A/N: This is pretty intense coming from personal experience but I just wanted to give everyone a warning. You will notice that Helga is a little out of character but this is how I pictured her in this type of situation because no one acts in character doing this…trust me, I know.

Situations

Part 3:

Gone With the Wind

By: Starry Nights

          Hardly anyone thought Helga G. Pataki would be the next in the group to get married. Watching Rhonda walk down the aisle for the fifth time last year made everyone in their tight knit group a bit weary about taking the next step but Helga was different. She loved Cameron and she wanted to marry him, besides no one could compare her to Rhonda. Despite this, Helga was having her doubts (as all brides do), which lead her to be pacing her room at 1 in the morning.

        She traced the faded pink heart on her wall when she stopped pacing and leaned against the wall for support. She's heard stories about having cold feet but for her it was different. True, she loved Cameron Burke but her heart really rested in the hands of another man. So she had all right to be worried even thought they had made it clear…painfully clear that nothing could happen between them. Fate had passed them by. She gave them one chance and they couldn't make that work. Cameron was fire that attached all the moths but Arnold was the fire…that desire that all girls craved. She gave as much of herself to him and he accepted what she gave wholeheartedly for Arnold had been the only person to surpass the walls she built so long ago not even Phoebe made it that far. He waited until she was ready to open herself to him. He waited patiently. Something about him reminded her of Arnold, that was the initial reason for her interest in him but as their courtship drew on she liked (then grew to love him) for what he was.

        Helga sighed impatiently. She was getting nowhere with her own reason. She needed help and every time her mind wander her thoughts always led to him with firm resolve she climbed out of the window like she did so many times during high school and began her trek. She had no idea where she was going but it was better to be outside than inside with her morbid and lonely thoughts.

*                 *                 *

        Occasionally a cool wind blew relieving Helga of the dense humidity, as she stood motionless staring at the starry sky.

This is a night for lovers to have,

Sweet dark night,

With a gentle wind's caress,

The June moonlight bright

Romantic notions,

Dreams fulfilled…

            Her own poem from one of her many book, from which she could not remember. She wrote about a night like this to be with her lover but yet she was standing under her ex-boyfriend turned best friend's window. How ironic. She sighed again, reached in her back pocket and pulled out a cigarette. This habit she kicked some time ago when she dated Arnold some light years ago had been picked up again because Cameron smoked and temptation she could not resist. Finally, after much debate she began to climb the now old fire escape, once at the top she tapped three times on the window and old code they used back in high school. Slowly, he came to the window standing a few inches shy from 6 feet in all his glory only wearing boxers.

"Hey football-head."

He smiled, reached for a pair of shorts and joined her on the fire escape, "Hey."

He paused for a moment, reached behind her, produced the hidden cigarette and crushed it. "I'm sure you have a very good reason for a very good reason for waking me up at 3 in the morning."

Three in the morning! Despite her surprise, she smiled, "Actually, no."

        He raised his eyebrows but said nothing. He leaned against a pole and let her gather her thought while he gazed at her thoughts. If he told me to run away with him, I'd leave in a minute. God, how I love this man! In Helga's eyes, he was built to perfection from those mesmerizing jade eyes, his blind (but slightly realistic) optimism to his lanky tall frame. Finally, she stopped her idolization and voiced one of her many thoughts.

"I guess I'm having pre-wedding jitters."

He chuckled softly, "You threaten and insult me in a letter forcing me to come to your wedding…now you're afraid."

She laughed along with him, "It's all in good fun and if you're going to laugh I have a right to heave you off this fire escape."

        He continued to laugh along with her. Truthfully, he was glad to see her in such good spirits. It was very rare and these moments came few and far in-between. It was very rare for her to admit emotion to anyone.

"Cameron is a very lucky guy. No need to be worried."

"That all you have to say? None of your speeches?"

"Not tonight."

"Hmm, how disappointing."

He laughed and gestured to the clock that was visible from where she was seated; "It's 3'o clock in the morning. I'm tired."

"When I did this in high school and even in college you never complained."

"It's called jet lag. I flew in earlier tonight. Remember?"

She hadn't. "I'm glad you came."

"So am I."

She turned serious and stared at him. He was looking at the sky. "Sometimes…like tonight…I wish it was you I will be walking down the aisle for."

He finally looked at her meeting her gaze. "As do I but that can never be." He paused then looked away. "You know that."

"I wanted to work."

"You hated my lifestyle." He mumbled loud enough for her to hear.

"I like my stability."

"You're a writer, Helga! All you need is paper and pen. I like my job. I like being mobile."

        She caught herself before making a sarcastic reply and began to laugh. A few moments later he joined her as a gust of wind blew between them. Sweet dark night, with a gentle wind's caress…

She banished that thought and followed him inside his air-conditioned room.

"How's Danielle?" she asked referring to his on and off again girlfriend and archeologist partner.

He sighed, "Eager to leave Egypt. Not that I blame her the heat is intense but the things we found have been nothing short of fantastic."

"Do you still love me?"

He looked up abruptly and watched her face as she avoided her gaze. She was in a strange mood tonight saying things she wouldn't say ordinarily.  "How can you ask me such a question?"

"Is that a yes?"

"Listen to me," Arnold began vehemently. "We have got to move on. Regardless of what we feel for each other it can never work. Our lifestyles clash and Fate only gave us one chance. Star-crossed lovers they would call us for we love each other for our own good. It pains me to think of you with another man to think that it's possible that you could love Cameron more than you love me but this," he said gesturing to her ring and the picture of Danielle. "Is for our own good but don't ever doubt that I love you."

        She went to the window and pressed her palms to it and sighed. "It pains me to think about you and know we could only be friend and nothing more. You've had my heart in your hands since we were four. To think that I could stop loving you is unfathomed. True, I love Cameron but not as much as I love you. What to say to me is the truth but my heart refuses to hear. I wanted to be near you, just in case, there is hope that one day we could work things out."

        She walked over to him. His face contorted with emotions and ran her hands along the side of his face. "I just want one more night with you. Be my paramour. Then you can cross the Atlantic and the Pacific and go from one continent to another and our path will rarely if ever cross." 

Her words like so many of her poems touched him to his very soul. This was the girl he fell in love with over and over again during high school, during and sometime after college. Rarely did they ever speak to each other like this and when they did it always had the same end result. He picked her up with no words and carried her toward the bed.

*~*

He hasn't spoken since his declaration of his love the night before except for the occasional moaning and 'I love you'. She knew he was in emotional confusion for that was the only time he was ever silent and she wanted to leave him like his. No last words to top off the mistake she made already, no painful goodbyes, this was the last time she would see him and she wanted to leave it like this.

Not perfect but not painful.

Signing her name to the letter with a flourish, she climbed back out of the window and out of his life for what seemed to be forever.

*                 *                 *

        The wedding was beautiful. She saw Arnold disappear shortly after the vows and didn't stay for the reception, which in itself was a blessing in disguise. She didn't want to talk about the letter she left him and she didn't want to talk about the letter she found in her pocket that she didn't have the heart to read. Finally, when Cameron was taking to his parents. She stole away to the bathroom and read the note that never left her side since she found it two days ago.

Dear Helga,

          It hurt a lot to watch to leave this morning. I didn't want to wake and leave any last goodbyes. So as I watch you sleep, I'll sit here and try to form my thoughts into words so forgive me if it does not come out right, you're the writer not me.

          I watched to cry yourself to sleep tonight after what we did although it was wrong I have no regrets as I hope you don't either. I don't want to say good-bye because I'll see you again walking down the street. I'll watch you walk but I won't acknowledge you're presence, you'll see me out of the corner of your eyes and say nothing either. Our time is done. We're star-crossed lovers but if you remember anything…anything at all just remember that I love you.

Sometimes love isn't enough…

Arnold