*Author's Note*
- This story also picks up about two weeks after Unhappy birthday ended.
- Shadow Man is the start of a four story arc that will mainly deal with Shelby and Daisy. All four stories will include everyone to some degree, but they are still the main focus.
- The four stories will also deal with some controversial issues, but in a sensitive way.
- All disclaimers apply.
- Special disclaimers - the title of Shadow man is actually the title of a song I heard that is by K's Choice and that song inspired this story and will be used in the story.
Shadow Man part 1
As I was walking up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
I wish, I wish he'd stay away.
Hughes Mearns
Shelby sat at the kitchen table of her house with Jess. The two were playing a game of cards, waiting on their mom to come home from work. Mrs. Merrick would be there any moment.
"I win." Jess said, laying her last card on the table.
Shelby shrugged, she wasn't that into the game anyhow.
"Do you want to play again?" Jess asked, picking up the cards from the table.
"Sure if you want." Shelby said. But her mind was elsewhere.
Jess took the cards and dealt them out and the two began to play. "What's on your mind Shel?" Jess asked.
Shelby looked at Jess for a moment, knowing she couldn't tell her. Shelby bit her lip. "It's nothing Jess."
Jess played a card, but continued to wonder what was bothering Shelby. "Your not thinking of running away again, are you?" She asked.
Shelby looked at her for a long moment. "He's gone Jess." She said. "We don't have to worry about him. I won't leave, if he's not here."
"But he is here." Jess said suddenly.
"No he's not." Shelby said back, confused by her sister's proclaimation. "I had him arrested. I turned him in."
"No, you didn't."
"I did." Shelby said. "Don't you remember? I turned him in, he's out of our lives now."
"He'll never be out of our lives." Jess said and then stood walking out of the room.
Shelby stood and followed her sister, wanting to know why she was acting like this. She was about to catch up to Jess, when there was a knock at the front door. Shelby sighed. She had wanted to talk to Jess. "Just a minute." She called and walked towards the door.
She turned the door handle and opened the door slowly. "Can I help you?" She asked not really looking at who was standing there, since she was still thinking about Jess.
Suddenly a hand grabbed her wrist. She looked up to see who was at the door and gasped.
Shelby sat up in bed breathing hard. Her body shook with fear. She looked around a moment. "You're at Horizon." She whispered to herself. "You're safe here." She closed her eyes taking a deep breath trying to calm herself down. She leaned back in bed pulling the covers up around her protectively. She starred at the ceiling wondering when the nightmares would go away.
Daisy watched as Shelby lay back down, wondering if she should say something. It was the third time this week Daisy had seen her waking up from what Daisy was certain was a nightmare. Shelby had told her about the nightmares she'd had when she was on the streets and when she'd been at home. Shelby had also told her the nightmares had stopped. But that had been before Shelby's birthday. Before her mom had visited and before Shelby had ran away for several days almost going back to her life on the street. She had returned though, shaken and bruised. She'd told her story to the group and everyone seemed to have accepted it, including Shelby. But Daisy had watched her these last few weeks since she'd come back and she'd noticed changes. Little changes, like Shelby jumping when people walked up behind her, or the nightmares, or even the amount of time that she spent by herself writing in a journal. Daisy wondered if Peter and Sophie caught these things. After all that was there job, but Daisy knew they didn't catch everything.
They try, which is more then most people do, Daisy thought to herself thinking of her dad. But her father was trying and that bothered her. More then when he didn't try at all. He'd come for a visit and since then he'd written regular letters, telling her of his AA meetings and the friends he was making in AA.
Daisy rolled over moving her hand to under her pillow. The last letter he had sent her was under there. The letter asking if she'd like to come home for Thanksgiving weekend. Daisy closed her eyes, trying to sleep, but she knew she couldn't. Her father's letter had left her scared. And not because he was trying to make things right, but because she was thinking of giving him a second chance.
Shadow Man part 2
The next morning, Shelby sat by herself in the corner of the cafeteria eating her breakfast. Her journal lay before her, but the thoughts running through her head she didn't want to write down.
"Getting anywhere?" Scott asked walking up.
Shelby glanced up at him and shook her head. "No." She said sullenly. "I don't know why Peter gave me this stupid journal in the first place. I don't want to write down the stuff that happened to me on the street."
Scott sat down across from her setting his tray on the table. "You know his philosophy is that if you can't talk about it, write it down." He said with a half smile. He looked at Shelby, "Peter's just trying to help."
"Maybe I don't need help." Shelby said suddenly angrily.
"Why are you going off on me?" Scott asked, wondering what was really bothering Shelby. "I didn't do anything."
Shelby looked at him for a long moment and then turned away. "Maybe I just want to be left alone right now."
Scott looked at her hurt. "Since you came back, the only thing any of us have tried to do is help. But I can't help but feel that your putting walls up between us."
Shelby rolled her eyes. "How very insightfull of you." She said sarcastically. "Heaven forbid I not want to be with you after almost being attacked on the streets."
Scott sighed. "I'm sorry that happened. I know it's not easy for you."
"How would you know if it's easy or not. You've never been through it."
"Elaine attacked me." Scott said wondering why Shelby always treated him like he didn't know what it felt like. "Is this another one of those times when I didn't do anything wrong, but I need to apologize for it anyhow?" He asked.
"You can be such a jerk sometimes, do you know that?" She said mad.
"Why are you picking a fight with me?" He asked. "I'm just trying to help."
"Maybe I don't need or want your help." Shelby said getting in his face.
"We all need help." Scott said calmly.
"I don't." Shelby said grabbing her notebook and standing to leave.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
Shelby's mind jumped back to months before. "I've got to open the door for the police." She mumbled. "I'm so tired of hating you. So this is it. No more hate, no more anger, just some justice."
"What?" Scott asked knowing she was saying something, but unable to figure out what.
Shelby turned seeing Scott. "Nothing. I've gotta go." She said and walked out of the cafeteria, leaving Scott to stare after her.
Ezra and Daisy watched as Shelby walked out of the cafeteria.
"Her mom's visit really did a number on her." Ezra said.
Daisy nodded, not really locking at Ezra. 'I don't think it was her mom's visit that did it."
Ezra looked at Daisy. "What?" He asked.
Daisy looked at Ezra. "It was her time on the streets." She said knowingly. "It brought back bad memories for her and now she can't deal with it."
"Why are you telling me this?" Ezra asked.
Daisy looked at him confused. "What do you mean?" She asked.
"Well, I mean, I thought you and Shelby were friends. It almost seems like your mad at her or something."
Daisy gave him a look. "I'm not mad." She said.
"Then why are you telling me this. Any other time you would have told me to go ask her myself. Not that I mind you talking to me." He said rushed. "As a matter of fact I kind of enjoy it." He said almost blushing.
Daisy rolled her eyes. "EZ," She said. "I'm telling you because your my friend." She said emphasizing the last word. "But," She paused. "I don't know I guess that I feel cheated."
"Why's that?' Ezra asked.
"Well, I have always been there for Shelby. Her and Scott have problems, I'm there. She admits what she did, I'm there. She decides to tell her mom, I'm there." She said. "I'm always there for her, have supported her. And it's not that she doesn't support me, she does." A pause. "But I have never given her a reason to not trust me, yet she can't tell me what's wrong with her now. She shuts me out and I didn't do anything." She said.
"She does it to all of us." Ezra said trying to comfort her.
"Yea, well you guys aren't her best friend." Daisy snapped back at him.
Ezra leaned back giving Daisy an amused look. "How sweet," He said. "Daisy, actually caring for someone."
Daisy reached across the table and hit him on the arm. "Shut up." She said giving him a hard look.
"Ow." Ezra said making a face.
Daisy couldn't help it, she had to laugh at him. "EZ, sometimes...." She looked at him trying to think of the right words. " Sometimes..." She shook her head. "your a good guy, EZ." She said.
"thanks." Ezra said with a smile. "Does that mean you'll go out with me?" He asked hopefully only half joking.
"No. But it was a good try." She said giving him a smile. There was a pause as both of them went back to their breakfast.
"Ezra," She said after a moment. "My dad..." He looked up at her and she bit her lip. "Well, he sort of wants me to visit." She said.
Ezra looked at her surprised, but kept the thoughts that were running through his head to himself. "Oh." was all he said.
"Yea. He thought it might be a good chance for us to work on some things. He thought about doing it over thanksgiving weekend. it's a long weekend for him, so..." Her voice trailed off.
"Are you going to do it?" Ezra asked.
Daisy looked at him. "I don't know." She said. "last time he was here it was... well it was what it was.' She paused. "But I'm thinking of giving him another chance." Before Ezra could say anything she rushed on. "I know that he's hurt me, but I guess... I don't know, maybe it's crazy to ever think we have a shot of being a family, but I want that Ezra, I do, and the only way I can ever have that is with him."
Ezra looked at Daisy. "You don't have to explain that to me. Remember I'm the boy whose parents should go on Springer." He paused growing more serious. "Daisy, if that's what you want then I say go for it. But it won't be easy." he said.
Daisy looked at him. "Just once I wish the choice was easy." She said and then she went back to eating her breakfast.
"I thought with Shelby's sudden change in attitude it might be a good idea for her to have a visit. Something that may help her put things in perspective." Peter said to Sophie. They were both in his office. They had been talking about Shelby's recent change in behavior and attitude. It had been a small change at first, but lately it was getting more significant.
"Like having Jess visit?" Sophie asked from were she sat in the chair across from Peter.
"Not Jess," Peter said. "But family."
"Her mother's last visit sent her out to the street and your telling me she's visiting." Sophie asked incredulously.
"I said her family, not Jess or her mother." Peter said. He took a deep breath. "Her biological father."
"The one who turned her away when he didn't know how to help her?" Sophie asked almost with a laugh. "I can really see her agreeing to that one."
"Well," Peter said ignoring Sophie's doubt. "He called. He says he wants to see how his daughter is doing. And I think it might not be a bad idea."
"You agreed?" Sophie asked.
"Well, I haven't yet. I thought I'd talk the idea over with you."
"Shelby's been dealing with so much since her return. Couldn't this push her over the edge?" Sophie asked.
"Actually I'm sort of hoping it will." Peter said.
"What?" Sophie asked.
"Well, Soph, she's scared, but mostly she's angry. The streets brought back bad memories for her, her father will as well. And when she does, I hope it makes her angry. Angry enough to yell at him and admit that she's having problems. If not to him maybe to Scott and Daisy. If we can just get her to react to something, she'll let her emotions go and hopefully reveal what's been bothering her."
"So we're going to try to scare her into admission?" Sophie asked skeptically. "I don't think that's a good idea. As a matter of fact, it sounds like a big risk. What if it backfires?"
"There's always the chance it could." Peter said trying to be sure of himself. "But nothing else has worked. I don't really think we have another choice. If she keeps up the way she has, she'll be worse off then if he visits." Peter said.
Sophie nodded. "Ok." She said reluctantly. "But let's pray it works."
Peter nodded, understanding her concerns. "I'll make the call."
Shadow Man part 3
"Time for group, Shelby." Sophie called walking into the girls dorm. It was a little while after lunch and the cliffhangers had been having group everyday after lunch since Shelby's return. Peter and Sophie had hoped it would help her and at first it had seemed too, but then she'd begun to go back to her old attitude.
Shelby looked up from where she lay with her journal. "Is there a reason for this personal call to group?" She asked sarcastically.
Sophie looked at her for a moment wondering what she was thinking. She then sat down next to her on the bed. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" She asked concerned, hoping that Shelby would open up to her.
Shelby looked up her a smirk forming on her lips. "Good job there, you almost sounded like a real friend." She said sarcastically and then turned back to her journal.
Sophie was taken aback for a moment but quickly regained her composure. "Shelby I know your hurting and..."
Shelby cut her off. "You don't know anything about how I feel, so don't presume to." With that Shelby stood, taking the journal and walking to the bathroom. She walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
Sophie, not sure of how to handle this attitude that Shelby was giving her, walked out of the girls dorm and to the lodge where Peter and the other cliffhangers were.
Sophie walked over to Peter. "She's not coming."
"What?' Peter asked suprised.
"Well, she got an attitude with me and then walked into the bathroom and shut herself in." Sophie said.
Peter shook his head. "Looks like she's getting worse." He said.
"She seemed fine those first few weeks though." Sophie said. "Do you think it's just taken this long to really hit her? For her to really realize what happened?"
"Only explanation I can think of." Peter said. "But with her father visiting, hopefully it will put an end to all of this." He said. He looked around at the cliffhangers who were milling around waiting for group to start. "Why don't you start group and I'll go try to talk to her?" Sophie nodded and watched as Peter headed off.
"Ok, cliffhangers, let's start group." Sophie called.
Peter knocked on the wall. "Shelby." He called. No answer. "Shelby." He called again this time a little louder. He walked around the corner and saw her laying on her bed. "Your supposed to be at group." Peter said.
"Yea, well there are a lot of things I'm supposed to do that I don't." Shelby said not looking up at him.
Peter stepped into the room. "Do you want to tell me what this new attitude is all about?"
"No." Shelby said.
Peter walked over and moved a chair from a desk over to the edge of Shelby's bed and sat down. "Shelby, the trip to the streets couldn't have brought on good memories for you." Peter said, he could see Shelby tense when he brought up the subject.
"Could we not talk about this right now?" She asked. "After all I do have this journal entry to write." She said lifting the journal in emphasis.
"Shelby, it's important that you not let those memories control you." Peter continued.
Shelby rolled her eyes. "Look I don't care, all right. Those memories are no different then the memories I had from the first few times I was on the street." Her mind jumped to all the other times that she'd been on the streets and the other times that she'd left the streets and went home. Walt had always "welcomed" her back. A shiver ran down her spine as she thought about it. "I just... it's not a big deal." She said looking down at the bed trying to regain her composure.
Peter could tell she'd been thrown for a moment. "The longer you put off dealing with this the harder it will be." He said to her. "Talking about it helps." He pointed to the journal. "Writing about it helps. Just get it out."
"Yea well, if I don't want to, that's my choice." She said looking up at him with cold eyes.
Peter nodded. "It is your choice." He said and stood up. "But your on laundry duty for the rest of the week for not coming to group." He looked down at her. "All choices have consequences Shelby." He said and with that he left the dorm feeling frustrated and defeated that once again he couldn't get through to her.
Shelby rolled over onto her back and closed her eyes. She couldn't tell them how she felt about the recent events. They had never been through it and that meant they wouldn't understand.
Juliette sat by the fire place working on her homework after group ended. Shelby hadn't shown up which had been surprising to everyone. Sophie and Peter had let them out early because of that. Juliet starred at her homework realizing that she hadn't turned a page in her book for about ten minutes.
"Hey, twig." Auggie said walking over. He'd noticed that she seemed a little out of it.
Juliette looked up and saw Auggie. "Hey." She said with a slight smile.
"Something wrong?" Auggie said sitting down next to her.
"Not really, just thinking." She said.
"About what?" he asked.
Juliette sighed. "Well, Daisy's dad visited and now Shelby's dad might visit." Juliette bit her lip. "Don't tell anyone, I overheard Peter and Sophie talking about it and Shelby doesn't know." Juliette said realizing her slip.
Auggie looked at Juliette. "My lips are sealed." He said with a smile. And then he asked, "But what do their fathers visiting have to do with you?"
Juliette glanced down at her hands. "I don't really get to see my father, my biological father that much." She looks at Auggie. "He brought me here." She says. "But I haven't heard from him since." A pause. 'I miss him." She says quietly.
Auggie looked at Juliette. "Why don't you call him?" He asked.
Juliette looked at Auggie. "My mother won't give me the number. Besides he's never home anyhow." She said trying unsuccessfully to play it off.
"Have you tried talking to your mom?" Auggie asked.
Juliette looked at him. "It's just so hard sometimes to try to talk to her." She said. Auggie gave her a disappointed look. "It's not easy." She said defensively. "She just, she still gets in my head sometimes." Juliette said.
"Quit letting her control you Jules." Auggie said. "You've been so much happier since you've stopped listening to her so much."
"I know." Juliette said. "I've gotten better about it, but I guess sometimes it's easier to give in to her then to argue with her." She said.
"Don't argue with her Jules. Talk to her." Auggie said. He stood up. "I have to get to class." He said.
Juliette nodded. "See you later." She said and smiled at him.
"Remember what I said Jules." Auggie said. "Don't let her control you." With that Auggie left for class.
Peter walked towards the girls dorm. It was almost lunch and Shelby's dad would be arriving soon. He'd been nearby on business and had wanted to come as soon as possible. Now Peter had to tell Shelby that he was visiting. He'd hoped that Sophie would go with him, but she was waiting for Shelby's father to show up. He nervously rubbed his hands together before walking into the girl dorm. He'd knocked, but there hadn't been an answer. He spotted Shelby sitting on her bed. Her knees pulled to her chest, her eyes closed, her body rocking back and forth ever so slightly.
"Shelby?" Peter asked, not sure of what to think of what he saw.
Shelby didn't respond right away, but continued to rock ever so slightly, her eyes closed tightly. "Shelby." Peter said a little louder. He reached out and touched her arm lightly.
Shelby cringed under his touch, but didn't move. "Go away." She said quietly.
"Shelby, are you ok?" Peter asked louder, now more concerned.
Shelby opened her eyes and looked at Peter. "Can't you just leave me alone?" She asked with mixed sarcasm and anger
"We need to talk." Peter said firmly, knowing she had to be told. And also wondering if he could get her to tell him about what had been going on when he'd come in.
Shelby swung her feet over the bed, turning away from Peter. She took a deep breath trying to regain her composure. Every time she was alone the thoughts that ran through her mind were so real that she could feel the presence of the people in them. "If this is another lecture about my attending group, you can spare it. I've already heard several." She said.
"It's not." Peter said. He took a deep breath. "Actually you have a visitor." He said.
Shelby turned around looking at him in surprise. "Who?" She asked hoping that Jess had come.
Peter looked Shelby right in the eye. "It's your father."
Shadow Man part 4
Shelby starred at Peter. "You can't be serious." She said.
"I am. He's in the administration building." Peter said.
"Why didn't you tell me he was coming?" She asked angrily.
"It was a surprise." Peter said.
Shelby turned away. "I don't want to see him, send him away."
"He's come a long way." Peter said trying to convince her.
"Well, he shouldn't have." Shelby said coldly.
Peter looked at Shelby for a moment thinking. "Shelby, he just wants to try to talk things out with you. I think you owe him the right to hear what he has to say."
Shelby sat there for a moment, not looking at Peter. She hadn't seen her father since she came to Horizon and it wasn't really his fault he couldn't take care of her. Besides after what her mother had done, he couldn't do any worse. Shelby stood. "All right." She said.
Peter was pleasantly surprised. 'Really?" He asked.
"Yes." She said and headed for the door. 'Let's get this over with before I change my mind."
Shelby walked into Peter's office. Her father sat in a chair facing away from her.
"Dad." Shelby said from just inside the doorway.
Her father stood turning around. "Shelby." He said and smiled. He quickly walked over to her, but then paused. "Can I hug you?" He asked.
Shelby looked at him surprised by the question. "Yea." She said after a moment. Her father wrapped his arms around her hugging her tightly. Shelby couldn't remember the last time she' been in his arms. She closed her eyes, her father wasn't such a horrible person. She wrapped her arms around him too.
"I've missed you." He said to her.
Peter gestured to Sophie and the two walked out into the entryway giving Shelby and her father time.
"Your idea may work after all." Sophie said looking at Peter.
Peter smiled at Sophie. "Don't they always?"
Sophie rolled her eyes. "I seem to remember a cake, and a race, and a..." She looked at him. "Should I go on?" She asked.
Peter looked at her. "No." He said. "Because I remember those too."
"Peter?" Peter turned when he heard his name and saw Daisy standing there.
"What do you need Dais?" He asked.
Daisy looked at the two for a moment. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something." She said half-nervous, half shy.
Peter looked at Sophie. "Can you get me if I'm needed?" He asked indicating to the office, where Shelby and her father were. Sophie nodded.
"Why don't we step outside then?" Peter said turning to Daisy.
Daisy nodded and the two walked outside to the porch. No one was around. Most were in classes. They walked over to the edge of the porch, both leaning against the railing.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Peter asked. He had a feeling he knew though. He had been the one sorting the mail the last few weeks and he knew Daisy had gotten a lot of letters from her father.
Daisy took a deep breath. "My father wants me to visit over Thanksgiving weekend." She said staring straight out over the campus. There was a pause and then Daisy said, "I'm not sure about going."
Peter nodded slightly. "It's hard to go home." He said. "But you haven't really visited home since you came here." He paused before continuing. "Not since your mother's funeral."
Daisy nodded. "His last visit here, was... well it wasn't great." She said. "We still have some major problems."
"It's good to know that those problems exist though. It's the only way to work on them." Peter said.
"What if the problem is him?" Daisy asked. "He almost hit me when he was up here, what if he still can't control his anger. Then I'm alone in a house with him."
Peter took a deep breath. "There's always the slight chance that could happen. But your father has been doing the anger management sessions and going to AA. And you have been here for a year, I'm sure you know what to do if your father tries something."
"Hit him with a baseball bat instead of a seven iron?" Daisy asked. Peter gave her a look. "That was a joke." She said. There was a pause and then she said, "I'm sure I could handle it if he tried anything."
"Then why don't you want to go?" Peter asked.
"Well...." Daisy paused and took a deep breath. "I'm just not sure I can give him another chance. I want him to be my father, but if he screws up this time, I'm not going to give him another chance." She looks at Peter. "SO maybe it's better to not give him the chance then to know that he can't be a father."
Peter looked Daisy right in the eyes. "Are you that sure that he'll fail you?" Peter asked.
Daisy looked at him for a long moment. "I don't think he'll fail me this time." Daisy said. "But he will.... One day. And if I trust him again then I'm just setting myself up." Peter took a deep breath. "Daisy, your father is trying to rebuild your relationship. It's not an easy thing. It will take time and undoubtedly the two of you will hurt each other. But if you try to focus on what's going on today with the two of you instead of thinking of the future, or the past," He said emphasizing the last word. "I'm sure the two of you will be happier for it." He looked down at her. "The choice to visit your father is yours and if you want to go I'll give you a pass. But think about it. Because going home will mean facing many things, not just your father."
Daisy looked at Peter. "You mean my mother." She said sadly.
Peter nodded. "I know you've been dealing with it, but going home will bring back many memories." He said.
Daisy nodded. "I'll think about it." She said standing up from where she'd been leaning. "Thanks.' She said and then headed off to the lodge wondering what she was going to do.
Shelby stepped back from her father and looked up at him. She may be being nice to her father, but she still has reservations. "So why are you here?" She asks putting her guard back up.
Her father takes a step back. "It's been a while since I've seen you." He pauses looking down. "I heard about what happened with Walt and your running away." He said.
Shelby nods finally understanding. "So you came here because of that." She said. "Did you talk to mom?" She asks.
"Yea, she and Jess called me." Her father said.
"So you know everything then." She said looking her father right in the eye. "Like that I was molested and that then I sold my body on the streets and that I used drugs and now I'm here."
Her father looks at her. "Yea. I know." He said calmly.
Shelby looks at him for another moment. "Don't you have anything to say about it?" She asked trying to keep the edge out of her voice.
He starred at her. "What am I supposed to say Shelby?" He begins to pace as he talks. "Do you want me to apologize; do you want me to say I understand?" He looks at her. "Because I'm not sure I do." A pause as he looks at the hurt look on her face. "I know that you had no one to go to and that I wasn't any help when you did come to me. I don't know what you want me to do though."
"I don't want you to do anything." Shelby says quietly. She walks over to Peter's desk and leans against the edge. "You couldn't help me, but you helped me find someone who could. You did everything possible."
"Then why do I feel like your mad at me?" He asked.
"Because I'm mad at everyone." She says. She runs her hand through her hair. "I just wish it had never happened."
"But it did."
"I know that." She says. A pause. 'So are you staying up here for a few days or are you headed home?" She asked changing the subject.
"I'd like to stay for a little bit. I do have some business to attend to, but it could wait a little while." He says.
Shelby nods. "I'll see you later then?" She asks.
"Yea." He says and watches as Shelby leaves the office. He leans against Peter's desk breathing a sigh of relief: she didn't remember.
"So how are things?" Sophie asked when Shelby walked out of the office.
Shelby almost smiled. "Well, he's sticking around for a while." She said.
"Is that a good or a bad thing?" Sophie asked.
Shelby thought for a moment. She turned and looked at the door that she had just come out of. There was something she just couldn't put her finger on. "I don't know." She said honestly.
"So how are things?" Peter asked hopefully, joining them.
Shelby looked up at him and then rolled her eyes. "I'm going for a walk." She said and turned and walked away.
Peter and Sophie watched her go. "Was she like that when she came out?" Peter asked.
"No, she seemed calmer." Sophie said. "She just isn't ready to deal with all of it, but at least her father may be able to get through to her."
Peter nodded. "Yea." he said.
Mr. Merrick walked out of the office. "Mr. Scarbrow?" He said and Peter turned around to see him.
"Yes?" Peter said, not bothering to correct him over his formalness.
"If it were ok, I'd like to possible take Shelby out to eat. Not now, but sometime. The two of us don't really get to see each other that often."
"As long as it's ok with Shelby, it's ok with me." Peter paused for a moment. "I'd like to supervise the next visit the two of you have though. Shelby has been acting a little different lately and I'd like to see how she's reacting to being around you." Peter said.
Mr. Merrick nodded. "It's fine by me." He said. "Can I come by tomorrow morning?"
"That would be great." Peter said and watched as Mr. Merrick left.
Shelby sat on the dock, cigarette in hand. She hadn't smoked in quite sometime, but lately the urge just struck her. Especially after talking to her father. He had been nice, even considerate, but something about their meeting just bugged her. He had certainly taken the news better then her mother had. Gotta give him points for that, Shelby thought. But then again maybe it hadn't hit him yet. Her mom had reacted well in the beginning as well, but then she'd freaked out.
Shelby looked down at her cigarette. So far she'd resisted, but now with the cigarette in one hand and the lighter in the other, she wasn't sure she could turn it down.
Shelby heard a branch snap and turned her head looking over her shoulder. She didn't see anything or anyone. She turned back around ignoring it. Another tree branch snapped and again Shelby turned still seeing nothing. This was just like my dream, she thought.
Shelby didn't call out though. She just starred at the trees for a long moment. She pulled her knees to her chest and watched as Walt walk from behind the tree branched. He walked straight over to her, she tried to scream but couldn't. This couldn't be happening, he was in jail. This must be a dream she thought closing her eyes, hoping that when she reopened them she'd be awake, but when she did, he was standing right before her glaring down at her.
Shelby watched as he knelt down and reached out brushing his hand over her cheek, her body trembled at the touch. She turned her head away squirming as he put the other hand on her leg. "Shh." He said. "We want to keep our secret." He said.
Shelby could feel tears coming on. "You're not real." She whispered.
"I am real." Walt said looking deep into her eyes. "You'll never escape me." He said. "I own you."
Shelby starred at him her eyes wide with fear. She started to say something to him, but the image suddenly disappeared. Shelby sat there for a moment breathing hard. She closed her eyes trying to calm herself down, but her thoughts immediately jumped.
"Hey babe." Tom said as he walked over to Shelby, who was standing on the edge of the street. He had on a leather jacket and his hair was slicked back. "You look scared." He said when he stopped in front of her. He stepped forward moving in closer to her. His body was almost touching hers. "Don't worry," He said, "I won't hurt you." He smiled wickedly. "At least, not much." He said and with that he leaned over and kissed her deeply. Shelby tried to push him off, but he grabbed her by the wrists. He leaned over whispering in her ear. "I pay, you play."
Shelby nodded slightly, as he pulled her by the wrist towards his motorcycle.
Shelby felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped. She looked up and saw a man standing above her. She could only see his shadow though; she couldn't make out his face. She started to move so she could see who he was, but the image immediately disappeared. Shelby looked around the dock breathing hard. She saw no one, even though the images had seemed so real. She stood quickly and headed back towards the dorm. At least there she wouldn't be alone.
Shadow Man part 5
Shelby walked into the girls dorm, but Daisy and Juliette weren't there. Shelby knew they weren't in class. She looked around contemplating on whether she should go look for them. After a moment she decided not to. She was still shaken from her flashback and she didn't really want to go find either of them. They would both try to get her to talk and right now that was the last thing she wanted.
She sat down on her bed and picked up her journal. She still hadn't written an entry. She picked up a pen wondering if she should write in it or not. She put the pen to the paper, but so many thoughts ran through her head, she wasn't sure where to start.
I guess I start at the beginning, she thought to herself.
(Shelby's journal entry) -
So I ran. So I left. Not like I've never left before. I can understand why Jess was mad, after all I left her there with him. That was my fault, but Scott and Daisy and the rest, well, they were here at Horizon. They all seem to act like they know how I feel, but they don't. Scott comes the closest and he doesn't even know. Not really. It wasn't his choice.
Shelby shakes her head, she doesn't really want to be writing this.
(Shelby's entry continued.)
Well, dad showed up. Mr. "I don't know how to help you" himself. But he was nice. I don't know why I told him I was mad at everyone, but I guess I still feel like he's my father. After what mom did, if I can forgive her, then I can forgive him. He never lied to me and he never didn't believe me. Or at least not yet. I'm sure he has questions and that the two of us will argue, but at least he's here. At least he's trying.
Shelby looked over what she had written. It wasn't too revealing, but she still tore out the page she had written on and crumbled the paper up. She threw it into the trashcan next to her. The clock on her nightstand caught her eye. It was almost time for lunch. She stood, not even really wanting to go, but not having anything else to do.
Shelby walked out of the lunch line and looked around for a place to sit. Most of the cliffhangers were sitting at a table near the back. She could see them talking, but she didn't go over and join them, instead she headed to a table that was near the window.
"She could join us." Juliette said a little hurt to no one in particular. "It's not like we did anything but try to help."
"Yea. well you know Shelby." Auggie said. "her and her attitude have been nothing but trouble the last few weeks. I'm surprised Peter and Sophie have let it go on this long."
"it's just because of what happened." Scott said in her defense. "it hasn't been easy on her."
"It hasn't been easy on any of us either." David said. "She's going to end up getting us all in trouble if she doesn't start attending group."
"yea, if one's down were all down, remember?" Ezra said.
"I remember." Scott said shaking his head.
"Maybe we should call group." Daisy said. "Get her to try to talk before she gets us all in trouble."
The others looked at her. "I doubt she's going to talk to any of us." Scott said. "When Shelby sets her mind to something, she just doesn't care."
"I don't even know why she's acting like this." Juliette said. "I mean I do, but I don't. She seemed like she was doing better when she came back from the streets and then all of a sudden she's developed this attitude."
"It wasn't sudden." Daisy said. "It's been happening since she came back. As what she did began to hit her, she began to pull away more and more. I watched it happen. I know."
"So why didn't you do anything about it?" Scott asked.
Daisy looked at him wondering if he was accusing her of Shelby's state of mind or if he was just asking. She finally decided that he was just asking. "It's like Peter always says, You can't do anything for someone until they are ready to be helped and Shelby's not ready for that. She's not even willing to admit she has a problem."
Scott nodded. "I say we call group then." He looked around at the table and one by one the others all agreed. "I'll go tell Sophie." He said and stood up heading for the administration building.
Peter and Sophie stood in the lodge. The cliffhangers were milling around waiting on Peter or Sophie to call them to sit down. Neither of the two adults knew why the cliffhangers had wanted to call this group. Scott had only said that they wanted to.
"All right everyone." Peter said after a moment. Let's get started." The cliffhangers, including Shelby, came over and sat down in the chairs that they'd gathered together for group. "There was something you guys wanted to talk about?" Peter asked looking around at the group.
"Yea, the usual." Ezra said.
"And the usual is?" Peter asked.
"The only thing we ever talk about lately." David said. He glanced around the circle until his eyes fell on her. "Shelby."
Shelby rolled her eyes. "Going to be one of those nights again." She muttered just loud enough for the rest of the group to hear.
"One of what night?" Sophie asked.
"Nothing." Shelby said.
"Can't you ever just answer a question?" David asked.
"Can we ever discuss someone other then me?" Shelby countered.
"Why? Feeling attacked?" Daisy asked.
"Yea and with good reason." Shelby said.
"Maybe we just want to help you." Juliette said.
"Maybe I don't need your help." Shelby said.
"Yea, because what your doing now works so well." Scott said sarcastically.
"Oh, get over it already." Shelby said.
"Get over what?" Sophie asked interjecting into the conversation.
"You guys can't seem to just let something go can you? So I ended up on the street again for a few days, it was no big deal." She said.
"Obviously it was." Daisy said. 'because since your return you've been on a downfall."
"Look, my little visit to the street did nothing to me. I've been on the street before for much longer amounts of time and done a lot worse. So it's not a big deal."
"If it's not a big deal then why can't you talk about it?" Juliette asked.
Shelby sat up and looked directly at Juliet challenging her. "What do you want to know?" Juliette turned her head, she'd never been good at confrontations. "Now, who's the one who can't talk about it?" She asked sitting back.
"Maybe we want to know how you felt." Scott said looking at her.
"Maybe?" Shelby asked. She shook her head. "And they all wonder why I don't talk to you." Her voice was full of sarcasm.
"Shelby there's no reason to be mean." Sophie said.
"Oh, yea." Shelby said sarcastically. 'No reason at all." She stood up. "As soon as all of you can start looking me in the eye again, I'll start talking."
"We never stopped looking you in the eye." David said.
"Oh no. That's why when I just confronted Juliette she turned away. Why when I come to lunch none of you try to talk to me. Why when I told all of you, you acted like it was ok, but then started acting different around me."
"We didn't act different around you, you acted different around us." Ezra said. "Actually you acted the same as you had when you first came here, which is the same, but different then how you had been acting."
The others all looked at him. "Well thanks for clearing that up EZ." David said sarcastically.
Ezra rolled his eyes at David. "I'm just saying that maybe it's Shelby that can't accept it."
"Quit talking about me, like I'm not here." Shelby snapped.
"Then quit acting like your not." Juliette said. "Look, you've been skipping group and giving everyone attitude lately and we don't want to end up being punished because you can't deal with what happened to you."
"Oh, so that's it." Shelby said as she finally realized what this was all about. "The only reason you guys called this group was so you could save yourselves." She tightened her jaw, hurt by this. "Nice to know you all care."
"I didn't mean...." Juliette objected.
"Yea well, that's what you said." Shelby snapped. "But since we've now determined that I'm the problem, the problem will leave." She said standing to go.
Daisy stood up quickly and stepped into Shelby's path. "I've always been able to look you in the eye." She said evenly.
"Yea, well your the only one."
"That's not true." Daisy said. "They try, but you push them all away. You push me away." A pause. "The only reason we don't know how to act around you is because we never know when your going to go off."
Shelby scoffed turning her head so she didn't have to look at Daisy.
Peter could tell the group was getting frustrated and that Shelby was just building more walls. "Shelby," Peter said, hoping that she would talk to them if things calmed down. "They want to understand, but to do that, you have to tell them about it."
Shelby rolled her eyes sick of having to listen to them and trying to explain that they would never understand. She was fed up with all of the lets talk about it routine.
"Ok. Fine." She said and turned back around so she could face the entire group. "Anyone here other then Scott and myself ever been sexually abused?" She looked around the group waiting on a response. "Didn't think so." She said her voice full of edge and venom.
"Anyone here ever have someone put there hand on you when you didn't want them to? Ever had someone touch you where you didn't want then to? Have them breath down your neck? Invade your personal space? Make you dirty?" The cliffhangers had turned their heads unable to stand the tirade that Shelby was laying on them. They all felt convicted under her gaze. Shelby shook her head as she watched them squirm in their seats. "Now," She said upset, "Imagine that you agreed to it and were being paid for it." She paused as she looked around the room at all of the cliffhangers not looking at her, and then said, "Think about how uncomfortable you feel right now and then realize that that doesn't even come close to how it actually feels." With that, Shelby turned and walked out of the room.
Shelby's heart raced as she walked back to her dorm. She didn't know what had made her yell at them like that. Actually she did. She was sick of people thinking they knew what it felt like. Sick of people acting like what she did was wrong. Sick of feeling like what she had done was wrong, sick of the nightmares, the memories, the flashbacks. Shelby opened her mouth and screamed as loud as she could. She was so frustrated she couldn't stand it. When she finished her long scream she felt better. Instead of continuing on to the dorm though, she walks towards the woods. She wanted a cigarette.
Peter walked out of the lodge. Sophie was inside with the cliffhangers, they had continued group, even with Shelby's outburst. Now he wanted to find her and talk to her. During group she hadn't really admitted anything, but Peter knew that Shelby blamed herself and felt guilty. And because of that, she felt like everyone else blamed her too. Peter surveyed the campus, not sure where she'd go. He'd given her a few minutes to calm down, but that had also given her time to get away. He headed for the girl's dorm to see if she was there, but on his way there he noticed someone just inside the woods. They weren't visible, but he could see the smoke.
Peter took a deep breath and headed for the woods. He hoped that it wasn't Shelby smoking, but knew that there was a good chance it was.
He walked around the tree and stood in front of Shelby, who leaned against the tree, cigarette in hand. Instead of dropping it and putting it out though, she put it to her lips and took a long drag off of it. She exhaled the smoke after a moment and then dropped the cigarette to the ground and stepped on it.
"Guess you caught me." She said, her voice revealing nothing.
"How long you been smoking again?" He asked.
"Long enough." She said and reached into her pocket and handed him the last of her pack.
Peter looked at her and took the cigarettes from her outstretched hands. He said nothing, but gave her an imploring look.
She looked at him for a moment not sure if she should say anything, but knowing she needed to give him something. "So, your here to talk about what I said in group." She said nodding. "Well, as I've said before, it doesn't matter. They don't get it, you don't get it. Scott... Scott doesn't even get it." A pause. "There's no point in reliving it over and over and over again just because no one gets it."
Peter nodded. He knew he had to tread very lightly or else even the little bit of information that she was offering him, would go away. "I guess," he said stepping towards her, "We're just not sure how your handling it. It's a lot for one person to try to deal with."
"I'm no normal person. I've been through worse."
'Just because you've been through worse doesn't mean it hurts less." He said looking right at her.
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies -She looks at him with cold hard eyes. "So you know my secret." She says rolling her eyes. "It hurts." She says and then quickly looks away from him.
So toss me out and turn in - "The memories aren't good ones, but you can't change them anymore then I can." she says.
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes -She pushed herself away from the tree.
I'm marking it down to learning -"I don't want to talk about this anymore."
I am -With that she headed off quickly before he could say anything else.
Don't think that I can take another empty moment - Shelby walks back towards campus quickly so that Peter won't follow her.
Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile - Scott spots her and walks over determined to actually talk to her.
It's not enough just to be lonely. - Scott steps into Shelby's path so that she has to stop walking.
Don't think that I could take another talk about it - Shelby tries to sidestep him not wanting to talk about it, but he won't let her pass.
Just like me, you got needs - Shelby looks at him, she knows he needs and deserves to be able to talk to her.
And they're only a whisper away - She motions to the gazebo, so that they can talk privately.
And we softly surrender - Scott nods and the two walk over.
To these lives that we've tendered away - The two sit down inside the gazebo on a bench.
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies -
"Shelby, I want you to talk to me." Scott says.
So toss me out and turn in -
"I told you I'm not ready to talk about it yet." She says not looking at him.
And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes -
He takes a deep breath. "So what do I do?" he asks.
I'm marking it down to learning -
She looks at him. "I'm not sure what you mean." She says.
I'm marking it down to learning -
"Shelby you do know what I mean. The last few weeks you've been taking everything out on me and the other cliffhangers. We didn't do it, Shelby. We're just trying to help."
Cause I can-
Shelby throws him a look. "I never said you did do it."
Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over-
"Then why do you keep acting like it's everyone's fault?"
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong-
"I don't blame you guys." She says. "You guys didn't do it, I did."
Where it's not enough just be sorry-
"So that's what this is all about, that you blame yourself." Scott said. "It's not your fault."
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in-
"You don't get it." She said. "You don't understand."
Tried to be more than me-
"I'm accepting who I am, who I'm meant to be." Shelby finishes.
And I gave 'til it all went away-
"Your not supposed to be like this Shel." he says. "Your supposed to be happy."
And we've only surrendered-
Shelby looks at him. "I was... I am." She says unconvincingly.
To the worst part of these winters we've made-
"Your not." He leans in close to her, "And you never will be if you continue like this."
But I would not sleep-
"I'm just being me." She says.
In this bed of lies-
"This isn't you." Scott says.
So toss me out, and turn in-
"You were happy."
And there be no rest for these tired eyes-
"You were with me."
I'm marking it down to learning-
"You talked to the other cliffhangers. You had friends." He can see he's not getting through to her.
I'm marking it down to learning-
"I just don't want you to be like this." He says, wishing he could somehow make this all better.
I am all that I'll ever be-
"Like what?" She asked. "Like myself?"
When you - lay your hands-
He reached out and takes her hands. "You're not you. You're not being like you." He says again trying to convince her.
Over me-
Shelby suddenly leans over and kisses him.
And don't go weak on me Please-
Scott pulls away surprised by her sudden move on him.
I know that it's weak-
But instead of saying anything, he leans over and kisses her back. Remembering all the times they kissed like this before she'd begun to act like this.
But God help me I need this-
Shelby wraps her arms around Scott kissing him passionately.
I will not sleep in this bed of lies-
She begins to think of all their times together, all the times she was happy, all the times she was with him. I can't give in, she tells herself.
So toss me out and turn in-
Shelby suddenly pushes Scott away from her and then stands. "That's not who I am." She says.
And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes-
And then she turns and walks away quickly.
I'm marking it down to learning-
Scott stands watching Shelby walk away, confused by what had just happened.
I'm marking it down to learning-
Shelby walks towards the docks quickly, trying to hold her emotions in.
Cause I can-
She looks over her shoulder and sees Scott standing in the gazebo, she knows that she might have pushed him too hard this time.
Shadow Man part 6
Peter walked into the girl's dorm. Shelby was again laying on her bed with her journal. Her face held a blank stare as she stared at the journal.
"Shelby?" Peter said. Wondering if she was in the same state she'd been earlier.
She doesn't turn towards him, but instead rolls over, so that she doesn't have to look at him. "Shelby, your father called and I've agreed to you going off campus for dinner, if you want."
Shelby rolled over so that she was looking at Peter. "Why are you doing this?" She asked.
Peter was surprised by the question, not sure why she was asking it. "What do you mean?" He asked.
She sat up and looked up at him. "I mean why would you let me go off campus. I've been skipping group and classes. You caught me smoking." She says. "Under normal circumstances you wouldn't allow it."
He looks down at her. "These aren't normal circumstances." He says.
Shelby looked down at the journal she know had placed beside her. She had written several pages in the last few hours about how she felt and everything she was going through. But she'd torn them out. She was still certain no one would understand. And she wanted that more then anything. Someone to understand. Someone to convince her that it wasn't her fault, but she would never tell them that. Never.
"When will he be here?" She asked.
'He's on his way now and should be here any minute." He said.
She looked at him and almost smiled. "You were that sure I'd agree to it?" She asked.
"I was just hoping." He said with a smile.
Shelby nodded and then stood. She placed the journal on her desk and then followed Peter out the door and towards the Administration building.
Shelby sat on the front steps of the Administration building waiting on her father by herself. Peter had had a phone call and had went to get it. She yawned and stretched tired from the last few nights of nightmares. She leaned against the railing and closed her eyes.
Shelby ran across campus trying hard to escape. She was breathing hard and her muscles hurt. She felt like she'd been running forever. Ever since she'd seen him in the lodge, she hadn't been able to stop. He had touched her like Walt had. Had made her dirty.
She suddenly fell to the ground. As she staggered to get up, she realized he was on top of her. She started to scream, "Get off of me, get away." But he turned her over and grabbed her by the wrists. He pinned her arms to the ground above her head. "Please don't do this." She begged. "I won't tell, I won't ever tell." She said pleadingly, but he still started to rip her shirt open. "Please stop, Please." She said again, but he didn't, he just worked slower. Forcing her to endure more torment.
After he was done, Shelby laid on the ground next to him, her shirt unfastened and tears streaming down her face. She suddenly feels his hand on her shoulder. "I've already given you what you want, now leave me alone." She said more as a plead, then a command.
"I haven't gotten my fill." A gruff voice said.
Shelby began to shake as he rolled her towards him and began to touch her. "Please stop." She begged, her words almost inaudible because of her crying.
Shelby opened her eyes quickly at the sound of the car door. Her face was wet with tears, even though she'd been sleeping. She quickly wiped her face, trying to regain her composure as her father walked towards her.
He immediately noticed something was wrong. "You ok?" He asked.
Shelby nodded and then looked up at him. "I'm fine." She said and her voice cracked. She swallowed hard and then repeated. "I'm fine."
Her father was about to ask her about it, but Peter walked out. "Mr. Merrick, your here." He said walking down the steps and shaking his hand.
"Yea, sorry I'm late. I got tied up doing business."
"That's ok, dad." Shelby said, suddenly standing and joining the conversation. Peter's entrance had given her time to regain her composure. "Are you ready to go?" She asked her father.
Her father looked at her and then at Peter. "Did you need to talk to us first or anything?" He asked not sure the policy of it all.
"No." Peter said quickly. "You guys just go and enjoy dinner and I'll talk to you when you get back."
Mr. Merrick nodded and then he and Shelby walked to his car.
Shelby and her father walked over and sat down at a table in Rusty's.
"It's been a long time since we've had dinner together." Her father said trying to start a conversation. Shelby hadn't said a word to him since they'd left Horizon. She'd just stared out the window the whole drive there.
"Uh huh." Shelby said absent mindedly. She reached across the table to get her menu and her father reached out and touched her arm.
A hand grabs Shelby's arm and pulls her into a room.
Shelby looks at the hand and then at her father, he immediately removes his hand and she moves her arm and crosses it with her other one, almost as though she's cold.
"I just was trying to get your attention." He said. "You haven't spoken to me hardly at all this evening." He said.
'I just have things on my mind." She said.
"Like why your smoking again." He said. Shelby looked at her father wondering how he knew. "Peter told me." He said answering her thought. "He's told me you've made a lot of progress since you came to Horizon, but that lately, you've been slipping into some of your old habits."
Shelby rolled her eyes and put on her defenses. "It's not a big deal, I'm just dealing with things in my way."
"No offense Shelby, but you don't always handle thing in the best way." He said.
'And what does that mean?" Shelby demanded.
"I just meant you've made some bad choices." He said backtracking on his statement.
"You mean like prostitution." She said.
"That wasn't your fault." He said, "You had no choice. Walt was molesting you."
She shook her head, refusing to listen to him. "I did have a choice and I chose to sell my body for money."
"You choice was justified." He said calmly.
She looks at him in disbelief and anger. "Since when is prostitution justified?" She asked angrily. She shakes her head. "I don't even know why you care. You weren't even able to help me."
"Shelby, I helped you the only way I knew how."
"I know." She said after a moment. "I'm just trying to deal with all of this."
Her father nodded understandingly. "I understand." A pause. "You've been through so much. After what Walt did and your time on the streets, no one expects you to just be able to move on."
"Move on kid. I don't have anymore use for ya." A voice said.
Shelby shook the thought away. "Let's just order our food." She said and her father nodded knowing she didn't want to talk about it.
Shelby read over the menu trying to decide what she wanted, but she really wasn't hungry. She looked up towards her father, who was reading his menu as well. Shelby looked around the restaurant, which surprisingly wasn't very busy. She noticed two girls and their mother at one table and a group of boys at another one. The Curtis was at the bar talking to Annie. Shelby heard the bell that hung on the door ring and turned to see who it was.
She watched as Tom walked into the restuarant accompanied by Walt. The two men looked right at her and gave her wicked grins. Shelby felt her hands begin to shake. her face turned pale and her stomach turned. The two men began to walk around the room, never taken their eyes off of her.
Shelby reached for her butter knife, knowing she could use it in defense, but her hand shook so bad that she knocked the silverware onto the floor. She kept her eyes on the two men as she bent down to pick the silverware up. As she reached for it, her shoulder bumped into the table shaking her water glass and causing it to fall to it's side and pour across the table.
Her father immediately up righted the glass and then wiped the mess up before it could spill on either of them. Shelby didn't even notice the glass though. Her eyes stayed focused on the two men that seemed to be circling her.
"Shelby?" her father asked as he watched his daughter. Her face was pale and he noticed that she was shaking. He followed her eyes, trying to figure out what she was looking at, but he saw nothing. "Shelby?" he asked again and again she didn't answer. He reached out and touched her shoulder.
Suddenly a third man appeared in line with Walt and Tom. Again Shelby was unable to tell who the third man was. She started to stand for a better view, but realized her father's hand was on her shoulder. She looked at the hand and then realized that he was also saying her name. She followed his arm up to his face and then beyond it as she saw the three figures standing there, mocking her. Shelby followed the path back down until her eyes again landed on her father's face. She looked at her him for a long moment and then shrugged his hand off of her shoulder. She stood quickly before he could catch her and said. "I'm going to the ladies room." Then she quickly walked away.
Her father watched confused as she went.
Shelby splashed cool water over her face, trying to calm herself down.
"They weren't there." She told herself, as she starred at her reflection. "They weren't there."
Suddenly she spotted the two of them standing behind her. She turned around quickly with a gasp. "Your not here." She said, her voice shaky.
"We are here." Walt whispered. "And we're very real." he said, taking a step towards her. His hands reached out to her and then so did Tom's. Suddenly another set of hands appeared around her waist from behind her, but Shelby didn't know who it was. She struggled against the three of them, trying to break free as they mocked her and touched her. The bathroom door open and suddenly the images disappeared, leaving Shelby standing in the middle of the room shaken and scared.
'Are you ok?" The women asked when she saw Shelby's face.
Shelby nodded and then finding her strength took off out of the bathroom quickly. She walked over to the table. "You ready to order?" Her father asked.
"Actually, I'd like to leave." Shelby said boldly.
Her father looked at her stunned. "But we haven't even had dinner." He said.
"I don't feel well and I want to go back to Horizon." She said determined.
Her father was stunned by this and wondered if he'd done something wrong. "Alright." He said with a nod and then stood and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair. He followed Shelby, who was almost running,, out of the restaurant.
Shelby and her father arrived back at Horizon quickly and Shelby practically jumped out of the car almost before it stopped and then immediately began to run towards the dock, which had become her sanctuary lately.
"Shelby!" Her father called after her, not able to figure out what had happened.
Peter and Sophie who had been talking near the administration building, heard Mr. Merrick and they both turned to see what it was about. They walked over to Mr. Merrick quickly.
"What happened?" Peter asked.
"I don't know." Mr. Merrick said confused. "We went to dinner and started to talk about her recent behavior when we got there. She didn't want to talk about it so I dropped it, but then she just seemed to space out. After a few minutes she began to shake and she turned pale. She excused herself to the bathroom and then she came back and demanded that we leave. We didn't even eat." He said.
Peter nodded. "Mr. Merrick, why don't you go back to your hotel and Sophie and I will call you after we talk to your daughter." Mr. Merrick nodded and then went to his car.
"What do you think is going on with Shelby?" Sophie asked. "I know she blames herself, but could it really result in this kind of behavior and those kinds of reactions."
"The behavior seems to fit perfect with her blaming herself, but I'm no longer sure that's the problem. She told me that what happened hurts. So she's acknowledged that pain. She won't deal with it though because she blames herself." A pause. "But I've also found Shelby to be more distant lately." Peter said. "She gets these looks like she's somewhere else."
Sophie nodded. "I've seen them too in the last few weeks." she said. "You think she's having flashbacks."
"It would explain a lot." Peter said.
"Then let's go talk to her." Sophie said and the two headed off to find Shelby.
Peter and Sophie found Shelby sitting on the edge of the dock her feet dangling over the edge. "Shelby?" Peter called.
Shelby didn't look up, but continued to swing her legs ever so slightly. Her hands gripped the side of the dock tightly. It was the only way she'd been able to keep them from shaking. Peter and Sophie walked closer.
"Shelby, your father went back to his hotel." Sophie said gently. Shelby just continued to ignore them.
"Your father said you got ill during dinner, do you need to see the doctor?" Peter asked. Shelby responded with a slight shake of the head. Peter glanced at Sophie. "You want to tell us what has you so upset? Maybe what happened at dinner?" Peter asked. Shelby again shook her head ever so slightly. Peter had never seen her like this before. She seemed to have shut down. "Maybe you should go back to your dorm and rest."
Shelby gave another slight nod and then she stood and turned and walked away.
"Wow." Sophie said as she watched her leave, "I don't think flashbacks cause that."
Peter nodded in agreement. "Neither do I, but she's shutting down and if we don't figure out what's wrong soon, we're going to lose her."
Shadow Man part 6
Shelby laid on the bed in her dorm. It had been hours since she'd came back from dinner and she hadn't spoken to anyone. She'd barely moved. She rolled over slowly, almost as if it were painful and then sat up. She grabbed her jacket and headed out of the dorm. She started to walk to the docks, but then knew that they would show up there. Instead, she walked across campus. Peter and Sophie had surely left for the evening. She followed the path to the administration building. Most would think at night it would be a bad place to be, but all the counselors that stayed on for night shift, hung out in the lodge. It was closer to the main part of campus.
Any time tomorrow, I will lie and say I'm fine. - Shelby sits on the steps of the admit building. The moon is the only light she has.
I'll say yes when I mean no. - She stares up at it, and lights up a cigarette.
And anytime tomorrow, the sun will cease to shine. - A shadow of a man falls over Shelby, blocking the moonlight.
There's a shadowman who told me so. - She looks up and sees Walt.
Any time tomorrow, the rain will play a part - Shelby just stares at him. Walt leans over and touches her face, running his hand from her cheek, to her shoulder, to her arm.
Of the play I used to know. - Shelby sits tensely doing nothing.
Like no other, used to know it all by heart, - The man changes and now it is Tom.
But the shadowman inside has let it go. - He leans over, taking her hand and kisses her deeply.
Oh no, let go of my hand. - Shelby tries to pull her hand away, but can't free it.
Oh no, not now I'm down, my friend. - She tries to pull away again panicking, but still can't be free.
You came to me anew, or was it me who came to you? - She looks at him, unable to pull away and then kisses him back.
Shadowman… - The man changes to Walt.
Shadowman… - the man changes to the unrecognized face.
Any time tomorrow, a part of me will die - Shelby sits on the steps, the images have disappeared.
And a new one will be born. - She is still smoking the cigarette.
Any time tomorrow, I'll get sick of asking why, - She shakes her head as tears begin to fall
Sick of all the darkness I have worn. - She pulls her knees to her chest rocking back and forth
Any time tomorrow. I will try to do what's right, - The sun rising, Shelby still sits rocking back and forth on the steps.
Making sense of all I can. - Her eyes look haunted and distant.
And any time tomorrow, I'll pretend to see the light. - She lowers her head , shivering as she rocks back and forth
I just might, shadowman… -The shadowy figure is behind her, his hand on her back.
Oh. here's the sun again. -
She lowers her face as the sun's rays hit her.
Isn't it appealing to recline - She leans back into the shadowy figure.
Get blinded and to go, - He starts to kiss her and at first she accepts, but then she pushes him away.
Into the light again - She again shields her eyes from the sun.
Doesn't it make you sad to see so much love denied? - She stood beginning to jog away from the steps, just as Peter and Sophie pull into the driveway.
See nothing but a shadowman inside. - Shelby turns back not seeing them getting out of the car, but seeing Walt and Tom sitting on the steps. And the shadowy figure stands before her.
Oh no, let go of my hand. - Shelby turns and runs towards the main part of campus. The shadowy figure follows her.
Oh no, not now I'm down my friend. - She runs faster trying to get away, but he stays right with her.
You came to me anew, or was it me who came to you? - She trips when she enter the woods, he falls on top of her.
Shadowman… - She pushes Walt off of her
Shadowman… - She tries to push the now shadowy figure off of her
Ooh, if you're coming down to rescue me, - Peter and Sophie call Shelby's name
Now'd be perfect. - Shelby tries to scream for them, but the shadowy figure covers her mouth.
Please, if you're coming down to rescue me, - Peter and Sophie again call her name
Now'd be perfect. - And again she tries to call, but is muffled
Please, if you're coming down to rescue me, - Peter and Sophie step into the clearing, the image disappears and
Now'd be perfect… Shelby sits up leaning against a tree breathing hard.
"Shelby?" Peter asked concerned. "Are you ok?"
Shelby sat against the tree trying to catch her breath. She gave a slight nod to Peter and tried to stand up with the help of the tree. But her legs were shaky and she fumbled, barely managing to catch herself. Peter reached out and grabbed her arm, trying to help her steady herself, but the second his hand touched her arm, Shelby pulled back.
"Don't touch me." She said, her voice low and shaky. She took a deep breath and shakily walked around Peter and Sophie and back to campus.
Sophie looked at Peter. "She's getting worse." She said upset.
Peter nodded. "I know." He said. "I just don't know how to get through to her."
The cliffhangers, minus Shelby, we're all sitting around and talking on the main part of campus. Once again there topic was Shelby.
"I just don't get it." Ezra said. "Things were bad for Shelby and she's been through a lot, but I've never seen her act like this."
Daisy nodded. "She wasn't even this bad when she went home."
"She wasn't even this bad when she came back from running." Auggie said.
"But something must have happened to make her behave like this." Juliette said.
"Maybe more happened on the street then she's told us." David said.
Scott shook his head. "I don't think that's it." He said. "I think she told us everything, but that guy attacking her on the street is enough to push anyone with her background over the edge."
"And I'd certainly say she's gone over the edge." David said. "Especially with how she looks now." The cliffhangers all followed his gaze to where Shelby was heading across campus. They all sat shocked, as Shelby, stumbled across campus. Her face was pale and she had black circles under her eyes. She wore the same cloths that she'd worn the day before and they were wrinkles and dirty from where she'd fallen in the woods a few minutes before.
"We have to figure out what happened." Scott said determined.
"Yea, but how?" Juliette asked.
"I don't know, but we just have to find a way." Scott said.
Shelby stumbled into the girls dorm and grabbed some clothes from her closet and headed to take a shower. She quickly undressed and turned the hot water on. She stepped into the shower and allowed the hot water to wash over her body. It was so hot it was almost burning, but Shelby didn't mind, it helped her mind to stay distracted.
She suddenly leaned against the wall and slid down. Curling into her usual position, she began to cry.
After a long time, Shelby stood up and turned the water off. She reached out the shower door and grabbed a towel, which she wrapped around herself. She quickly dried off and got dressed. She then walked out of the bathroom. No one was in the girls dorm, which was a relief. She walked to the doorway and looked around double checking to make sure no one was there. When she was certain she walked back to her bed and grabbed her pillow. She pulled it out of the pillow case and held it on her lap. She ran her hand along the material until she came to a loose string. She pulled ever so slihtly on the string tearinmaking an opening in the pillow. She reached through the opening and felt around. She had been hiding her cigerettes here until Peter had caught her. Now she hid something more valuable here. Her hand reached the cool hard object. She gripped it tightly and then pulled it out of the pillow and laid it down next to her on the bed. She then laid the pillow on the other side of her. She picked up the item and carried it into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and sat down, leaning against it.
She opened the journal up and picked up her pen.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep thinking I see them everywhere I go. I hear their words and am reminded of them every second.
No one knows what I've gone through, what it's like to feel guilty for allowing men to take advantage of me.
When I returned from the streets, I told the others about what had happened about how I'd almost gone back to my old ways. I also told them all about what had happened to me and what I had done on the streets before. I felt good after I told them, like things were going to finally go my way, but then I began to wonder what they thought about what I did. If they wondered what it had felt like. If they thought it was my fault. And as I thought that, I become mad at them all and began to push them away. Then the nightmares started. At first they hadn't been too bad. It would just be the two of them showing up in a random dream. And then the dreams had began to get worse. They'd began to touch me in my dreams and that was when I really began to push everyone away. Because even though I knew it was only a dream, I could still feel their hands on me. And then the nightmares had turned into flashbacks. Words would trigger my memory, and I'd see them. A touch would trigger my memory and I'd remember what had happened. Which is why I hadn't been able to be with Scott. Every time I kissed him, I didn't see him, but one of the men from the street and it made me feel dirty. The way I used to feel. I didn't want to feel that way anymore which is why I can't be with him.
But then the flashbacks began to become more and more real.. I would be sitting alone somewhere and they would walk into the room. They would talk to me and touch me and mock me. And that's when I gave up. I told myself they weren't real for so long, but they keep coming back. Every time producing the same fear. It feels like it's happening again. Only this time it's even harder, because it's in the one place that I've ever felt safe - Horizon.
Shelby closed the journal and then walked back out into the dorm and put it back into the pillow. She closed the pillow up and placed it back in the case. She then laid down on the bed. She was tired, but wasn't sure she could sleep. She didn't want the nightmares to come back.
I'm sure you're only dreaming - Shelby lays on the bed staring at the ceiling
You're only juggling with my mind - She tries to fight sleep, but her eye lids grow heavy.
While I feel more and more like screaming - Her eyes close and she begins to drift asleep.
For the scar you left behind - She begins to dream, that she is walking down a street.
I'm sure you're only dreaming - She's in California. She's fifteen at the time.
I'm sure we're just a part - She is dressed in her usual work attire and she is reading address numbers as she walks down the crowded sidewalk.
Of what the lucky man believes in - She spots the number and goes into the building.
I'm sure you know this song by heart - She goes to the elevator and rides it to the floor that he is supposed to be on.
You're only dreaming, I think I can hear you talk - She steps off and walks down the hall towards the room.
You're only dreaming, I think I can hear you say, 'shut up' - She can hear people talking in the different apartments.
You're only dreaming, I hope your dream is in me - She stops at number 506 and knocks.
You're only dreaming you're free - Shelby begins to toss and turn as she sleeps almost as if she knows what's about to happen.
You will show up while I'm dreaming - The door opens and the man standing at the door is Walt.
Out of nowhere cross my way - She starts to say something,
You will ask me not to scream and - But Walt puts one finger to his lips, telling her to be quiet.
You will smile and you will say, 'dear friend, - he smiles and opens the door wider so she can step in.
You're only dreaming, I think I can hear you talk - She steps into the room and notices Tom sitting on the couch.
You're only dreaming, I think I can hear you say, 'shut up' - She starts to scream, but suddenly Tom is twisting her arm and telling her to shut up.
You're only dreaming, I hope your dream is in me - She tries to hit him with her free arm, but Walt grabs it.
You're only dreaming you're free - The two men begin to drag her down the hallway of the apartment.
You're only dreaming - They stop in front of a door and Shelby feels a wave of fear pass through her.
You're only dreaming - She struggles to break out of their grasp, but they both tighten their grips.
You're only dreaming, dreaming... - The bedroom door suddenly opens revealing a queen size bed in the middle of the room.
You're only dreaming - Tom and Walt shove Shelby into the room and the door shuts tightly behind her.
You're only dreaming - She turns around and grabs the doorknob to open the door, but it seems to be locked. She feels a tap on her shoulder,
You're only dreaming, dreaming - She turns backing against the door, fear paralyzing her from being able to do anything else. The man steps forward reaching for her and Shelby for the first time sees who he is.
Shelby gasps, her eyes flying open as she wakes from the nightmare. She is shaken. It couldn't' have been him. It couldn't have been him, she tells herself over and over again, but it had been. Shelby closes her eyes, almost wanting to see the image again, wanting to somehow be wrong, but when she closed her eyes, she saw the room, herself as a young girl and him. She saw him reach for her, as the little girl pushed herself against the door. She heard him whisper about keeping their secret. Shelby opened her eyes again. She was suddenly cold. She pulled her knees to her chest and began to rock back and forth.
- This story also picks up about two weeks after Unhappy birthday ended.
- Shadow Man is the start of a four story arc that will mainly deal with Shelby and Daisy. All four stories will include everyone to some degree, but they are still the main focus.
- The four stories will also deal with some controversial issues, but in a sensitive way.
- All disclaimers apply.
- Special disclaimers - the title of Shadow man is actually the title of a song I heard that is by K's Choice and that song inspired this story and will be used in the story.
Shadow Man part 1
As I was walking up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
I wish, I wish he'd stay away.
Hughes Mearns
Shelby sat at the kitchen table of her house with Jess. The two were playing a game of cards, waiting on their mom to come home from work. Mrs. Merrick would be there any moment.
"I win." Jess said, laying her last card on the table.
Shelby shrugged, she wasn't that into the game anyhow.
"Do you want to play again?" Jess asked, picking up the cards from the table.
"Sure if you want." Shelby said. But her mind was elsewhere.
Jess took the cards and dealt them out and the two began to play. "What's on your mind Shel?" Jess asked.
Shelby looked at Jess for a moment, knowing she couldn't tell her. Shelby bit her lip. "It's nothing Jess."
Jess played a card, but continued to wonder what was bothering Shelby. "Your not thinking of running away again, are you?" She asked.
Shelby looked at her for a long moment. "He's gone Jess." She said. "We don't have to worry about him. I won't leave, if he's not here."
"But he is here." Jess said suddenly.
"No he's not." Shelby said back, confused by her sister's proclaimation. "I had him arrested. I turned him in."
"No, you didn't."
"I did." Shelby said. "Don't you remember? I turned him in, he's out of our lives now."
"He'll never be out of our lives." Jess said and then stood walking out of the room.
Shelby stood and followed her sister, wanting to know why she was acting like this. She was about to catch up to Jess, when there was a knock at the front door. Shelby sighed. She had wanted to talk to Jess. "Just a minute." She called and walked towards the door.
She turned the door handle and opened the door slowly. "Can I help you?" She asked not really looking at who was standing there, since she was still thinking about Jess.
Suddenly a hand grabbed her wrist. She looked up to see who was at the door and gasped.
Shelby sat up in bed breathing hard. Her body shook with fear. She looked around a moment. "You're at Horizon." She whispered to herself. "You're safe here." She closed her eyes taking a deep breath trying to calm herself down. She leaned back in bed pulling the covers up around her protectively. She starred at the ceiling wondering when the nightmares would go away.
Daisy watched as Shelby lay back down, wondering if she should say something. It was the third time this week Daisy had seen her waking up from what Daisy was certain was a nightmare. Shelby had told her about the nightmares she'd had when she was on the streets and when she'd been at home. Shelby had also told her the nightmares had stopped. But that had been before Shelby's birthday. Before her mom had visited and before Shelby had ran away for several days almost going back to her life on the street. She had returned though, shaken and bruised. She'd told her story to the group and everyone seemed to have accepted it, including Shelby. But Daisy had watched her these last few weeks since she'd come back and she'd noticed changes. Little changes, like Shelby jumping when people walked up behind her, or the nightmares, or even the amount of time that she spent by herself writing in a journal. Daisy wondered if Peter and Sophie caught these things. After all that was there job, but Daisy knew they didn't catch everything.
They try, which is more then most people do, Daisy thought to herself thinking of her dad. But her father was trying and that bothered her. More then when he didn't try at all. He'd come for a visit and since then he'd written regular letters, telling her of his AA meetings and the friends he was making in AA.
Daisy rolled over moving her hand to under her pillow. The last letter he had sent her was under there. The letter asking if she'd like to come home for Thanksgiving weekend. Daisy closed her eyes, trying to sleep, but she knew she couldn't. Her father's letter had left her scared. And not because he was trying to make things right, but because she was thinking of giving him a second chance.
Shadow Man part 2
The next morning, Shelby sat by herself in the corner of the cafeteria eating her breakfast. Her journal lay before her, but the thoughts running through her head she didn't want to write down.
"Getting anywhere?" Scott asked walking up.
Shelby glanced up at him and shook her head. "No." She said sullenly. "I don't know why Peter gave me this stupid journal in the first place. I don't want to write down the stuff that happened to me on the street."
Scott sat down across from her setting his tray on the table. "You know his philosophy is that if you can't talk about it, write it down." He said with a half smile. He looked at Shelby, "Peter's just trying to help."
"Maybe I don't need help." Shelby said suddenly angrily.
"Why are you going off on me?" Scott asked, wondering what was really bothering Shelby. "I didn't do anything."
Shelby looked at him for a long moment and then turned away. "Maybe I just want to be left alone right now."
Scott looked at her hurt. "Since you came back, the only thing any of us have tried to do is help. But I can't help but feel that your putting walls up between us."
Shelby rolled her eyes. "How very insightfull of you." She said sarcastically. "Heaven forbid I not want to be with you after almost being attacked on the streets."
Scott sighed. "I'm sorry that happened. I know it's not easy for you."
"How would you know if it's easy or not. You've never been through it."
"Elaine attacked me." Scott said wondering why Shelby always treated him like he didn't know what it felt like. "Is this another one of those times when I didn't do anything wrong, but I need to apologize for it anyhow?" He asked.
"You can be such a jerk sometimes, do you know that?" She said mad.
"Why are you picking a fight with me?" He asked. "I'm just trying to help."
"Maybe I don't need or want your help." Shelby said getting in his face.
"We all need help." Scott said calmly.
"I don't." Shelby said grabbing her notebook and standing to leave.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
Shelby's mind jumped back to months before. "I've got to open the door for the police." She mumbled. "I'm so tired of hating you. So this is it. No more hate, no more anger, just some justice."
"What?" Scott asked knowing she was saying something, but unable to figure out what.
Shelby turned seeing Scott. "Nothing. I've gotta go." She said and walked out of the cafeteria, leaving Scott to stare after her.
Ezra and Daisy watched as Shelby walked out of the cafeteria.
"Her mom's visit really did a number on her." Ezra said.
Daisy nodded, not really locking at Ezra. 'I don't think it was her mom's visit that did it."
Ezra looked at Daisy. "What?" He asked.
Daisy looked at Ezra. "It was her time on the streets." She said knowingly. "It brought back bad memories for her and now she can't deal with it."
"Why are you telling me this?" Ezra asked.
Daisy looked at him confused. "What do you mean?" She asked.
"Well, I mean, I thought you and Shelby were friends. It almost seems like your mad at her or something."
Daisy gave him a look. "I'm not mad." She said.
"Then why are you telling me this. Any other time you would have told me to go ask her myself. Not that I mind you talking to me." He said rushed. "As a matter of fact I kind of enjoy it." He said almost blushing.
Daisy rolled her eyes. "EZ," She said. "I'm telling you because your my friend." She said emphasizing the last word. "But," She paused. "I don't know I guess that I feel cheated."
"Why's that?' Ezra asked.
"Well, I have always been there for Shelby. Her and Scott have problems, I'm there. She admits what she did, I'm there. She decides to tell her mom, I'm there." She said. "I'm always there for her, have supported her. And it's not that she doesn't support me, she does." A pause. "But I have never given her a reason to not trust me, yet she can't tell me what's wrong with her now. She shuts me out and I didn't do anything." She said.
"She does it to all of us." Ezra said trying to comfort her.
"Yea, well you guys aren't her best friend." Daisy snapped back at him.
Ezra leaned back giving Daisy an amused look. "How sweet," He said. "Daisy, actually caring for someone."
Daisy reached across the table and hit him on the arm. "Shut up." She said giving him a hard look.
"Ow." Ezra said making a face.
Daisy couldn't help it, she had to laugh at him. "EZ, sometimes...." She looked at him trying to think of the right words. " Sometimes..." She shook her head. "your a good guy, EZ." She said.
"thanks." Ezra said with a smile. "Does that mean you'll go out with me?" He asked hopefully only half joking.
"No. But it was a good try." She said giving him a smile. There was a pause as both of them went back to their breakfast.
"Ezra," She said after a moment. "My dad..." He looked up at her and she bit her lip. "Well, he sort of wants me to visit." She said.
Ezra looked at her surprised, but kept the thoughts that were running through his head to himself. "Oh." was all he said.
"Yea. He thought it might be a good chance for us to work on some things. He thought about doing it over thanksgiving weekend. it's a long weekend for him, so..." Her voice trailed off.
"Are you going to do it?" Ezra asked.
Daisy looked at him. "I don't know." She said. "last time he was here it was... well it was what it was.' She paused. "But I'm thinking of giving him another chance." Before Ezra could say anything she rushed on. "I know that he's hurt me, but I guess... I don't know, maybe it's crazy to ever think we have a shot of being a family, but I want that Ezra, I do, and the only way I can ever have that is with him."
Ezra looked at Daisy. "You don't have to explain that to me. Remember I'm the boy whose parents should go on Springer." He paused growing more serious. "Daisy, if that's what you want then I say go for it. But it won't be easy." he said.
Daisy looked at him. "Just once I wish the choice was easy." She said and then she went back to eating her breakfast.
"I thought with Shelby's sudden change in attitude it might be a good idea for her to have a visit. Something that may help her put things in perspective." Peter said to Sophie. They were both in his office. They had been talking about Shelby's recent change in behavior and attitude. It had been a small change at first, but lately it was getting more significant.
"Like having Jess visit?" Sophie asked from were she sat in the chair across from Peter.
"Not Jess," Peter said. "But family."
"Her mother's last visit sent her out to the street and your telling me she's visiting." Sophie asked incredulously.
"I said her family, not Jess or her mother." Peter said. He took a deep breath. "Her biological father."
"The one who turned her away when he didn't know how to help her?" Sophie asked almost with a laugh. "I can really see her agreeing to that one."
"Well," Peter said ignoring Sophie's doubt. "He called. He says he wants to see how his daughter is doing. And I think it might not be a bad idea."
"You agreed?" Sophie asked.
"Well, I haven't yet. I thought I'd talk the idea over with you."
"Shelby's been dealing with so much since her return. Couldn't this push her over the edge?" Sophie asked.
"Actually I'm sort of hoping it will." Peter said.
"What?" Sophie asked.
"Well, Soph, she's scared, but mostly she's angry. The streets brought back bad memories for her, her father will as well. And when she does, I hope it makes her angry. Angry enough to yell at him and admit that she's having problems. If not to him maybe to Scott and Daisy. If we can just get her to react to something, she'll let her emotions go and hopefully reveal what's been bothering her."
"So we're going to try to scare her into admission?" Sophie asked skeptically. "I don't think that's a good idea. As a matter of fact, it sounds like a big risk. What if it backfires?"
"There's always the chance it could." Peter said trying to be sure of himself. "But nothing else has worked. I don't really think we have another choice. If she keeps up the way she has, she'll be worse off then if he visits." Peter said.
Sophie nodded. "Ok." She said reluctantly. "But let's pray it works."
Peter nodded, understanding her concerns. "I'll make the call."
Shadow Man part 3
"Time for group, Shelby." Sophie called walking into the girls dorm. It was a little while after lunch and the cliffhangers had been having group everyday after lunch since Shelby's return. Peter and Sophie had hoped it would help her and at first it had seemed too, but then she'd begun to go back to her old attitude.
Shelby looked up from where she lay with her journal. "Is there a reason for this personal call to group?" She asked sarcastically.
Sophie looked at her for a moment wondering what she was thinking. She then sat down next to her on the bed. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" She asked concerned, hoping that Shelby would open up to her.
Shelby looked up her a smirk forming on her lips. "Good job there, you almost sounded like a real friend." She said sarcastically and then turned back to her journal.
Sophie was taken aback for a moment but quickly regained her composure. "Shelby I know your hurting and..."
Shelby cut her off. "You don't know anything about how I feel, so don't presume to." With that Shelby stood, taking the journal and walking to the bathroom. She walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
Sophie, not sure of how to handle this attitude that Shelby was giving her, walked out of the girls dorm and to the lodge where Peter and the other cliffhangers were.
Sophie walked over to Peter. "She's not coming."
"What?' Peter asked suprised.
"Well, she got an attitude with me and then walked into the bathroom and shut herself in." Sophie said.
Peter shook his head. "Looks like she's getting worse." He said.
"She seemed fine those first few weeks though." Sophie said. "Do you think it's just taken this long to really hit her? For her to really realize what happened?"
"Only explanation I can think of." Peter said. "But with her father visiting, hopefully it will put an end to all of this." He said. He looked around at the cliffhangers who were milling around waiting for group to start. "Why don't you start group and I'll go try to talk to her?" Sophie nodded and watched as Peter headed off.
"Ok, cliffhangers, let's start group." Sophie called.
Peter knocked on the wall. "Shelby." He called. No answer. "Shelby." He called again this time a little louder. He walked around the corner and saw her laying on her bed. "Your supposed to be at group." Peter said.
"Yea, well there are a lot of things I'm supposed to do that I don't." Shelby said not looking up at him.
Peter stepped into the room. "Do you want to tell me what this new attitude is all about?"
"No." Shelby said.
Peter walked over and moved a chair from a desk over to the edge of Shelby's bed and sat down. "Shelby, the trip to the streets couldn't have brought on good memories for you." Peter said, he could see Shelby tense when he brought up the subject.
"Could we not talk about this right now?" She asked. "After all I do have this journal entry to write." She said lifting the journal in emphasis.
"Shelby, it's important that you not let those memories control you." Peter continued.
Shelby rolled her eyes. "Look I don't care, all right. Those memories are no different then the memories I had from the first few times I was on the street." Her mind jumped to all the other times that she'd been on the streets and the other times that she'd left the streets and went home. Walt had always "welcomed" her back. A shiver ran down her spine as she thought about it. "I just... it's not a big deal." She said looking down at the bed trying to regain her composure.
Peter could tell she'd been thrown for a moment. "The longer you put off dealing with this the harder it will be." He said to her. "Talking about it helps." He pointed to the journal. "Writing about it helps. Just get it out."
"Yea well, if I don't want to, that's my choice." She said looking up at him with cold eyes.
Peter nodded. "It is your choice." He said and stood up. "But your on laundry duty for the rest of the week for not coming to group." He looked down at her. "All choices have consequences Shelby." He said and with that he left the dorm feeling frustrated and defeated that once again he couldn't get through to her.
Shelby rolled over onto her back and closed her eyes. She couldn't tell them how she felt about the recent events. They had never been through it and that meant they wouldn't understand.
Juliette sat by the fire place working on her homework after group ended. Shelby hadn't shown up which had been surprising to everyone. Sophie and Peter had let them out early because of that. Juliet starred at her homework realizing that she hadn't turned a page in her book for about ten minutes.
"Hey, twig." Auggie said walking over. He'd noticed that she seemed a little out of it.
Juliette looked up and saw Auggie. "Hey." She said with a slight smile.
"Something wrong?" Auggie said sitting down next to her.
"Not really, just thinking." She said.
"About what?" he asked.
Juliette sighed. "Well, Daisy's dad visited and now Shelby's dad might visit." Juliette bit her lip. "Don't tell anyone, I overheard Peter and Sophie talking about it and Shelby doesn't know." Juliette said realizing her slip.
Auggie looked at Juliette. "My lips are sealed." He said with a smile. And then he asked, "But what do their fathers visiting have to do with you?"
Juliette glanced down at her hands. "I don't really get to see my father, my biological father that much." She looks at Auggie. "He brought me here." She says. "But I haven't heard from him since." A pause. 'I miss him." She says quietly.
Auggie looked at Juliette. "Why don't you call him?" He asked.
Juliette looked at Auggie. "My mother won't give me the number. Besides he's never home anyhow." She said trying unsuccessfully to play it off.
"Have you tried talking to your mom?" Auggie asked.
Juliette looked at him. "It's just so hard sometimes to try to talk to her." She said. Auggie gave her a disappointed look. "It's not easy." She said defensively. "She just, she still gets in my head sometimes." Juliette said.
"Quit letting her control you Jules." Auggie said. "You've been so much happier since you've stopped listening to her so much."
"I know." Juliette said. "I've gotten better about it, but I guess sometimes it's easier to give in to her then to argue with her." She said.
"Don't argue with her Jules. Talk to her." Auggie said. He stood up. "I have to get to class." He said.
Juliette nodded. "See you later." She said and smiled at him.
"Remember what I said Jules." Auggie said. "Don't let her control you." With that Auggie left for class.
Peter walked towards the girls dorm. It was almost lunch and Shelby's dad would be arriving soon. He'd been nearby on business and had wanted to come as soon as possible. Now Peter had to tell Shelby that he was visiting. He'd hoped that Sophie would go with him, but she was waiting for Shelby's father to show up. He nervously rubbed his hands together before walking into the girl dorm. He'd knocked, but there hadn't been an answer. He spotted Shelby sitting on her bed. Her knees pulled to her chest, her eyes closed, her body rocking back and forth ever so slightly.
"Shelby?" Peter asked, not sure of what to think of what he saw.
Shelby didn't respond right away, but continued to rock ever so slightly, her eyes closed tightly. "Shelby." Peter said a little louder. He reached out and touched her arm lightly.
Shelby cringed under his touch, but didn't move. "Go away." She said quietly.
"Shelby, are you ok?" Peter asked louder, now more concerned.
Shelby opened her eyes and looked at Peter. "Can't you just leave me alone?" She asked with mixed sarcasm and anger
"We need to talk." Peter said firmly, knowing she had to be told. And also wondering if he could get her to tell him about what had been going on when he'd come in.
Shelby swung her feet over the bed, turning away from Peter. She took a deep breath trying to regain her composure. Every time she was alone the thoughts that ran through her mind were so real that she could feel the presence of the people in them. "If this is another lecture about my attending group, you can spare it. I've already heard several." She said.
"It's not." Peter said. He took a deep breath. "Actually you have a visitor." He said.
Shelby turned around looking at him in surprise. "Who?" She asked hoping that Jess had come.
Peter looked Shelby right in the eye. "It's your father."
Shadow Man part 4
Shelby starred at Peter. "You can't be serious." She said.
"I am. He's in the administration building." Peter said.
"Why didn't you tell me he was coming?" She asked angrily.
"It was a surprise." Peter said.
Shelby turned away. "I don't want to see him, send him away."
"He's come a long way." Peter said trying to convince her.
"Well, he shouldn't have." Shelby said coldly.
Peter looked at Shelby for a moment thinking. "Shelby, he just wants to try to talk things out with you. I think you owe him the right to hear what he has to say."
Shelby sat there for a moment, not looking at Peter. She hadn't seen her father since she came to Horizon and it wasn't really his fault he couldn't take care of her. Besides after what her mother had done, he couldn't do any worse. Shelby stood. "All right." She said.
Peter was pleasantly surprised. 'Really?" He asked.
"Yes." She said and headed for the door. 'Let's get this over with before I change my mind."
Shelby walked into Peter's office. Her father sat in a chair facing away from her.
"Dad." Shelby said from just inside the doorway.
Her father stood turning around. "Shelby." He said and smiled. He quickly walked over to her, but then paused. "Can I hug you?" He asked.
Shelby looked at him surprised by the question. "Yea." She said after a moment. Her father wrapped his arms around her hugging her tightly. Shelby couldn't remember the last time she' been in his arms. She closed her eyes, her father wasn't such a horrible person. She wrapped her arms around him too.
"I've missed you." He said to her.
Peter gestured to Sophie and the two walked out into the entryway giving Shelby and her father time.
"Your idea may work after all." Sophie said looking at Peter.
Peter smiled at Sophie. "Don't they always?"
Sophie rolled her eyes. "I seem to remember a cake, and a race, and a..." She looked at him. "Should I go on?" She asked.
Peter looked at her. "No." He said. "Because I remember those too."
"Peter?" Peter turned when he heard his name and saw Daisy standing there.
"What do you need Dais?" He asked.
Daisy looked at the two for a moment. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something." She said half-nervous, half shy.
Peter looked at Sophie. "Can you get me if I'm needed?" He asked indicating to the office, where Shelby and her father were. Sophie nodded.
"Why don't we step outside then?" Peter said turning to Daisy.
Daisy nodded and the two walked outside to the porch. No one was around. Most were in classes. They walked over to the edge of the porch, both leaning against the railing.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Peter asked. He had a feeling he knew though. He had been the one sorting the mail the last few weeks and he knew Daisy had gotten a lot of letters from her father.
Daisy took a deep breath. "My father wants me to visit over Thanksgiving weekend." She said staring straight out over the campus. There was a pause and then Daisy said, "I'm not sure about going."
Peter nodded slightly. "It's hard to go home." He said. "But you haven't really visited home since you came here." He paused before continuing. "Not since your mother's funeral."
Daisy nodded. "His last visit here, was... well it wasn't great." She said. "We still have some major problems."
"It's good to know that those problems exist though. It's the only way to work on them." Peter said.
"What if the problem is him?" Daisy asked. "He almost hit me when he was up here, what if he still can't control his anger. Then I'm alone in a house with him."
Peter took a deep breath. "There's always the slight chance that could happen. But your father has been doing the anger management sessions and going to AA. And you have been here for a year, I'm sure you know what to do if your father tries something."
"Hit him with a baseball bat instead of a seven iron?" Daisy asked. Peter gave her a look. "That was a joke." She said. There was a pause and then she said, "I'm sure I could handle it if he tried anything."
"Then why don't you want to go?" Peter asked.
"Well...." Daisy paused and took a deep breath. "I'm just not sure I can give him another chance. I want him to be my father, but if he screws up this time, I'm not going to give him another chance." She looks at Peter. "SO maybe it's better to not give him the chance then to know that he can't be a father."
Peter looked Daisy right in the eyes. "Are you that sure that he'll fail you?" Peter asked.
Daisy looked at him for a long moment. "I don't think he'll fail me this time." Daisy said. "But he will.... One day. And if I trust him again then I'm just setting myself up." Peter took a deep breath. "Daisy, your father is trying to rebuild your relationship. It's not an easy thing. It will take time and undoubtedly the two of you will hurt each other. But if you try to focus on what's going on today with the two of you instead of thinking of the future, or the past," He said emphasizing the last word. "I'm sure the two of you will be happier for it." He looked down at her. "The choice to visit your father is yours and if you want to go I'll give you a pass. But think about it. Because going home will mean facing many things, not just your father."
Daisy looked at Peter. "You mean my mother." She said sadly.
Peter nodded. "I know you've been dealing with it, but going home will bring back many memories." He said.
Daisy nodded. "I'll think about it." She said standing up from where she'd been leaning. "Thanks.' She said and then headed off to the lodge wondering what she was going to do.
Shelby stepped back from her father and looked up at him. She may be being nice to her father, but she still has reservations. "So why are you here?" She asks putting her guard back up.
Her father takes a step back. "It's been a while since I've seen you." He pauses looking down. "I heard about what happened with Walt and your running away." He said.
Shelby nods finally understanding. "So you came here because of that." She said. "Did you talk to mom?" She asks.
"Yea, she and Jess called me." Her father said.
"So you know everything then." She said looking her father right in the eye. "Like that I was molested and that then I sold my body on the streets and that I used drugs and now I'm here."
Her father looks at her. "Yea. I know." He said calmly.
Shelby looks at him for another moment. "Don't you have anything to say about it?" She asked trying to keep the edge out of her voice.
He starred at her. "What am I supposed to say Shelby?" He begins to pace as he talks. "Do you want me to apologize; do you want me to say I understand?" He looks at her. "Because I'm not sure I do." A pause as he looks at the hurt look on her face. "I know that you had no one to go to and that I wasn't any help when you did come to me. I don't know what you want me to do though."
"I don't want you to do anything." Shelby says quietly. She walks over to Peter's desk and leans against the edge. "You couldn't help me, but you helped me find someone who could. You did everything possible."
"Then why do I feel like your mad at me?" He asked.
"Because I'm mad at everyone." She says. She runs her hand through her hair. "I just wish it had never happened."
"But it did."
"I know that." She says. A pause. 'So are you staying up here for a few days or are you headed home?" She asked changing the subject.
"I'd like to stay for a little bit. I do have some business to attend to, but it could wait a little while." He says.
Shelby nods. "I'll see you later then?" She asks.
"Yea." He says and watches as Shelby leaves the office. He leans against Peter's desk breathing a sigh of relief: she didn't remember.
"So how are things?" Sophie asked when Shelby walked out of the office.
Shelby almost smiled. "Well, he's sticking around for a while." She said.
"Is that a good or a bad thing?" Sophie asked.
Shelby thought for a moment. She turned and looked at the door that she had just come out of. There was something she just couldn't put her finger on. "I don't know." She said honestly.
"So how are things?" Peter asked hopefully, joining them.
Shelby looked up at him and then rolled her eyes. "I'm going for a walk." She said and turned and walked away.
Peter and Sophie watched her go. "Was she like that when she came out?" Peter asked.
"No, she seemed calmer." Sophie said. "She just isn't ready to deal with all of it, but at least her father may be able to get through to her."
Peter nodded. "Yea." he said.
Mr. Merrick walked out of the office. "Mr. Scarbrow?" He said and Peter turned around to see him.
"Yes?" Peter said, not bothering to correct him over his formalness.
"If it were ok, I'd like to possible take Shelby out to eat. Not now, but sometime. The two of us don't really get to see each other that often."
"As long as it's ok with Shelby, it's ok with me." Peter paused for a moment. "I'd like to supervise the next visit the two of you have though. Shelby has been acting a little different lately and I'd like to see how she's reacting to being around you." Peter said.
Mr. Merrick nodded. "It's fine by me." He said. "Can I come by tomorrow morning?"
"That would be great." Peter said and watched as Mr. Merrick left.
Shelby sat on the dock, cigarette in hand. She hadn't smoked in quite sometime, but lately the urge just struck her. Especially after talking to her father. He had been nice, even considerate, but something about their meeting just bugged her. He had certainly taken the news better then her mother had. Gotta give him points for that, Shelby thought. But then again maybe it hadn't hit him yet. Her mom had reacted well in the beginning as well, but then she'd freaked out.
Shelby looked down at her cigarette. So far she'd resisted, but now with the cigarette in one hand and the lighter in the other, she wasn't sure she could turn it down.
Shelby heard a branch snap and turned her head looking over her shoulder. She didn't see anything or anyone. She turned back around ignoring it. Another tree branch snapped and again Shelby turned still seeing nothing. This was just like my dream, she thought.
Shelby didn't call out though. She just starred at the trees for a long moment. She pulled her knees to her chest and watched as Walt walk from behind the tree branched. He walked straight over to her, she tried to scream but couldn't. This couldn't be happening, he was in jail. This must be a dream she thought closing her eyes, hoping that when she reopened them she'd be awake, but when she did, he was standing right before her glaring down at her.
Shelby watched as he knelt down and reached out brushing his hand over her cheek, her body trembled at the touch. She turned her head away squirming as he put the other hand on her leg. "Shh." He said. "We want to keep our secret." He said.
Shelby could feel tears coming on. "You're not real." She whispered.
"I am real." Walt said looking deep into her eyes. "You'll never escape me." He said. "I own you."
Shelby starred at him her eyes wide with fear. She started to say something to him, but the image suddenly disappeared. Shelby sat there for a moment breathing hard. She closed her eyes trying to calm herself down, but her thoughts immediately jumped.
"Hey babe." Tom said as he walked over to Shelby, who was standing on the edge of the street. He had on a leather jacket and his hair was slicked back. "You look scared." He said when he stopped in front of her. He stepped forward moving in closer to her. His body was almost touching hers. "Don't worry," He said, "I won't hurt you." He smiled wickedly. "At least, not much." He said and with that he leaned over and kissed her deeply. Shelby tried to push him off, but he grabbed her by the wrists. He leaned over whispering in her ear. "I pay, you play."
Shelby nodded slightly, as he pulled her by the wrist towards his motorcycle.
Shelby felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped. She looked up and saw a man standing above her. She could only see his shadow though; she couldn't make out his face. She started to move so she could see who he was, but the image immediately disappeared. Shelby looked around the dock breathing hard. She saw no one, even though the images had seemed so real. She stood quickly and headed back towards the dorm. At least there she wouldn't be alone.
Shadow Man part 5
Shelby walked into the girls dorm, but Daisy and Juliette weren't there. Shelby knew they weren't in class. She looked around contemplating on whether she should go look for them. After a moment she decided not to. She was still shaken from her flashback and she didn't really want to go find either of them. They would both try to get her to talk and right now that was the last thing she wanted.
She sat down on her bed and picked up her journal. She still hadn't written an entry. She picked up a pen wondering if she should write in it or not. She put the pen to the paper, but so many thoughts ran through her head, she wasn't sure where to start.
I guess I start at the beginning, she thought to herself.
(Shelby's journal entry) -
So I ran. So I left. Not like I've never left before. I can understand why Jess was mad, after all I left her there with him. That was my fault, but Scott and Daisy and the rest, well, they were here at Horizon. They all seem to act like they know how I feel, but they don't. Scott comes the closest and he doesn't even know. Not really. It wasn't his choice.
Shelby shakes her head, she doesn't really want to be writing this.
(Shelby's entry continued.)
Well, dad showed up. Mr. "I don't know how to help you" himself. But he was nice. I don't know why I told him I was mad at everyone, but I guess I still feel like he's my father. After what mom did, if I can forgive her, then I can forgive him. He never lied to me and he never didn't believe me. Or at least not yet. I'm sure he has questions and that the two of us will argue, but at least he's here. At least he's trying.
Shelby looked over what she had written. It wasn't too revealing, but she still tore out the page she had written on and crumbled the paper up. She threw it into the trashcan next to her. The clock on her nightstand caught her eye. It was almost time for lunch. She stood, not even really wanting to go, but not having anything else to do.
Shelby walked out of the lunch line and looked around for a place to sit. Most of the cliffhangers were sitting at a table near the back. She could see them talking, but she didn't go over and join them, instead she headed to a table that was near the window.
"She could join us." Juliette said a little hurt to no one in particular. "It's not like we did anything but try to help."
"Yea. well you know Shelby." Auggie said. "her and her attitude have been nothing but trouble the last few weeks. I'm surprised Peter and Sophie have let it go on this long."
"it's just because of what happened." Scott said in her defense. "it hasn't been easy on her."
"It hasn't been easy on any of us either." David said. "She's going to end up getting us all in trouble if she doesn't start attending group."
"yea, if one's down were all down, remember?" Ezra said.
"I remember." Scott said shaking his head.
"Maybe we should call group." Daisy said. "Get her to try to talk before she gets us all in trouble."
The others looked at her. "I doubt she's going to talk to any of us." Scott said. "When Shelby sets her mind to something, she just doesn't care."
"I don't even know why she's acting like this." Juliette said. "I mean I do, but I don't. She seemed like she was doing better when she came back from the streets and then all of a sudden she's developed this attitude."
"It wasn't sudden." Daisy said. "It's been happening since she came back. As what she did began to hit her, she began to pull away more and more. I watched it happen. I know."
"So why didn't you do anything about it?" Scott asked.
Daisy looked at him wondering if he was accusing her of Shelby's state of mind or if he was just asking. She finally decided that he was just asking. "It's like Peter always says, You can't do anything for someone until they are ready to be helped and Shelby's not ready for that. She's not even willing to admit she has a problem."
Scott nodded. "I say we call group then." He looked around at the table and one by one the others all agreed. "I'll go tell Sophie." He said and stood up heading for the administration building.
Peter and Sophie stood in the lodge. The cliffhangers were milling around waiting on Peter or Sophie to call them to sit down. Neither of the two adults knew why the cliffhangers had wanted to call this group. Scott had only said that they wanted to.
"All right everyone." Peter said after a moment. Let's get started." The cliffhangers, including Shelby, came over and sat down in the chairs that they'd gathered together for group. "There was something you guys wanted to talk about?" Peter asked looking around at the group.
"Yea, the usual." Ezra said.
"And the usual is?" Peter asked.
"The only thing we ever talk about lately." David said. He glanced around the circle until his eyes fell on her. "Shelby."
Shelby rolled her eyes. "Going to be one of those nights again." She muttered just loud enough for the rest of the group to hear.
"One of what night?" Sophie asked.
"Nothing." Shelby said.
"Can't you ever just answer a question?" David asked.
"Can we ever discuss someone other then me?" Shelby countered.
"Why? Feeling attacked?" Daisy asked.
"Yea and with good reason." Shelby said.
"Maybe we just want to help you." Juliette said.
"Maybe I don't need your help." Shelby said.
"Yea, because what your doing now works so well." Scott said sarcastically.
"Oh, get over it already." Shelby said.
"Get over what?" Sophie asked interjecting into the conversation.
"You guys can't seem to just let something go can you? So I ended up on the street again for a few days, it was no big deal." She said.
"Obviously it was." Daisy said. 'because since your return you've been on a downfall."
"Look, my little visit to the street did nothing to me. I've been on the street before for much longer amounts of time and done a lot worse. So it's not a big deal."
"If it's not a big deal then why can't you talk about it?" Juliette asked.
Shelby sat up and looked directly at Juliet challenging her. "What do you want to know?" Juliette turned her head, she'd never been good at confrontations. "Now, who's the one who can't talk about it?" She asked sitting back.
"Maybe we want to know how you felt." Scott said looking at her.
"Maybe?" Shelby asked. She shook her head. "And they all wonder why I don't talk to you." Her voice was full of sarcasm.
"Shelby there's no reason to be mean." Sophie said.
"Oh, yea." Shelby said sarcastically. 'No reason at all." She stood up. "As soon as all of you can start looking me in the eye again, I'll start talking."
"We never stopped looking you in the eye." David said.
"Oh no. That's why when I just confronted Juliette she turned away. Why when I come to lunch none of you try to talk to me. Why when I told all of you, you acted like it was ok, but then started acting different around me."
"We didn't act different around you, you acted different around us." Ezra said. "Actually you acted the same as you had when you first came here, which is the same, but different then how you had been acting."
The others all looked at him. "Well thanks for clearing that up EZ." David said sarcastically.
Ezra rolled his eyes at David. "I'm just saying that maybe it's Shelby that can't accept it."
"Quit talking about me, like I'm not here." Shelby snapped.
"Then quit acting like your not." Juliette said. "Look, you've been skipping group and giving everyone attitude lately and we don't want to end up being punished because you can't deal with what happened to you."
"Oh, so that's it." Shelby said as she finally realized what this was all about. "The only reason you guys called this group was so you could save yourselves." She tightened her jaw, hurt by this. "Nice to know you all care."
"I didn't mean...." Juliette objected.
"Yea well, that's what you said." Shelby snapped. "But since we've now determined that I'm the problem, the problem will leave." She said standing to go.
Daisy stood up quickly and stepped into Shelby's path. "I've always been able to look you in the eye." She said evenly.
"Yea, well your the only one."
"That's not true." Daisy said. "They try, but you push them all away. You push me away." A pause. "The only reason we don't know how to act around you is because we never know when your going to go off."
Shelby scoffed turning her head so she didn't have to look at Daisy.
Peter could tell the group was getting frustrated and that Shelby was just building more walls. "Shelby," Peter said, hoping that she would talk to them if things calmed down. "They want to understand, but to do that, you have to tell them about it."
Shelby rolled her eyes sick of having to listen to them and trying to explain that they would never understand. She was fed up with all of the lets talk about it routine.
"Ok. Fine." She said and turned back around so she could face the entire group. "Anyone here other then Scott and myself ever been sexually abused?" She looked around the group waiting on a response. "Didn't think so." She said her voice full of edge and venom.
"Anyone here ever have someone put there hand on you when you didn't want them to? Ever had someone touch you where you didn't want then to? Have them breath down your neck? Invade your personal space? Make you dirty?" The cliffhangers had turned their heads unable to stand the tirade that Shelby was laying on them. They all felt convicted under her gaze. Shelby shook her head as she watched them squirm in their seats. "Now," She said upset, "Imagine that you agreed to it and were being paid for it." She paused as she looked around the room at all of the cliffhangers not looking at her, and then said, "Think about how uncomfortable you feel right now and then realize that that doesn't even come close to how it actually feels." With that, Shelby turned and walked out of the room.
Shelby's heart raced as she walked back to her dorm. She didn't know what had made her yell at them like that. Actually she did. She was sick of people thinking they knew what it felt like. Sick of people acting like what she did was wrong. Sick of feeling like what she had done was wrong, sick of the nightmares, the memories, the flashbacks. Shelby opened her mouth and screamed as loud as she could. She was so frustrated she couldn't stand it. When she finished her long scream she felt better. Instead of continuing on to the dorm though, she walks towards the woods. She wanted a cigarette.
Peter walked out of the lodge. Sophie was inside with the cliffhangers, they had continued group, even with Shelby's outburst. Now he wanted to find her and talk to her. During group she hadn't really admitted anything, but Peter knew that Shelby blamed herself and felt guilty. And because of that, she felt like everyone else blamed her too. Peter surveyed the campus, not sure where she'd go. He'd given her a few minutes to calm down, but that had also given her time to get away. He headed for the girl's dorm to see if she was there, but on his way there he noticed someone just inside the woods. They weren't visible, but he could see the smoke.
Peter took a deep breath and headed for the woods. He hoped that it wasn't Shelby smoking, but knew that there was a good chance it was.
He walked around the tree and stood in front of Shelby, who leaned against the tree, cigarette in hand. Instead of dropping it and putting it out though, she put it to her lips and took a long drag off of it. She exhaled the smoke after a moment and then dropped the cigarette to the ground and stepped on it.
"Guess you caught me." She said, her voice revealing nothing.
"How long you been smoking again?" He asked.
"Long enough." She said and reached into her pocket and handed him the last of her pack.
Peter looked at her and took the cigarettes from her outstretched hands. He said nothing, but gave her an imploring look.
She looked at him for a moment not sure if she should say anything, but knowing she needed to give him something. "So, your here to talk about what I said in group." She said nodding. "Well, as I've said before, it doesn't matter. They don't get it, you don't get it. Scott... Scott doesn't even get it." A pause. "There's no point in reliving it over and over and over again just because no one gets it."
Peter nodded. He knew he had to tread very lightly or else even the little bit of information that she was offering him, would go away. "I guess," he said stepping towards her, "We're just not sure how your handling it. It's a lot for one person to try to deal with."
"I'm no normal person. I've been through worse."
'Just because you've been through worse doesn't mean it hurts less." He said looking right at her.
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies -She looks at him with cold hard eyes. "So you know my secret." She says rolling her eyes. "It hurts." She says and then quickly looks away from him.
So toss me out and turn in - "The memories aren't good ones, but you can't change them anymore then I can." she says.
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes -She pushed herself away from the tree.
I'm marking it down to learning -"I don't want to talk about this anymore."
I am -With that she headed off quickly before he could say anything else.
Don't think that I can take another empty moment - Shelby walks back towards campus quickly so that Peter won't follow her.
Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile - Scott spots her and walks over determined to actually talk to her.
It's not enough just to be lonely. - Scott steps into Shelby's path so that she has to stop walking.
Don't think that I could take another talk about it - Shelby tries to sidestep him not wanting to talk about it, but he won't let her pass.
Just like me, you got needs - Shelby looks at him, she knows he needs and deserves to be able to talk to her.
And they're only a whisper away - She motions to the gazebo, so that they can talk privately.
And we softly surrender - Scott nods and the two walk over.
To these lives that we've tendered away - The two sit down inside the gazebo on a bench.
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies -
"Shelby, I want you to talk to me." Scott says.
So toss me out and turn in -
"I told you I'm not ready to talk about it yet." She says not looking at him.
And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes -
He takes a deep breath. "So what do I do?" he asks.
I'm marking it down to learning -
She looks at him. "I'm not sure what you mean." She says.
I'm marking it down to learning -
"Shelby you do know what I mean. The last few weeks you've been taking everything out on me and the other cliffhangers. We didn't do it, Shelby. We're just trying to help."
Cause I can-
Shelby throws him a look. "I never said you did do it."
Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over-
"Then why do you keep acting like it's everyone's fault?"
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong-
"I don't blame you guys." She says. "You guys didn't do it, I did."
Where it's not enough just be sorry-
"So that's what this is all about, that you blame yourself." Scott said. "It's not your fault."
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in-
"You don't get it." She said. "You don't understand."
Tried to be more than me-
"I'm accepting who I am, who I'm meant to be." Shelby finishes.
And I gave 'til it all went away-
"Your not supposed to be like this Shel." he says. "Your supposed to be happy."
And we've only surrendered-
Shelby looks at him. "I was... I am." She says unconvincingly.
To the worst part of these winters we've made-
"Your not." He leans in close to her, "And you never will be if you continue like this."
But I would not sleep-
"I'm just being me." She says.
In this bed of lies-
"This isn't you." Scott says.
So toss me out, and turn in-
"You were happy."
And there be no rest for these tired eyes-
"You were with me."
I'm marking it down to learning-
"You talked to the other cliffhangers. You had friends." He can see he's not getting through to her.
I'm marking it down to learning-
"I just don't want you to be like this." He says, wishing he could somehow make this all better.
I am all that I'll ever be-
"Like what?" She asked. "Like myself?"
When you - lay your hands-
He reached out and takes her hands. "You're not you. You're not being like you." He says again trying to convince her.
Over me-
Shelby suddenly leans over and kisses him.
And don't go weak on me Please-
Scott pulls away surprised by her sudden move on him.
I know that it's weak-
But instead of saying anything, he leans over and kisses her back. Remembering all the times they kissed like this before she'd begun to act like this.
But God help me I need this-
Shelby wraps her arms around Scott kissing him passionately.
I will not sleep in this bed of lies-
She begins to think of all their times together, all the times she was happy, all the times she was with him. I can't give in, she tells herself.
So toss me out and turn in-
Shelby suddenly pushes Scott away from her and then stands. "That's not who I am." She says.
And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes-
And then she turns and walks away quickly.
I'm marking it down to learning-
Scott stands watching Shelby walk away, confused by what had just happened.
I'm marking it down to learning-
Shelby walks towards the docks quickly, trying to hold her emotions in.
Cause I can-
She looks over her shoulder and sees Scott standing in the gazebo, she knows that she might have pushed him too hard this time.
Shadow Man part 6
Peter walked into the girl's dorm. Shelby was again laying on her bed with her journal. Her face held a blank stare as she stared at the journal.
"Shelby?" Peter said. Wondering if she was in the same state she'd been earlier.
She doesn't turn towards him, but instead rolls over, so that she doesn't have to look at him. "Shelby, your father called and I've agreed to you going off campus for dinner, if you want."
Shelby rolled over so that she was looking at Peter. "Why are you doing this?" She asked.
Peter was surprised by the question, not sure why she was asking it. "What do you mean?" He asked.
She sat up and looked up at him. "I mean why would you let me go off campus. I've been skipping group and classes. You caught me smoking." She says. "Under normal circumstances you wouldn't allow it."
He looks down at her. "These aren't normal circumstances." He says.
Shelby looked down at the journal she know had placed beside her. She had written several pages in the last few hours about how she felt and everything she was going through. But she'd torn them out. She was still certain no one would understand. And she wanted that more then anything. Someone to understand. Someone to convince her that it wasn't her fault, but she would never tell them that. Never.
"When will he be here?" She asked.
'He's on his way now and should be here any minute." He said.
She looked at him and almost smiled. "You were that sure I'd agree to it?" She asked.
"I was just hoping." He said with a smile.
Shelby nodded and then stood. She placed the journal on her desk and then followed Peter out the door and towards the Administration building.
Shelby sat on the front steps of the Administration building waiting on her father by herself. Peter had had a phone call and had went to get it. She yawned and stretched tired from the last few nights of nightmares. She leaned against the railing and closed her eyes.
Shelby ran across campus trying hard to escape. She was breathing hard and her muscles hurt. She felt like she'd been running forever. Ever since she'd seen him in the lodge, she hadn't been able to stop. He had touched her like Walt had. Had made her dirty.
She suddenly fell to the ground. As she staggered to get up, she realized he was on top of her. She started to scream, "Get off of me, get away." But he turned her over and grabbed her by the wrists. He pinned her arms to the ground above her head. "Please don't do this." She begged. "I won't tell, I won't ever tell." She said pleadingly, but he still started to rip her shirt open. "Please stop, Please." She said again, but he didn't, he just worked slower. Forcing her to endure more torment.
After he was done, Shelby laid on the ground next to him, her shirt unfastened and tears streaming down her face. She suddenly feels his hand on her shoulder. "I've already given you what you want, now leave me alone." She said more as a plead, then a command.
"I haven't gotten my fill." A gruff voice said.
Shelby began to shake as he rolled her towards him and began to touch her. "Please stop." She begged, her words almost inaudible because of her crying.
Shelby opened her eyes quickly at the sound of the car door. Her face was wet with tears, even though she'd been sleeping. She quickly wiped her face, trying to regain her composure as her father walked towards her.
He immediately noticed something was wrong. "You ok?" He asked.
Shelby nodded and then looked up at him. "I'm fine." She said and her voice cracked. She swallowed hard and then repeated. "I'm fine."
Her father was about to ask her about it, but Peter walked out. "Mr. Merrick, your here." He said walking down the steps and shaking his hand.
"Yea, sorry I'm late. I got tied up doing business."
"That's ok, dad." Shelby said, suddenly standing and joining the conversation. Peter's entrance had given her time to regain her composure. "Are you ready to go?" She asked her father.
Her father looked at her and then at Peter. "Did you need to talk to us first or anything?" He asked not sure the policy of it all.
"No." Peter said quickly. "You guys just go and enjoy dinner and I'll talk to you when you get back."
Mr. Merrick nodded and then he and Shelby walked to his car.
Shelby and her father walked over and sat down at a table in Rusty's.
"It's been a long time since we've had dinner together." Her father said trying to start a conversation. Shelby hadn't said a word to him since they'd left Horizon. She'd just stared out the window the whole drive there.
"Uh huh." Shelby said absent mindedly. She reached across the table to get her menu and her father reached out and touched her arm.
A hand grabs Shelby's arm and pulls her into a room.
Shelby looks at the hand and then at her father, he immediately removes his hand and she moves her arm and crosses it with her other one, almost as though she's cold.
"I just was trying to get your attention." He said. "You haven't spoken to me hardly at all this evening." He said.
'I just have things on my mind." She said.
"Like why your smoking again." He said. Shelby looked at her father wondering how he knew. "Peter told me." He said answering her thought. "He's told me you've made a lot of progress since you came to Horizon, but that lately, you've been slipping into some of your old habits."
Shelby rolled her eyes and put on her defenses. "It's not a big deal, I'm just dealing with things in my way."
"No offense Shelby, but you don't always handle thing in the best way." He said.
'And what does that mean?" Shelby demanded.
"I just meant you've made some bad choices." He said backtracking on his statement.
"You mean like prostitution." She said.
"That wasn't your fault." He said, "You had no choice. Walt was molesting you."
She shook her head, refusing to listen to him. "I did have a choice and I chose to sell my body for money."
"You choice was justified." He said calmly.
She looks at him in disbelief and anger. "Since when is prostitution justified?" She asked angrily. She shakes her head. "I don't even know why you care. You weren't even able to help me."
"Shelby, I helped you the only way I knew how."
"I know." She said after a moment. "I'm just trying to deal with all of this."
Her father nodded understandingly. "I understand." A pause. "You've been through so much. After what Walt did and your time on the streets, no one expects you to just be able to move on."
"Move on kid. I don't have anymore use for ya." A voice said.
Shelby shook the thought away. "Let's just order our food." She said and her father nodded knowing she didn't want to talk about it.
Shelby read over the menu trying to decide what she wanted, but she really wasn't hungry. She looked up towards her father, who was reading his menu as well. Shelby looked around the restaurant, which surprisingly wasn't very busy. She noticed two girls and their mother at one table and a group of boys at another one. The Curtis was at the bar talking to Annie. Shelby heard the bell that hung on the door ring and turned to see who it was.
She watched as Tom walked into the restuarant accompanied by Walt. The two men looked right at her and gave her wicked grins. Shelby felt her hands begin to shake. her face turned pale and her stomach turned. The two men began to walk around the room, never taken their eyes off of her.
Shelby reached for her butter knife, knowing she could use it in defense, but her hand shook so bad that she knocked the silverware onto the floor. She kept her eyes on the two men as she bent down to pick the silverware up. As she reached for it, her shoulder bumped into the table shaking her water glass and causing it to fall to it's side and pour across the table.
Her father immediately up righted the glass and then wiped the mess up before it could spill on either of them. Shelby didn't even notice the glass though. Her eyes stayed focused on the two men that seemed to be circling her.
"Shelby?" her father asked as he watched his daughter. Her face was pale and he noticed that she was shaking. He followed her eyes, trying to figure out what she was looking at, but he saw nothing. "Shelby?" he asked again and again she didn't answer. He reached out and touched her shoulder.
Suddenly a third man appeared in line with Walt and Tom. Again Shelby was unable to tell who the third man was. She started to stand for a better view, but realized her father's hand was on her shoulder. She looked at the hand and then realized that he was also saying her name. She followed his arm up to his face and then beyond it as she saw the three figures standing there, mocking her. Shelby followed the path back down until her eyes again landed on her father's face. She looked at her him for a long moment and then shrugged his hand off of her shoulder. She stood quickly before he could catch her and said. "I'm going to the ladies room." Then she quickly walked away.
Her father watched confused as she went.
Shelby splashed cool water over her face, trying to calm herself down.
"They weren't there." She told herself, as she starred at her reflection. "They weren't there."
Suddenly she spotted the two of them standing behind her. She turned around quickly with a gasp. "Your not here." She said, her voice shaky.
"We are here." Walt whispered. "And we're very real." he said, taking a step towards her. His hands reached out to her and then so did Tom's. Suddenly another set of hands appeared around her waist from behind her, but Shelby didn't know who it was. She struggled against the three of them, trying to break free as they mocked her and touched her. The bathroom door open and suddenly the images disappeared, leaving Shelby standing in the middle of the room shaken and scared.
'Are you ok?" The women asked when she saw Shelby's face.
Shelby nodded and then finding her strength took off out of the bathroom quickly. She walked over to the table. "You ready to order?" Her father asked.
"Actually, I'd like to leave." Shelby said boldly.
Her father looked at her stunned. "But we haven't even had dinner." He said.
"I don't feel well and I want to go back to Horizon." She said determined.
Her father was stunned by this and wondered if he'd done something wrong. "Alright." He said with a nod and then stood and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair. He followed Shelby, who was almost running,, out of the restaurant.
Shelby and her father arrived back at Horizon quickly and Shelby practically jumped out of the car almost before it stopped and then immediately began to run towards the dock, which had become her sanctuary lately.
"Shelby!" Her father called after her, not able to figure out what had happened.
Peter and Sophie who had been talking near the administration building, heard Mr. Merrick and they both turned to see what it was about. They walked over to Mr. Merrick quickly.
"What happened?" Peter asked.
"I don't know." Mr. Merrick said confused. "We went to dinner and started to talk about her recent behavior when we got there. She didn't want to talk about it so I dropped it, but then she just seemed to space out. After a few minutes she began to shake and she turned pale. She excused herself to the bathroom and then she came back and demanded that we leave. We didn't even eat." He said.
Peter nodded. "Mr. Merrick, why don't you go back to your hotel and Sophie and I will call you after we talk to your daughter." Mr. Merrick nodded and then went to his car.
"What do you think is going on with Shelby?" Sophie asked. "I know she blames herself, but could it really result in this kind of behavior and those kinds of reactions."
"The behavior seems to fit perfect with her blaming herself, but I'm no longer sure that's the problem. She told me that what happened hurts. So she's acknowledged that pain. She won't deal with it though because she blames herself." A pause. "But I've also found Shelby to be more distant lately." Peter said. "She gets these looks like she's somewhere else."
Sophie nodded. "I've seen them too in the last few weeks." she said. "You think she's having flashbacks."
"It would explain a lot." Peter said.
"Then let's go talk to her." Sophie said and the two headed off to find Shelby.
Peter and Sophie found Shelby sitting on the edge of the dock her feet dangling over the edge. "Shelby?" Peter called.
Shelby didn't look up, but continued to swing her legs ever so slightly. Her hands gripped the side of the dock tightly. It was the only way she'd been able to keep them from shaking. Peter and Sophie walked closer.
"Shelby, your father went back to his hotel." Sophie said gently. Shelby just continued to ignore them.
"Your father said you got ill during dinner, do you need to see the doctor?" Peter asked. Shelby responded with a slight shake of the head. Peter glanced at Sophie. "You want to tell us what has you so upset? Maybe what happened at dinner?" Peter asked. Shelby again shook her head ever so slightly. Peter had never seen her like this before. She seemed to have shut down. "Maybe you should go back to your dorm and rest."
Shelby gave another slight nod and then she stood and turned and walked away.
"Wow." Sophie said as she watched her leave, "I don't think flashbacks cause that."
Peter nodded in agreement. "Neither do I, but she's shutting down and if we don't figure out what's wrong soon, we're going to lose her."
Shadow Man part 6
Shelby laid on the bed in her dorm. It had been hours since she'd came back from dinner and she hadn't spoken to anyone. She'd barely moved. She rolled over slowly, almost as if it were painful and then sat up. She grabbed her jacket and headed out of the dorm. She started to walk to the docks, but then knew that they would show up there. Instead, she walked across campus. Peter and Sophie had surely left for the evening. She followed the path to the administration building. Most would think at night it would be a bad place to be, but all the counselors that stayed on for night shift, hung out in the lodge. It was closer to the main part of campus.
Any time tomorrow, I will lie and say I'm fine. - Shelby sits on the steps of the admit building. The moon is the only light she has.
I'll say yes when I mean no. - She stares up at it, and lights up a cigarette.
And anytime tomorrow, the sun will cease to shine. - A shadow of a man falls over Shelby, blocking the moonlight.
There's a shadowman who told me so. - She looks up and sees Walt.
Any time tomorrow, the rain will play a part - Shelby just stares at him. Walt leans over and touches her face, running his hand from her cheek, to her shoulder, to her arm.
Of the play I used to know. - Shelby sits tensely doing nothing.
Like no other, used to know it all by heart, - The man changes and now it is Tom.
But the shadowman inside has let it go. - He leans over, taking her hand and kisses her deeply.
Oh no, let go of my hand. - Shelby tries to pull her hand away, but can't free it.
Oh no, not now I'm down, my friend. - She tries to pull away again panicking, but still can't be free.
You came to me anew, or was it me who came to you? - She looks at him, unable to pull away and then kisses him back.
Shadowman… - The man changes to Walt.
Shadowman… - the man changes to the unrecognized face.
Any time tomorrow, a part of me will die - Shelby sits on the steps, the images have disappeared.
And a new one will be born. - She is still smoking the cigarette.
Any time tomorrow, I'll get sick of asking why, - She shakes her head as tears begin to fall
Sick of all the darkness I have worn. - She pulls her knees to her chest rocking back and forth
Any time tomorrow. I will try to do what's right, - The sun rising, Shelby still sits rocking back and forth on the steps.
Making sense of all I can. - Her eyes look haunted and distant.
And any time tomorrow, I'll pretend to see the light. - She lowers her head , shivering as she rocks back and forth
I just might, shadowman… -The shadowy figure is behind her, his hand on her back.
Oh. here's the sun again. -
She lowers her face as the sun's rays hit her.
Isn't it appealing to recline - She leans back into the shadowy figure.
Get blinded and to go, - He starts to kiss her and at first she accepts, but then she pushes him away.
Into the light again - She again shields her eyes from the sun.
Doesn't it make you sad to see so much love denied? - She stood beginning to jog away from the steps, just as Peter and Sophie pull into the driveway.
See nothing but a shadowman inside. - Shelby turns back not seeing them getting out of the car, but seeing Walt and Tom sitting on the steps. And the shadowy figure stands before her.
Oh no, let go of my hand. - Shelby turns and runs towards the main part of campus. The shadowy figure follows her.
Oh no, not now I'm down my friend. - She runs faster trying to get away, but he stays right with her.
You came to me anew, or was it me who came to you? - She trips when she enter the woods, he falls on top of her.
Shadowman… - She pushes Walt off of her
Shadowman… - She tries to push the now shadowy figure off of her
Ooh, if you're coming down to rescue me, - Peter and Sophie call Shelby's name
Now'd be perfect. - Shelby tries to scream for them, but the shadowy figure covers her mouth.
Please, if you're coming down to rescue me, - Peter and Sophie again call her name
Now'd be perfect. - And again she tries to call, but is muffled
Please, if you're coming down to rescue me, - Peter and Sophie step into the clearing, the image disappears and
Now'd be perfect… Shelby sits up leaning against a tree breathing hard.
"Shelby?" Peter asked concerned. "Are you ok?"
Shelby sat against the tree trying to catch her breath. She gave a slight nod to Peter and tried to stand up with the help of the tree. But her legs were shaky and she fumbled, barely managing to catch herself. Peter reached out and grabbed her arm, trying to help her steady herself, but the second his hand touched her arm, Shelby pulled back.
"Don't touch me." She said, her voice low and shaky. She took a deep breath and shakily walked around Peter and Sophie and back to campus.
Sophie looked at Peter. "She's getting worse." She said upset.
Peter nodded. "I know." He said. "I just don't know how to get through to her."
The cliffhangers, minus Shelby, we're all sitting around and talking on the main part of campus. Once again there topic was Shelby.
"I just don't get it." Ezra said. "Things were bad for Shelby and she's been through a lot, but I've never seen her act like this."
Daisy nodded. "She wasn't even this bad when she went home."
"She wasn't even this bad when she came back from running." Auggie said.
"But something must have happened to make her behave like this." Juliette said.
"Maybe more happened on the street then she's told us." David said.
Scott shook his head. "I don't think that's it." He said. "I think she told us everything, but that guy attacking her on the street is enough to push anyone with her background over the edge."
"And I'd certainly say she's gone over the edge." David said. "Especially with how she looks now." The cliffhangers all followed his gaze to where Shelby was heading across campus. They all sat shocked, as Shelby, stumbled across campus. Her face was pale and she had black circles under her eyes. She wore the same cloths that she'd worn the day before and they were wrinkles and dirty from where she'd fallen in the woods a few minutes before.
"We have to figure out what happened." Scott said determined.
"Yea, but how?" Juliette asked.
"I don't know, but we just have to find a way." Scott said.
Shelby stumbled into the girls dorm and grabbed some clothes from her closet and headed to take a shower. She quickly undressed and turned the hot water on. She stepped into the shower and allowed the hot water to wash over her body. It was so hot it was almost burning, but Shelby didn't mind, it helped her mind to stay distracted.
She suddenly leaned against the wall and slid down. Curling into her usual position, she began to cry.
After a long time, Shelby stood up and turned the water off. She reached out the shower door and grabbed a towel, which she wrapped around herself. She quickly dried off and got dressed. She then walked out of the bathroom. No one was in the girls dorm, which was a relief. She walked to the doorway and looked around double checking to make sure no one was there. When she was certain she walked back to her bed and grabbed her pillow. She pulled it out of the pillow case and held it on her lap. She ran her hand along the material until she came to a loose string. She pulled ever so slihtly on the string tearinmaking an opening in the pillow. She reached through the opening and felt around. She had been hiding her cigerettes here until Peter had caught her. Now she hid something more valuable here. Her hand reached the cool hard object. She gripped it tightly and then pulled it out of the pillow and laid it down next to her on the bed. She then laid the pillow on the other side of her. She picked up the item and carried it into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and sat down, leaning against it.
She opened the journal up and picked up her pen.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep thinking I see them everywhere I go. I hear their words and am reminded of them every second.
No one knows what I've gone through, what it's like to feel guilty for allowing men to take advantage of me.
When I returned from the streets, I told the others about what had happened about how I'd almost gone back to my old ways. I also told them all about what had happened to me and what I had done on the streets before. I felt good after I told them, like things were going to finally go my way, but then I began to wonder what they thought about what I did. If they wondered what it had felt like. If they thought it was my fault. And as I thought that, I become mad at them all and began to push them away. Then the nightmares started. At first they hadn't been too bad. It would just be the two of them showing up in a random dream. And then the dreams had began to get worse. They'd began to touch me in my dreams and that was when I really began to push everyone away. Because even though I knew it was only a dream, I could still feel their hands on me. And then the nightmares had turned into flashbacks. Words would trigger my memory, and I'd see them. A touch would trigger my memory and I'd remember what had happened. Which is why I hadn't been able to be with Scott. Every time I kissed him, I didn't see him, but one of the men from the street and it made me feel dirty. The way I used to feel. I didn't want to feel that way anymore which is why I can't be with him.
But then the flashbacks began to become more and more real.. I would be sitting alone somewhere and they would walk into the room. They would talk to me and touch me and mock me. And that's when I gave up. I told myself they weren't real for so long, but they keep coming back. Every time producing the same fear. It feels like it's happening again. Only this time it's even harder, because it's in the one place that I've ever felt safe - Horizon.
Shelby closed the journal and then walked back out into the dorm and put it back into the pillow. She closed the pillow up and placed it back in the case. She then laid down on the bed. She was tired, but wasn't sure she could sleep. She didn't want the nightmares to come back.
I'm sure you're only dreaming - Shelby lays on the bed staring at the ceiling
You're only juggling with my mind - She tries to fight sleep, but her eye lids grow heavy.
While I feel more and more like screaming - Her eyes close and she begins to drift asleep.
For the scar you left behind - She begins to dream, that she is walking down a street.
I'm sure you're only dreaming - She's in California. She's fifteen at the time.
I'm sure we're just a part - She is dressed in her usual work attire and she is reading address numbers as she walks down the crowded sidewalk.
Of what the lucky man believes in - She spots the number and goes into the building.
I'm sure you know this song by heart - She goes to the elevator and rides it to the floor that he is supposed to be on.
You're only dreaming, I think I can hear you talk - She steps off and walks down the hall towards the room.
You're only dreaming, I think I can hear you say, 'shut up' - She can hear people talking in the different apartments.
You're only dreaming, I hope your dream is in me - She stops at number 506 and knocks.
You're only dreaming you're free - Shelby begins to toss and turn as she sleeps almost as if she knows what's about to happen.
You will show up while I'm dreaming - The door opens and the man standing at the door is Walt.
Out of nowhere cross my way - She starts to say something,
You will ask me not to scream and - But Walt puts one finger to his lips, telling her to be quiet.
You will smile and you will say, 'dear friend, - he smiles and opens the door wider so she can step in.
You're only dreaming, I think I can hear you talk - She steps into the room and notices Tom sitting on the couch.
You're only dreaming, I think I can hear you say, 'shut up' - She starts to scream, but suddenly Tom is twisting her arm and telling her to shut up.
You're only dreaming, I hope your dream is in me - She tries to hit him with her free arm, but Walt grabs it.
You're only dreaming you're free - The two men begin to drag her down the hallway of the apartment.
You're only dreaming - They stop in front of a door and Shelby feels a wave of fear pass through her.
You're only dreaming - She struggles to break out of their grasp, but they both tighten their grips.
You're only dreaming, dreaming... - The bedroom door suddenly opens revealing a queen size bed in the middle of the room.
You're only dreaming - Tom and Walt shove Shelby into the room and the door shuts tightly behind her.
You're only dreaming - She turns around and grabs the doorknob to open the door, but it seems to be locked. She feels a tap on her shoulder,
You're only dreaming, dreaming - She turns backing against the door, fear paralyzing her from being able to do anything else. The man steps forward reaching for her and Shelby for the first time sees who he is.
Shelby gasps, her eyes flying open as she wakes from the nightmare. She is shaken. It couldn't' have been him. It couldn't have been him, she tells herself over and over again, but it had been. Shelby closes her eyes, almost wanting to see the image again, wanting to somehow be wrong, but when she closed her eyes, she saw the room, herself as a young girl and him. She saw him reach for her, as the little girl pushed herself against the door. She heard him whisper about keeping their secret. Shelby opened her eyes again. She was suddenly cold. She pulled her knees to her chest and began to rock back and forth.
