Internal Instincts

By: Starry Nights

        My bags were already packed. Sad, I know but I'm really anxious to get out of this small town with all of it near-perfect ideals. I was almost as anxious Helga but she's gone now so I dispel that theory. I maneuvered myself around the luggage and boxes that littered my room and settled on the fire escape half expecting I would see someone of the gang, half expecting I wouldn't. I really don't want a mushy good-bye like the one Arnold might have but his would seem more genuine than mine. My good-bye, on the other hand, would probably be full of half felt good-byes and hugs. I was never really into their "group", that much I did know and a fact that Rhonda never totally tried to hide. I was always in the shadow, just watching, just there.

The humid afternoon forced me back into my air-conditioned room and I lie silently on my bed reverting back to my thoughts.

There is, maybe one, person I would want to see right now but that's nearly impossible. Countless accidents and mishaps on various fire escapes during the course of his lifetime, the last one involving his longest stay at the hospital ever, caused him to be weary of all fire escapes including mine. Besides, even if he were to show up, he'd come tumbling through the door not to mention I have seen him since July. Tomorrow would make it three weeks.

Sighing, I tumbled out of bed again and made my way to the kitchen. I had the good fortune of being alone somehow convincing my parents that I needed to be alone before I left. After a tearful good-bye, they disappeared to work and here I am.

Alone.

        That word has become my friend the last few days and even months. I tried to distance myself away from the "gang so that when it was time for me to leave I wouldn't get emotional. Apart of me regrets that decision since I'm always hearing about the beach parties, the picnics and Rhonda's now infamous parties but apart of me believes I made the right decision and if I did. Why do I still feel emotional?

"Sheena?"

"Eugene." The glass I was holding smashed to the floor and I instantly felt stupid not that I had anything to worry about Eugene probably smashed more than one glass in his day but still…

He smiled. "Let me."

I stood back watching tugging at my Juilliard sweatshirt automatically feeling emotional and clumsy. He was done within a few seconds and helped himself to something to drink. Eugene grew to be nearly 6'5'' the only person taller was Arnold seemingly adding to my opinion that all short boys grow to be really tall, his height only added to his clumsiness and where as most of the boys in the "gang" were muscular. It was weird since I've been 5'10'' since the 5th grade and I was always taller than him but now…. Anyways, Eugene was lanky, which in my opinion made him cuter, he was also pale with tiny freckles and tousled red hair.

"I'm so glad I caught you," he began his normally cheerful voice a bit somber and I was beginning to wonder if I was making the right decision going off to Juilliard, "I thought you left."

"No, I leave in two hours."

He nodded and looked around. "Where's Sam?" Sam's my cousin. He'd taken to Eugene quickly and always found his accidents funny despite the outcome.

"I got rid of everyone. I didn't want an emotional good-bye."

He nodded again. "Arnold is having a party."

I knew that already. He called me two days earlier but I didn't let Eugene know this so instead I said. "I didn't know."

"Let's go."

I shook my head. "No, I might lose track of time besides I really don't want to go."

He shrugged. "Fine."

        I led him out of the kitchen and into the living room where he managed to knock over a vase, stub his toe on the coffee table and smack his head on the wall. 25 minutes and a bag of ice later we were sitting on the living room. The TV was on and he was watching some Sci-Fi show. I wasn't really paying attention.

"Who's taking you?"

"Huh?"

He smiled and turned to me. The show was done. "Who's taking you to Juilliard?"

"A cab."

"Let me take you."

I hesitated. The last time we were in a car he hit a tree. He sensed my fear however and placed a reassuring hand on mine. "Don't worry. I won't drive then I'll just go with you. I just want to spend a few more moments with my best friend."

Best friend.

How I hated that term. It plagued me for years with me knowing that was all I was to him…that I was merely his best friend.

I forced a smile then, "Sure, why not?"

He smiled. "Let's go to Arnold's."

"No."

"No?"

"I don't want to. I want to be alone."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do.

"Fine, if you have something to do then I'll leave you be."

"I'm not going to Arnold's party."

*~*

"I can't believe I'm at Arnold's party."

We were standing at the doorway and the party was at full swing and Eugene turned to me. "Cheer up."

I scowled. I spotted Arnold, he waved and he walked toward us. "I'm glad you could make it," he began giving me a hug his smile was genuine, "even if it was just for a moment."

"I heard Helga went to Juilliard also for the summer program. She was always a better dancer than I was. She had more determination."

His green eyes darkened sadly for a moment. "I know."

"I'll be sure to tell her hi for you."

"Sure," he mumbled. "Thanks."

        Eugene watched him walk away before turning to me. He wasn't smiling like he normally does. His expression was sad also. "I guess you didn't hear." He murmured. "Something happened…and she took off like a bat out of hell. He doesn't talk about it."

I cringed and turned away. "I want to go back home now."

"SHE-ENA!"

Oh, no, I thought, only one person I know does that. "Hello, Rhonda."

She smiled and took one look at my sweatshirt. "Juilliard? FABulous school!" she dropped her voice a few octaves. "I heard Helga Pataki attends that same school. She didn't look like the dancing type although she was skinny." She finished disdainfully almost with envy. Then the look passed and she brightened. "Maybe you could figure out what happened."

"No, if they wanted everyone to know they would tell everyone."

She turned to Gia Amoretti, her best friend. They became friends right after she started dating Lorenzo in freshman year. "That's what happens when we let the nobodies into our group. They start to think they have status…"

"I don't think anything…"

"…And that they're better than us."

I started to protest but she cut me off.

"Oh, come on. You want to be us." Rhonda smiled. "You don't belong here. You never have and you never will. Give it up. Take that loser friend of yours and get out."

She was right. I was a fool to come here and this was exactly why I decided to be alone to avoid this. I shook my head and marched out of the door. Not more than I block to my house I felt a small tap on my shoulder. I said nothing but slowed down.

"I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have left. It was Arnold's party."

He shrugged. "Forget about it. You're getting out of here and so am I."

I hated his optimism now but I needed it. "Yeah, but I doesn't change anything. She's seems to get worse every year.

"Don't let her get to you but maybe we should have listened to you and stayed home."

I laughed, "The one time you don't want to listen to me Eugene Horowitz and look what happens."

He looked away sheepishly. "I wasn't entirely honest…"

I could see the yellow cab from here and I rushed to it cutting him off. I asked the cab driver to wait as Eugene and I carried my bags into the car. More ice, a bruise and a cut later we climbed into the cab silently and I stared out of the window.

"I'm glad I'm leaving. Now, I know why Helga was so anxious to leave."

I turned to him. "No, you don't."

He was still facing the front. "Maybe, I'll see her and ask her."

"Huh?"

"Maybe, I'll see her and ask her."

"How do you propose to do that? I thought you was going to Maine and…"

"I don't think Rockefeller University is in Maine. I thought it was in Manhattan. Unless I was going to the wrong school for three weeks."
Shock.

How did I not know about this? That explains his three-week disappearance. He was smiling but he has yet to face me. Undaunted, he continued speaking. "As a matter of fact we're only a bus ride away. Ouch!" He just smashed his head against the window making me laugh and thus breaking the tension.

"Why?"

"What do you mean…why?"

"Why? I knew…but…it doesn't make sense."

"The Rockefeller School has a better science field than Maine and besides…I want to be with you."

"Ah, but I thought we were supposed to pick colleges according to our interest not our friends."

He cleared his throat. "Only if you want to be my friend."

"Huh?"

"I want to be more than your friend."

I was clearly hearing things now. "Why?"

"Why? Because I fell for the one person I shouldn't have. I fell for my best friend. I fell for the one person they tell me I was going to. It seems like everyone saw this except me."

He was speaking with more passion than I ever saw in my life. I was facing the window now but he turned to face me. "Talk to me."

"I don't know what to say."

"Is that a good thing?"

I chuckled. "Yeah."

"Ouch!"

He hit his head against the window that separated the driver and passengers when the car stopped suddenly. I smiled. There was going to be a bruise on that spot tomorrow. "Maybe, we will find out why Helga left that place."

He placed his hand over mine, a gesture I always took as his friendship to me. "Together."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: This is for dArkbLuebOok, I hope you like it and the next one is for Ursula…I hope I spelled it right. Thanks for proofreading. You're a doll. Um, thanks for the nominations and all those who voted for me and all those who wanted more of my stuff nominated. This is what I live for. Please review. I'm ~*Starry Nights*~