Thank you MANDEE!!! You're a savior… I've been trying to remember what the name of the book was… I read it ages ago and couldn't remember
THANKS TOO EVERYONE whom reviewed….. much appreciated Luv, & huggles out to all of you…
NOTE: I got the background idea for this story from a book called "Don't let me die" I forget who its by L still enjoy!!
A turmoil within
Shall I live, or die?
Do I dare to give phsyio a try?
Will you cry, if I am gone,
will you remember the words to our song?
Yet I remain another day, to try and live
even with the pain
Chapter 3
Two
days later…
Usagi awoke early after a long and restless
night. She had tossed and turned for hours, unable to relax with all of the
events of the past few weeks piling up in her mind.
"Should I tell him?" she asked herself. "Or
shouldn't I?" Usagi sighed, thinking of her legs.
She just couldn't make up her mind…
"Well, he loves me, and he has a right to
know!" She decided, hoping that she wouldn't regret what she was going to do.
Later that day…
When her friends came to visit, she was
careful to be the only one to reach into the drawer, not wanting her friends to
discover her pitiful stash of painkillers.
When
everyone was leaving, Usagi quietly asked Seiya to
remain behind, hoping to talk to him alone.
"Seiya,
there's....something I...I need to talk to you about." Usagi stammered, looking
up at him with her naive azure eyes.
"Okay. Hey, I'll catch you guys later!" he
said, waving everyone else out the door, and moving to sit in the chair beside
her bed.
"Seiya, I need to
tell you about my legs." Usagi began.
"What about them?" He asked, guilt covering
his heart like a thick blanket. 'These visits are so damn hard.' He thought to
himself.
He knew
he was partially to blame for Usagi's condition, although he tried to deny it.
"They look....different." She stated
slowly, as if she was afraid of how he might respond.
"Yeah, I noticed. They're thinner and
stuff. But physio is going to change that."
"Seiya," started
Usagi slowly, but still smiling at his hopeful tone. "They're worse then just
being thinner."
Slowly
she began describing exactly what they looked like, while trying not to make
them sound too gruesome.
When she was done, Sieya
stared at her in disbelief. His thoughts ran to Janice, and her perfect legs,
eyes, figure, smile.
Taking
a deep breath, he tried to sooth Usagi telling her that she would be fine,
"It's okay Odango, you'll be fine. Your
legs will heal and everything will be perfect, just like it used to be."
"But...what if they don't?" Usagi asked.
"They will be," he stated with assurance,
"don't worry Odango, you'll be good as new." then he leaned over to give her a
long, soft kiss.
Breaking it off, Seiya
turned to her. Flashing her a quirky grin, he left the
room, calling out,
"See ya round
Odango!" as he walked away.
"Bye Seiya!" She
called after him, knowing in her heart that things between them could never,
and would never, be the same, for deep down in her heart of hearts she blamed Seiya for what had happened to her, and somehow she knew
that their relationship was not as it once was, before the incident at the
party.
Usagi spent the rest of the afternoon
sitting in bed reading manga, and watching old TV
shows and soaps before finally drifting off to sleep for a few hours.
That night, when the nurse came to give
Usagi her nightly dosage of painkillers, she was startled by Usagi's abrupt
question.
"I can't die from these things, can I?"
The nurse stared at her, bewildered.
"I mean, it's just that I've been taking so
many...I was just wondering if that's safe."
"Oh, it's alright, you have nothing to
worry about. It would take quite a few of these to kill a person."
"Okay," replied
Usagi, once again pretending to swallow the pill.
After the nurse left, she spent a lot of
time lost in thought, toying with the idea of taking the pills, of just ending
it all there and then, but in the end she decided against it, knowing that they
would still be there the next day...
Waiting..
Two weeks later
"Ohaiyo Usa-chan!" Rei called,
wondering what type of mood her friend would be in today. Over the past couple
of weeks Usagi had become more and more irritable, not to mention restless. Rei
was also finding visiting Usagi to be a lot less fun, as Usagi seemed to watch
people move with envy and desire written clearly on her face. Not only that
but, everything that used to be important to her now seemed not to matter, and
Rei was really beginning to wonder why.
Ami and Minako had also noticed the change;
the way Usagi no longer seemed excited about the little things that used to
thrill her, like Pizza Hut pizza, or a beautiful sunset. Her thoughts had
become more morbid, causing them to worry. Usagi had always been full of life,
and everyone had always thought she would be able to hold out and remain
strong, no matter what the circumstance may be.
"Hi Rei." said Usagi, watching as her
raven-haired friend walked towards the window; her long, tanned legs clearly
showing from beneath a short red skirt.
"So how've you been Usa-chan?"
Ami asked, concern showing clearly in her aqua eyes.
"Oh, not too bad....just wasting away,
getting paler and pastier. Pretty soon I think even bleached sheets will have
some competition for the title "White As It
Gets" "
Minako managed a strangled a laugh and said
"Well, you're leaving for that cherry tree place tomorrow. Soon you'll be back
on your feet and out in the sun.."
"Yeah, if I can actually walk on these
things" stated Usagi.
Changing the subject, Ami said, "Seiya said to tell you he'd be by around 12:00."
"Really?" asked Usagi, seeming to perk up a
bit "I can't wait!"
The girls sighed. This was a clear
indicator that Usagi was feeling okay.
"Well, why don't I get us something to drink?"
stated Minako. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm as thirsty as a log on a
hot day!"
Everyone sweat dropped, and Ami didn't even
bother to correct her, she just led her out the door.
Stepping away from the window, Rei sat on
the edge of the bed, trying to think of what would be the best way to explain
why Seiya was coming.
Seeing Rei's
expression darken, Usagi cringed inwardly, wondering what had happened. Rei's fiery eyes focused on Usagi and she began.
"Usa,
there's something you have to know before Seiya
comes. He wanted me to tell you because he's a cowardly louse."
"What?" asked Usagi, not completely sure
that she wanted the answer.
"Well...Seiya
isn't the guy you thought he was, Usa.
He's...seeing other women. Particularly Janice."
"He's...dating her?" asked Usagi, her voice
devoid of emotion.
"Well, that's one way to put it. They were
seeing each other even before the incident."
"That *whore*!!"
"You know Janice, she's had feelings for Seiya for a long time. And when he looked interested, she
invited him. It's not entirely her fault, Seiya
accepted the invitation."
"That bastard!" Usagi muttered under her
breath. "I can't believe him."
"Well, he'll be here any minute. Don't do
anything rash... although I wouldn't blame you if you killed him."
"Rei!" Usagi exclaimed with a laugh,
watching her friend exit. Seiya entered soon after.
"Hey Odango." He greeted her with a box of chocolates in hand and a
cheerful smile on his face.
"Ohaiyo Seiya...what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Usagi, please understand. This isn't
because of your legs or anything, I was going do this anyways, but-" Usagi
interrupted abruptly.
"Just say it, Rei warned me."
"She did?"
"She had the guts to do what you wouldn't."
"Oh. Well, then I guess you know that I'm
interested in Janice. We're going out now."
"And you were cheating on me with her
before." Usagi said bitterly.
Seiya said nothing, he just sat there
looking guilty.
"Get out." whispered Usagi. "I don't want
to see you…ever again." she finished in a strangled tone, her throat
constricting painfully.
"Usagi....I'll always care about you. You
really-"
"Shut up!" Usagi raged. "Just...get the
hell out of here!"
Then Rei appeared at the door, glaring
daggers at him "You heard her, GET OUT!"
Seiya didn't need to be told again, and with Rei's
disapproving eyes on him, he slowly left the room.
'That's it,' Usagi thought to
herself. 'Tonight I take what I have. It should be enough.'
As Rei re-entered the room and walked to
the window, Usagi thought
'Besides, I'll never be able to walk again.
I'm useless and wheel chair bound. I might as well go now, before I go to
Cherry Tree.'
"Usagi?" questioned Rei. Her
eyes focusing on the tears streaming from her friends eyes. "Are you
okay?"
Usagi, still deep in thought, ignored her
friend. Then, realising Rei had asked her something, she smiled.
"Could you brush my hair?"
"Sure." Smiled Rei, reaching into the drawer to
feel around for Usagi's brush.
For a moment, Usagi sat tense, wondering if
her friends questioning hand would find the crumpled piece of Kleenex stuffed
into the back corner.
"PIZZA!" yelled Shingo, startling Rei. And
as she jumped in shock, the drawer of the dresser fell out to the floor,
scattering its contents everywhere. With the pills
fortunately landing within their tissue, still hidden.
"Shingo!" exclaimed Usagi, watching Rei
replace the contents of the drawer and sighed as she picked up the tissue by
the corners.
"Hey Sis," Shingo said, moving towards the
bed with the pizza box in his arms...then, tripping over a loose shoelace, he
fell, bumping into Rei. She dropped the tissue, which opened like a flower,
revealing the stash of rose-coloured pills within.
Rei's amethyst eyes flew open in surprise as they met Usagi's.
Then, biting back a comment, she quickly pulled back up the corners of the
tissue and turned to Shingo. Struggling to contain her disgust, she marched
into the bathroom, calling after herself,
"Shingo, could you go and get us a couple
of sodas from the lobby?"
"Sure!" he replied, running back out of the
room.
After he left, the sound of a toilet
flushing came from the bathroom. Rei soon emerged, shaking with rage, and
she turned her full attention on her blonde friend.
"What were those?!?"
"Painkillers." Usagi stated calmly.
"What were they doing in your drawer? You
weren't actually planning on taking them, were you?"
"And what if I was?" Usagi shot back,
making her friend blink in surprise.
"Usagi, come on! You are going to get
better!"
"That's what everyone always says… You'll
get better." But what do you know?" Usagi demanded, tears beginning to
form in her eyes as she tried to explain.
"You have two good, strong legs, and no
idea as to what I'm going through. What if you're wrong? What if I can't walk?"
"Maybe I don't know what you're going
through," Rei replied firmly. "But I was here! I heard your mom-do
you know she cried, non- stop, and prayed for hours?? You weren't there, you
didn't have to listen to her crying, "God, please don't take my baby!" Christ, Usa!!! We've been friends for
ages, and this is one thing I never thought I'd live to see you do. Suicide?"
"Rei, please..I can't live in a wheel chair forever. I don't
think I could handle it. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am."
"Usagi, you aren't going to..."
"Please Rei, I probably never would have
taken them, but I needed the option. I needed to have the choice, to know that
I wasn't totally helpless."
"That is the most selfish thing I've ever
heard come out of your mouth!" Rei stated.
"Even terminally ill patients have the
right to end their own lives."
"Usa, you're not
terminally ill, you're strong and healthy. Your legs will get better!" said
Rei, opening her skirt to reveal the pills.
"Rei?" Asked Usagi, bewildered.
"You're right. You have to decide if you
want to kill yourself or not. If you're really determined, I know that just
flushing a few pills won't really help. But if you do, I'll never forgive you
for the pain that you'll cause your mom and dad, Ami, Minako,...everyone,
and me. Usagi, you're almost like a sister." Stated Rei,
tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she looked into the innocent eyes
of her friend, unshed tears sparkling like stars within them.
"Rei-chan, I don't think I could have done
it anyway."
Rei smiled wryly. "Promise me that when I
put these back, you won't take them until you've given Cherry Tree, and phsyio, a try."
"Rei," started Usagi. "You know I hate to
be a coward." She gave her friend a slightly watery
smile.
Rei smiled largely then, and gave Usagi a
hug before rushing to flush the pills just as Shingo came back into the room
followed by Ami and Minako.
"So, what did we miss?" Minako asked.
Rei and Usagi just looked at each other
before Usagi said, "I'll miss you guys so much when I go to Cherry Hollow
tomorrow!"
"Aw, we'll visit you." promised Ami,
smiling at Usagi.
"I know." Usagi said, catching their eyes.
Usagi's friends were not coming the
following day, Usagi was moving out to Cherry Tree.
Early that morning, around 9:00 am, Usagi's
parents arrived to help her pack all her things, and to sign the discharge
papers.
By 9:30 Usagi was on her way, being wheeled
out the door by her dad. As she passed by, many of the hospital staff waved
farewell, and wished her the best on her road to recovery.
Down the elevator and out the door went
Usagi, enduring the stares of curious people as she went by.
Finally they reached the car, and
everything seemed to be going well.
As the car began to move, an eerie feeling
overcame Usagi, smothering her with a darkness that was almost unbearable.
FLASH!! A car skidding on a wet road,
headlights hitting the windshield...Usagi's breathing accelerated...she was
confined...
"STOP!" she yelled, panic setting in. "I
have to get out…Let me out!!"
"But...we just started." her dad stated
calmly, wondering what could be wrong.
"Let me out!" Usagi responded, frantically
pounding at the window.
"Shh, shh. It's
okay, you're fine...I have something for you.." Her
mother comforted her as her father pulled the car over.
"I should have given this to you before,"
said Usagi's mother, handing her a pill and a bottle of water. "It'll help" she
soothed as Usagi swallowed the pill.
Soon the tranquilizer did its job, and
Usagi felt herself slip into an uncaring daze, calming down as sleep overcame
her.
When Usagi awoke, she was greeted with the
site of a large black and white sign with pink cherry blossoms on the corner
reading,
"Welcome to Cherry Tree Hollow
Rehabilitation Center"
'As if they needed a sign…' Usagi thought,
looking out the window. The large expanse of green dotted with people manuvering wheel chairs down over wide paths that all led
up to a large white building surrounded by blossoming pink cherry trees.
"We're here." Stated Usagi's mother as the
car pulled up in front of the large double doors.
"Well, here I go. No turning back now."
Usagi stated as her father wheeled her through the doors and into the large
lobby.
"Hi!" said a young voice, and as Usagi turned
her head towards the sound, she was greeted by the sight of....
Authors note…..
Hey everyone…. I'll put ch. 4 out b4 I go away on vacation… and then I'll try and write the next part while I'm gone… kk? No promises …..
tyl
sugar
