Dancing Shoes

By: Starry Nights

          I honestly didn't expect to run into her so soon. However, a little after I got to Julliard I spotted her a few times and we always managed to get a few cups of coffee. I never really did get the nerve to ask her what happened between her and Arnold but every time I saw her I lost my nerve. She never spoke about home. She never spoke about anything relating to Hillwood. We kept out conversation vague only speaking of people we knew at Julliard.

I saw her seated in my now favorite coffee shop. She blew out a perfect ring of smoke and took a drink out of the small blue mug on the table. Her eyes were fixed on the busy streets until she shifted her gaze and was staring directly at me. She raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she gestured to the empty seat in front of her.

"Why do I keep seeing you?" She said as I sat down. "Don't answer that." She crushed her cigarette on the astray and leaned forward. "How are you?"

"Fine. A little tired from the constant practices but I'll live."

She nodded. "So, did they send you off with a big farewell party like they did to me?"

I shook my head, surprised that she brought them up however memories of my last day threatened to spill to the front of my mind but I pushed it back. "No, I…went to a party at Arnold's."

She looked at me; clearly startled. "How is he?"

"Not sure…why don't you call him?"

"Doesn't matter. How do you like Julliard?"

"It's different. You?"

She smiled. "I love it."

"Meet anyone new?"

Her blue eyes clouded over. "No."

"What happened between you and Arnold? He doesn't talk about it and…"

"It doesn't matter now."

"Helga…"

"I knew this would come up especially when Rhonda herself called to ask me if I told you what happened. I'm still wondering how she found my number."

"Arnold doesn't talk about it either…if means anything."

"It doesn't."

"It should."

"Why?"

"At least he isn't going around telling lies about you."

"Arnold wouldn't know how to lie if instructions came to him in the mail. I wasn't worried about that."

"True."

"Why do you people want to know?"

"Curiosity. It's like a forbidden subject no one talks about it at home."

"You people have no problems coming to me."

I sighed. This was hard. "If you don't want to tell me."

She took another sip of her coffee. "Hell, I'm bored. Do you really want to know?"

"Only if you want to tell me."

"Who else knows?"

She scoffed. "Dumb question."

"Phoebe knows?"

"Of course."

"And Gerald?"

"He should."

"Oh, hell! Fine! I'll tell you…not that it matters much." She added.

*~*

"Bob nearly blew his stack when he saw the car. It was probably worth it."

(You can't be serious. You loved that car.)

"I'll get it back."

(When?)

"Not for two weeks."

(And you expect me to parade you back and forth in my car?)

"No. I'm not that heartless. I'll just kiss up to Olga whenever I need the car but I need you to pick me up from practice tomorrow."

(Sure.)

"Thanks, Pheebs. I owe you one."

"Arnold, wait!"

"Huh? Oh, hi Phoebe."

"I need a favor."

"Sure."

"I promised a friend something but I have a debate tonight so I can't do it."

"I guess so."

"Can you pick Helga up at," she scribbled something on a scrap of paper. "This address?"

"But this is all the way downtown!"

"Thanks Arnold got to go!"

*~*

"This can't possibly be it." he got of the car and looked around. Slowly he opened the pink doors and stepped inside. A group of preteen girls in tights walked passed him and giggled as they drifted down the hall.

"Damn!"

"Discipline, Helga. Try again."

        He followed the music and the familiar voice and stepped into the brightly lit studio. On the far right, he spotted Helga spinning in small circles. The dance instructor was beaming. She stopped the music and walked over to her.

"Fabulous. I think you be ready for Julliard."

"I hope so."

"Don't think like that. You'll be fine. Just sleep tonight and do light exercise before audition."

"Sure."

"Tell me how it goes on Sunday."

"You're not going?"

"No, child. You don't need me. You do fine alone."

"I want to try again."

"No. I think the time has come for you to go."

"Why do you say that?"

"Someone is waiting for you, my dear."

"Hi Helga."

(No, no, no! This can't be happening.) "Arnold."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She laughed, waved to her dance instructor and walked out of the studio. She dragged him to the end of the hall and looked around before speaking. "What the hell are you doing here? Where's Phoebe!"

Helga's dance instructor walked toward them. Her dark eyes roamed over Arnold appraisingly. She glanced at Helga before speaking to him. "Do you dance?"

"No, ma'am. I don't."

"What shame! People would flock to see beauty that you and your boyfriend possess." She opened the door to her office and added. "Two blond danseurs, I can only imagine the press."

"But Madame, he's not my…" SLAM. She frowned. "Boyfriend." She sighed and met Arnold's amused look with anger. "Where's Phoebe?"

"She had a debate."

"Oh, great! Look, um, wait here while I change."

"Okay."

She disappeared down the hall.

*~*

"How long have you been doing ballet?"

"Since I was four. My sister practically had to beg to let me do it. In the end Bob saw it as a way to get me out of his way."

"I saw a picture of you…one time…in fourth grade in a costume…Sid had taken that…picture…for me."

Surprisingly she laughed, "I knew about that. Sheena dances with me also. She had the picture in her scrapbook and Sid took it."

"Well, what happened to that little silver car of yours?"

"Smashed into a stoplight."

"Really?"

"Don't sound so surprised. I'm fine although Bob almost had a heart attack."

"Are you sure?"

Helga laughed. "Will you stop with that annoying do-gooder act?"

"What do you mean?"

"No one can be that good-hearted all the time."

"Why not?"

"It's not…" she paused. "Natural…that's it. It's not natural."

"Being mean to someone everyday isn't natural all the time either."

"I'm not mean everyday."

"Anymore."

She scoffed. "Anymore."

Silence then…

"I think you're great."

"Thanks. Can we drive around for a few? Bob is still going to be angry about my car."

"Sure."

"Since you know my secret, can I ask you a favor?"

"I guess."

"I have an audition for Julliard tomorrow…I really don't want to sit in a car with Olga for any amount of time so…"

"Yeah, I can drive you."

She sighed contentedly and turned to face the window. The car was in silence for a while until Helga felt the car stop. She turned around to see Arnold was gone and she stepped out. He was standing a few feet away gazing at the sky. She wanted to comfort him. She remembered "accidentally" overhearing how much Arnold loved to think at the beach. She wanted to hug him, to feel his heart beat against her cheek, to inhale his scent instead she stood beside him.

"Have you ever felt you wanted your parents gone?"

She sighed and kicked off her sneakers. "You shouldn't ask me that, I wouldn't prove any point you were trying to make."

He nodded. "I remembered finding a map that would lead me to my parents but…"

"I remember. It's not your fault."

"I know but I wanted to find them. I wanted them to see me hit my first baseball. I wanted them to see me play. I wanted them to fuss over my first girlfriend. Heck, I even wanted to get grounded. I wanted to be normal."

I fussed over your first girlfriend, Lila. What the hell were you thinking boy? "You could always try again one day."

"I know."

She laughed. "How ironic that I have parents but they never paid that much attention to me either? I might as well have no parents."

He turned to her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault and there's nothing you can do about it. It's not like anyone cares."

"That's not true."

"What do you mean?"

"Phoebe cares and I…care."

"Don't bullshit me, football-head."

He chuckled. "I'm serious."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"No, really. You mean a lot to me."

        I've only waited what, 12 years to hear him say those words. I feel like crying. God, I feel like such a sap. I need to snap out of it. Is he staring at me? Yes, he is. Wow, look at how green his eyes are. I wonder what would happen if I kissed him? Does he know I would follow him to the end of the world if he asked me? Of course not! I'd never tell him that. I love this boy. Look at those eyes, I like how they look, dark green. Emeralds. His eyes look like emeralds. Am I crying? He's worried now. I am crying. What the hell! I should run. He would catch me. It's not fair; he cares about me more than my own fucking parents. I'm crying some more. He's asking me if I want to go home.

Home?

I don't have a home. I want to go with you. Am I still crying? No, I think I stopped. He's holding me. I smell the ocean on him and the Curve he uses. Maybe, I should buy some Curve. I need some; I want to smell like him. I feel his heartbeat. Calm, steady, soothing. Is this how his girlfriends felt when he hugged them? I'm going to faint. He pulled me away. No! I want to hug you again! I need some Curve. I want to smell like you. He's asking me if I'm all right. I will be once I'm in your arms again. No one's ever hugged me except you. Hug me again. I'm fine, I hear myself saying. 

"Helga, do you want to go home?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

*~*

"I stayed at his place for an hour maybe more. Nothing really happened."

"What were you doing at the beach?"

(Like I'd really tell her that!) "Staying away from my house." She smiled and stood up. "Let's go, the waiter is giving us dirty looks."

        We walked along the busy streets in silence. She was thinking about something and I got the feeling that she wasn't telling me everything. I didn't push her. She really didn't have to tell me everything. So to prove my point, I said to her. "You don't have to tell everything to me. I just want to know what happened."

She chuckled. "I wasn't telling you everything. Anyway, we'd been going out for a little over 4 months, as you well know when we broke up. I guess it was as much his fault as it was mine."

"I'm going to Julliard! They want me! I'm in."

Arnold chuckled. "Calm down."

She grinned and shoved the letters in his face. "Look at these."

"You signed up for the summer program."

She stopped prancing around and glanced at him. "Yeah, so?"

"I thought we were spending the summer together?"

"Plans change besides the school is only thirty to 40 minutes away."

"When I suggested that I go to the summer plan they had in Boston, you nearly killed me."

"It's in Boston. Manhattan is only half an hour away!"

"Fine." He smiled. "Come. Let's call Phoebe and Gerald so we can celebrate."

"NO! You're still mad."

"Does it matter? You're going to go anyway."

"Then tell me to stay, I'll stay."

"No, if you really want to go then I'm not going to stop you."

She hated the way he looked now. Composed when she felt like screaming her head off. He was calm and she was struggling to maintain her composure. "Helga, you're being irrational. Let's go. We can talk about this later."

"Are you still mad?"

He hesitated. "I just wished we could have talked about it."

She laughed almost bitterly. "What's to talk about? You don't want me to go but yet you never tell me that you love me. Always telling me that you need more fucking time well, do you expect me to keep waiting in the shadows? Well, that's not going to happen!"

"Helga. Please, calm down."

"No! Let me tell you something else. I love YOU! Do you know that? I've loved you since I first saw you. Do you remember that day? I would travel to the end of the world for you. Yet, you sit there with your idiotic fantasies about saving the world and I fall in love with you all over again. I amaze myself with the lengths I would go to keep you from this harsh world. I love everything about you and each time you break my heart. I forgive you."

"Helga, I…"

"No! I'm not done. I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I want you with me. Don't turn your head! Look at me!" she paused and stared at him. He was silenced. His face was expressionless.

"Do you want to hear the worst part? I was pregnant." She paused again. His eyes widened. "Can you believe that? Our first time and I ended up pregnant. That weekend I was "at my aunt's house" I went to get an abortion because I didn't want to tie to you down to me. Notice how I said your life and not mine. I wanted that baby! Yet you can't even tell me you love me! To hell with you!"

She stalked to the door. "Don't even bother stopping me. I'm leaving soon. I don't want to see you EVER again. If we're walking down the same street pretend you don't know me."

        She left the next night. She'd manage to get her diploma and skip graduation. Arnold hadn't been himself since.

"Are you happy?"

"Do you regret it?"

She laughed. "I regret lots of things."

"Call him."

"No."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"I guess."

"How did you end up with him?"

"One night, a bottle of red wine and jazz music."

I laughed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm always a bit irrational when I'm mad."

"Call him."

"No."

"Call him."

"No."

"Do you even know where he's at?"

She chuckled softly. "Boston."

"Call him."

"Stop bothering me."

We reached her dorm room. "I have a class now. I'll see you around."

"Hey Helga!"

She turned around. "Yeah."

"Thanks for telling me."

"No big deal."

"Hey Helga?"

"Yeah."

"Call me later."

"Can do. Bye."

"Bye." 

---------------------------------*~*--------------------------------

A/N: Here it is. The next one is for 'The Review Guy.' Hopefully, I can get them out before or on Feb 1st. Comments always accepted, I'm @ CaramelDivaChyck@aol.com. I'm ~*Starry Nights*~