Insanity on the Set, Please by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: Curses, Love Hina isn't mine. Does anyone know Akamatsu's fax number?

Note: It's been hard for me to write, since I heard the news that Bob Hope died. But fortunetly I managed to scrape off a sort of out-of-plot chapter. Pretty much random, but then again how could stories be good without a bit of randomness? You see my point, right? You don't? THEN GET OUTTA HERE!!.....*clears throat* Anyway, here's a nice chapter that starts with the film, and ends with disaster. Enjoy!

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Chapter 6: The Evil Fortress..and Sarah

Lord Talon stood in front of the evil fortress (in truth the Hinata), with thunder and flashes of lightning surrounding him. The sky was eerily dark and Talon could sense evil clinging to the dead air. He un-sheathed his word and sounded his battle cry (sounding distinctly like how an elephant reacts to a mouse) and charged up the steps of the Evil Lancelot Fortress. He crashed thorugh the two large doors and stopped to find the main room empty and suspiciously quiet. The floors beneath him creaked with every alerted step he took. He sniffed the air, and to his surprise caught a familiar scent.

Bananas.

He quickly moved toward the large stairway and began to run up the stairs. But he was caught by surprise when a small figure slid down the railing, smashed into Talon, and sent him tumbling down the stairs and painfully landing on the floor.

Slowly Talon rose to his knees before yelling, "CUT!!!"

The lights turned on, the camera stopped rolling, and Keitaro grew annoyed.

"What do you mean cut? That was a perfect scene!"

Talon rubbed the backside of his head, "I demand a stunt double! At least you can live with Su's attacks, even with my powers it's hard for me to avoid them!"

"Oh, what are you crying about?" Su said with her same goofy smile, "I don't even hit Keitaro that hard!" With a nod she bounded of toward he kitchen, where she knew Lance would be. And wherever Lance was, Sarah was right behind him.

"In any case we can't have it happen," said Keitaro, "Su would leave from the ilm, and you know Sarah would leave too, even though she's still very fixated on Lance."

Talon cursed under his breath, "I'll have to find a way to stop it, then..."

"FOR GOD'S SAKE PLEASE DO!!!"

Lance screamed in horror as he bolted across the room and up the stairs, being closely followed by Sarah with hearts in her eyes.

"Wait Lance! I want to be barricaded in your room with you!!"

After a few seconds of blank looks and silence, Talon sprouted a smirk, "Well, since I have his permission..."

***

He was almost out of breath as he turned the corner and bolted across the hall. Sarah was gaining on him, and she showed no sign of slowing down. Su was right after her, thinking of this chase as a fun one. But we all knew that,...right?

"Wait Sarah! I'll use my Mecha Tama Mark 5 to fish him out!" Su took out a joystick and pressed a large red button. From beneath Lance's running feet, the floor cracked and fell beneath him and he fell hard on his butt on the hot springs rocks below him. Swirly eyed he couldn't make out a floating, shadowy figure hovering above him. But when he came to, he gasped and screamed in utter horror.

"WAAAAHHHHHH, MECHA TAMAAAA!!!!!!"

The medium-sized turtle machine gaped open it's mouth and shot out a huge fireball toward him. Lance barely dodged it, and ran for his miserable life in circles around the hot springs area. Su laughed quite evily and continued controlling the turtle from hell to torment the poor young American.

"SU! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!" Lance pleaded, dodging another fire blast.

Su just kept laughing and sending more fire blasts at Lance. He ran for cover inside the Hinata again, this time noticing a door wide open with no light inside. Thinking it as a perfect hiding spot, Lance went inside and locked the door behind him. He tried to make out the contents of the room, but it was too dark to tell.

"Hmm, I don't think I've ever been in this room before." he said to himself in wonder. He tried feeling his way around the room, holding out his arm to see what object his hand could make out first. The first thing he touched was a light switch. Reluctantly he flipped it on, and gasped in horror and shock.

"Oh my god....how did I get in here?!?!?!"

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Talon searched Lance's room to see if he barricaded himself in there from Sarah, but he found the place empty. Slightly surprised, he wondered where he could be. Just then he heard a scream from across the Hinata as if it came from right next to him.

"WAAAAHHHHHH, MECHA TAMAAAA!!!!!!"

"Oh no, Su's at it again." Talon clenched his teeth and hoped Lance was still alive. He ran down the long halls and finally stopped at a balcony above the hot springs area. He looked down from where the cry came from, but only found Su on top of her Mecha Tama 5 zooming above the steaming waters.

"Apparently she's looking for Lance, too." Talon thought aloud. He ran downstairs and opened the door to the womens hot springs, but saw that Su and Mecha Tama 5 was gone. He sighed and hung his head. "Where could he be?" Just then his answer screamed into his cringing ear.

"NOOO! SOMEONE HELP MEEE!!!"

Talon perked his ears up and sensed the trace of the scream comming from....."Oh my god....Lance!" Talon ran back into the Hinata and down a few doors until he smashed himself through one and gasped.

It was Sarah's room, and Lance was trapped in her arms with the site of a nightmare on his face. The room was filled with old posters of American boy bands like N' Sync and Backstreet Boys that made Talon cringe. Lance tried his best to pry Sarah off of him and looked pitifully at Talon.

"You gotta help me dude," he pleaded, "I can't get her off of me!!"

Talon nodded and took hold of Sarah from behind, and with all his might he managed to seperate the two, all of them crashing to the floor. After a few minutes of swirly eyes and groans of pain, Talon grabbed Lance's arm and together they escaped the accursed room of the Sarah.

"You know," said Lance as they ran for safety, "I'm shocked Keitaro never made her room an evil fortress like it really is."

"I'm shocked too, Lance.....I'm shocked too."

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Don't whine and cry to me about not having and plot points on this chapter now, it started with a little bit of film but, naturally, came to a "smashing" end, heh heh....

Anyway, I just found a way to clear up the Sarah/Lance thing and I stuck with it. If you thought Kentaro was horrible enough......stay tuned for the next installment!

NEXT TIME: The final scenes are being shot and the tenants can't wait until they finish! Will Keitaro win the assignment over and be able to have a better shot of getting into Tokyo U? We all find out,...after we eat Shinobu's dinner!