Leonid
Close Calls
17:50, November 20, 2065
She'd been avoiding him. He hadn't seen her in three days, and worried was fast becoming an understatement. He checked her room periodically, and she wasn't there from noon to midnight. He'd checked elsewhere, on lists and agenda, with no result. He asked around, with no luck. He felt closer to the wall of sheer panic than he remembered ever being.
Because he knew she was avoiding him; that she had to be. It was too coincidental that she was nowhere to be found the one time when he had to actively seek her out.
It just so happened that when he stopped looking was when he saw her.
He was speaking with Ryan and a young specialist named Anton on one of the many terraces overlooking the city. This particular one, less used than the rest, was a place to relax – a closed in park of sorts. Glass representations of flora were planted around the square; the shimmering flowers had been carefully and individually created to ensure their uniqueness.
Neil only took half a second to glance away from the conversation, but his attention was immediately stolen away by the familiar woman strolling through the garden. He could only stare as Jane disappeared through an archway leading to the next plaza, but he wasn't long in picking himself up and following.
"Hey!"
She hadn't noticed him until he spoke, and when she recognized his voice she froze. She turned halfway, enough to see his reflection in the pane of glass that separated the conjunction walkway from the harsh atmosphere of the upper city. He didn't volunteer another word, and she ultimately turned her head and spoke.
"What do you want?"
Said with such indifference… no, but it leaned towards annoyance, or maybe… whatever the tone, the words alone couldn't help but hurt. Did he need a reason to want to see her? To speak, to spend time, to lose an hour for a fond memory of what might not last past the next day? He'd known the answer before, but now, not for the life of him could he express that….
"Where did you go?" so he settled for simple. A question with a question without results; Jane turned away again, and Neil dashed after her.
"Wait!" His voice echoed through the hall, and she did… when he caught her arm. She whirled to face him, and he almost fell into her from the momentum.
"Jane…" what was he supposed to say? He didn't know… "What'd I do?" Unmoved, she stared at him, and he couldn't help being afraid, "I'm sorry…"
"Leave me alone," brusque… it was a command he took no heed of.
"You can't not tell me what I've done," it was a statement, but he wasn't finished – he wanted a quick resolution, but he wasn't thinking clearly enough to bring it about. All he knew for certain was that it was his fault and she wouldn't tell him what. "You can't disappear and avoid me forever, and you really, definitely can't jus…"
He trailed off, as she had drawn her hand back at a dangerous angle. Now he was scared, not of the physical but the potential of the gesture. He didn't notice her confusion, as he might have when she saw it too. He only saw what didn't make sense.
"Oh, you going to hit me now?" Anyone else might have had the common sense to leave it there, but it was far too much, "Go on. I dare you."
So he shouldn't have been so surprised when she backhanded him. Nor should she have been, as she continued on her way.
He hadn't been expecting that. Unbalanced, he fell back, to be caught by Ryan as the sergeant strolled up to take stock of the situation.
"Ow…" realization struck, as the unusual experience became a part of reality, "She hit me!"
"You said the magic word," Ryan quipped, steadying the technician as he regained his balance.
But that didn't help. It still hurt, deeper than the superficial discoloration taking form on his cheek. He looked up at his friend, not even sure where to begin.
"Go talk to her," Ryan suggested, a little dubiously, but it was all he could think of. He neglected to mention that she'd spent the last few days sleeping, resting, or pacing around in his quarters. In part he was glad she had finally found her way back to the rest of the world.
---
21:23, November 20, 2065
The door had been left open for him; the genetic lock was set so that wouldn't work for anyone except Jane… and him. Although, with something like that, that he didn't need recognized access… but it was reassuring that she hadn't completely blocked him from her life. It added a little heart to what he'd spent the last few hours building up for this.
Inside was lit softly; his eyes adjusted easily. And Jane was there, on her bed. She didn't move, only sat there with the wall for comfort. He pushed whatever misgivings he had to one side and approached, coming to kneel in front of her. He crossed his arms across her knees, and reached up to caress her cheek.
But she opened her eyes first, and pushed his hand away with the back of hers. He stared in shock… or was that fear creeping upon his mind?
"I did that, huh?" she asked bluntly, and brushed her thumb against the pale bruise that accented her vice, soothed somewhat that he didn't flinch under the touch, "I'm sorry."
That was fast. She was so distant; he still couldn't believe it was entirely her fault. Besides….
"But you didn't mean it," Neil scoffed, smirking at the memory that now seemed ludicrous.
"How do you know?" That he would assume made her angry.
"Because, last I knew, Jane Proudfoot wasn't so… uh… s… gentle when she wanted to hurt someone," he smiled brightly, and in return she only stared, "and, you said you were sorry."
"Yeah, I suppose." His reasoning may have been sound, but she wasn't happy, or cheerful, or even wanting to be. She was where she wanted to be – wallowing in self-pity over something she should have had the common sense to avoid.
"You can hit me again, if it would make you feel better."
"It wouldn't," she scowled darkly. That he could mistake something that made her feel so guilty and embarrassed for … or perhaps he didn't see, like she didn't want to see his humor.
"Whatever you say," he mumbled, climbing onto the bed beside her; and she still didn't move, "But… hey; talk to me. We're in this 'life' thing together, right?"
"Not this."
Not what he desired to hear, or believe; but he wasn't in a position to force anything from her, whether or not he wanted to.
"If you say so," he scratched his head – more a gesture of nervousness than of physical discomfort. He knew what he should say, but it was difficult for him to visualize, "D'you… um," almost there, despite his inner protest, "Do you want me to leave you alone now?"
She shook her head – a small gesture, one that he might have missed had she not been the center of his world. He felt confident enough to breathe again. Now, if only he could remember how…
He pulled her closer, and she leaned against him; slipping until she rested across his lap. From the vantage point of his right knee, she stared across the room and into space.
"Hey…"
"Hmm?"
"I betch'a I can make you laugh…"
"Hmm…" Jane agreed, closing her eyes to the world.
"With one word."
"Oh really," it was only a mumble, but Neil grinned anyway.
"Watercolor."
Jane snorted, ignoring the 'bet' completely, "What brought that up?" she twisted to look up at him, smiling for the first time in days. Granted, Gray's expression had been priceless… but it was such an odd memory to come out of nowhere.
Neil shrugged, "I dunno; I thought it was funny."
"I love you," the frank admission caught her off guard. She settled back against his leg and tried to suppress the shudder she felt building up. Guilt, fear… a cascade of pain over a simple sentence….
"Yeah," she agreed, slightly despondent as she knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear. It may have been a joke in public, but here… she knew he wanted more than that…
…And she couldn't bring herself to give it to him. Her insides twisted; she dared not cry over his disappointment, just because it was focused on her….
After a few minutes he moved, gently settling her onto the bed as he rose. She listened as he left her alone, straining her ears until the faintest sound of his gait was gone. She curled tightly into the already disturbed bedclothes.
---
23:29, November 20, 2065
Alone was a scary thing. He stared at the swirling patterns in the darkness, an illusion caused by his eyes as they endeavored to pick up as much light as possible in the dim room.
Boldly trying to figure out alone, he rolled onto his side, and blinked at the dark, almost unfamiliar surface of the close wall. Before the past two nights, he'd spent an equal number of years without thinking of it at all. But that wasn't true – he had, from time to time… but not like this, or for this reason. There were times he had been worried, but now he faced an unexpected new facet of worry.
Suppose she didn't love him at all… Or ne-
He tried to snip the thought away, but it came unbidden. If she never loved him, he mulled over the possibility, if it had all been his doing and she just went along with it….
Even before, if she'd died under the Phantom curse, he'd have known she did love him; as selfish as it was, at least he wouldn't have felt so… so…
Hated, whatever he'd done, that's what it came down to, She hates you.
A gentle click roused him by his deeper thoughts, only to be swallowed by the darkness. He lifted his head, again blinking at the wall. Either it had been an illusion, or…
There was a pressure on the bed, near his feet. It took a few long moments for his tired mind to resister, but it was real, at the very least as the shadow that crept stealthily up between him and the wall.
"Next time, tell me you don't plan on coming back."
"You started it," he scowled in the gloom, inching back a bit to give room as the woman slumped beside him.
"Neil?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
Neil snorted, mildly annoyed, but delighted nonetheless. Maybe he'd been worrying on nothing. After all, if she didn't love him there was no reason for her to be here… right?
"Make me."
Her hand brushed against his chin before raising slightly higher to settle over his mouth.
"You can't do that all night," he asserted… or tried to; it came out slightly more muffled than he'd intended.
"Yes," she yawned, stretching the words unintentionally, "I can."
Another set of muffled syllables, and she sighed.
"I know…." Her free arm found its way around his back, and he smiled, returning the embrace tenderly; his fears dissolved as her steady heartbeat lulled him into the world of dreams.
