Hey People!

I'm still in Italy, but that won't stop me for writing! I've just finished the third chapter in the second instalment of THE SECRETS SERIES (The First Instalment |Prequil, by request| comes out next "These Secrets Made"; look for it! -- Please?-- ), i hope y'all like it.

As for this chapter, i hope you like it, and i would like to shout KIM's name from the italian roof-tops for Beta Reading this (which really needed it, considdering i wrote it on an Itallian Key-Board and these things are FREAKY!!!) She rocks, i love her, she *IS* the best. I'm her new biggest fan! ANYHOO!

Enjoy!

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These Secrets Kept #3 ; Throwing Caution Downwind

Six months. It's [It'd] been about six months since I last saw her, and if you asked I could probably give it to you down to the seconds. I miss her, no denying that. I'm sure you can see it on my face, and even Dawn noticed it. Faith didn't even bother to come in when she dropped her off last time. Just dumped the poor girl on the porch with her bags, and the only excuse she had was that she didn't want to wake me?! I'm still a Slayer, and it is still my instinct to be awake at 9:30! Ugh, she makes me so mad . . .

But that's not the point. It's been half a year, and I've probably said less then 25 words to her in that time. When she would call and talk to Dawn, she never asks [asked] her to hand the phone over to me anymore, and I hate it. I miss her so much I bleed. It's unnatural to be away from her this long.

When she was in the hospital sitting [wrong word] in a coma for eight months there were lonely nights I would go and sit by her bed. I spent many a lonely night, during those eight months she was in a coma; sitting next to her bed, holding her hand, kissing her head, and crying. 'I had done that', I would think, 'I had done that to my Faith'. I always thought she'd felt it when I was there, I could always feel her in my blood on those nights . . . but the Body-Switching incident laid testament that I was the only one who experienced that.

There were several times when she was locked away that I had gone to see her. No, not in a CV-kinda-way, but using what Giles taught me. He'd explained to me how Slayer dreams work. When it was dark, and I was cold, and the whole thing with Adam or Riley or Spike was getting me down, all I had to do was sleep. I'd stay awake for as long as I could and then meditate. I'd find my Slayer-Core, and I was there. *We* would be there, together, in our dreams.

She would be angry some times, and she would try and hurt me, and I'd be thankful that [delete "that"] they were just dreams . . . but then there were times when she would break-down and cry, falling in my arms, and I'd want her there with me. She'd apologize, and I'd hold her, and I'd feel so ashamed. I made her do this, I'd made her the killer she saw herself as. I was her murderer. But we worked through all that, and now we're closer then we've ever been . . . or at least we were. I wish I could go back to that, I miss her so much, and I know I treated her like crap. After all the shit I put her through I'd be shocked if she even felt anything for me at all.

Suddenly I hear a knock at the door and I'm out of my seat faster than if someone had lit a fire under me. I don't even notice I've just spilled the remains of my popcorn all over the floor. Glancing at my watch I see that it's 8pm, and I realize I got the time wrong. My heart freezes as I realize who exactly is standing on my porch. I run to the door, and stand before

it for a second. I thought I had more time, I thought I had til midnight again . . . but I was wrong. Looking down at my clothes I suddenly feel self-conscience in my plain jeans and zip-up-hoody. But as I see her figure move through the frosted panes of glass in our front door, I realize what I wear doesn't matter; she's all that matters.

I pull the door open, and instantly I feel better. All the loneliness is gone, and I feel like I've been pulled out of frozen water and can breath again. She looks up, and smiles slightly, but then wipes it away even faster. Always putting on a mask, Faith, never showing your true face . . . but I've seen it, and I'll never forget how beautiful it is. I smile at her, and the struggle for her to keep a stern face is noticeable.

"Hey." I say quietly, she nods slightly, and runs a hand through her hair.

"Hey." comes her short reply. I wave her in, and she slowly passes over the threshold. She shoves her hands into her pockets, and I know its to keep herself from fidgeting. I know because she told me, all those months ago.

"It's good to see you, Faith." she smiles a little at that, and I know she wants to go back to being friends, talking like we used to, and in all honesty I can't remember what caused this rift between us.

"So, you must be Faith?" And suddenly it comes back to me. I *Completely* forgot Danny was here! Shit, I must have scared the dust out of him when I ran off like that. He's always looking out for me, and I hate it. It's like Riley all over again, but at least Riley knew that I could take care of myself. I watch as Faith looks him up and down, a confused look on her face, and then turns to me. Danny hold out his hand, and smiles. "I'm Danny, Lizzy's Partner." Faith's eye grow massive and I have the sudden urge to throttle Dan until his eye spring from their sockets . . . But I can't while his hand's attached to Faith.

"Lizzy?" Faith asks incredulously. I look down at my feet, and then look back at Faith.

"Yeah, Lizzy . . . it's a nick-name for Elizabeth, you know . . . Like 'Buffy'?" Did Faith really think that my mom would be cruel enough to give me the name 'Buffy' in a legal sense? No, just something that started in Play-Group and kinda stuck. she looks like she's holding in a laugh, and Dan looks confused.

"What, do most people just call you Liz?" Faith just nods, an evil grin on her face. and I'm sure I'm bright red. No one ever calls me Liz, or Lizzy, or Elizabeth . . . but when I moved and wanted a change, I figured I'd start with my name. I didn't want to be Buffy: the Vampire Slayer anymore, I just wanted to be Elizabeth: Average Working Girl. But Xander was right; you can't bury the past, it'll come right back up to get you. "So, you're the Best-Friend I've heard

so much about?" Danny says jovially, "Were you the one Liz went to visit down in LA a few weeks ago?" Shit. At that I know Faith's going to break something, and all I can do is hope it's not my oblivious partner. She looks at me accusingly, and I clear my throat.

"Uh, No, Dan. I went down there to see my Dad. He lives there too." I say slowly, and Faith looks uneasy. It was true too. I needed some help sending Dawn to Rourke (that school isn't cheap) so we worked out a sort of Gilmore- Girls deal. I have to spend one week-end with him every-other month when he's in town. Luckily he went back to Spain and after that he's spending 4 months in Venice to work out some deals with Old Money families in Italy.

"But didn't you say you were planning on dropping in on that friend of yours?" he asks slowly, "I thought you said you were going to see her . . . what was her name . . . Willow, right?"

"No, Willow lives in Ohio, Faith lives in LA." I say quietly, "I had planned to stop in and say hello, but . . . things came up. I had to come back early." and I can tell by the look on Faith's face she already knows what REALLY happened. I chickened out. I tucked my tail between my legs and ran out of there as soon as I had approached the door and heard Faith talking to Gunn behind it. Dan just nods, and then looks at his watch, and puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Shoot, I didn't realize how late it was! I have to take the car to be serviced okay? Pick you up at 9:00?" he asks quickly, starting to head out the door. I nod, and he speeds off. As the door closes behind him, Faith and I are left alone in the entry hall, and no distractions. The movie we had been watching could be heard playing quietly in the background, and the grandfather-clock next to the door ticks slowly, but that's all. The thought of whether or not Danny knew what he'd just stepped in on unbidden wanders into my head. Faith looks down, and taps the toe of her boot into the carpet.

"So that was Danny?" she asks quietly. I nod, and look down at my own feet, my cross-trainers looking so shabby all of a sudden.

"Yeah, that's him." I glance back into the living room and then down at my clothes and laugh nervously. "Sorry about the mess, I thought you were coming at 12:00 again."

"But you were planning on leaving with Danny at 9:00?" she asks coldly. I have to the urge to point out she didn't even bother to look in on me the last time she stopped stopped by; but I'm too tired, way too tired of everything. Of being lonely, of being sad, of her and I not talking, and I suddenly get the urge to just fall into her arms crying, the way she would with me in her dreams . . . But I don't. I can't, not here, not when we have 6 months of silence between us. So I nod, and I shift my weight from toe to heel, and stay quiet. she clears her throat and looks towards the living room.

"So where was he taking you? Dancing, dinner, what?" she's trying to sound casual, but I know it's hurting her to even think it. I know, because it was for me. why do you think I had to stay away, Faith? why did you think I hated it so much?

"No, we're registered to do the night shift tonight . . . we have to be there at 9:30 to start our shift at 10. He just has to get the car checked out before we're cleared for tonight." she nods awkwardly again, and looks at me suddenly.

"Oh, uh, by the way," she sounds kind quiet, "Good job passing the Policemen's Exam . . . Dawn told me. she was, uh, very proud of you." that's her way of saying she was too, and it makes me smile.

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad, being a former Slayer and all, but the written wasn't a snap I'll tell you that much." She nods and I can't help but ask the question that always comes to mind whenever I see her. "How's Wood?" her face hardens, but then cracks into a smile. she laughs and then looks at me, as though it's a joke I don't get.

"He's just started at this new school down in LA; public -- again -- and he's loving it there. He wants to be there for a few years, so he can get a good rep as a [delete a] principal at a school that didn't get wiped off the face of the earth the *only* year we was working there. Then he wants to get transferred to the high-school he used to go to."

I just smile, and she does too, though hers is wider, and it makes me nervous. It's one of those Cat-That-Ate-The-Canary Smiles, and i just want to wonder when the feathers will start showing between her teeth.

"So, um, how are you two . . . you know, as a c-couple?" I choked on the whole sentence but that last word killed me. she shrugs and I'm expecting something along the lines of last time.

"We broke up," if I had water in my mouth it would have been sprayed all over the floor, When the *hell* did this happen?! "When I got back to LA he and I were fine . . . you know, for all of two days. then, out of the blue he said he wanted to break up. when I asked him why, all he said was that he knew I didn't love him, but I did love some one else . . . he also mentioned the fact that he had called Willow, and she'd told him that Dawn had been there . . . he knew I came to see you. He said he knew about us, and he wasn't upset." she sighed and looked right at me, but her stare wasn't accusing, just sad.

"He said he knew it was you. he said he knew because I wouldn't have kept it from him if there wasn't something to hide . . ." she sighed, and closed her eyes slowly. When she opened them again they were turned away. " . . . That's why you didn't tell me about Danny, isn't it?"

"Why didn't you tell me about Wood?" I ask, glossing right over the last question. "Why didn't you tell me, Faith? what did you gain by keeping this from me, FOR 6 MONTHS?!" now I'm angry, and I don't care. "why, in all that time, did you not tell me?! Why didn't you just pick up the phone and tell me something - ANYTHING?! why did you keep me in the dark for *so* LONG?! Why Faith? . . . why didn't you call me?" I want to cry. My eyes are on the verge of burning, and I can feel the tears beneath the surface, but I don't care. I will *not* cry. Not until I get my answers.

"Why didn't you tell me about Danny?!" she demands back, yelling right at me, "Why didn't you tell me about your little cop-lover-boy, huh?! Why, for so long, while we *were* talking, did you not tell me about him?! Huh?! WHY NOT!?!"

I calm, and slowly approach her.] She takes a step back, her anger making her defensive so I stop, and I smile slightly at her, and approach again. This time, she doesn't move away.

"Faith, I'm sorry. I was worried that if I told you, you'd get angry. I know how jealous you get, and I know how protective you are of me, and I didn't want that." I'm inches away now, and I place a hand on either side of her face. There's a fading light in her eyes, and I know it's a glimpse of her once proud spirit. The defeated fire that once played her passion seems weak and weary . . . a feeling I know all too well. And once again she looks sad and lost.

"All I wanted was to live my life out here, and I thought that if I told you there was some guy pursuing me that I hung out with all the time, and that I had a lot in common with . . . you'd be up here, keeping an eye on us, watching us, and . . ." I sigh and I try to remember how to get my lips and tongue to make sounds that will later become words. I feel like everything I'm saying is coming out wrong, and I don't want that. I want her to understand. I want her to

*know*. I close my eyes and sigh, wanting things to be perfect, the way they were.

"Faith, you know what happens when we're together, every time, and I thought I was doing what was right, for you, for WOOD, but . . . if you had just told me . . . you would have been welcome to meet him, 'cause then you'd see that I didn't want him like that, Faith . . . I don't like him, he's just a friend, and I'm sorry I started this but . . . I thought I was acting in your's and Wood's best interests. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to be happy on your own." and with that I feel a tear escape my eye, and I can't help sniffling a little.

For half a year I've thought about her, and missed her, and prayed for her happiness, only to find out I've cause her nothing but pain. she wraps me up in a hug, and I hold her so tight even a Slayer might feel a little winded. she's running her hands down my back, and another tear falls. Only she could ever do this to me, make me feel like I'm helpless and small, and that she'll keep me safe no matter what. That's the only reason I feel like I can cry with her, for her, or in her arms. No one else, not ever again. She's my Faith, and I've missed her so much.

"Faith I'm SO sorry . . ." is all I can squeeze out before I need to get some air after our bone crushing hug. she shakes her head, and wipes my tears away. Always taking care of me, Faith. God, why did you leave me for so long? "I promise, I won't keep things from you *ever* again. I'll tell you next time I promise I will!" I sound pleading, and she shakes her head and shushes me. Pulling me close again, she kisses my temple, and she just holds me; the way I wanted her to.

"It's okay, B, It's alright. You don't have to tell me everything. You have a life here, and I have to respect that . . ." she sounds defeated, and it makes me hold her even tighter, "I know you said that I couldn't come running to you after Wood, and I thought . . . well . . . from the way Dawnie laid it out I thought you and he were, you know . . . I didn't want to come up here and force you to arrest me for assault . . ." a single quiet chuckle left Faith's throat, and she whispers to me, "Though the idea of you and handcuffs is kinda kinky..."

I gasp, and try to pull away, thinking how Faith can turn anything into a joke, but she doesn't let me. Fast as lightning, she holds me to her, wrapping her arms around my middle, and I see she has a playful smile on her face.

She looks at my lips, and licks hers, and I instantly feel it. Every time she touches me, or looks at me that way, I fall to pieces and melt into her hands. Her Passion -- and it is strictly hers -- stirs inside me, and I have never felt so helpless to my needs. She pulls me to her quickly, and for that split second all I can think is; 'about damn time!' It's been far too long, and as wrong as it is, it feels far more right.

Her lips claim mine in a way that is distinctly Faith and I. She's gentle with me, she always is, no matter how she jokes, and I don't care. But at the same time, she has a constant fevered passion that seems to bring out a carnal side to her. She says that I'm the only one that makes her feel that way, the only one that can truly satisfy her, and she whispers that in my ear as she nibbles my neck; holding me like the helpless slave that I am.

"Faith, God, I've missed you . . ." is all I can get out as she gently sucks on the flesh of my ear, making me purr as only a Slayer can. She lifts me against her, pressing me into the hall closet door. She slowly devours my collar bone, right were Angel's bite is. She's always paid close attention too it. She knows he was my first, and as such has a part of me she can never touch, but she likes to make everything on my body hers. Therefore this is her favorite place to leave her marks; and *always* as a small heart-shaped Hickey.

But as I bask in the feel of her lips and tongue on my skin, I suddenly look at the clock and realize it's 8:45. Danny will be back in a matter of minutes, and Dawn is still sleeping upstairs . . . this can't go on forever. It has to stop, I need to get out of this loop, and I need to do it now before it's too late.

"Faith, Stop." I say firmly, no trace of passion left in my voice. It seems to shock Faith as all I was doing for the past many minutes was moaning and mewling at her soft touches all over my

body. She pulls back, and I step down. As she looks at me, almost scared. I take a few deep breaths willing my blood to go to my legs so I can stand on my own.

"I can't do this anymore, Faith. It needs to stop. I need to get out." and with that, it's happened. I've made up my mind, and I'm doing it. It won't be easy, it never is, but it's harder not too. Staying like this will only kill me slowly. "Every time!" I growl, not at her, but she backs away regardless. I storm up the stairs, and I hear her climb the first few as I go into my room. "Every time, every-single-time!" I yell as I come back down. There's a bag in my right hand as I ascend to the main floor again, and she looks confused.

"Every time, Faith. Every time you come by I pack a bag, and every time I tell myself 'this is it, Buffy, this is the time you're going to make it out of here...' but it never happens. I'm tired Faith, and I want out. I was born a Slayer, and I've died as one twice. I don't know life as anything else, and more than that . . . I'm so lonely, and I'm the only one to blame. This all started so I wouldn't feel so alone, so isolated, so by myself, and it's come back to bite me in the ass. I want out Faith. Please . . . . ." I say desperately, the tears back again, "Take me with you?" She smiles and tosses my bag aside, grabbing me in a giant sweeping hug. As she pulls me to her, she seems to whoop for joy, and I feel her tears on my neck, and I know I've done the right thing.

Not just for me, but for her; for us.

The door to Dawn's room opens, and we hear her step out. she walks slowly down the stairs wiping her eyes free of sleep, and looks at us like we're crazy. But we don't care, we're just too happy; and she just shakes her head, and goes back to her room to get her stuff. Faith takes my bag under one arm, and holds out the other to lead me to the car. I tuck myself under it, and she kisses my head softly. As I pack my stuff into the front seat of the Belvedere, she smiles, and pulls me in for a deep passionate kiss. Her lips feel like wet silk against mine, and I know it's because she's crying again. I kiss her even more deeply, letting my tongue play across her lips. But before her need grows too much, I pull gently away. Laying my forehead against hers, I whisper breathlessly.

"No more running Faith, I'm done." I say, sounding exhausted, and she nods. "I'm with you, to Cleveland, to LA, or even back here, I don't care. I'm just so tired of being alone. I'll go where you go Faith;" and I kiss her quickly. "I'm no longer afraid of staying with you . . ." She quickly pulls me to her in a fast kiss, and she opens the door for Dawn. She's just descended the stairs, and we watch as she jogs towards the car and tosses her stuff in the trunk. She turns a scrutinizing eye towards me.

"You're coming?" she asks like she's half shocked, half excited. I nod, and her face falls, "Does this mean that I have to sit in the back with the Sodas?" I nod, and she huffs as she tosses her case back there.

"But look at the up-side," I say quickly, "This way you both don't have to drive for as long. Dawn gives a long whistle of relief, and Faith and I laugh at the same time. I have a suddenly optimistic outlook on life, and I like it! I slide in, and close the door. I don't think I've ever been his excited about a three day drive before . . . or any drive, ever, come to think of it. Just as Faith starts the engine, Danny knocks on my door. turning to face him, I see he looks shocked. I just smile and wave.

"Liz, what are you doing?" he asks, almost worried. he's never seen me this free-spirited before, I'm always the calm, cool, collected one, and I think this is scaring him. The thought makes me laugh, and I just smile.

"Dan, I'm sorry I have to go. I'm needed in Ohio." Looking back towards Faith and Dawn I feel more confident than ever when I see their smiles. "It's a family thing." With that Faith revs the engine, and starts to pull out. "Tell Captain Frank that I'm taking a personal leave and will be back as soon as the situation allows." I call as we begin to speed down the street. Just as he starts to fade away, I call a quick thank-you and Faith chuckles.

As we race down the street and towards the highway I roll down my window. As the cool air hits me I can't help but smile and sigh. Glancing at the brunette next to me makes me feel so happy and so free I can't even express it in words. Just seeing the wide smile on that beautiful face makes me wish I had done this ages ago. It makes me wish I had never left in the first place, but then again, if you never know what it's like to drown, you'll never learn how well you can swim.

End Part Two of "The Secrets Series" ; Part One On It's Way: "These Secrets Made"

(Optional Epilogue for Part Two be added soon!)

~ VixenRaign ~