Chapter 2 – Challenge what the future holds

Jess' POV

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with Gilmore Girls, any book or author references, or this song (which should be in bold italics, depending on whether the bold and italics are working this time or not). The song belongs to Des'ree. I also used some of the lines from "I can't get started" in the flashback.

A/N: I actually heard this song on a commercial, and thought it would work for this. I know this isn't my best chapter, sorry, but I wanted to continue this and I couldn't think of anything else. Sorry that Jess is sort of out of character in this chapter too. It will get better, I think! I do know what's going to happen next chapter though! Dean's going to be in it, but don't worry, he and Rory aren't getting back together. If anyone has any ideas for songs that would work for this, please tell me! FYI, this is like Rory's POV was; present tense, but in some parts he's thinking about the past. The non-bold italics at the beginning are a flashback. Hope you like this, and please review! Thanks to everyone who reviewed; you're the reason I'm continuing this!  ~Arianna

Rory left after a while. I was having trouble believing this. Rory wanted me, not Dean. I'd been dreaming about this. Still…I couldn't figure out why. I know it's hypocritical—I hate Dean, yet I don't now why Rory wouldn't want him… I guess what I'm really thinking is why would she want me? I used to be a real screw-up. I guess I've gotten better since I came to Stars Hollow.

Listen as your day unfolds

Challenge what the future holds

Try and keep your head up to the sky

It really hurt a lot—I was standing there, and Rory saw me, and I'm never going to forget what happened next.

"What are you doing here?" she said.

"Hello to you too," I answered.

"Is everything okay?" It was nice that she wanted to know.

"You look nice," I said to her. She did; she looked great.

"Thank you. What are you doing here?"

"I moved back," I stated.

"What?" she said.

"I moved back," I repeated.

"But—what—why?" Rory exclaimed. Because I missed you, I thought. Because, after you came to New York, I thought you missed me. I couldn't say that. I was hoping she'd be glad I was back.

"Just wanted to," I told her. And then she was kissing me and I kissed her back, moving closer. And she pulled away.

"Oh my God, oh my God," she said, leaving. Leaving me wanting to run after her, leaving me hurt. "Oh, welcome home!" I was glad she thought I was 'home.' But I felt like my heart was breaking.

It was good for a while, but awful…

Lovers, they may cause you tears

Go ahead, release your fears

Stand up and be counted

Don't be ashamed to cry.

I kept hoping, after she left, that I'd get a letter from her. But I didn't. And I'm not the kind of guy who just thinks they must have gotten lost in the mail or something. (A/N- this is NOT meant to be something bad about Dean; it's just emphasizing Jess' personality, etc.) So maybe she wasn't happy I'd come back. Now I think she maybe was upset because she was realizing that it wasn't the same with her and Dean anymore.

After she came to see me in New York, I was constantly thinking about going back to Stars Hollow. I didn't want to get back to what I used to be like, when I lived in New York.

You got to be bad, you got to be bold, you got to be wiser

You got to be hard, you got to be tough, you got to be stronger

You got to be cool, you got to be calm, you got to stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day.

I am really glad Rory came into the diner, really glad she talked to me. Really glad, even if we aren't exactly together now, we're gonna be. Rory kissed me, and she told me she wasn't sorry.

She's lucky. She grew up here, in Stars Hollow. Her mom is her best friend; she got to talk to her dad. I might be different than I used to be, but I'll never be like that. It's just not me. But I could have been more like that. I guess I will try, sort of, for Rory.

Herald what your mother said

Read the books your father read

Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time

We're not really that different. She's the only person I know who likes to read as much as I do. I think we're more alike than she and Dean are. Maybe that's why she kissed me. Maybe that's why she wants me, now. She's realized it. Maybe.

Everyone in this town hates me. And I know that has a lot to do with the crash. I know it was my fault, even if Rory refuses to say so. She's just like that; she wouldn't blame someone for something like that unless she hated them. It wasn't her fault at all. But I made sure she was okay. I would have done anything not to hurt her. I wish it had been me. I think Luke sort of knows that. Lorelai doesn't. That could be a problem…

Some may have more cash than you

Others take a different view

My oh my, yeah

I have to think. What's more important—Rory, or the image I've put up around here? I know, from New York—I'm not actually as bad as I pretend I am. I don't want Rory to know what a screw-up I used to be. I don't want her to think I am a screw-up.

You got to be bad, you got to be bold, you got to be wiser

You got to be hard, you got to be tough, you got to be stronger

You got to be cool, you got to be calm, you got to stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day.

After Rory running away, not writing… I was upset. I'd come back for her and she didn't want me. I wanted things to stop. I was tired of everything. Except reading. When she came in and asked if we could talk, I was really tired of it. Of her letting me hope, letting me think something was going to happen, and then breaking my heart. At least I listened. I've never liked anyone the way I like Rory, and if I did something wrong, I couldn't get over it. And when she kissed me and told me she wasn't going to run away, I forgot all of that. It was possibly the best moment of my life. Maybe I shouldn't have waited so long…to tell her, or show her, that I liked her. Really liked her.

Time asks no questions, it goes on without you

Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace

The world keeps on spinning

Can't stop it if you tried to

The best part is danger staring you in the face.

[next day]

I was cleaning the counter when I saw Rory out the window of the diner. I grinned and went outside quickly.

"Hey."

"Hey."

I was going to kiss her, but I remembered that she hadn't talked to Dean yet. She understood and said, "It's okay, Jess. I…talked to him."

"And you're okay?" She nodded, so I leaned over and kissed her. When I straightened, she was smiling. I could feel everyone in the diner watching us, and I decided that however hard this was going to be, it was going to happen. Me and Rory…wow.

And then listen as your day unfolds

Challenge what the future holds

Try and keep your head up to the sky

Then I saw Dean walk by. Rory looked at him for a second, then turned back to me.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"Oh…it was all right…I just told him…"

"That you kissed me?"

She looked away. "That I thought we should break up."

"Uh huh."

"He was upset, yelled, I went home, I cried, I'm fine now," Rory said. I put my arms around her waist and held her, looking straight into her eyes.

Lovers, they may cause you tears

Go ahead, release your fears

My oh my, yeah

"Why didn't you tell him?" I said at last. "That you kissed me." Were you scared? Did you think it was wrong? Do you not want to tell anybody, and why….?

"I didn't want to hurt him," she replied.

"And telling him you should break up wouldn't hurt him?"

"Jess, don't do this!"

"I wanna know why."

"Jess…" She reached out and held my hands. "You know, we can talk. About books, and music and stuff. And if I call you Dodger, you understand. And…I can't really do that with Dean. Not the same way."

"Yeah." I kissed her again. Rory grinned, and so did I. "I guess I can't steal the bridge money anymore."

"It's probably not a good idea."

"Okay."

Rory kissed me quickly.

"Hey, want some coffee?" I asked.

"Yeah. Of course. Thanks, Jess."

You got to be bad, you got to be bold, you got to be wiser

You got to be hard, you got to be tough, you got to be stronger

You got to be cool, you got to be calm, you got to stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day.

Yeah, yeah yeah.

I think the reason I said that, about Rory not telling Dean she'd kissed me, was that I was scared Rory wouldn't care about me anymore. I'd been through a lot, wondering… She came; she kissed me when I'd given up.

I had stolen the bridge money, taken lettuce from Doose's market, drawn the chalk outline (and accidentally gotten almost everyone in Stars Hollow mad at Luke), because I wanted Rory and I couldn't have her, because she had a boyfriend. And I didn't know what to do, so I went back to being the guy I'd been before I came to Connecticut. And now I don't have a reason to do that anymore. I never really did, I guess. Now…I have what I wanted. And I know Rory cares about me, Jess Mariano.

Got to be bold

Got to be bad

Got to be wise

Do what others say

Got to be hard

Not too hard

All I know is love will save the day.

I put my arm around Rory and we walked into the diner. She sat down, and I went behind the counter to get the coffee. Then I sat next to her, and we started talking. About books, as usual.

You got to be bad, you got to be bold, you got to be wiser

You got to be hard, you got to be tough, you got to be stronger

You got to be cool, you got to be calm, you got to stay together…