A/N: You guys didn't think I'd completely forget about the whole Spinner/Marco thing, did you? Of course I didn't. Heheheheheheheeeee.. As I go fan girl. Um. -cough- Excuse me, I'm good.
Cruel Despair
Chapter Six
The sound of the phone ringing broke the silence in Spinner's bedroom. Alarmed and feeling his heart skip a beat hopefully, he jumped off of his bed to reach out for it, just in time to get his leg caught in his bed sheet. Before falling, he grabbed the receiver, then tumbled down, landing on the floor. He cursed in pain as his head hit against his desk. Rubbing the back of his head, he said breathlessly into the phone, "Hello?"
"Gavin, it's me," his mother's voice answered.
Sighing, a little disappointed, Spinner leaned his head back against the floor and stared up at the blank ceiling. "Oh, hey, Mom."
"Your dad and I'll be out late tonight," she told him. His parents had gone out of town to some family gathering which he nor his sister had been too keen on attending. They were allowed to stay home, on the condition that if anything turned up broken or missing by the time they got back, the shit would hit the fan. "I put money on the kitchen table, you guys can order a pizza."
Smiling slightly to himself, Spinner replied, "Okay."
"Is everything going all right there?" his mom asked, raising her voice a little bit to be heard over the chatter in the background.
"Everything's fine," he answered, trying his best to sound convincing. He wasn't lying, but he knew his mom didn't like leaving him and Kendra alone for long periods of time. As much as he reminded her that they weren't five anymore, she still worried. "Kendra's downstairs working on her homework. I'm just watching TV." He glanced at the TV screen across the room, which had been on mute for as long as he'd had it on.
"All right," she answered on the other end.
He could hear there was still some tension in her voice. "Mom, trust me. We're fine. Don't worry."
After letting out a sigh, she replied, her voice lightening. "Well.. okay. Just behave yourselves."
"Will do. Bye, Mom." He hung up after she had told him goodbye, and then stood up, dusting himself off. He glanced around, his eyes landing back on the phone, and for the millionth time that night, wondered if he should just call Marco. Ever since the night Marco had left him sitting on his door step, he couldn't stop wondering if it really was true. If Marco was gay.
And it made Spinner start to question himself. Before, he had never really thought too in depth about the things he was thinking about now. He wasn't stupid, or in denial. He was starting to come to the realization that the way he'd been looking at Marco lately, the way he'd been feeling around him.. It wasn't the way a friend looks at or feels for another friend. He wasn't sure why it was so easy for him to admit it to himself; he knew he should be scared or freaked, or something. But he wasn't. It just felt natural.
In the past, the only thing he'd ever known was liking girls. It was what guys did. They liked girls. He never gave it a second thought. The girls that had been in his life.. He'd never really felt much at all for them. He just never knew he was supposed to feel more. He'd followed the crowd, and figured that that was how it was supposed to be, how it was supposed to feel.
But now that Marco had come into the picture like this, Spinner was looking at things in a whole different light. He felt more for Marco than he'd ever felt for anyone else.. It was different, complicated. And wrong. He knew it was wrong. Imagine, if Jimmy or Paige or his sister ever found out he felt like he did for a guy. But he couldn't help it.
Spinner felt the back of his head throb in pain and rubbed it again. "Thinking way too much," he muttered to himself. Deciding to head get himself a snack, he left his room and raced down the steps into the kitchen.
"Whoa." Spinner turned his head and saw Kendra sitting at the kitchen table, glancing up from the homework she'd been working on. "Looks like you're in a hurry. Let me guess. Refridgerator?"
He smirked. "You know me too well." Then he spotted the twenty dollar bill his mom had left on the table for the pizza. Reaching across Kendra's books and papers, he grabbed the bill. "Almost forgot."
"Pizza?" Kendra asked hopefully, setting her pencil down on the table.
"Yep." He grabbed the phone off of the wall and dialed the nearest pizza place, the number he knew by heart. Ordering a large pizza topped with pepperoni, anchovies, and pineapple, he hung up the phone.
"I don't like anchovies," Kendra told him, her eyes fixed back on her homework as she scribbled something down.
Spinner walked over to a cabinet and grabbed a glass, then turned the tap on on the sink and filled it with water. "Pick 'em off." Just as he raised the glass to his lips, the phone rang. Spinner felt his heart skip a beat once again, and raced back to the phone after setting his glass down on the counter, grabbing it just before Kendra could.
"Sheesh," she mumbled, rolling her eyes, then sat back down at the table again.
Spinner took in a long breath and then let it out before answering. "Hello?"
"Is Spinner there?" His eyes widening, Spinner turned away from Kendra as he heard Marco's voice on the other end.
"This.." His first try came out high and weak, so Spinner cleared his throat and spoke again. "This is him."
"Oh, hey," Marco said. Just hearing his voice made Spinner's face start to feel hot, and he turned and glanced at his sister, who was giving him a weird look. He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, sitting down in a chair as Marco spoke. "I was wondering.."
A second of silence followed as Marco trailed off. "Yeah?" Spinner asked.
The boy on the other end sighed. "We need to talk."
Curious as to what they had to talk about, Spinner replied, "O-okay.."
"Just.. come over, all right?" Spinner could hear a nervousness, an urgency, in Marco's voice.
"All.. all right." Hanging up the phone, he stood up from the chair and grabbed his shoes, pulling them on his feet hurridly and tying them. He grabbed his jacket and pulled it on, looking up to see Kendra standing in the doorway.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Out." After he said it, he felt bad for giving his sister short answers, so he added, "I'll be back soon." He pulled open the front door and stepped out into the chilly air. "What about the pizza?" he heard Kendra call just as he shut the door.
She'll get over it, he thought, even though he felt a pang of guilt for leaving his sister by herself. Shrugging it off, he quickened his pace, and soon found himself back on Marco's doorstep, just where he'd been before. Hesitantly, he tapped on the door and was surprised when it flew open immediately.
Marco stood in the doorway and Spinner felt himself get chills, not just from the weather. "Come in," Marco said with the same tone of voice he had had on the phone; nervous, edgy. Spinner stepped inside and Marco shut the door behind them, then walked in front of Spinner who was taking his jacket off. "You cannot tell anyone." The words came out short and serious, and Spinner backed away a bit.
"Tell anyone what?" he asked, trying to be nonchalant, although he was struggling to keep his balance, shaking slightly over how close Marco was standing to him.
Marco's eyes widened a bit, as if he wasn't expecting Spinner to say it, and then seemed to loosen a bit. He let out a small sigh and looked down. "That I'm.."
He continued to stare at the floor as he trailed off. "You're..?" Spinner looked at him in what he hoped was an innocent, curious look, although now, he was sure of it. Marco was gay.
"That I'm.." Marco paused for a minute, and then raised his voice and started again in a frustrated tone. "That I'm gay!"
Spinner licked his bottom lip as his hands started to shake. He grabbed the arm of a chair beside him and tried as hard as he could to not let his legs collapse beneath him. Even though he knew that was what Marco was going to say, hearing him say it hit him hard.
The room was silent for a few minutes, that in Spinner's mind, felt like an eternity. He looked at Marco, who was still staring down, and then suddenly, raised his eyes to meet Spinner's, gazing at him through his thick, dark lashes. "Well?"
Spinner swallowed nervously. "What?"
Marco looked at him in disbelief. "What?" he repeated. "Now's the time when you call me Marcy or.. fag or.. run out of here in disgust."
At that moment, Spinner realized how hard he'd been on Marco in the past. Making fun of people was what he did, and he usually didn't mind if it hurt people. Now, though, it was different. He didn't want to hurt Marco. In fact, he wanted the exact opposite. He immediately regretted the names he had called Marco in the past, and decided that if he was going to get any closer to him, he better try to make amends as soon as he could.
"Marco," he started, trying to think of how to put into words how sorry he was. As hard as he tried to pick and choose the words carefully, though, he couldn't stop himself from blurting out everything that was on his mind. "I never meant to get you pissed and I'm really sorry about all that, I guess I never thought about how much it would bother you and I won't do that anymore, I promise, just please don't be pissed and I won't tell anyone, I swear, and.."
He paused as he looked at Marco, who was still giving him a look of disbelief. "I know what you're doing," he said, his eyes narrowed angrily.
"What?" Spinner asked, trying not to get frustrated. "I'm not doing anything.."
"Bullshit," Marco spat, stepping closer to Spinner again. Marco was a good couple of inches shorter than him and smaller, but even so, it made Spinner take a step back.
Getting angry at himself over how wussy he was acting, and angry at Marco for thinking that Spinner had hidden intentions, Spinner glared at Marco and felt heat rising to his face. "Dude, I'm not doing anything," he repeated sharply. "I'm sorry. What the fuck more do you want?"
"Yes you are!" Marco yelled. "I'm not an idiot! There's no way you've changed so quickly from an ignorant bastard to.. to this!"
Spinner wasn't sure what made him do it. Frustration, anger, maybe. All he knew was that his hands reached out and grabbed Marco's collar, and before he could stop himself, his lips were crashing against Marco's.
It was like Spinner was in a whole different universe. He was kissing a guy. And he liked it. Marco was showing no response, but Spinner didn't mind. They stayed like that for a minute, their lips pressed together. Then, Marco started to kiss him back. Scared at how fast his heart was beating and how much he wanted it, he pushed Marco away roughly. "Dude, what the fuck are you doing?!"
"What am I doing?!" Marco shouted, his face red. "You're the one who.."
Spinner glared at him and then turned and sat down on the couch, his body tense. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. He buried his face in his hands and breathed slowly, trembling.
He heard the couch move beside him, and ran his hands down and away from his face. Marco was looking at him, his eyebrows furrowed a bit but his expression was soft. Spinner glanced away and then back at Marco. Their eyes met and Marco leaned across the couch, his eyes slowly closing. Knowing what was coming, Spinner shut his eyes quickly and their lips touched again, only this time they kissed gentle and slow.
The kiss lasted forever and then only a second. Marco broke it slowly and then turned back and sank down against the couch, his shoulder rested against Spinner's. And they stayed like that a while.
