Title: The Choices We Make: Harry
Author/pseudonym: NemKess
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Rating: PG
Status: new, complete
Archive: Yes to CKoS, anywhere else is fine too as long as you let me know.
E-mail address for feedback:: nemsmuses@msn.com
Series/Sequel: companion to The Choices We Make: Draco
Disclaimers: Harry Potter belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine.
Notes: A big thanks goes out to bluejeanbaby who has graciously become my beta. ^_^ Thank you!!!

Summary: He never expected to fall in love with his enemy.
Warnings: slash, possible OOCness, pre-OotP (there is something mentioned here that happened in OotP, but I'm not sure it constitutes a spoiler. It's just in here because it was needed for the story, not because it was canon info. I haven't actually read OotP.)

~*~*~

What the hell am I supposed to wear? Harry groused to himself as he sifted through outfit after outfit that he and his friends had laid out. The letter he'd received from his lover that morning had seemed... formal… and he'd wanted to dress appropriately even though he felt far more comfortable in his usual attire. He'd better damn well appreciate this.

"What about this one?"

The dark haired young man turned from the small mound of clothes that covered his bed to see what had been found. Hermione was holding up a silk shirt of deep emerald green. He cocked his head to one side and studied it for a second before glancing down at the black trousers he'd already decided on. Shrugging, he took it and put it on. Then he turned to get the opinion of his other best friend. Ron was propped against his own headboard glaring at nothing in particular. He didn't approve of Harry's love interest and was there only grudgingly. "Well? What d'ya think?"

"It looks great on you, Harry," 'Mione assured him with a smile. She wasn't thrilled with his choice either, but she had long since decided not to begrudge her often world-weary friend what happiness he found. When Ron just snorted, the witch just elbowed him in the ribs.

"You look fine. Can I go now?"

Nodding, Harry watched the other boy go sadly.

"I'm sorry, Harry."

He gave Hermione a wan smile. "Don't be, 'Mione. You're not anymore responsible for Ron's actions than I am for Draco's. At least he didn't spend the last hour trying to talk me out of it." Which really was a vast improvement from just the day before. Considering the past that lay behind all of them, he knew he couldn't expect anything more positive from either of his friends.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?" He bit his lip as he searched the stack again for the cloak that went with the shirt. It had annoyed him at the time, Draco's insistence that he buy several to match various outfits, but now he was thankful for the timesaving.

The silence from the bed where the female part of his infamous Trio had sat finally caught his attention and he turned to see the Muggle-born witch chewing her thumbnail. It was a habit of hers when she was anxious over something but wasn't sure how to ask about it. "What is it, 'Mione?"

Startled brown eyes flew up to meet his own. She opened her mouth to say something then stopped for a second. Finally, she just blurted it out. "Why, Harry? I just don't understand. I mean… it was one thing to think you were just in it for sex." She blushed at his raised brow, but pressed on. "Well, give the devil his due. Draco is attractive. What I mean is… why did you have to go and fall in love with the prat?"

Harry sighed before picking up his comb and handing it to her as he sat down in front of her on the bed. He didn't really want to go over this again, it had been hard enough trying to explain to Ron and even then he hadn't really been able to make his redheaded friend understand anything other than that the feelings were there and they were real. Hermione, while more accepting, would want specifics. She wouldn't be fobbed off with 'I just do' or 'I don't know'.

Gentle hands massaged his scalp a bit before tugging the comb through the unmanageable mess he called hair. 'Mione had been his friend long enough to understand that sometimes he needed time to gather his thoughts if he wanted to make any kind of sense. He was often grateful for that and now was no exception.

He turned it over and over in his mind, but was having difficulty coming up with a way to explain in a manner that his friend would understand. How could he explain something that he didn't always understand himself?

How could he explain why he loved someone that he knew was just using him?

He could regal her with tales of their sex life, which was amazing and beyond anything he'd ever dreamed of, but somehow he didn't think either of them could survive the embarrassment. He could explain how very happy he was just by simply being with Draco, but then he'd have to also explain how very painful it was sometimes just to see him and know that he'd never be loved in return- and even that pain was welcome in a way that he wasn't sure 'Mione could ever understand. He supposed she would understand if he told her about how much Draco had taught him over the last two months most especially in potions and fashion (he'd never been able to decide which was worse)- if there was anything Hermione understood it was knowledge and the pursuit of it- but that moved away from the 'love' question and back into the 'using' part. (1)

"I'm not sure any explanation I can give will make much sense, 'Mione." He warned having given up on trying to come up with the perfect words.

The comb in his hair disappeared briefly when she paused to wrap her arms around him and leaned her chin against his shoulder. "Love rarely makes sense, Harry. And loving Draco Malfoy makes the least sense of all. I just... well... I'm not expecting anything particularly logical."

The dark haired young man wasn't sure if he should be offended or not. In the end, he trusted their friendship enough to believe that if it had been an insult, it wasn't a horrible one.

Pushing it out of his mind, he concentrated back on the subject at hand. "You know that I haven't exactly been myself these last couple of years."

She nodded. "Honestly, sometimes you're colder than Malfoy. Not with Ron or I, of course, but with everyone else. No one blames you, Harry. Things haven't been easy for you since... well... since ever and it's only gotten worse since fourth year." With a final squeeze, she let go of him and moved back to brushing his hair occasionally using her wand to try and tame the worse of the tufts of black.

He sighed with pleasure at the pampering he only got from 'Mione and, when he was at the Burrow, Mrs. Weasley. They were the sister and the mother he'd never had.

"I don't really do it on purpose. I just... Most of the time I can't really bring myself to care. Since... Since Sirius died," his voice caught for a moment at the thought of his much loved, if hardly known, godfather. Almost two years had gone by and he still felt the man's absence, "things have been odd here," he tapped his temple before laying the same hand on his chest over his heart, "and here. Usually it's like I'm walking around in a daze. Like I'm already dead inside and my body just hasn't figured that out yet. For a long time, there really wasn't much that broke through that feeling, even briefly. You and Ron, the other Weasley's- sometimes. That was about it, and even then.... I don't know... It's like something inside was... broken."

Hermione let out a distressed noise and her fingers tightened around a lock of his hair, but she didn't interrupt. Both she and Ron had known he felt like that sometimes, they'd both talked to him about it at various times, but she probably hadn't realized it was as bad as it was. Harry was very good at pretending he was fine.

He'd never told them exactly how he and Draco had ended up together, either. He found that he really wanted to share the story and he knew it would get the witch's mind off the darker thoughts. It was quite amusing.

"I think Draco kissed me the first time out of sheer annoyance that I didn't fight with him anymore. He was just desperate for a reaction." He smiled back at her for a second. "Honestly, he's always been way too obsessed with me. It's charming really."

"Disturbing would be the word I'd use."

He chuckled softly. "That too."

"So? Did the gorgeous prince's kiss miraculously fix whatever was broken?"

Laughing outright at that, he shook his head. "Course not, 'Mione. It's not a fairy tale, after all. Actually, I didn't feel anything at all about it. I just told him I'd had better and walked away."

Now Hermione was laughing too. "I can just imagine how well he took that."

With a nod, he continued. "Yeah, he wasn't exactly happy with me. But I guess he took it as some sort of a challenge. After that the prat was turning up everywhere. He was quite determined to prove he wasn't second best to anyone."

"So that's why he spent all those weeks in such a royal snit. I think you're probably the only person that ever turned him down. But I don't understand. If you still didn't feel anything, even with him doing his damnedest to either kiss or annoy a reaction out of you, how did you end up falling in love with him?"

Harry smiled at the memory. "He smiled."

"Pardon?"

"We were in Hogsmeade one Saturday. You and Ron had gone off to snog somewhere and he had managed to corner me. I forget where exactly except that it was outside. The wind had messed up his hair worse than mine normally is and that annoyed me." He could still remember that, even if a lot of the other details of the day had slipped his mind. Seeing Draco Malfoy's hair messed up had annoyed the crap out of him, though he still didn't understand why. The annoyance was so great that it had overridden his apathy long enough to make him reach out and try to put the platinum locks back in order. Draco had looked shocked as hell at first. And then his face had lit up in a grateful smile. Apparently having his hair messy had annoyed him as well. "When I straightened it for him, he smiled at me."

He'd never seen that sort of smile on the Slytherin's face, hadn't even been sure he'd been capable of it. And for a moment, his nearly frozen heart had fluttered with something resembling happiness. He'd put that smile there, however unintentionally, and that knowledge felt good in a way that very little else had in all the months since the death of his last caring relative.

"You fell in love with him because he smiled at you?" Even Neville wouldn't have noticed the mix of skepticism and sarcasm in her voice.

Shaking his head, he turned around to face her. "No. But for just a second, I was happy that he smiled because of me. It's not the usual expression I inspire for people, 'Mione."

Which was true. With each victory over Voldemort and his followers, the respect he got from the Wizarding World had grown. So had the fear. Fear of his ever-increasing power, fear of the darkness that sometimes peered out from behind his glasses. Fear of him.

"It grew from there, though. A little at a time. The ennui began to fade a little. And when we started having sex," he blushed but pushed on gamely, "it faded a little more. Until it was almost gone." His moments of complete emotionlessness were few and far between these days. The little cracks Draco had made in the ice had allowed others to get in as well. While he doubted he'd ever find the closeness he shared with Ron and Hermione with anyone else, he'd warmed up to most of the people he'd been friends with before. "Even when the thought of him leaving me hurts, at least I feel. Love or pain, it tells me that I'm alive, 'Mione. And I'd started to forget that for a while. Draco just reminded me."

His friend was still blushing from the sex comment, but she didn't let the embarrassment keep her from pulling him into a hug. "Well, for that at least, I'm grateful. I suppose I can even be moderately civil to the twit."

Harry smiled as he rested his cheek against hers, basking in the warmth of her unconditional love and friendship. He was damned lucky to have a friend like this. Hermione and Ron were two of the best things that had ever happened to him and despite their lack of censure, he knew that he'd treated them shabbily in the dark months when his emotions had been locked away.

He vowed never to let that happen again. No matter how shattered he ended up when Draco finally grew bored or how many people he lost to Voldemort, he'd never hide in the safety of non-feeling again. He could survive the pain, but he knew he couldn't survive the loss if he ever managed to push his friends away.

~*~*~

The Slytherin was already at the restaurant when he arrived. Draco stood off to one side, staring off into space and looking deep in thought.

Harry had to stop and admire the young pureblood in front of him. Hermione was right as usual. Draco was attractive. Gorgeous really. He was dressed in dark slacks and a long-sleeved white dress shirt topped with a silver and black sweater vest. He'd already removed his expensive robe and had it draped over one arm. Though his hair no longer looked like it had been cemented down like it had when they were still children, the blonde tresses were slicked back, nary a hair out of place. He looked like the rich, pureblooded wizard he was.

He also looked entirely too serious for a simple dinner and Harry couldn't help the wave of uncertainty that washed over him. Had Draco asked him here to break off their relationship? Part of him despaired. Somehow, he'd thought he'd have more time than this.

"Draco?"

Draco turned around and looked him up and down, making Harry glad that he'd taken the time to make sure he looked nice. The glow of approval and mild arousal in those silver eyes went a long way in easing the knot that had formed in his throat.

And then the blonde smiled. Not his usual smirk, but a brilliant, genuine smile that lit up his entire face.

If only Ron and Hermione could see that smile, he thought. It had been a similar smile that had started the whole falling in love thing for him. When Draco Malfoy smiled like that, he wasn't just attractive. He was beautiful.

Harry smiled back.

"Harry." The aristocrat glided over to him and offered an arm. Hesitantly, the Gryffindor took it. Draco wasn't usually into such public displays of their affair. Oh, he'd never deny that they were lovers and at the school, he was an awful flirt, but at Hogsmeade he was usually a little more discreet. Harry had never really cared one way or the other and had simply figured that showing affection of any sort in company was one of those things that Malfoy's just didn't do.

The smiling hostess of the establishment appeared then and led them over to a secluded table. The window beside it had been enchanted to give a gorgeous view of a clear night sky shimmering with the magic of the Northern Lights. A crystal vase sat on the table, a bouquet of Oriental Siberian lilies and another, smaller, slightly off-white flower (2) that Harry didn't recognize gave off a pretty floral scent that was soothing.

His companion pulled out his chair for him and kissed his cheek, causing Harry to blush and wonder at his lover's' odd mood. Their relationship wasn't exactly what one would call romantic. And yet... There was nothing else one could call this. Draco had definitely gone all out for some reason. His curiosity was now running rampant.

"Draco, what-"

"Questions later, Harry. Let's eat first, all right?"

Subduing his curiosity was difficult, but the raven haired Seeker managed it- barely. With a nod, he glanced down at the elegant hand-written menu and had a sudden urge to roll his eyes when he realized that he couldn't read it. "You know I can't read French, Draco. You'll have to either order for me or translate."

For some reason, the Slytherin found that outrageously funny. His shoulders shook with the laughter that bubbled up and it took a moment for him to gain enough control to speak clearly… "It's not French, silly. It's Italian."

Heat rose up in Harry's face until even the tips of his ears were flushed.

Before he could loose the defensive insult that hovered on the tip of his tongue, Draco waved his hands in apology and smiled. It was hard to be mad at the other young man when he smiled like that.

Glancing over the menu, Draco 'hmmed' faintly to himself before looking back up at Harry with an oddly intense look on his face. "Do you trust me?"

Wary, the Gryffindor answered slowly. "For the most part." He trusted Draco to be himself.

His answer prompted a brilliant smile. "Good." He signaled their server and spoke to the woman in rapid fire Italian. She left and moments later, their goblets filled with a deep red wine. Draco picked up his and motioned for Harry to follow suit. "To the future."

The Gryffindor arched a brow in question, but didn't actually voice it as they gently clinked the goblets together.

The dinner of salad and a deliciously rich pasta that Harry had never had before was eaten around light conversation of school and Quidditch.

Everything was cleared away and though the pair declined desert, they each accepted a second glass of wine. Sipping it carefully- he really had no head for alcohol- Harry wondered if his questions would be answered now. Before he could ask them, Draco had placed a small box on the table and pushed it towards him.

"Draco... The clothes were more than-"

His protest was waved away. "The clothes were for my own selfish reasons. A Malfoy can hardly be seen in public with someone who dresses like a vagabond. This is different. Please, Harry, just open it."

Rather than remark about the offense to his clothing, Harry turned his attention to the box, opening it with great trepidation. His mouth gaped open at the sight of its contents. "Draco? Is this… Is this what I think it is?"

Despite having spent the better part of the last seven years of his life learning about the wizarding world, he still occasionally bumbled things horribly to the amusement of those who'd been born into it. And this would be the bumble of all bumbles if he were wrong.

The look on the pureblood's face was completely serious in spite of the soft smile he wore. He inclined his head slightly. "If you're thinking it's a band for a bonding promise, then yes, it is."

Harry was flabbergasted. Completely and utterly stunned. For a long moment, as he sat there staring at the tastefully ornate band, his body was frozen with his shock. After all the torment of knowing his time with Draco was going to be short, and that one day they might even end up on the opposite sides of a battlefield, his mind was having a hard time processing this abrupt reversal in everything it knew to be true.

"Draco..."

"You don't have to decide now, of course. Considering the commitment involved, it's probably best to think about it first."

Marriage between witches and wizards, he knew, were a great deal different than those of Muggles. They were bound together magically and it was a bond that could only be severed by death. There were no divorces in the wizarding world. If he said yes, then it would be permanent.

It was a commitment that he'd never expected from anyone, never mind Draco Malfoy.

"Why?"

Draco tilted his head to one side. "Why am I asking now or why am I asking you?"

He gulped hard. "Both."

"We'll be graduating soon. I would have begun looking for a potential spouse right around now anyway. As for why you.... You love me."

He stated it simply, as if that was the only thing that mattered. Harry hadn't even realized that Draco knew about his feelings. He'd thought he'd done a fairly good job of keeping them under wraps, but apparently he was as bad an actor and liar as Ron and Hermione had always claimed. Regardless, he didn't bother trying to deny it. "But you don't love me."

Draco shrugged. "I don't love anyone other than my parents. I am, however, fonder of you than I have been of anyone else I've ever known. Quite odd really, when you consider our relationship up until a few months ago." He looked bemused at the thought. "I will grow to love you, Harry."

Again, he looked as if he was stating a known fact rather than just making guesses. "How can you be so sure?" Harry sighed. "I swear sometimes I don't understand you at all."

That got a smile. "Love begets love. Harry, I was going to be married within a year of graduating regardless, and as no one but you has ever really held my interest for more than a week or two, I'd have probably allowed my father to choose someone. Someone who loved only my money and my name."

"And what about your family? I can't imagine they'll be too pleased about this."

"I spoke to my father this morning. You're right, he's not very happy about it, but he accepts my choice. Father's own marriage to my mother was arranged and I understand they were both quite miserable for years before enough positive emotion began to grow between them. Now, of course, they're quite in love. They won't approve the match in public, of course, but that's only due to the differences in allegiances."

Harry wondered briefly about Lucius and Narcissa before the last bit caught his attention. "What do you mean?"

Draco rolled his eyes, his expression clearly saying he thought Harry was being slow on purpose. "Obviously, my allegiances will change from my father to my spouse. And while others might be willing to be either in You-Know-Who's service or neutral, I hardly think that would set well with you, now would it?"

Feeling somewhat bemused, the Boy Who Lived shook his head. No, there was no way he could be anything other than in the thick of things once the battle with Voldemort was finally fully engaged and he'd kill himself before he'd join the bastard.

"Your father will kill me for sure now." Lucius Malfoy had long hated him; he could only imagine how much worse it would be now, even if he did say no.

"No, he won't. My father may not be all soft and fluffy, but he'd never intentionally cause me grief. I told you, he accepts my choice. He is one enemy that you will never have to worry about."

That perked Harry up a bit. He'd resigned himself to the fact that, despite his feelings for the younger Malfoy, one day he might have to kill either Draco or Lucius, or that one of them would kill him; that both would be on the opposing side. Taking two future enemies out of the equation would have been enough to make him seriously consider the proposal even if he hadn't been in love.

There were other issues to consider, though and Draco was already speaking again as he pushed some papers over in front of Harry. "I also spoke to a barrister today. Your parents were clients of his before they died. I suspected you wouldn't want to live on Malfoy property and everyone knows you refuse to go near your godfather's Manor since his death. The Potter estate in Godric's Hollow would need to be rebuilt, but it does still belong to you. There's plenty of acreage, if you don't wish to build in the same spot as the former home."

The breath caught in his chest and pain stabbed at him for a moment from the reminder of the loss of both his parents and Sirius all at once. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to regain a sense of balance.

Arms wrapped around his shoulders and regretful silver eyes met his when he twisted his head to look up at Draco. The blonde was beside him, hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry, I didn't think."

"S'okay." And it was, really. The only memory he had of his parents was their deaths and he'd hardly known Sirius. He had to get over it eventually. If only so that other people didn't have to feel like they were walking through a minefield when they conversed with him.

Still, it was sweet of Draco to try and comfort him.

Breathing in the scent of the man holding him blended with the flowers, Harry wrapped his own arms around Draco and snuggled closer.

And he knew, in that moment, what his decision would be. There were things to work out and friends to convince.

He might not have had any choice in falling in love with Draco Malfoy, but he did have the choice of holding onto him.

It was a choice he made gladly and without regret.

~*~*~*~
Author's Notes:

*twitches* I don't like this. Not that I think it's awful or anything, I just think that I got away from the series. I don't think it meshes as well with Draco's piece as I'd hoped. It also ended... oddly... too abrupt, I think. Perhaps I should write a new companion piece and make this an AU of my AU??? ^_^ sorry. I'm just annoyed that I let myself get so far off track. Well, Hope you liked it, in spite of a number of inconsistencies between this one and the other. Many thanks to all those that reviewed 'The Choices We Make: Draco'. Also to bluejeanbaby, my wonderful beta who goes above and beyond the call of duty to help even when she's sick. Thanks, you're the greatest! ^_^ Ja! NemKess

1) I am very aware of how grammatically incorrect this sentence is and I apologize. It's a sort of stream of consciousness from Harry though, and I can't really change it and still keep the flow of what was going through my mind here.

2) Double Narcissus: Cheerfulness... or at least, that's what the florist calls them. ^_^;;; Very pretty. My brother is drawing me a pic of the table setting. Hopefully he'll actually finish this one. I couldn't actually find anything that described how a Narcissus of any breed smelt and my own allergies prevented me from tracking one down in a florist shop or nursery to find out first hand. I'm just assuming that they smell good.