IN HIS EYES By Sakura-dani

Disclaimer: Okay I shall say this right here and now-I do not own any of the CCS chara's CLAMP © are the wonderful people that do :D

A/N: Hey there guys ^_^ I'm back again =) This chappie is gonna be a sad one :'( and on a few occasions just warning you that there may be a few swear words in this one as well, who wouldn't be mad and couldn't swear at the same time? Well maybe some have that rare gift but I usually find that when people get extremely mad they tend to lose their cool and swear ^^o R+R plz thanks! ^-^

Chapter sixteen-Confusion

Friday morning-day 3, three more days to go

~Syaoran's POV~

There was an abrupt knock on Syaoran's bedroom door. He finished doing up his shoelace and then sat quite still on his bed waiting for the person to enter his room. The door slowly opened and Yelan entered wearing a beige kimono and with a pair of chops sticks in her hair.

'Syaoran good morning my son,' she smiled glancing at him in his school uniform. 'I see you're feeling much better this morning? Well enough to return to school?'

Syaoran shifted uncomfortably and nodded with a grimace.

'But Syaoran I am really concerned for you.yesterday what happened? Sakura left so soon.so quickly without a good-bye, and I know she is not usually one that would do that. What happened? Yelan pushed the subject. If she knew her son well she knew he would do his best to drop this topic immediately.

Syaoran sighed and gave a slow nod. 'I-I must get ready for school now..' He shoved past her and rummaged through his drawer avoiding Yelan's surveying eyes. Yelan couldn't quite see what Syaoran had grabbed but whatever he had grabbed was shiny and thin, he hastily shoved it into his school pocket and then grabbed his bag and left his room without saying anything to his mother.

'What have you got there Syaoran?' Yelan muttered incoherently to herself.

*

After going his separate way with Meiling, he made his usual journey to his locker. He had his hand in his left pocket; he clasped his hand over the sharp object. He still didn't know what to do yet.. just not yet. He stroked the pocketknife delicately and sighed. He wondered if his mother had seen him grab the knife? He had done his best to hide it from view.

What hurt Syaoran the most was when he saw her-Sakura standing by her locker looking anything but happy. She looked at him, there eyes gazing into one another's. It hurt him so much to see that her eyes told him that she was sad and hurt and sorry all at once. If she could read his eyes his would be saying he was thoroughly depressed, lonely, sorry and full of angst. Sakura blinked and then turned looking the other way, she looked like the tiniest thing could cause her to cry right then. He closed his eyes and continued his way over to his locker; his hand remained clamped over the pocketknife. He hated to see Takashi and Ryo standing in an area that was pretty close to his locker. He wanted to turn around and leave but they saw him and waved their hands telling him to come over. He reluctantly made his way over to them

'Li-three more days to go! You her friend yet?' Takashi asked immediately.

Syaoran glowered severely, feeling the most loathing he had felt in a while. Syaoran grabbed him by the collar once more and rammed him good and hard against the locker (he thinks he may have dented it slightly).

'Look Yamazaki shut the fuck up! I can't take your crap anymore! If you give me a bet that hurts me then at least back off and let me try you know?! But no you have to rub it in! You have to gloat that I may be failing! So what if I do? I honestly don't care anymore! In fact I drop it!'

Takashi blinked, this was the first time Syaoran had sworn at him and looked so angry.

'Heh heh Syaoran you can't drop it! You know the usual conditions if anyone ever drops out of the bet? They pay double the fee.. and in this case I'll make it triple. And besides you only have three more days, if you want to lose then lose on the day!'

'That's bullshit! Triple!? Fine I am going to lose it on the last day and I'll lose it with pride, because I've had it up to here,' Syaoran raised his hand over his head, 'with this crap about a measly bet! Good-bye asshole!' Syaoran let go of Takashi, ignored Ryo's soundless gaping mouth and walked a little further down and stopped in front of his locker.

He grabbed his stuff and headed for his first lesson feeling angry ever still.

*

At recess he sat alone behind the big tree. He sighed and felt in his pocket for the knife. He glanced around and saw that no one was around. He pulled out the knife and pulled out the blade of the knife. The sun reflected off of it causing it to shine brightly in the sun's rays. He prodded the point of the blade again his wrist slightly, not near his vein though.

'Ouch!' he cringed in pain watching a small amount of blood rise to the surface of his broken skin. He now knew that this would indeed be very painful to do to himself. But what was a little pain to an end of eternal suffering? Syaoran slashed at the trunk of tree in frustration. The blood trickled down his wrist and seeped into his sleeve. Syaoran didn't care. He began engraving words on the tree.

A little pain can be taken, if it never makes me awaken.

Syaoran dup a little deeper making sure that those words stood out on the tree. Then slightly above those words he engraved: Syaoran Li loves Sakura Kinomoto.

'Syaoran what's that?!' a voice he loved so much interrupted his gazing at his own masterpiece of writing on the tree.

It was Sakura and she was gawking open mouthed, pointing at the blade held in his hand. Sakura's face turned very pale when she saw his sleeve a color of red.

Syaoran quickly shoved the blade back in his pocket and stared at her. 'Nothing.' He replied as if she hadn't seen anything.

'S-Syaoran w-what a-are you p-planning to do with that knife!?' she trembled tears shining in her eyes. She knew what he was doing she knew very well. 'G-give me the knife Syaoran.' She held out her hand, although it shook violently.

'No.' he replied simply in a half monotonous tone. His answer although it sounded dry was put simply and firmly.

'S-Syaoran! You're hurting yourself!' she sobbed, 'why? Give me the knife!' she repeated shrilly.

'No.' he said again watching her weep. With that he turned and walked away from her. Sakura tried to chase after him but her legs refused to move that fast. She stood trembling on the spot; fear that what she had just seen was a close shave to an act of suicide-a very close act.

Something caught her eye, it was writing on the tree that he had stood in front of. There were words engraved into the bark.

A little pain can be taken, if it never makes me awaken.

Sakura gasped as she read that. She was certain now-he wished to die. Sakura saw more writing still, just above that sentence.

Syaoran Li loves Sakura Kinomoto.

Sakura dissolved into more tears, yet he wanted to die he still loved her. Her heart felt like it was going to explode with the sadness that was felt deep inside her.

'He can't die.I'll make sure.' she said half through her own tears.

*

~Sakura's POV~

After that incident at recess, Sakura had kept an extremely close eye on him. Which annoyed him a lot. But what worried her the most was when it was time to go home. And it now approached her soon.

'This is our last lesson for the day,' she said to herself, now adding to the graffiti on her desk. She couldn't get those words out of her head: A little pain can be taken, if it never makes me awaken. It scared her so much knowing that anytime he could do it. Anytime.

'Sakura-chan you look so pale!' Tomoyo whispered feeling extremely worried now.

Sakura just sighed and returned looking down at her desk. Tomoyo saw the pencil that she held in her hand quiver. Her hold body shook and she looked ill.

'Sakura?' Tomoyo repeated. Sakura seemed to mute all of what Tomoyo was saying to her. Tomoyo gave up and sighed. It was obviously something to do with Syaoran again. She just hoped she would be all right.

Forty minutes later the class was dismissed and Sakura dashed out of the classroom in such a hurry that she bowled a student over. Sakura couldn't stop to help her up.

'Sorry!' she screamed as she continued running. She headed out for the school gates; she knew Syaoran exited the school through these gates. She kept running everything seemed like a blur to her as she ran. She knew Syaoran must be out here somewhere-but where? Chiharu and Rika waved to her as she ran down the street. This was no time to say hello! She ignored them as well. Nothing mattered to her more then finding Syaoran right now. She had to before it was too late.

She saw a tall figure walking down the street, right near the edge of an oncoming short forest area. The figure had brown hair-messy brown hair. It was Syaoran! Sakura put on a burst of speed and ran towards him. She saw Syaoran disappear into the hedges; she was gaining in closer to him. Her feet slammed against the hard concrete as she ran. She came to a quick hesitant stop in front of the bush Syaoran had disappeared into. Without second thought she ran in.

The sounds of birds chirping happily in their nests sounded above her in the tall trees. She glanced around quickly and saw Syaoran's figure sticking out from behind a tree. She ran, feeling a little out of breath, but she didn't care, she ignored it. Syaoran's life was at stake.

'SYAORAN!' she screamed as she saw him draw the blade nearer to his wrists. Syaoran stopped in his tracks, as he was surprised that she had found him. 'STOP IT PLEASE!' she begged stepping forwards with her hand out stretched.

'Keep away!' he hissed, 'leave me alone! Just let me finish, I promise it'll be quick.'

'No, no, no, no, no!' Sakura repeated, her voice rising angrily. 'You will stop this Syaoran! Despite what we have done to one another, why not put it behind you?

'I can't-it hurts.' He replied getting ready with his knife again.

'S-Syaoran!' she sobbed again, 'I'm your friend! Please!' she stepped forward and swiped trying to knock the blade from his hand. But she failed as Syaoran took a step back avoiding her attack of preventions.

'Leave me alone Sakura! I'm doing this and it's final!'

'But why?! Give me one good reason why I should let you do this!'

'Because-because.I'm a cold, heartless fool. A fool for love. I lost my mother's love, and now my love for you is disdained! I can't take it! If I can't be with the person I love why live?!' he shouted, beginning to feel those tears start up again. 'And look at me! Look how weak you have made me become! I'm so soft now, I cry, I have mixed feelings of hurt and desire to be with you still! Is that okay?'

Sakura nodded. 'Yes it is! Syaoran you are only human! Everyone cries! Everyone gets hurt somewhere down the road, but hurt is usually replaced with healing. Things take time you know! You can't expect everything to go your way all the time!'

'I-I.. don't care!' he muttered. 'If healing is supposed to happen then why hasn't it? I've been hurt through out most of my life, yet still nothing! I thought for a while that you were the answer to making me feel good about myself, of loving you. I'll never forget when I kissed you.it felt so right, and you had no objection to it either. Why does that feeling feel wrong now? Why does it have to hurt? Take it away from me Sakura!' he cried; the hand that held the knife shook.

'Please-just put the knife down now, Sakura repeated more firmly then ever. She stepped forward and took his hand in hers. He repelled backwards slightly but sighed and calmed down as she held his hand.

'Don't do this to me, let go.' he muttered with his eyes closed.

'I'm not letting go until you let go of that atrocious knife!' she felt Syaoran's hand struggle in hers slightly, she knew he was fighting with himself.

'Let go Sakura-otherwise you'll get in the way, I don't want you to get hurt too.' He droned sounding robotic.

Sakura shook her head. 'So be it! If I must get hurt in the process of it I'll do it!' she reached down and tried to grab the knife. Syaoran's eyes snapped open and he swiftly moved his hand with the knife in it, high into the air just missing Sakura's hand. Sakura let go of him in shock. As soon as she let go of him he took off.

'Syaoran come back here!' she yelled running after him once more.

Syaoran kept his eyes on her as he ran; he didn't really pay attention to his surroundings much just concentrated on losing sight of her.

'Keep away Sakura!' he bellowed as he ran. Sakura saw him edge to the thinning area of the forest, this meant that he was heading back to the footpath area near the road.

Sakura gasped. 'SYAORAN STOP!' she screamed as she made it out of the forest now too. Syaoran stopped looking at her and turned around-turned around to see a car heading straight for him.

'SYAORAN!' she screamed once more.

'Sak-' he screamed as the person in the car pushed down on the brakes suddenly. There was a screeching noise of the tyres trying to stop so suddenly. But it was to late, the white Commodore knocked Syaoran sending him sprawling onto the front of the car, his limp body rolled off the bonnet of the car and he landed with a thump on the road.

'SHAORAN!' she cried as she ran onto the road and knelt over his body. The man that hit Syaoran hopped out of the car and ran over to the boy's side as well.

'I-I'm so sorry-I didn't mean too-I-I didn't see him! It was so sudden!' the man panicked looking down at the bloodied body of Syaoran. Syaoran's t- shirt was mattered in blood around his stomach area and he had a few cuts on his face. 'I-I'll call the ambulance!' the man said immediately and ran to his car and pulled out his cell phone.

'Shaoran.' Sakura held his hand tightly and pressed her face down on his stomach. She wept loudly not wanting to leave his side. 'It's my fault.I shouldn't have forced you to give me the knife so quickly.if I had stalled you a bit more! Oh look what I've done!' Sakura removed her buried face from his stomach and grabbed his wrist. She had to feel for a pulse. She placed her fingers over his wrist slightly and held it there patiently waiting for a rhythm of a pulse. Nothing.she felt nothing..

Sakura gasped disbelieving what was happening. It couldn't be true; it was all a bad dream right? Somehow it didn't feel like a bad dream. It hit her this was reality.

'Syaoran you can't leave me! I love you!' she caressed his face with her hands. She planted a gentle kiss on his forehead and closed her eyes. The tears clinging to her eyelashes fell onto his face. Sakura felt all-warm inside as she did this. An unexplainable feeling arose in her stomach it felt.magical.

Sakura opened her eyes to see Syaoran's body enveloped in a rose pink aura. Sakura gasped as she saw that this strange aura came from her too.

'W-what's happening?' she murmured. She watched as Syaoran's deep wounds around his stomach started to heal slightly. 'Huh?' she stared fixatedly as she watched his body begin to mend. Just what was happening? A miracle? The pink aura dies down a few seconds later and Sakura immediately lifted up Syaoran's t-shirt and saw that only a few bruises and scratches remained there. His cuts had dried on his face and he breathed slightly now. 'Syaoran can you hear me?' she still felt perplexed as anything and didn't have a clue as to what had happened at all.

'Hey little girl the ambulance will be here shortly 'kay?' the man said as he approached her again.

Sakura nodded her head slowly. She just hoped Syaoran would awaken now. He may have healed some how but he wasn't awake yet-just breathing very faintly..

Three minutes later the sirens of the ambulance sounded in the air and the paramedics rushed over and quickly assisted getting Syaoran into the ambulance. Sakura ran over and went to hop in with him but a man held her back.

'And whom are you?' he queried raising an eyebrow staring fixatedly at her as if suspecting her of some profound criminal act.

'I-I'm Sakura Kinomoto-Syaoran's.girlfriend' she said shakily as she heard her refer to herself as his girlfriend.

The man nodded slowly. 'You were here when it happened?'

'Yes.can I please.?'

'Yes hop in quickly then!' the man shoved her inside and closed the door. Before Sakura knew it, the ambulance was racing towards the hospital. She just hoped Syaoran was going to be alright.

*

A/N: *cries* Poor Syaoran-kun! :( Well to find out what happens next please review ^_~ thank you

Dani-chan