Part 12
I got up in the morning and felt a little lost as I wasn't sure where I really was. But when I realize Donna was in my arms with her head on my chest, the feeling I got was indescribable. Right then I knew that this is how I want to wake up every morning for the rest of my life.
I slowly entangled myself from Donna, being careful not to wake her up. I didn't want to leave but I had to go home to change before heading to the office.
"Josh?" I turned to see a sleepy Donna rubbing her eyes. I smiled at the sight.
"Yeah?" I said as I stroked her hair.
"Don't leave…Come back to bed." Donna said as she pulled my undershirt.
"As much as I want to…..I need to go back home to get changed for work." I said.
"Okay…but stay for breakfast. I'll get up now." Donna said as she slowly got off the bed.
Donna took a quick shower as I made some pancakes. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea how to actually make pancakes from scratch but Donna had some of those instant pancake mix thingies.
"Hey. The pancakes smell good." I hear Donna say.
I saw her sit on the kitchen counter. She's all dressed up for work. She looks magnificent. I cannot believe just last night she was crying her eyes out for hours and now she…..wow….
"You look great!" I said.
"Yeah…the miracle of make-up." Donna said and smiled.
I served her the pancakes and kissed the top of her head. I sat down opposite her and we ate in silence at first.
"Donna……we should talk…..about everything….." I started.
"I know. Not now though. Maybe tonight?" Donna asked me as she looked up.
"That'll be good. Why don't you come back to my place after work? Maybe you could bring some of your stuff with you." I said. I wanted her to stay me. The thought of not waking up with her next to me was just unimaginable. I hoped she wouldn't mind.
"What? What stuff?" Donna asked clearly not understanding my ever vague statement.
"Like a change of clothes so you'll be comfortable. And maybe clothes for tomorrow." I said softly and slowly looked up at her.
She looked kind of stunned. I think I scared her a little.
"Donna….That's not what I meant….we don't have to do anything…it's just….well…after waking up with you next to me today…the feeling I got was just so unbelievably amazing. I just really want you to stay with me tonight." I said.
Donna smiled a little but she became slightly apprehensive. She started fiddling with her pancakes.
"I tell you what. You just bring your clothes and stuff today. And you can decide when you get to my place. You know, if I annoy you to a certain point, you can just leave and drive off to your place." I said smiling.
Donna laughed. God I love her laugh.
"Okay. That sounds good." She said.
"Donna….I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I was just so selfish and…"
"Shhh…Josh…not now…we have the whole night." Donna said shushing me up.
"Okay….Hey, I'll come with you to meet this Jane person today." I said remembering that her meeting is today.
"Josh, you're crazy if you think I'm going to reschedule your meetings just so that you can watch me talk to some woman." Donna said.
"But Donna…I don't want you to be alone. You have to tell her the whole thing and…"
"Josh, CJ will be there. Besides, I have a feeling we'll have more meetings with her so you can come then, okay? No arguments." Donna said sternly.
"Okay, fine. You win. Only this time, so don't get used to it. Anyway, I should get going." I said.
I got off the chair and gave Donna a kiss. She tasted like maple syrup. I licked her lips a little before ending the kiss which made her giggle. That just made my day.
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I feel a whole lot better today. Waking up in Josh's arms did the trick. I was so happy when I saw him last night. And when he apologized to me, the floods just wouldn't stop. It was mixed with happy tears and just every emotion I felt for so long just coming out at one go.
I think I needed to do all that crying. I feel cleansed and refreshed. Part of me feels a little free and less tensed. I think it's because I finally opened up about the rape. When Josh asked me to stay with him tonight, I was kind of freaked. But then when he assured me there will only be sleeping involved, I was more that happy to stay with him. After waking up next to him tonight, I too can't do otherwise anymore.
It's almost lunch time. I'm meeting Jane Worthington in a few minutes. Josh will be in a meeting during that time.
"Donna? You wanna get going?" CJ asked me as she stood by my desk holding her bag.
"Yeah. I'm coming." We decided to walk to the restaurant where we'll be meeting Jane as it's just a few blocks down.
"So, how are things with Josh?" CJ asked me.
"I told him CJ. Things are fine now." I said smiling.
"So, he fixed it. Did he grovel?" CJ asked me.
"What? He told you? When? It all happened last night." I asked.
"Calm down Donna. He just was really really upset and he needed to talk to someone and I'm the only one who knew what was happening. You didn't think the groveling was his own idea, did you?"
"Well, we didn't really talk about anything yet. He just said he's sorry and I was just a mess crying non-stop. I just ended up crying myself to sleep in his arms." I said and sighed dramatically.
"Please…..the only reason you could be in his arms was because of me, sister!" CJ rolled her eyes.
I laughed. I should've known Josh couldn't have come to his senses so soon on his own. CJ filled me in on the conversation they had the night before. We reached the restaurant soon after that.
A lady dressed in a grey suit waved at CJ. I assumed she was Jane. We walked towards her table. She had shoulder length blond hair. She was attractive and sweet looking.
"Hi CJ. Nice to see you again. Hi, you must be Donna. I'm so glad you decided to talk to me." She said as she stood up and gave me her hand.
"Nice to meet you Ms. Worthington." I said as I shook her hand.
"Please call me Jane." She said as we all took our seats.
We ordered our food and Jane began to talk about the case.
"My friend Sarah's daughter Liz is only 22 years old. She had just moved out from home. She had gone drinking with just one of her girl friend to that bar. Her girl friend
was dancing with someone when Liz was offered a drink. I investigated these three cases which are similar to Liz's case. And what I found was all of the victims had long blond hair and have a thin body frame. But that doesn't do much help. I also found that all the bars the victims went to were within five blocks.
I've also realized that these rapes were on a Friday or Saturday and they were exactly three or four weeks apart. The other two women have also mentioned what Donna said. They were upset and drinking quite a lot. These women were also only with one or two friends who were away dancing or something when they got a complementary drink. I don't know if this is a pattern or not but nevertheless it may be important.
I talked to the other two victims and they just had told me what they told the police. None were to happy to conduct any investigation as they've moved on and they honestly don't believe that this guys could be caught. But however, these women gave me their photos so we can use them for the investigation.
I was thinking you guys could help me with the investigation. CJ, with your influence and all. Maybe it'll make things a little easier." Jane said.
"Jane, we'll be more than happy to help you with the investigation. I would want nothing more than to see this guy in prison." CJ said and I agreed with her.
"Great. Now here's the plan. We need to go to each of the bars, ask all the bartenders and regulars if they've seen these women with any guy on the nights of the assaults. So, I need you guys to take the photos of the women and ask the bartenders. Ask them about other regular customers. Stay till a little late so you can talk to the regulars and all the bartenders." Jane explained.
I was still a little overwhelmed with everything Jane had said. Especially with the similarities between my assault and the other women. However, I managed to agree with Jane.
CJ had asked copies of the police reports for all the cases. She said she might be able to find something more from them. We thanked Jane and decided to start the investigation tomorrow night as it will be Friday.
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I'm in a meeting with Senator Hobson which I know is dead important. But I just can't stop thinking about Donna. I hope she's okay at her meeting with that reporter. I can't stand thinking of her repeating the whole incident to the reporter. The fact that she has to go through the whole thing again and again is just unthinkable. Plus with 'my support' when she told me the story, I'm sure this will be almost impossible to bare. I still cannot believe my reaction towards her. And more that that, I can't believe Donna has forgiven me so easily. I need to explain things to her tonight. We really need to talk.
"Josh? So is everything settled now?"
"Huh?" Oh dear. I phased out during half the meeting. I hope I didn't agree to launch nuclear weapons or something. Not that I have the power to do that.
"Josh, are you okay? You seem a little…not here." The Senator said.
"Oh yeah. I'm fine. Yeah, it's settled then. Have your secretary send me a report of this meeting, will you?" I said hoping the senator won't ask me anything else. Luckily, he didn't.
I went back to the office to find Donna sitting at her desk. She looked up and smiled at me as I passed by her desk. I signaled her to come into the office with me.
"Donna, how did it go? Are you okay?" I asked worriedly.
"Yes, of course I'm fine. The meeting went well. There's just quite a lot of similarities between all the four cases. Jane told us what we can do to help investigate. I'll tell you the details tonight. How did your meeting go?" Donna asked.
Oh dear. I gulped.
"Errr...Umm, it was good. Smooth sailing." I said. Donna stared at me. She placed her hand on her hip. This can't be good.
"Joooosh….What did you do? I probably should start with the apology letter." Donna said. Boy, does she know me or what.
"Nothing happened….I just kind of wasn't listening. I was thinking about you and your meeting.." I hope she'd understand.
"Yes Josh. Find any way to blame me when YOU zone out during your meeting." Donna said in a mocking way so I knew she wasn't really mad.
The day went by as usual and Donna and I went out for a quick dinner before getting home as it was kind of late already. She had brought her clothes and stuff to stay over tonight. I hope I don't do something utterly stupid to make her leave this time.
We finally reached my apartment and Donna went to have a shower and get more comfortable. I did the same but didn't take nearly as long a time as Donna did. I decided to make tea while waiting for her. Don't get me wrong, I don't usually have tea lying in my apartment but my mom left some the last time she stayed with me.
"What's that? Joshua Lyman, are you making tea?" Donna asked as she was wiping her just washed hair with a towel.
"Before you mock me Donnatella Moss, you know very well that my mom left it here." I said as I handed her a cup.
We sat on the couch and drank the tea. At first we didn't say anything. I guess we both didn't know where to start. So I asked her about her meeting with Jane. Donna told me about all the similarities between all the four cases. She also told me about the investigation we have to carry out starting tomorrow night.
"Wow. I hope we are going in the right direction." I said.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. What if these cases are totally unrelated? We'll be wasting heaps of time. But I guess there's not much else we can do." Donna said looking down.
We sat there quietly again.
"Donna"
"Josh" We said simultaneously. We laughed a little.
"You first." I said.
"Josh, I need you to know that I really do trust you. I am sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I know it looks like I HAD to tell you because of Jane but please believe me….." Donna started.
"No Donna." I stopped her.
"I know that's not true. I know now you would have told me either way. I was just being an idiot….like I often do. This is no way any fault of yours. What you went through….it's unimaginable. And all I did was think of myself. I just……I think I was….am so damn angry towards that guy who attacked you. I just didn't know where to direct my anger I guess. But that's no excuse." I said as I felt Donna place her hand on mine.
"It's okay Josh. I know I wanted you to react differently but that was too much to ask. What I told you WAS too much. I would have told you earlier but you had enough to deal with. I didn't want to burden you. Plus I don't think I was ready but I guess I would have never been totally ready to tell you anyway." Donna said.
"Donna….That's just it. Anything about you….it's not a burden to me. What happens to you, happens to me. If anything at all is bothering you, I need you to tell me. Don't ever think about how it would burden me or effect me. I love you Donna. And I want to go through everything WITH you. Whether good or bad. I need you to know that." I said as I held both her hands in mine.
"Okay…..but only if you promise to do the same." Donna said.
I smiled at her softly and nodded.
"I promise." I said and kissed her forehead.
"Donna, how did you go through this alone? I mean you didn't tell anyone. And CJ said you barely spoke to Kimmy about it, who was the only one who knew." I asked her.
"That was just it. I wasn't dealing with it at all. And last night when I was crying, it wasn't just about your reaction. It was about everything that happened. I guess I thought if I didn't think about it, it would go away. Boy, was I wrong." Donna said.
"Well Donna, you don't have to deal with this alone anymore. I'm here. So if you want to talk about it, you can." I said.
"I know that now Josh. I feel a lot of things about the 'incident'. I wouldn't know where to start or even if I'll be able to tell you. It's not that I don't want to burden you. It's just that….I don't know." Donna said.
I think I know what she means. She needs to talk to someone else. That's what I felt when I had my PTSD.
"I understand. Maybe you can talk to CJ or someone else. You want me to make an appointment with Stanley?" I asked her.
"No, that's okay. I'll find someone else. The hospital had some rape counselors I could get in touch with." Donna said.
She needs to do this her own way. And I need to let her I decided.
"Okay. Do it soon though. Or I won't stop nagging you." I said jokingly.
"God, then I should call them right away." Donna mocked.
Donna and I slept in my bed. We just held each other which felt so good, I can't describe it. Her back was towards my chest and my arm was around her waist and our fingers were entangled together. My face was pretty much on her hair which enabled me to take big whiffs of her sweet smelling hair.
"I felt so violated." I opened my eyes as I heard Donna speak.
I immediately knew what Donna was talking about. I think she's ready to open up to me a little bit at least.
She went on about how she felt when she saw her bruises and the images. She told me about how she blamed herself and me for a bit. I didn't say much. I know she needed to just let it out without being interrupted or answering my questions. I stroked her arms, hair and held her even tighter while she was talking. I really wanted to react a lot of times but I had to restrain myself. This is about Donna, not me.
She didn't cry much this time, just a few tears rolled down her face. I kissed her head as she was dozing off.
All I know now is that if we don't find this soulless guy, I will never rest in peace.
TO BE CONTINUED……….
