Peter. Peter knew she wanted help now, Peter knew he could give it to her and now that Shelby was out of the way, everyone would be better off. Even Scott she thought. The thought of him almost made her cry, but she managed to hold it in. He'll be better off without me. Once his dad realizes, then he can go home without worrying about leaving me. He'll be able to have a good life. And not worry about his girlfriend. His girlfriend the hor.
(Flash BACK)
"He really likes you."
"Why'd you come back."
"But he likes me for all the wrong reasons."
'Because ... Because I love you."
"So make him like you for all the right ones."
(End of Flashback)
Shelby shook the thoughts away. He doesn't really love me, Shelby thought, no one can ever love me. He had understood, he had understood once, and he had promise dot be here for her through all of this, but Shelby wouldn't let him. She felt betrayed. Betrayed by Jess, because she hadn't told her, betrayed by her mom, for her going back on her word, and betrayed by all the people at Horizon. They had all tried to convince her she was better then she was. That she actually had something to give that she was lovable. Shelby knew now that wasn't true. If her own mother and sister could betray her, if they could believe it was her fault, well then the others could decide at any moment that it was her fault too.
Peter rolled over and looked at the ceiling. It took him a moment to realize where he was, but then the night befores events came rushing back to him. Peter sat up and looked at his watch. He groaned. He had had maybe four hours sleep. After the little talk the group had had, Peter wasn't sure they would ever get any of them to sleep, but by three o clock they had all fallen asleep. Some of them hadn't slept to well. Sophie had had to take Jess to Peter's office. The girl had been plagued by horrible nightmares, once she had finally fallen asleep.
Peter looked around the room. Had it been any other morning, under any other circumstances, he would have made them all get up and separate. They had somehow become entangled in each other during the night. Ezra was asleep with his head propped up against the couch, Daisy and him were holding hands, Daisy head was resting on Scott's lap, Auggie was using Scott's legs as a pillow, and Julliette was asleep in Auggie's arms, Sara's head was on Ezra's lap and David was using Sara as a pillow. When they had gone to bed the night before they had been close, but not that close. Peter wondered how he had missed that.
He stood slowly. They had needed each other last night. They needed each other until they found Shelby and then they would need each other to help pull Shelby through it. He didn't want to do anything to provoke them to break apart. He walked across the room, being careful not to step on anybody. He rounded the corner and ran right into Sophie.
"Morning.' He said. Sophie looks amazing, he thought, even if she is half asleep.
'Yea." Sophie said. She had a cup of hot tea in her hands.
"Where's Jess?" he asked.
"She's completely out. I didn't want to wake her."
"I take it she didn't sleep well last night."
"She fell asleep at about five. She hasn't woken up since. How are the others doing?"
"Take a look for yourself." Peter said and motioned to the cliffhangers. Sophie looked at them and smiled.
"They shouldn't be like that, but it is cute."
"That's what I thought." Peter and Sophie watched them for a moment. "I just wish Shelby was here."
"So do I."
"I'm going to go call Curtis. When I called him last night he said he'd start the search as soon as it was light enough to. He also said he'd phone around to try and find out anything, in case she's made it out of Agnes."
Sophie nodded. "What am I supposed to do with them?" She asked indicating the cliffhangers.
"Let them sleep. Stay here until they wake up. Once there up, if we still have to search the woods they can help. "
"What about Jess?"
"I'll send Megan over to watch her." Sophie noddedd.
"What if they can't participate in the search?"
"If they can't, then they can stay here."
'Stay here and do what?" Sophie asked.
"I'm sure you'll think of something." He said and gave Sophie a quick kiss before jetting off to make the call to Curtis.
"Thanks." Sophie said rolling her eyes.
Tears ran down Shelby's cheeks as she walked. Mark had dropped her off a few hours out of Agnes. She wasn't sure exactly where she was but that didn't matter. Shelby was much more interested in getting away. She couldn't help, but think of yesterday's events. Yesterday afternoon everything had been perfect. Her mom had understood, Jess had understood. She had been truly happy for the first time in a very long time. She had sat on the docks making out with Scott and waiting to go to her birthday party. She had felt normal, like a real person. Like a whole person. And then, in a matter of minutes her world had crashed down around her.
"I'll never be able to look any of them in the eye again." She said quietly to herself. It didn't matter that Scott and Daisy had understood and accepted her. People could do a 180 to quickly. "You really can only rely on yourself.' She thought.
Shelby's brain wondered to other topics. Like how she was able to still be moving after so many hours. She hadn't slept at all and she had barely eaten, but somehow she was still moving. Must be adrenaline, she thought. Because there was no other reason for her to still be moving.
Shelby kept walking as her thoughts returned to before she came to Horizon.
(Flashback)
"You're sending me away?" Shelby had said angrily. Her mom was standing in her bedroom doorway. Shelby's bags were packed and next to the door.
'Shelby, I told you I would do whatever it took to keep you alive and I meant it. Horizon is supposed to be a wonderful school. They can handle you, I can't."
"What ever." Shelby had said, walking over and grabbing her bags. "If you're going to send me away, then let's just go."
"Shelby." Her mom said as Shelby had pushed past her.
(End of flashback.)
Shelby remembered what it had been like when she found out she was leaving. She had acted angry at her mom, but she had actually been relieved. Glad that she wouldn't have to worry about Walt and if he would come into her room. If only she had known he would use Jess. Shelby would have stayed at home. She would have much rather lived through that hell five times over then watch her sister have to live through it.
My sister, she thought. She's with mom back in Agnes. Back where Daisy and Scott are. Shelby shook the thoughts away. She couldn't think about it. She'd decided on the car ride with Mark, that she wanted to make a clean break. If she was going to do that, she had to stop worrying about where she used to be. Who she used to be with and who she had almost became. She couldn't allow her self to think about that or anything like it. If she was going to survive she had to be strong.
Shelby heard a car horn and turned to see where it was coming from. It was behind her. It was a car alarm that someone had set off. Shelby looked around. She realized she was in a parking lot. A building loomed before her. Shelby didn't know what it was. Across the street from where she was she noticed a gas station. She began walking towards it. She knew that a gas station could tell her what time it was and wouldn't ask questions. Shelby walked across the street. For a moment she wondered what had happened to Mark, but she didn't wonder long though. He'd just been her free ride.
Shelby walked into the gas station. A blonde haired boy was standing at the counter with his back to Shelby. She stopped in her tracks. Then she shook her head. For a moment she had thought it was Scott, but she knew that was impossible. The boy turned around and walked passed her.
"Sir," Shelby said addressing the man behind the counter, "I was wondering, can you tell me what time it is?"
"It's a little after twelve." The older man said. Shelby nodded and then walked out of the gas station. She started down the street again, looking more at her surroundings this time. Shelby started recognizing things. Not much but some things. Then Shelby realized where she was at. She'd been here before. She was about five hours away from Agnes. Her mom and her had stopped here when she's come back to Horizon. They had even went into the same gas station. Shelby had talked to the guy behind the counter, why her mom had filled up the gas tank. I wonder if he recognized me, Shelby wondered. If she'd recognized him, it was possible he'd recognized her. I have to get out of this town or at least off the main street, Shelby thought.
Shelby looked around. Where am I going to go from here? She wondered. She began walking, in what she hoped was the a direction that would take her to some place else.
As she continued walking, she noticed that it was actually a pretty nice day. No rain and it wasn't too cold. She looked up the sky hadn't a cloud and the sun was shining so it was warm. Thank God for small favors, Shelby thought, as she walked. She had been so cold earlier, but she was beginning to warm up a little. She still felt pretty numb though.
Back at Horizon the cliffhangers had woken up and Sophie was trying to get them to eat lunch. She'd agreed to allow them to eat in the lodge. None of them felt like dealing with anyone, but each other. Peter came into the room, everyone looked up to him.
"Any news yet?" Sophie asked anxiously. It was almost twelve thirty in the morning and Search and Rescue had been looking for a while now. The other cliffhangers hadn't woken up until about ten o clock. Peter had joined the search earlier, but had let the cliffhangers sleep after their rough night.
Peter looked at the group, who were waiting quite impatiently. "We're still looking. They going to begin to search some of the towns around here. Roger is looking, but can't get a lead." He said. He looked to the cliffhangers. 'Anyone who wants to help search the woods for her can. They all stood. "But you have to go in groups of two or three and stay with in shouting distance of each other, All right?"
They all nodded. "Go get your stuff then."
Shelby had been walking for what seemed like forever. She almost laughed. Of course it felt like forever, she'd almost been walking nonstop since she left Horizon the night before. But now she was beginning to feel it. Her body was beginning to ache from all the walking and running, not to mention the crying.
Shelby could only remember one other time when she'd ever felt this bad. And that was the first time. The first time she'd... Shelby shook the thoughts away. She couldn't think about that, not now. It hurt way too much to think about it. Shelby continued walking. Trying desperately to keep her mind off of the night before. Off of all the thoughts from before. But her mind kept turning back to it.
(Flashbacks)
"My daughter the hor."
Shelby... It's not what you did.
"I told that guy at CPS not to believe a word you said."
It's...It's his scar tissue.
When are you going to grow up.
"It's poison you know
Stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes
All of it.
I hope he dies.
It eats you up inside."
I prayed for it my whole life.
I called cps the day that you told me about your stepfather.
There's something you're not telling me.
Three days later, they were here, and then suddenly you denied it, like it never happened.
You have to tell me what happened.
I don't understand it.
I had sex with men for money.
He did it to you.
Why are you protecting him?
He'll try.
The same thing that happened to me...
I'm not protecting him.
He...He abused you.
He...he promised.
He molested you.
You know what that makes me?
If...if I wouldn't tell, if i never told, he... he wouldn't touch you.
A survivor.
It's not your fault.
He'll never understand
Look at me, all right?
Well, then, he's not the one
You have to tell me what happened.
My friend, patty, the one who O.D.'d?
Just stay out of my life.
You're a lot like her.
How I feel is I'm done.
I take that as a compliment.
I'm done with feeling bad and hating myself,
It is.
being a victim,
Every day in the shower,
being abused,
I stand there-- every day-- and I think "what a waste.
She always said that you saved her life
"What a waste, 'cause I'm never gonna get clean.
And on what you do and everything that you've done for her,...
And I'm done with wanting things I know I can't have.
You can have me.
And, um, well, there was something i was wondering.
I want you.
What's that, honey?
You don't want all of me.
Could you save my life, too?
Shelby hasn't stopped moving since she left Horizon. When she couldn't run anymore, she just walked. She was afraid to stop, afraid if she stopped moving that she would feel something. So she just kept going. She had made it to the road about an hour before. The sun was starting to come up and she knew she had to find a ride before it was daylight or else they would find her. She figured she had about half an hour to an hour left.
I'm so cold, Shelby thought. She couldn't believe how cold she felt. How numb she felt. She had stopped crying a while before. "Tears will never get you anywhere." That's what Patty had always said. "You just do what you do to get yourself through."
Shelby continued walking, she didn't want to go back. She didn't know how to deal with what had happened. She couldn't figure out if she was angry, sad, relieved, depressed. She wasn't sure it even mattered. All she knew is that for one day, she had actually had what she had always dreamed of. The happy family, a boyfriend and a best friend. And other friends hanging around, coming to a party for her. One of the few times she was having an actual birthday party instead of just cake when her mom got off work. She had hoped and prayed for a life like this and she had finally had it for one bittersweet moment. Shelby wondered if she had enjoyed it more because after everything that she'd been through she had come to believe that real happiness was a joke. Even though her time with Scott made her happy, he wasn't someone that had always been with her. He hadn't seen her grow up and change. Scott made her happy, but what Shelby wanted was family. A real family. And now she never would have one.
"I should have known," Shelby said to her self. "I should have known it wasn't for real. You let your guard down and all that happens is you get hurt." Shelby was truly convinced of this now. After everything in her life she was certain of it.
Shelby turned at the sound of the car that had broken her out of her thoughts. She stuck out her thumb, indicating that she needed a ride. She'd done this to every car that had passed. This car was different though. This one stopped.
"Where you headed?" A young guy behind the wheel asked.
He looks ok, Shelby thought. Better then some of the other people she used to take rides from. The young man behind the wheel had dusty blonde hair and sort of an athletic build. He was dressed nicely in a business suit. Shelby found that odd since he was driving a pick up truck.
"Any place your going." Shelby said with a smile. She was amazed that she was able to smile after everything that had happened. She had gotten used to giving the fake friendly smile to guys. But every time she did it, she was amazed that she could actually smile. Shelby shook the thoughts away and opened the door and climbed into the truck.
They drove in silence for a while. "My names Mark." The guy said looking at Shelby. "What's yours?"
"Clarissa." Shelby said. Shelby had learned on the streets that you never use your real name. Too easy for people to find you.
"Well Clarissa," Mark said, "What's a girl your age doing out at this hour?" Shelby didn't answer him. "Not in the mood for chit chat?" He said. "That's fine."
Shelby watched out the window as they drove down the road. Shelby remembered the ride up this rode. The first time she'd come to Horizon, her mom had brought her. She had found Shelby on the streets a few days earlier. Shelby had been high when her mom found her. At least I hadn't been dressed in my "work" cloths, Shelby thought. Her mom had freaked out that her daughter was using. But her mom had really sent her to Horizon because she had ran away so much.
Flashback
Shelby is sitting in the car, her mom is driving. Shelby was pale and thin. Someone had spotted her on the streets and called her mom. And now she was on her way home. Back to that house with that man. The high had worn off and now Shelby actually had to face a little bit of reality. She didn't speak to her mother though. She just stared out the window. I'll just run away again, she thought. She'd done it so many times before.
"One of these times, you're going to run away and your not going to make it home." Her mother said angrily. Alice was used to this, but it didn't bother her any less. Shelby had been running away for years now. Every time they had found her, but every time she was gone longer and longer. And every time Alice and Jess waited at home by the phone, praying that the next call wouldn't be someone telling them that they needed to identify the body.
"Yea, well that might be better then going home." Shelby said.
"Is home really that bad? You have a sister that adores you, a mother that cares about you and a step father that loves you very much and that goes to work every day just to support you."
Shelby thought she would be sick. Any mention of that man made her skin crawl. He was a monster. But Shelby would never tell that.
"You might not care whether or not you live, but your family does and I'll do what ever it takes to keep you alive."
End of Flashback.
Shelby's almost laughed at the words she heard in the flashback. If only her mom had known what she had gone through back then. Maybe her mom wouldn't have looked for her, maybe she would have been better off on the streets, doing drugs and prostituting to make money. Shelby thought maybe that would have been easier, at least then she wouldn't hurt like she did now. Before she had hurt, but the drugs had made it tolerable. It hadn't gotten rid of the pain, but it had made it tolerable. But Shelby knew that had her mom not found her when she did, if her mom hadn't made her go, she'd be dead right now. Horizon really had saved her life.
Horizon, Shelby thought as she watched out the window.
(FLASHBACKS)
"The key to Horizon is that it's a safe place."
"The essence of Horizon is responsibility and you were irresponsible."
(end of Flashbacks)
Shelby shook the thoughts away. Horizon might have been able to save her once, but they couldn't save her this time. Her mother and her sister had let her down. I left her there, Shelby thought. I left Jess with her. No, Shelby assured herself, Peter could help Jess, now that Shelby was no longer at Horizon Jess could go there for help. Peter could save her, there was still time for her little sister to get help.
"Could you save my life, too?" That's what Jess had asked Peter. Peter knew she wanted help now, Peter knew he could give it to her and now that Shelby was out of the way, everyone would be better off. Even Scott she thought. The thought of him almost made her cry, but she managed to hold it in. He'll be better off without me. Once his dad realizes, then he can go home without worrying about leaving me. He'll be able to have a good life. And not worry about his girlfriend. His girlfriend the hor.
(Flash BACK)
"He really likes you."
"Why'd you come back."
"But he likes me for all the wrong reasons."
'Because ... Because I love you."
"So make him like you for all the right ones."
(End of Flashback)
Shelby shook the thoughts away. He doesn't really love me, Shelby thought, no one can ever love me. He had understood, he had understood once, and he had promise dot be here for her through all of this, but Shelby wouldn't let him. She felt betrayed. Betrayed by Jess, because she hadn't told her, betrayed by her mom, for her going back on her word, and betrayed by all the people at Horizon. They had all tried to convince her she was better then she was. That she actually had something to give that she was lovable. Shelby knew now that wasn't true. If her own mother and sister could betray her, if they could believe it was her fault, well then the others could decide at any moment that it was her fault too.
Peter rolled over and looked at the ceiling. It took him a moment to realize where he was, but then the night befores events came rushing back to him. Peter sat up and looked at his watch. He groaned. He had had maybe four hours sleep. After the little talk the group had had, Peter wasn't sure they would ever get any of them to sleep, but by three o clock they had all fallen asleep. Some of them hadn't slept to well. Sophie had had to take Jess to Peter's office. The girl had been plagued by horrible nightmares, once she had finally fallen asleep.
Peter looked around the room. Had it been any other morning, under any other circumstances, he would have made them all get up and separate. They had somehow become entangled in each other during the night. Ezra was asleep with his head propped up against the couch, Daisy and him were holding hands, Daisy head was resting on Scott's lap, Auggie was using Scott's legs as a pillow, and Julliette was asleep in Auggie's arms, Sara's head was on Ezra's lap and David was using Sara as a pillow. When they had gone to bed the night before they had been close, but not that close. Peter wondered how he had missed that.
He stood slowly. They had needed each other last night. They needed each other until they found Shelby and then they would need each other to help pull Shelby through it. He didn't want to do anything to provoke them to break apart. He walked across the room, being careful not to step on anybody. He rounded the corner and ran right into Sophie.
"Morning.' He said. Sophie looks amazing, he thought, even if she is half asleep.
'Yea." Sophie said. She had a cup of hot tea in her hands.
"Where's Jess?" he asked.
"She's completely out. I didn't want to wake her."
"I take it she didn't sleep well last night."
"She fell asleep at about five. She hasn't woken up since. How are the others doing?"
"Take a look for yourself." Peter said and motioned to the cliffhangers. Sophie looked at them and smiled.
"They shouldn't be like that, but it is cute."
"That's what I thought." Peter and Sophie watched them for a moment. "I just wish Shelby was here."
"So do I."
"I'm going to go call Curtis. When I called him last night he said he'd start the search as soon as it was light enough to. He also said he'd phone around to try and find out anything, in case she's made it out of Agnes."
Sophie nodded. "What am I supposed to do with them?" She asked indicating the cliffhangers.
"Let them sleep. Stay here until they wake up. Once there up, if we still have to search the woods they can help. "
"What about Jess?"
"I'll send Megan over to watch her." Sophie noddedd.
"What if they can't participate in the search?"
"If they can't, then they can stay here."
'Stay here and do what?" Sophie asked.
"I'm sure you'll think of something." He said and gave Sophie a quick kiss before jetting off to make the call to Curtis.
"Thanks." Sophie said rolling her eyes.
Tears ran down Shelby's cheeks as she walked. Mark had dropped her off a few hours out of Agnes. She wasn't sure exactly where she was but that didn't matter. Shelby was much more interested in getting away. She couldn't help, but think of yesterday's events. Yesterday afternoon everything had been perfect. Her mom had understood, Jess had understood. She had been truly happy for the first time in a very long time. She had sat on the docks making out with Scott and waiting to go to her birthday party. She had felt normal, like a real person. Like a whole person. And then, in a matter of minutes her world had crashed down around her.
"I'll never be able to look any of them in the eye again." She said quietly to herself. It didn't matter that Scott and Daisy had understood and accepted her. People could do a 180 to quickly. "You really can only rely on yourself.' She thought.
Shelby's brain wondered to other topics. Like how she was able to still be moving after so many hours. She hadn't slept at all and she had barely eaten, but somehow she was still moving. Must be adrenaline, she thought. Because there was no other reason for her to still be moving.
Shelby kept walking as her thoughts returned to before she came to Horizon.
(Flashback)
"You're sending me away?" Shelby had said angrily. Her mom was standing in her bedroom doorway. Shelby's bags were packed and next to the door.
'Shelby, I told you I would do whatever it took to keep you alive and I meant it. Horizon is supposed to be a wonderful school. They can handle you, I can't."
"What ever." Shelby had said, walking over and grabbing her bags. "If you're going to send me away, then let's just go."
"Shelby." Her mom said as Shelby had pushed past her.
(End of flashback.)
Shelby remembered what it had been like when she found out she was leaving. She had acted angry at her mom, but she had actually been relieved. Glad that she wouldn't have to worry about Walt and if he would come into her room. If only she had known he would use Jess. Shelby would have stayed at home. She would have much rather lived through that hell five times over then watch her sister have to live through it.
My sister, she thought. She's with mom back in Agnes. Back where Daisy and Scott are. Shelby shook the thoughts away. She couldn't think about it. She'd decided on the car ride with Mark, that she wanted to make a clean break. If she was going to do that, she had to stop worrying about where she used to be. Who she used to be with and who she had almost became. She couldn't allow her self to think about that or anything like it. If she was going to survive she had to be strong.
Shelby heard a car horn and turned to see where it was coming from. It was behind her. It was a car alarm that someone had set off. Shelby looked around. She realized she was in a parking lot. A building loomed before her. Shelby didn't know what it was. Across the street from where she was she noticed a gas station. She began walking towards it. She knew that a gas station could tell her what time it was and wouldn't ask questions. Shelby walked across the street. For a moment she wondered what had happened to Mark, but she didn't wonder long though. He'd just been her free ride.
Shelby walked into the gas station. A blonde haired boy was standing at the counter with his back to Shelby. She stopped in her tracks. Then she shook her head. For a moment she had thought it was Scott, but she knew that was impossible. The boy turned around and walked passed her.
"Sir," Shelby said addressing the man behind the counter, "I was wondering, can you tell me what time it is?"
"It's a little after twelve." The older man said. Shelby nodded and then walked out of the gas station. She started down the street again, looking more at her surroundings this time. Shelby started recognizing things. Not much but some things. Then Shelby realized where she was at. She'd been here before. She was about five hours away from Agnes. Her mom and her had stopped here when she's come back to Horizon. They had even went into the same gas station. Shelby had talked to the guy behind the counter, why her mom had filled up the gas tank. I wonder if he recognized me, Shelby wondered. If she'd recognized him, it was possible he'd recognized her. I have to get out of this town or at least off the main street, Shelby thought.
Shelby looked around. Where am I going to go from here? She wondered. She began walking, in what she hoped was the a direction that would take her to some place else.
As she continued walking, she noticed that it was actually a pretty nice day. No rain and it wasn't too cold. She looked up the sky hadn't a cloud and the sun was shining so it was warm. Thank God for small favors, Shelby thought, as she walked. She had been so cold earlier, but she was beginning to warm up a little. She still felt pretty numb though.
Back at Horizon the cliffhangers had woken up and Sophie was trying to get them to eat lunch. She'd agreed to allow them to eat in the lodge. None of them felt like dealing with anyone, but each other. Peter came into the room, everyone looked up to him.
"Any news yet?" Sophie asked anxiously. It was almost twelve thirty in the morning and Search and Rescue had been looking for a while now. The other cliffhangers hadn't woken up until about ten o clock. Peter had joined the search earlier, but had let the cliffhangers sleep after their rough night.
Peter looked at the group, who were waiting quite impatiently. "We're still looking. They going to begin to search some of the towns around here. Roger is looking, but can't get a lead." He said. He looked to the cliffhangers. 'Anyone who wants to help search the woods for her can. They all stood. "But you have to go in groups of two or three and stay with in shouting distance of each other, All right?"
They all nodded. "Go get your stuff then."
Shelby had been walking for what seemed like forever. She almost laughed. Of course it felt like forever, she'd almost been walking nonstop since she left Horizon the night before. But now she was beginning to feel it. Her body was beginning to ache from all the walking and running, not to mention the crying.
Shelby could only remember one other time when she'd ever felt this bad. And that was the first time. The first time she'd... Shelby shook the thoughts away. She couldn't think about that, not now. It hurt way too much to think about it. Shelby continued walking. Trying desperately to keep her mind off of the night before. Off of all the thoughts from before. But her mind kept turning back to it.
(Flashbacks)
"My daughter the hor."
Shelby... It's not what you did.
"I told that guy at CPS not to believe a word you said."
It's...It's his scar tissue.
When are you going to grow up.
"It's poison you know
Stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes
All of it.
I hope he dies.
It eats you up inside."
I prayed for it my whole life.
I called cps the day that you told me about your stepfather.
There's something you're not telling me.
Three days later, they were here, and then suddenly you denied it, like it never happened.
You have to tell me what happened.
I don't understand it.
I had sex with men for money.
He did it to you.
Why are you protecting him?
He'll try.
The same thing that happened to me...
I'm not protecting him.
He...He abused you.
He...he promised.
He molested you.
You know what that makes me?
If...if I wouldn't tell, if i never told, he... he wouldn't touch you.
A survivor.
It's not your fault.
He'll never understand
Look at me, all right?
Well, then, he's not the one
You have to tell me what happened.
My friend, patty, the one who O.D.'d?
Just stay out of my life.
You're a lot like her.
How I feel is I'm done.
I take that as a compliment.
I'm done with feeling bad and hating myself,
It is.
being a victim,
Every day in the shower,
being abused,
I stand there-- every day-- and I think "what a waste.
She always said that you saved her life
"What a waste, 'cause I'm never gonna get clean.
And on what you do and everything that you've done for her,...
And I'm done with wanting things I know I can't have.
You can have me.
And, um, well, there was something i was wondering.
I want you.
What's that, honey?
You don't want all of me.
Could you save my life, too?
