Lily's Box

Disclaimer: If you still think they're mine, see a shrink. They aren't (if they were, I'd have killed Pettigrew off in PoA and wouldn't have killed off *certain other people* - ahem). And since it was written before OotP came out, I haven't included references to that. So perhaps this could be massively improved (although I don't think Severus would choose to let Harry see THAT scene from the Pensieve, as it would be far too painful for him).

A/N 1: Thankyou to Kittenmommy for diligently reviewing every chapter so far and for being a really cool person as well –and especially for being a cat-lover ; ). Much appreciated. Also thanks to Sinical-Sarchasm for reviewing all 3 chapters! Also thanks to arimel for reviewing! As I said when I e-mailed you, I don't view this as my best work. I know it's inconsistent; my excuse is that I wrote it while I was doing my A-Level final exams – perhaps not advisable, but I needed to write *something*.

A/N 2: Well, here it is. The final installment of Lily's Box. And I'm using the Muggle grading system here; I can't be bothered to change it to suit OotP. Ditto for other details. Not now. It's too much hassle and I can be lazy like that. So there. Flames will be collected and used to toast marshmallows.

A/N 3: Check out our favourite hobbit (ie. Elijah Wood) in Forever Young (1992) – he's about 9 and VERY sweet. And he sings, 'You Are My Sunshine'.

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Chapter 4: James, and Conclusions

They were still in the hospital wing, though it was clearly a different day, as Lily was now wearing jeans and a green sweater instead of school uniform, and no robes. Severus was clad all in black and was perched on the edge of his bed.

"Why the hell aren't you doing anything?" Lily demanded, stamping her foot to emphasise her point.

"Miss Evans, calm down!" Madam Pomfrey snapped, putting her hands on Lily's shoulders in an attempt to calm her down.

"No I won't!" Lily retorted, angrily pulling away. Her eyes were burning, her face flushed. "My best friend is being abused at home and you refuse to do anything! If he was a Muggle he'd be taken into Care and his parents sent to prison!"

"He's not a Muggle, though."

"You have to do something!"

"His father is a very influential man."

"His father's a bloody alcoholic who rapes his own child!" Lily screamed. Severus flinched, and so did his future self.

"MISS EVANS! You're hysterical. Calm yourself or I'll be forced to give you a sedative."

"I WON'T CALM DOWN UNTIL YOU AGREE TO DO SOMETHING TO PROTECT HIM!"

"Forget it, Lily," Severus interrupted wearily. "She doesn't want to know. There's no point bothering any more. I'll manage."

"But Sever –"

"Forget it." Severus stalked out of the room, ignoring Lily.

Lily glared one last time at Pomfrey. "I hope you can live with yourself, knowing you've completely and utterly destroyed someone!" she hissed furiously before storming out on the heels of her friend. She found Severus quickly and put her arms around him, drawing him into a hug. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Severus buried his face in her shoulder. "'S okay. You tried."

"Not hard enough. I have to make them see. I have to! I'll come and rescue you myself if I have to!"

"I wouldn't; my father would Avada Kedavra you on the spot."

"He'd what?"

"Avada Kedavra. The Killing Curse. It's the last of the Unforgivables. Automatic life sentence in Azkaban for its use. If you're hit by it, you're dead immediately. No time to react."

"Why? Because I'm Muggle-born?"

Severus nodded, crying too hard to be able to speak now. Lily gently comforted him, holding him tightly.

"She doesn't give up," Hermione observed wryly.

"Never. You didn't want to get on her bad side. Lucius Malfoy got a slap from her in her second year. Never upset her again," Snape replied.

Hermione went pink, recalling a similar incident in her third year, when she had slapped Lucius' son, Draco, who was in the same year as her and Harry. Harry smiled, knowing what she was thinking. Neither could laugh, though; Severus was far too unhappy for that.

"Did – did anyone ever listen to her?" asked Hermione hesitantly.

"No. Never. My parents died a few days before the end of my final year." Snape's tone was abrupt, cold. "Lily tried her hardest. She fought as hard as she could, but the authorities weren't interested. 'Just that loner from Slytherin', according to Professor Berry – Arithmancy teacher before Vector," he explained upon seeing the two students' puzzled expressions. He smiled sadly.

"What about Dumbledore?" Harry asked.

Snape snorted derisively. "He's ex-Gryffindor, Potter. Much as I love and respect him now, he still didn't help me then. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for that. At least Lily did her best. Gryffindors are indoctrinated with anti-Slytherin thoughts from Day One. I'm not expecting it to change. Lily was just an individual, and she wasn't open about our friendship – mainly because I didn't want her to be."

"The others are all in Hogsmeade, Severus," Lily said gently. "Shall we go down to the lake now?"

Severus nodded, pulling away and wiping his eyes. "Okay."

The trio watched Lily lead him away from the hospital wing and down to the lake.

"Fifth year was basically studying for the OWLs," Snape informed them tightly. Harry suspected he was hiding something from them, but if he didn't want to show them, it wasn't any of their business. "Sixth year?"

"Okay," Harry agreed. Moments later they were in the library. Both Severus and Lily looked considerably older. Severus looked thinner and paler than in fourth year and there was a white bandage around his left arm, which was partially exposed.

"Rosier's cauldron exploded the previous day in Potions," Snape explained. "He should be in the hospital wing for several more days, if my memory serves me correctly. I was next to him. That's how I got burned. Incompetent idiot."

Lily was explaining the Transfiguration work to Severus. "Do you get it?"

"Sort of. I don't get why McGonagall only gave me a B, though."

"You didn't explain this part of the process in enough detail," replied Lily, pointing to one of the paragraphs in his essay.

"That pretty much sums up sixth year," Snape said. "Work, work, work."

"What about seventh year?" Harry asked, suddenly feeling nervous when Snape tensed.

"Even more work. I didn't see her as much in our final year. Here's why." He set the dial…

It was Valentine's Day, 1978. Red and pink hearts adorned the corridors. Lily and Severus were in what the two students with Snape recognised as the Charms classroom.

"So what's so urgent, Lily?" Severus asked. He looked much like his contemporary self, the one Harry and Hermione knew, although there were a few less worry lines creasing his face.

Lily's face was glowing, her emerald eyes sparkling. "James asked me to marry him!" she exclaimed.

"I take it you accepted?" Severus' tone was cool and he didn't look at Lily. He also couldn't mask the bitterness, hurt and betrayal in his voice.

"Of course! I love him, Severus!"

"So you've forgotten that he is one of the boys who has made my life ell* for the last seven years? That you've been standing me up and cancelling our study sessions for him? Or don't you care?"

"That's not fair!"

Severus turned away. "Isn't it?"

"No. You can't choose who you fall in love with, Severus. I love James and he loves me. End of story. Anyway, we can still meet up and so on."

"We can? I won't be welcome at the wedding."

"But I want you there! You're my friend! My best friend. I'll make James invite you."

"Don't bother. Even if he doesn't do anything, Black will. Those two are inseparable."

"Severus, don't be like this."

"Like what?" He whirled round to face her, obsidian eyes blazing with pure rage. "Just who the hell do you think you are, Lily Evans? You're just like all the other Gryffindors – shallow, two-faced, hypocritical, arrogant –"

"Stop it!" Lily grabbed his wrists, emerald eyes pleading.

"Get off me!" Severus tore his arms from her grasp, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. "I don't need this. I suppose I'll see you around." He stalked out of the room, not looking back. He hadn't even rounded the corner when he collapsed to the floor, crying his heart out.

Inside the Charms classroom, Lily was also crying, though hers were tears of frustration and anger.

Snape turned to Harry and Hermione. "We only spoke once after that, on the night before we left for good." He set the dial and activated it once again. They were outside, by the lake. Lily was approaching Severus, who was alone on a rock, gazing out across the water. "Hi," she said nervously.

Severus didn't turn round. "What do you want?" he demanded harshly.

"I don't want to leave with things the way they are between us," said Lily softly. She sat down beside him but he moved away. "I want to clear things up."

"You already made it clear," Severus retorted. "Crystal clear. You're going to marry Potter and have loads of little Potters. Everyone's going to love you both. I'll be shunned and hated whatever I do, and I'll probably die before I reach twenty-five." His voice was devoid of any emotion.

"Severus…"

"Don't, Lily," he ordered harshly. "Just don't."

"So what are you going to do? James, Sirius and I are all going to train as Aurors."

Severus shrugged. "Potions research of some sort. Probably medical."

"Sounds interesting."

He stood. "Goodbye, Lily. Don't bother staying in touch." He turned and strode up to the castle, never looking back at Lily, who gazed after him, hurt and confused.

Snape turned to the two teenagers. "Now you know why I loathe February 14th so much. Valentine's Day was the day I decided to follow Lucius. To become a Death Eater. Lily was 'just another Mudblood' to me after that. I didn't care about anything or anyone, including myself. I'd cut about fifty times each night. I was a permanent insomniac. I don't really remember much about the next two years. I learned that Lily had had a baby – you, Harry – through the Announcements section of the Prophet. I made another suicide attempt when I was nineteen but the St. Mungo's staff couldn't be bothered to help me because of my record. I murdered Muggles and Mudbloods – sorry, Hermione – without a second thought, simply because I just didn't care. Lily destroyed me. I still love her for helping me so much – she and Potter only went into hiding under the Fidelius Charm because of information I gave to Dumbledore – but I hate her for seventh year. She'd abandoned me for James Potter. That was how it felt. Still does, if I'm honest."

"But you were redeemed," said Hermione softly.

Snape shrugged. "Maybe. But I'm still a murderer and always will be. I'm still self-harming. I'm still an insomniac, which is why I prowl the halls at night. I'm still bitter, and cynical, and jaded. I still hate myself. I still have suicidal tendencies. I still don't look after myself properly." He placed the dial chain around their necks, took their hands and murmured a spell Hermione knew would take them back to their normal time.

Hermione sat down on the floor and Harry leaned against her bed, polishing his glasses. "I'm sorry, Professor," he said quietly.

Snape shrugged, blinking back tears. "What's there to be sorry for? You didn't do any of that."

Hermione gave him a tissue. "I'm sorry it happened. Anyway, you couldn't expect her to be perfect," she reasoned.

"It was the way she delivered the news," explained Snape. "All sudden and abrupt, like I was supposed to jump for joy at the news that my best friend – my only friend – was engaged to one of the boys that had bullied me so badly throughout my seven years at school. That was why I felt so betrayed. I'd trusted her with everything; how could I be sure she wasn't going to tell Potter? I don't trust people."

"You're trusting us," Hermione pointed out, "and you must trust Dumbledore."

"Not much. And as for you two – you'd already discovered my biggest, darkest secrets without me knowing. There wasn't really any point keeping silent because you knew it all anyway."

"You can trust us," said Hermione earnestly.

"I'm not having Weasley knowing."

"We won't tell him, will we, Harry?"

"No. Definitely not."

Snape gave them a small smile. "You know, Remus Lupin's going to be teaching again in September. Keep it quiet, though. He doesn't want the whole school to know just yet, and if you tell someone like Finnigan, the whole school will know by this time tomorrow. It's the least I owe him. I forced him to resign, leaving the way open for Crouch to come sauntering in."

"He'd've got in anyway," Hermione disagreed.

"Do you blame yourself for Voldemort's return, Potter?" Snape asked softly.

"Kind of," Harry admitted.

"Don't. Because it's my fault. I got Lupin to resign, even though he personally did very little to me. If he hadn't gone, Voldemort wouldn't have come back."

"And what about Wormtail?" demanded Hermione sharply. "Apparate into the Forbidden Forest or Hogsmeade, transform into his rat shape, sneak into Hogwarts, tamper with the Triwizard Cup and there you have it. Not your fault at all, Professor."

"Perhaps, Miss Granger."

"Professor?"

"Yes, Potter?"

Harry took a deep breath. "Thankyou. For showing us everything. It – it must have been really hard for you."

"It was."

"We do appreciate it. Thankyou."

"You're welcome."

"Please look after yourself," Hermione pleaded.

Snape sighed heavily, sadly. "I can't make promises I don't think I'll keep. But thankyou anyway. I'll see you at school." With that, he Disapparated with a faint 'pop'.

"I don't hate him anymore," Harry confessed.

"Neither do I," said Hermione. "I want to help him if I can."

"Me too," agreed Harry. "Shall – shall we leave the box for another day?"

"Yes, let's. I think Mum and Dad are ready to continue Monopoly from where we left off last night."

THE END

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