Authors Note: I need some good, quick, angst. I miss it *tear*
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Set during OotP let's just say...October Ninth
~*~
Grimmauld Place was lonely.
And yet, there were always people bustling about.
"Buckbeak," Sirius said in the spare room where the hippogriff stayed, "I know how you feel."
And he did, of course. Being trapped inside a place that only brought back memories. Memories of dishes hitting the floor and dirty words being spread. Memories of 'pureblood pride' and his Mother's pumpkin tea.
"I don't want to be here either," he said as he stroked the hippogriff's back.
It put its head on his lap and he stroked its ears.
"I'd rather die than be here," he said. "What is life without freedom? It's like bitter tea without sugar, or a kiss on the cheek without snogging."
Buckbeak raised his head slightly and then put it back down. Sirius tossed him a rat and he hungrily ate it.
The display was not grotesque to Sirius. For he was used to it.
"I wonder how Harry is," he said. "He should be having the time of his life. Getting smashed, meeting girls, but he probably isn't. He doesn't get to be a kid, really."
The hippogriff continued to chew on the rat, its tail sticking out of the creature's mouth.
"James and I, we got into so much trouble. We were kids...we skipped class and snuck off, and it was fun. It was true freedom." He paused, "you probably think I'm pretty stupid now, huh?"
Buckbeak shook his head.
"We even had a few muggle cigarettes when we felt like it. Got 'em from Peter."
He chuckled at the fond memories and took another sip of iced tea. "And here I am, stuck in this place...with the Order, and I guess it's where I want to be."
The 'I guess' was not very comforting to him. "It sounds so awful but I want to rebel, like I did in school. I want to sneak off in spite of them and go to some old alleyway and see what sort of folks I attract. Find myself someone I can be lonely with. Go to a cafe, maybe even smoke a bit."
Buckbeak stretched his hind legs.
"And I can't," he said. "Because it's not just about me, it's blowing the Order's cover. And I resent that too. Because I can't be selfish and I can't do what I want."
He paused slightly to slip a lemon drop in his mouth. "If someone told me ten years ago this is what I'd be doing with my life I'd probably laugh in their face and then set a dungbomb off next to their foot. I wouldn't believe it. I wanted to make something of myself, you know. Maybe play Quidditch professionally, or write the novel I started. Maybe do nothing at all...but not this, no, not this."
Sirius raked a hand through his thick hair. "Nothing special, you know," he shrugged and wiped a watery eye, "but what I liked."
Hugging his knees he went on in his monologue. "Gryffindors don't do this."
He even chuckled at his own stereotype, "we aren't born to serve or acquiesce to others. We were born to fight. And I'm hidden from the world and everything that has ever bloody mattered. And this isn't fighting, this, this is surrendering."
Buckbeak looked tired but insisted on listening anyway.
"I'm a fighter," he said to himself. "And I am not scared."
And he wasn't.
~*~
La Fin
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Set during OotP let's just say...October Ninth
~*~
Grimmauld Place was lonely.
And yet, there were always people bustling about.
"Buckbeak," Sirius said in the spare room where the hippogriff stayed, "I know how you feel."
And he did, of course. Being trapped inside a place that only brought back memories. Memories of dishes hitting the floor and dirty words being spread. Memories of 'pureblood pride' and his Mother's pumpkin tea.
"I don't want to be here either," he said as he stroked the hippogriff's back.
It put its head on his lap and he stroked its ears.
"I'd rather die than be here," he said. "What is life without freedom? It's like bitter tea without sugar, or a kiss on the cheek without snogging."
Buckbeak raised his head slightly and then put it back down. Sirius tossed him a rat and he hungrily ate it.
The display was not grotesque to Sirius. For he was used to it.
"I wonder how Harry is," he said. "He should be having the time of his life. Getting smashed, meeting girls, but he probably isn't. He doesn't get to be a kid, really."
The hippogriff continued to chew on the rat, its tail sticking out of the creature's mouth.
"James and I, we got into so much trouble. We were kids...we skipped class and snuck off, and it was fun. It was true freedom." He paused, "you probably think I'm pretty stupid now, huh?"
Buckbeak shook his head.
"We even had a few muggle cigarettes when we felt like it. Got 'em from Peter."
He chuckled at the fond memories and took another sip of iced tea. "And here I am, stuck in this place...with the Order, and I guess it's where I want to be."
The 'I guess' was not very comforting to him. "It sounds so awful but I want to rebel, like I did in school. I want to sneak off in spite of them and go to some old alleyway and see what sort of folks I attract. Find myself someone I can be lonely with. Go to a cafe, maybe even smoke a bit."
Buckbeak stretched his hind legs.
"And I can't," he said. "Because it's not just about me, it's blowing the Order's cover. And I resent that too. Because I can't be selfish and I can't do what I want."
He paused slightly to slip a lemon drop in his mouth. "If someone told me ten years ago this is what I'd be doing with my life I'd probably laugh in their face and then set a dungbomb off next to their foot. I wouldn't believe it. I wanted to make something of myself, you know. Maybe play Quidditch professionally, or write the novel I started. Maybe do nothing at all...but not this, no, not this."
Sirius raked a hand through his thick hair. "Nothing special, you know," he shrugged and wiped a watery eye, "but what I liked."
Hugging his knees he went on in his monologue. "Gryffindors don't do this."
He even chuckled at his own stereotype, "we aren't born to serve or acquiesce to others. We were born to fight. And I'm hidden from the world and everything that has ever bloody mattered. And this isn't fighting, this, this is surrendering."
Buckbeak looked tired but insisted on listening anyway.
"I'm a fighter," he said to himself. "And I am not scared."
And he wasn't.
~*~
La Fin
