SEVERUS SNAPE TELLS IT LIKE IT IS

"You just. . . aren't really that great," Snape admitted to the house of Hufflepuff. He hated to say it, but if no one else was. . .oh, what the hell. He didn't hate it at all. He loved being first-rate non- denominational bitter.

"You're kind of lame," he added.

"But. . . but we're dedicated! And hard workers!" the Hufflepuffs said uncertainly. "We're the House of loyalty!"

"Yeah, right," Snape smirked, "you're the house that's sponsored by delicious confections."

The Hufflepuffs hung their head.

"That's true," they said, passing out fudgy cake slices amongst themselves.