Percy contemplates his life so far and doesn't feel quite too happy about it. Holy crap, I forgot why I hated songfics. Someone find me Suddam so I can make him blow them up.
Start time: 9:50 PM
Disclaimer: The lyrics are Stabbing Westward's "Wasted" song *plug* *makes you love Stabbing Westward* and Percy is JK Rowling's. But I'm sure if I paid her enough, she'd let me have him.
I've spent
My life
Running from the emptiness
That haunts me
Never in my life have I had someone who truly cares about me. Not the way I yearn to be cared for. I wanted that one true love to fill my life, make me whole. . . But how could anyone love me? How could anyone love someone who can't even love themself. . .
And I've felt
My whole life
Trying to fuck
The loneliness away
All my life I've been alone. The odd one out. Charlie and Bill were the oldest and experienced everything together; Fred and George were the trouble making twins who always had eachother's backs; Ron and Ginny who were the youngest and pampered by mum. Did anyone even notice me growing up?
And I die
Inside
When I think of all the people
I have damaged
I betrayed my family. I let them down. I turned my back on everything I've ever loved, just for what? The POSSIBLE chance to be Minister of Magic sometime in the future? How could I be so stupid. . . Now what should I do? Crawl back to those I dismissed so easily?
And I'm tired
I'm so tired
And there's no one else
Except myself to blame
If only I weren't just a shadow. I've done everything anyone ever wanted just to get ahead, to prove myself. I've let the lowest of people trample over me. . . I can't even remember a time when I did something just for myself. Doing something with nothing at all to gain. Being able to let go and be free.
My life's been wasted
Everything is gone
My life's been wasted
And I am all alone
My life's been wasted
There is no one else
My life's been wasted
It's time I face myself
Who would honestly choose to live this way? How low I've gone. . . I don't even know who I am anymore. . .
I've spent
My life
Trapped inside
A cycle of self destruction
If I could just take it back. . . Take it all back. I'd do anything to go back to the way things were. I miss those days. . . Those innocent days when I never felt cold. Never had to be alone. . . I got lost in fantasies. . . Now I don't know where I am..
And I've spent
My whole life
Trying to numb
The pain inside my soul
I tried to tell myself that I was just being childish. Of course I was loved. Of course I wasn't left out. Why would anyone's family treat them bad? Even though I tell myself that. . . deep down. . . I still remember. Remember the jokes that made me cry. Remember how no one came to my side to make me feel better. . .
And furious
I cry
When I realized
I fought this war with no one
I chose this for myself. . . I chose to be this way. I've worked my whole life to get to where I am. People would kill to do what I do. . . Yet I still feel like there's more for me... But I don't think I'll ever find out what that "more" is. . .
I'm tired
I'm so fucking tired
Gotta find a way
To keep myself alive
Maybe if I just gave up. . . No one would notice if I never came back. No one would probably even care. . . Well that's just stupid. Of course SOMEONE would notice if I were gone. . . All the papers and tasks that wouldn't be finished. . . And no one around to be walked over and treated poorly. . . I've got nothing worth living for. . . Nothing to keep me going. . .
When I reach the end
Will anything I've done
Mean anything?
Will anything I've done mean anything?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: Umm.. Yeah, there's not supposed to be anything after that last lyric. The last half is him wondering if anything he's done means anything. So I didn't really write more. LOL. Please, PLEASE review. This one's a doozy. I need flames and criticism bad. I don't like this fic at all. LOL.
End Time: 10:35PM
Start time: 9:50 PM
Disclaimer: The lyrics are Stabbing Westward's "Wasted" song *plug* *makes you love Stabbing Westward* and Percy is JK Rowling's. But I'm sure if I paid her enough, she'd let me have him.
I've spent
My life
Running from the emptiness
That haunts me
Never in my life have I had someone who truly cares about me. Not the way I yearn to be cared for. I wanted that one true love to fill my life, make me whole. . . But how could anyone love me? How could anyone love someone who can't even love themself. . .
And I've felt
My whole life
Trying to fuck
The loneliness away
All my life I've been alone. The odd one out. Charlie and Bill were the oldest and experienced everything together; Fred and George were the trouble making twins who always had eachother's backs; Ron and Ginny who were the youngest and pampered by mum. Did anyone even notice me growing up?
And I die
Inside
When I think of all the people
I have damaged
I betrayed my family. I let them down. I turned my back on everything I've ever loved, just for what? The POSSIBLE chance to be Minister of Magic sometime in the future? How could I be so stupid. . . Now what should I do? Crawl back to those I dismissed so easily?
And I'm tired
I'm so tired
And there's no one else
Except myself to blame
If only I weren't just a shadow. I've done everything anyone ever wanted just to get ahead, to prove myself. I've let the lowest of people trample over me. . . I can't even remember a time when I did something just for myself. Doing something with nothing at all to gain. Being able to let go and be free.
My life's been wasted
Everything is gone
My life's been wasted
And I am all alone
My life's been wasted
There is no one else
My life's been wasted
It's time I face myself
Who would honestly choose to live this way? How low I've gone. . . I don't even know who I am anymore. . .
I've spent
My life
Trapped inside
A cycle of self destruction
If I could just take it back. . . Take it all back. I'd do anything to go back to the way things were. I miss those days. . . Those innocent days when I never felt cold. Never had to be alone. . . I got lost in fantasies. . . Now I don't know where I am..
And I've spent
My whole life
Trying to numb
The pain inside my soul
I tried to tell myself that I was just being childish. Of course I was loved. Of course I wasn't left out. Why would anyone's family treat them bad? Even though I tell myself that. . . deep down. . . I still remember. Remember the jokes that made me cry. Remember how no one came to my side to make me feel better. . .
And furious
I cry
When I realized
I fought this war with no one
I chose this for myself. . . I chose to be this way. I've worked my whole life to get to where I am. People would kill to do what I do. . . Yet I still feel like there's more for me... But I don't think I'll ever find out what that "more" is. . .
I'm tired
I'm so fucking tired
Gotta find a way
To keep myself alive
Maybe if I just gave up. . . No one would notice if I never came back. No one would probably even care. . . Well that's just stupid. Of course SOMEONE would notice if I were gone. . . All the papers and tasks that wouldn't be finished. . . And no one around to be walked over and treated poorly. . . I've got nothing worth living for. . . Nothing to keep me going. . .
When I reach the end
Will anything I've done
Mean anything?
Will anything I've done mean anything?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: Umm.. Yeah, there's not supposed to be anything after that last lyric. The last half is him wondering if anything he's done means anything. So I didn't really write more. LOL. Please, PLEASE review. This one's a doozy. I need flames and criticism bad. I don't like this fic at all. LOL.
End Time: 10:35PM
