Day Seven: Daniel___

(This part written by Layton Colt)

I wake up to a muted and unpleasant noise. Ugh. Did I drink last night? I put my hand up to my face and find a candy bar wrapper stuck to the side of my head. Then I place the noise. The same noise that usually wakes me up on off world missions. I turn my head, and see Jack, his legs falling off the side of the bed, mouth open as he snores.

I quickly jump from the bed. Sleeping all night in your commander's quarters is probably frowned upon on a military base. I start for the door, glad to see Jack is still sleeping, and grabbed up another Fifth Avenue before sliding out the door.

Sam and Teal'c are standing on the other side.

"Uh . . ." My voice falters. Even linguists can be speechless.

Sam grins at me. "Daniel," she says. "What are you doing?"

"I was watching the Simpsons," I blurt.

Teal'c raises an eyebrow. Sam's grin widens. "We were looking for you," she tells me. "When we couldn't find you, we thought we would ask the Colonel. These are his quarters, aren't they?"

"Yes, but you can't go in there. He's sleeping."

Now both Sam's eyebrows are shooting upwards. "Okay, then," Sam drawls. "I won't ask," she tells me with a wink.

Teal'c doesn't pick up on the innuendo. I wish I didn't either. I run a hand over my face.

"Long night?" Sam asks with a sweet smile.

She was never going to let me live this down.

"You were looking for me," I say. "You need something?"

Sam brings her grin under control. "Yes, I was wondering if you could get back to translating the device yet? Are you feeling up to it?"

I nodded blurrily, belatedly realizing I wasn't wearing my glasses. I pat down my pockets, but they aren't there.

"Daniel?" Sam queries.

"I can't find my glasses, I must have--" I trail off, looking at the door to Jack's quarters with dread. 

I roll my eyes up towards the ceiling, then turned back around and opened the door, Teal'c and Sam are right behind me, much to my horror.

Jack is still sleeping, though he had moved himself to the center of the bed now, and was curled up clutching his pillow. Sam made 'aww' sounds. Jack was going to kill me if he woke up.

Teal'c was staring at Jack with amusement. Neither of them were helping me find my glasses. "Guys," I whispered. "A little help?"

"I don't want to go to school," Jack murmurs. "I want to be a super hero."

Sam clamps a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. And Teal'c's eyebrow has shot to maximum height. I spotted my glasses and grabbed them.

"Let's go," I whispered.

Sam looked quite content where she was. She was even leaning in so she could hear Jack better as he talked in his sleep. "Sam," I started.

"I don't want a cat, I want the bunny rabbit . . ."

I could see she was about to lose it. I grabbed her arm and started to push her to the door, just as Jack shot up from the bed, reaching a hand to his hip for a gun that wasn't there.

"What the hell?" he snaps.

Sam straightens to attention. Teal'c remains unaffected. I fall against the wall and place my head in my hands.

"What are you all doing in here?" he snaps. Then he realizes he's still holding the pillow like a security blanket and tosses it to the side. "Well?" he demands.

"I was getting my glasses," I say at last. "I couldn't find them so Teal'c and Sam came into help."

I glare at my 'helpers.' They stare back but look unrepentant.

"You brought them in here?" Jack hisses.

"Well," I say, flashing Jack a quick smile. "TECHNICALLY, they came in all on their own."

Sam looks slightly guilty now--but I doubt that will keep her from telling Janet everything. Teal'c still hasn't changed expression, but his eyebrow remained halfway up his forehead.

"OUT!" he shouts.

When none of us move immediately, he glares. "Now! OUT!"

Teal'c turns smoothly on his heel and heads into the hallway, Sam lowers her gaze, fights off a return case of the giggles, and jogs out. I back up towards the door, snatching up another Fifth Avenue.

He glares at me, and puts his arm out straight, pointing to the door.

I can take a hint. I slip into the hallway and shut the door behind me. Sam is waiting at the end of the hallway. "You ready to go?"

I sigh. Sam wouldn't be in trouble over this, because Jack would never confront Sam about her seeing him asleep and muttering about bunny rabbits. He wouldn't be confronting Teal'c about it either. Which left me.

I know Jack believed yesterday that everyone was out to get him--and it seemed I was the chosen target for today.

"Daniel?" Sam says impatiently.

"I'm coming," I tell her. I catch up to her, handing over one of my candy bars to her as we make our way to her lab.

"Where's Teal'c?" I ask.

"He went ahead to the gym, he's giving a self defense class to the civilians on base."

I nodded. I was just glad I was no longer signed up for those things. Being on the premiere team, whether I was a civilian or not, did have its advantages.

"Your bruise is almost gone," Sam tells me with a grin. "Still a little grayish, but hardly noticeable now."

I smiled back. At least one thing was going right.

"But you do have an imprint of a Mars bar on your left cheek," she adds cheerfully.

The smile faltered and fell away.

I reached a hand up to my left cheek, and could feel the imprint. For a moment, I wished for the return of my long hair. Luckily we made it to Sam's lab without passing too many people, and I moved quickly inside. Sam followed me in, laughing as she shut the door.

I gave her a hard look, and then turned my attention back to the artifact on the counter. I was having very little luck with the translation, but with everything going on, I hadn't had nearly enough time to work on it. We both sit down and stare at it for a moment, wondering if it would magically do something to reveal its purpose.

It doesn't do anything. I sigh.

I grab one of the books I had left here from earlier, and got to work. The next time I looked at my watch, it was an hour later, and I was no closer to getting the thing figured out. I took my glasses off and ran a hand over my face. Across from me, Sam had rested her chin on her arm, and was glaring hatefully at the small item.

I was about to suggest we take a break when we heard voices coming from just outside the door. Sam frowns and walks over to open it. I force myself to stand and follow her. Ferretti and Jack are in a stand off in the middle of the grey hallway.

Somewhere, I was sure a clock was striking high noon.

"What did you say?" Jack growls.

Ferretti grins brazenly. "I said my sister has this BUNNY rabbit that she's trying to find a home for. Did you know anyone that might want it?"

Jack turns an accusing glare at us. "What did YOU say?" he demands. "What did I say?"

"I'm not sure you want me to tell you what you said in front of Ferretti, Jack," I tell him. "But Sam and I haven't said anything. We've been in here working since the last time we saw you."

"Really?" he asks with a forced calm. "Then just who told him? TEAL'C?"

Ferretti breaks out into a full blown grin and my jaw drops open. Who knew Jaffas were gossips?

"Teal'c?" Jack repeats in stupefaction. "Teal'c told you?" he demands of Ferretti.

Ferretti grins. "He told his whole class."

Jack pales. I feel a tiny pang of sympathy for him, but then remember the pictures he circulated of me asleep with a teddy bear. He planted the teddy bear, obviously. I had been drugged out of my mind by Janet because of a staff weapon blast to my shoulder. As though that would have stood in Jack O'Neill's way as he carried out a practical joke.

"What, exactly, did he tell them?" Jack demands.

"He told them how you desperately want a bunny rabbit," Ferretti says, trying to hold his composure. "And that . . . that," a few giggles escape. I never knew Ferretti could giggle. "That you would like to be a . . . a super hero."

Ferretti was laughing helplessly now, and Jack was staring at him in mortification.

"That's it," Jack says. "I'm packing up my stuff. I'll have to move to the Land of Light."

"It isn't as bad as that, Jack," I tell him. "Surely you're man enough to not let a few people's comments run you off."

He glares at me. Sam bit her lip. Ferretti starts laughing again.

"This is all YOUR fault," he snaps.

Isn't it always? "How, exactly?" I asked wearily.

"You know," he says with a glare.

"No, Jack, I don't. Please explain. How is it MY fault that you talk in your sleep?"

"Not that part," Jack said with a tip lipped grin. "Oh no, I'm talking about the OTHER part."

Ferretti perks up, apparently wanting to learn of this other part. That made two of us.

"You let them in!" he yells.

"The door wasn't locked," I say.

"That's because you didn't lock it when you left," he snaps back.

I close my eyes and wait for the fireworks.

"When he left, sir?" Ferretti asks helplessly. He's a moment from laughing again, but trying valiantly to hold it back.

Jack has frozen.

"What was he doing leaving, while you were sleeping, sir? Or . . . oops. I'm not supposed to ask, am I?"

"We were watching the Simpsons," Jack says, louder than necessary.

"Whatever turns you on," Ferretti says cheekily.

Beside me, Sam gasps at Ferretti's brazenness, and grabs onto me for support before launching into a coughing fit that was really just badly disguised giggles.

Jack's eyes had narrowed. "We were WATCHING the Simpsons. Both of us have HEAD INJURYS, so half way through we fell unconscious."

"So you missed the climax of the show, huh?"

Now we all freeze. Sam's giggles stop abruptly. Jack's jaw locks. I go numb and fear for Ferretti's life.

Run, Lou. RUN.

He doesn't get my mental messages, and stays stuck in place, swallowing as he wrings his hands together. "I mean--"

"GO!" Jack snaps. "Go now, while you can."

That is not a tone you mess with. Jack uses that tone, and even I--usually--will do whatever he says.

Ferretti gulps and jogs off the way he came.

Jack turns to me and glares. The run, RUN message was jangling around my mind again. This time directed at me. My feet didn't listen.

I'm saved, however, as Teal'c suddenly joins us in the hall. The look Jack shoots him is deadly. Teal'c doesn't have to worry, though. Because Jack can't take Teal'c. Teal'c would knock him on his ass, as he has many times before. As usual, I had the feeling I'd be Jack's scapegoat.

"Is something wrong, O'Neill?" Teal'c asks.

"You told your class I wanted a bunny rabbit?" Jack snaps.

"Indeed I did. I also informed them of your desire to be a 'super hero.' They found it most amusing."

The vain in Jack's forehead is growing as Teal'c speaks. "And WHY did you tell them?"

"They were not listening to me. I learned on your television, that 'small talk' often helps to 'break the ice.'"

"It was private," Jack snaps.

"You did not tell me that, O'Neill. I did not know that it was something you would not wish others to know."

Jack waves his hand in frustration and returns his glare to me. Sam makes full use of the momentary break.

"You two look like you want to be alone," Sam says quickly, before grimacing at her choice of words. "I mean, not want to be, but to talk. Alone to talk not want to be alone to--- Alone so you can . . . talk."

She snags Teal'c's arm and starts off down the hall, following Ferretti's same route of escape. I watch them go jealously, and then turn back to Jack, resigned to my fate.

"Do you do it on purpose?" Jack asks me wearily.

"Do what on purpose?"

"Systematically destroy my life."

I opened my mouth to respond, but then snapped it shut.

"Well?" he asks.

"I don't think I'm doing it on purpose, no. No, I'm sure I'm not."

His eyes narrow. "Well then this is one hell of an accident." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I hope you know--I'll never watch the Simpsons the same way again." He makes a face.

Lucky for me, I didn't watch the Simpsons.

He looks over at me, not angry this time. "So how's your . . ." he motions to my forehead.

"Fine. It's fine, how's your--" I motion to his head.

"Good," he says. "I guess we both had some bad luck this week, huh?"

I gave a small smile. "Yes."

An apology--Jack O'Neill style.

"I'm going to have to kill Ferretti, you know," he tells me.

I nod. "I'll help."

We grinned at each other, united by our need for revenge against Lou. I suddenly realized what Sam had meant when she told me that male bonding could be a scary thing.

Janet came rounding the corner, determination written all over her. "Colonel, Daniel," she greeted. "I'm glad I ran into you. I want you to both head to your quarters. I want to have a session with each of you before I clear you. Sam is first, so you guys can go ahead and wait together because it might be awhi--"

"NO!" Jack and I shout at once.

Janet eyes us both warily, wondering about our hits to the head no doubt. I just knew she'd be whipping out that penlight during our sessions.

"Well, wait separately then," she says bemusedly. "But I need you where I can find you so go."

"Yes, ma'am," Jack says with a grin.

She frowns at him and then continues on her way, her long white jacket billowing behind her as she walked. Janet could have been a super hero.

"I'll go this way," Jack says, pointing left.

I nod, and motion to the right. "And I'll just . . ."

He gives a clipped nod and heads off, I go in the opposite direction. As I turn into the corridor to my quarters, I see Sam walking towards me.

"You're still in one piece," she says with a grin.

"No thanks to you and Teal'c. He could have killed me."

"He wouldn't. We might want to hide Ferretti though."


My eyes narrow. "Well you better not tell me where you put him." 

She laughs. "I'm just going to get cleared. First thing I'm doing--going home and taking a nice big bubble bath."

I smile broadly. "I'm going to Starbucks," I tell her.

"Oh, that sounds good. Count me in!" she yells as she continues down the hall.

I head through the door of my quarters, and shut it behind me. Then I collapse into my desk chair. What a week. I don't know how we do so well off world. Maybe something about going through the gate makes us temporarily sane. And wouldn't that just shoot all of MacKenzie's theories to hell.

I leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling. A shiver ran down my back as I suddenly got an 'Urgo' feeling. Now I really was imagining him. I shrugged off the feeling and snapped open my laptop, turning it on.

As the computer booted, I got the strangest compulsion to sing . . .

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily . . ."

   The End.