A Right Royal Mix-up

NO ANIMAL, VEGETABLE OR MINERAL HAS BEEN HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS FIC. (Although the English language has been horribly mutilated in places.)

Now I've got that out of my system, I'll introduce you to chapter 5. I've finally beaten the dreaded writer's block for chapter 6 of Tears of Flame, so I might not be able to update this story for a while cos I have to finish that. I promise that I'll update this weekend, if not sooner. Is that OK? (*cowers from mob armed with pitchforks and flaming torches*)

            I was checking my e-mail in IT this morning (my teacher is an incompetent fool) and I had gotten 24 reviews since last night! 24!!!! I was so happy I started clapping and dancing round the room, which made the rest of my class give me some very odd looks (my teacher didn't notice.) I don't know why, they should be used to my strange behaviour by now. But anyhooo, onto the point I am making, and that is I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Thank you so much for all your support in this story, and I hope this chapter is satisfactory…

Chapter 5

            They were escorted through a side door into a carpeted corridor with a number of doors leading to various offices. This was evidently the administrative wing of the palace.

            Lily and Ariadne were led into a spacious office that was rather spartanly furnished, except for the wealth of strange equipment. Lily saw several Dark Detectors, as well as other bits of seeming junk she couldn't put a name to.

            Henri seated himself behind the desk after indicating two comfortable chairs for the women. "I am sorry I had to coerce you into coming here," he began. "I can only hope you will forgive me after I explain the reasons for my behaviour. As you will learn, the matter is too delicate to be discussed in a public place."

            Both women were too fascinated to be angry. They merely looked at him expectantly and waited.

            "You've read about Princess Gabrielle's many escapades. Unfortunately, too many people have." His expression was austere for a moment before he forced himself to relax. "She is young and strong-willed. She doesn't stop to consider the consequences of her acts as a royal princess."

            "We already knew all that from Witch Weekly," Lily said curtly. "What I'm waiting to hear is, what any of this has to do with me."

            "King Claude thought it was time for Gabrielle to marry," Henri answered indirectly. "But she was never one to be dictated to."

            "So?" When he paused, Lily looked at Robert. "Maybe you can cut to the chase and tell me what's going on here."

            He shrugged. "Why not? Soon everybody will know, I'm afraid. The princess has vanished."

            Lily stared at him blankly. "I don't understand. What happened to her? You mean, she was kidnapped?"

            "No. She left to avoid becoming engaged."

            "She doesn't want to marry Prince James?" Ariadne asked incredulously. "That lady must be seriously disturbed!"

            "Unfortunately, King Claude gave her a direct order – always a mistake with Gabrielle. They had words and she stormed out of the palace. He thought she would sulk for a day or two and then return, but she has been missing for a week."

            "How can that be?" Lily asked. "She's one of the most photographed women in the world."

            "That's what puzzles us," Robert said. "I've had legions of people scouring all Europe for her, without success. It was worrisome enough in the beginning, but now we're running out of time. Prince James arrives with his entourage tomorrow evening."

            "I guess you'd better head him off," Lily said. "He's entitled to know that his bride-to-be is less than eager."

            "It's not that simple," Henri replied. "The marriage will form an alliance between the principalities of Beaumarre and Grandalia. Both royal houses are in accord. It would be an affront if Gabrielle were to reject the prince, especially in such an insulting manner."

            "I'll agree she could have thought of a more tactful way to back out, but the king can't make her get married if she doesn't want to."

            "Gabrielle doesn't know what she wants," Henri said irritably. "If her father had forbidden the union, she would have been begging James to elope. She will come to her senses and agree, but irreparable damage will have been done if the engagement announcement isn't made as scheduled. We can't have rumours starting. It would be a diplomatic nightmare."

            "Yes, I can see your problem," Lily said thoughtfully. "But there's one thing that puzzles me. You certainly don't want the story to get out, so why are you trusting two total strangers with your secret?"

            "Because I am hoping you will prove to be the solution. It came to me when I saw you sitting at that street-side café. I want you to take the princess's place until we can locate her."

            Lily's mouth literally dropped open. "You're not serious?"

            "Very much so, I assure you."

            "But that's crazy! Who would believe I was Gabrielle? Maybe a polyjuice potion…"

            "Not an option, I'm afraid, or I wouldn't need to put our fate into the hands of a British tourist. We simply don't have enough time to make one from scratch, and even if we could find one already made, we don't have Gabrielle's hair or anything. It would also be difficult for someone to take the potion regularly enough, and one slip would be fatal. No, I'm afraid you are our best chance."

            Ariadne stared at her critically. "You do resemble her a little bit, now that I think of it."

            "We both have green eyes," Lily said derisively. "Princess Gabrielle, me, and millions of other women. That's where the resemblance ends."

            "Not really," Robert said. "You're both about the same height and you both have the same…er…excellent figure. I'll admit I had some doubts at first, but if you changed the colour of your hair and wore it like the princess does, I think you could pass for her. At least, I hope you can," he muttered.

            "We'll never know, because I'm not going to do it," Lily stated flatly. "I don't want to become known as one of those weirdoes who try to pass themselves off as somebody famous. They always get found out and become objects of ridicule."

            "That would be even more of a disaster for us," Henri said. "Therefore, I have a proposition for you. Let our beauticians colour your hair and make up your face like Gabrielle's. If you're not satisfied that you look like her when they're finished, I'll be the first to admit it."

            "It would be nice to be vindicated, but I can't see spending an entire day of my holiday having my hair dyed."

            "I will make it worth your while. You can name your price – anything within reason. As you can see, I am a desperate man."

            "I wasn't asking for money," Lily said indignantly. "If I thought your plan had any chance of success I'd be willing to help out for free. I can sympathise with the spot you're in."

            "Then, in appreciation, let me offer you the hospitality of the palace. You and your friend will be given our finest suites, a car or fireplace will be at your disposal to take you wherever you wish to go, and tickets will be provided for any events you desire to attend."

            "Even if I'm not transformed into Gabrielle?" Lily asked slowly.

            Henri nodded. "That is correct."

            "And if you're satisfied that I can pass for her? What would I have to do?"

            "You will take part in the planned festivities along with Prince James. There will be private parties and public balls. A suitable wardrobe will be provided, which will be yours to keep when you leave here, naturally."

            "Wow! You can't lose," Ariadne told Lily.

            "That's a matter of opinion. Even if I turned into a dead ringer for the princess, how do you expect me to fool Prince James?" she asked Henri.

            "He and Gabrielle have never spent much time together. They haven't even seen each other in recent months."

            "Not exactly an impetuous courtship," Ariadne commented.

            "At least he won't be planning a heated reunion," Lily observed wryly.

            "Time is getting very short," Henri said. "If you agree to undertake this endeavour, we must start immediately."

            "I think there's something you've overlooked," Lily said. "The engagement is already generating a lot of publicity. If I appear at all these functions, Gabrielle will read about it, wherever she is. I don't think she'll be pleased to see somebody else stealing her limelight. What happens if she decides to come back?"

            "That would be the best-case scenario – something I'm ardently hoping for."

            "I don't think you're quite clear on the concept. What if she just shows up at one of these events and exposes me? It might appeal to her sense of the dramatic. How would you talk your way out of that one?"

            "Let us worry about the details." Henri stood, smiling for the first time. "Before I have someone show you to your suites, allow me to express my deepest gratitude. You are doing a great service to Beaumarre."

            "And not coming out of it too badly herself," Ariadne joked. "She's getting a handsome prince out of the deal."

            "Only temporarily." Robert smiled, showing the first sign of humour. "She can't keep him."

            "Oh, well. Nothing's perfect." Lily laughed.

            She was filled with a bubbling sense of excitement as the full import hit her for the first time. How many women got to live the life of a princess – even for a few days? There would be beautiful clothes, and glamorous parties. She might even get to borrow some of the fabulous jewellery Gabrielle was always pictured wearing.

            And then of course there was Prince James. He was the icing on the cake. Lily's pulse rate quickened when she pictured herself in his arms. Even if his courtship of Gabrielle had been rather tepid, they would have to seem loving for appearance's sake, if nothing else. She and James would also have to spend time together and act committed.

            Lily supposed she should feel guilty about acting romantic with someone else's fiancé, but she didn't. Gabrielle was a spoilt brat for throwing a tantrum and walking out so irresponsibly. She didn't deserve a fantastic man like James. Too bad he wasn't on the "available" list, but it would be a lot of fun pretending to be in love with him.

            Henri kept his promise handsomely. Lily and Ariadne were each given a suite that looked like something out of a period drama and was almost the size of their apartment at home.

            Lily's canopied bed had silken draperies flowing from a crown-shaped circlet attached to the ceiling. The linens were decorated with the Montrechet coat of arms, and the royal crest was repeated on a notepad beside the telephone. Against one wall was a huge, cream-coloured armoire hand decorated with a pastoral scene of shepherds and shepherdesses frolicking in a meadow filled with flowers.

            Lily opened the tall French windows and stepped out onto a balcony that overlooked the magnificent palace grounds. "Did you ever see anything like this?" she asked Ariadne, who after a brief glimpse of her own quarters had now come to inspect Lily's.

            "I could get used to this kind of living awfully fast."

            "How is your suite?"

"Let's just say they'll need at least seven Aurors to evict me." Ariadne grinned.

            "If this is one of the guest suites, I wonder what Gabrielle's quarters look like."

            "It sure beats our room at Madame Fouchard's, doesn't it?" Ariadne agreed.

            "I'm glad you thought of that. We'll have to go back for our things."

            "There's no hurry. Henri said he'd provide us with a complete wardrobe. "

            "I doubt if toothbrushes and underwear were included. We'd better go right away while Madame Fouchard still recognises me. Do you remember how to get back to Henri's office?"

            "No, and I don't think it would be a good idea to wander around alone," Ariadne said. "Nobody would ever believe us if we told them why we're here."

            "We couldn't tell them if we were asked. It's top secret."

            Ariadne went inside and flopped onto a down-filled couch, smiling beatifically. "Then I guess we'll just have to wallow in luxury until somebody remembers we're here."

             A knock came at the bedroom door a few minutes later. Robert had brought a crew to begin Lily's makeover. There was a beauty charm specialist named Alphonse, accompanied by Jeanne, a Muggle makeup artist. The group also included Madame Celeste, who had brought along her assistant and a dressmaker. Each eyed Lily like a lump of clay to be moulded to perfection.

            "I didn't know you intended to start so soon," she exclaimed. "Ariadne and I were planning to go and check out of our guesthouse."

            "There's no time for that," Robert said. "We have a lot to do in less than twenty-four hours."

            "You don't have to go with me, Lily," Ariadne told her. "I'll pack up your things."

            "That won't be necessary," Robert said. "I'll send somebody to take care of it for you. If there's anyplace you'd like to go, a car and driver are at your disposal."

            "Wow!" Ariadne exclaimed. "I think I got the best part of this deal."

            "Wait until Prince James arrives." Lily grinned.

            "We must get started," Robert said. "Just write a note of authorisation to release your possessions."

            While Ariadne went to look for a sheet of paper in the exquisite eighteenth-century writing desk in the living room, the makeover crew surrounded Lily.

            "Don't bother to hurry back," she told Ariadne when her friend returned with the note. "This will probably take some time and there's no reason for you to sit around doing nothing."

            "Okay, I'll come back for the grand unveiling."

            For the rest of the day people fussed over Lily. First her measurements were taken and Celeste conferred with her two helpers without bothering to ask for Lily's input.

            When they left, the real work began. A variety of tinting charms were used on Lily's hair before the desired shade was achieved. It was a long, boring process.

            "I'll bet I'm going through all this for nothing," she complained. "When you get finished I'll still look like me, only with darker hair."

            The two beauty operators were too intent to answer her. While Alphonse styled her hair, Jeanne worked on Lily's face like an artist painting a canvas. She used a variety of brushes and a seemingly endless amount of cosmetics. Lily wanted to watch what she was doing but Jeanne was blocking her view in the mirror.

             Robert and Henri arrived while Alphonse was combing out Lily's hair. "Are you almost finished?" Henri asked anxiously. "How does she look?"

            "You can see for yourself in just a moment," Alphonse said, moving a strand of hair a fraction of an inch before spraying it lightly.

            Jeanne applied a last slick of gloss to Lily's mouth, then stepped back to view her work. The three men stared at Lily in dead silence.

            "What?" she asked, slightly alarmed by the incredulous look on all their faces. Her eyes widened as she turned around to look in the mirror. "Good grief! What have you done to me?"

            The face that looked back at her wasn't her own. Her long lashes had been lengthened even more with mascara, her lips were full and pouting now, and the long, glamorous hair that cascaded around her shoulders was a deep coppery brown that shimmered in the light.

            "Do you still have doubts?" Henri asked Robert with satisfaction.

            "I would not have believed it," the other man breathed. "She is the Princess Gabrielle."

            "Our problems are solved." Henri beamed.

            Lily gazed soberly at the glamorous stranger in the mirror. "I only hope mine aren't just beginning," she muttered.

            Remus spent a sleepless night waiting for James to return – and hoping it wasn't a vain expectation. Had he really driven all the way to Bienville in order to make himself even more miserable? It was just the sort of thing James would do, given the black mood he was in. Would he return, though? That was the big question. As the hours passed and dawn approached, Remus started to worry about what to tell the king.

            The sun was rising in the sky when the prince finally put in an appearance. Remus hid his concern and pretended it was what he'd expected all along.

            "Did you have a good time last night?" he asked casually.

            "Surprisingly enough, I did." James's eyes softened as he remembered Angelique's lovely, natural beauty.

            "I knew it would do you good to get out among people. What did you do all night? Anything you can talk about?" Remus grinned.

            "It was nothing like that. The evening was strictly G-rated. I met the kind of girl I'd like to marry."

            Remus's eyebrows rose. "After playing the field all these years, you fell in love in just a few hours?"

            "That would be ironic, wouldn't it?"

            Remus shot a glance at him. "It would be unfortunate, to say the least."

            "Don't panic, nothing happened. I merely said she was the kind of girl I'd like to marry." James's face hardened. "Someone sweet and generous – as different from Gabrielle as possible."

            "Anybody would have looked good to you at this point. She probably wasn't as special as you think."

            "You wouldn't say that if you had spent as much time with her as I did." James's reminiscent smile faded. "But you needn't worry. I don't have the luxury of getting to know her better. I have an obligation to produce an heir."

            "Most men would consider that a privilege. You'll have to admit Gabrielle is very beautiful."

            "Until you get to know her." James scowled. "She has all the appeal of a rabid polar bear. I realise that I have an obligation to my country, but our children might have to be conceived by artificial insemination."

Did you like it? Next chapter – James's arrival…

Go on… be a waffle mouse!

Here are my thank-yous for all you lovely people who review this story…

A great big hug and a banana cheesecake to:

amelie

lover of the Dragon

Ohepelss Oramtnci

Lils – Yes, Sirius is going to be in this story, but he's only got a small part (he was mentioned in chapter 1, if you'll remember) I thought about using him instead of Remus as James's equerry, but Remus just seemed to fit the part better. Sorry, all you Sirius-lovers out there!

kiki

Jaina

Xela

crimsonthread – I hope this answered your question. Lily didn't look like the princess – yet. She only had a resemblance… And I answered your question about Sirius above, I hope.

KV

btownbabe

Sarah

old-soul

Mystic Queen

Lily-White

raven-gal2002

chandlerscheesecake

goodshiplollipop

lilliana

Atlantis Forester

jujubee

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mooncancer

Malkavian Kirie Croiff

Taika

lilygurl88  Sorry, I didn't email until today! A rough guide is that I'll update this story every day or two (if you're lucky!) I'm not usually that fast, as you can see from Tears of Flame, but this story's just such fun to write, and I haven't been struck by writer's block yet (touch wood!)

surferbunny77

buggy-such

Sassy Chica

Shree

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Mistress del Mare

Coeur de Lion

someone

Plush Appeal

Quinn

phoenixdreams

mysticpixie – I live to please! Being unpredictable is my favourite hobby (I once did a handstand in the middle of my English lesson to prove it!)

1000 house points and a hot air balloon to Lily-White, Lils, lover of the Dragon and Xela, cos they reviewed every chapter!!! Thanks so much for your support!

A purple llama, a kazoo and several jelly babies to Wolfgrrl, goodshiplollipop, Surely Sagittarian, Sassy Chica and Ekkypoo, for putting my on their favourite author page! I'm so touched! (*sobs uncontrollably*) Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! (I want to thank my parents, and my agent, and my manager, and my dog Bruno, and…)

And finally (*everyone breathes a sigh of relief*) thanks to anyone and everyone who put this on their favourite story page! I haven't figured out how to find your names, so I'm sorry you didn't get a personal mention, but thanks anyway!

Flatulations of the season!

(love Marva the Magic Mongoose)