SEVERUS SNAPE AND THAT ONE GUY
"Hey, um. . ." Snape suddenly said at dinner one night. Several teachers paused and looked down the table expectantly. There was a moment of silence.
"Well?" MacGonagall snapped. Snape looked perplexed.
"Um," he tried again, "you know that. . .that one guy? That guy with the. . .the thing, that one time. . ."
"No, I don't believe we've met," Dumbledore answered serenely, turning his attention back to his dinner. But Flitwick frowned at the table and then looked back up again.
"I think. . .wait, I DO know that guy!" he exclaimed. "He's a small guy, right? Eyepatch, tattoo of a birdcage on his neck, drives a giant hot dog car, wears a Burger King crown all the time?"
"No, no, that's not the guy," Snape waved his hand impatiently, "the guy I'm thinking of is totally different. He's like. . .he was standing next to that one dude at that last thing we all went to, remember?"
Sinistra snapped her fingers with an air of recognition. "I've got it," she said. "it's that one guy who always goes down to the Y-Mart and smells all the towels and then donates fifty cents to the March of Dimes directly afterwards."
"No, that's not him either, geez," Snape snapped. Sinistra looked pouty. "Well. . .then that must be some other guy," she answered huffily.
"It must be," Snape muttered, "because I know that guy and. . .well, and that's not him, so there." He kicked the leg of the table moodily. "I KNOW you all know him," he continued, "he's that one guy with the thing, and he went to that place and got something there from. . .from somebody, I forget who, but he was THERE, and that's all there is to it."
"Wait. . .is he that guy with the white face and the crazy bloodshot eyes? Likes to talk to snakes? Has a club of death-people following him around?" Lupin asked mildly. Snape slapped the table and laughed. "YEAH, that's him!" he shouted at once. "What the hell was his name?"
"That's Lord Voldemort," Lupin replied with some surprise. Snape settled back in his chair triumphantly.
"Yeah, that's they guy I was thinking about," he said in a satisfied tone. There was a slight pause.
"So. . .WHAT ABOUT HIM?" MacGonagall asked impatiently.
"That guy scares the crap out of me," Snape finished.
-----
(Author note: I am being the big sneaky thing and hiding my real name in this story, so SEE IF YOU CAN FIND IT! And no fair people reviewing and telling what it is if you already know :P)
"Hey, um. . ." Snape suddenly said at dinner one night. Several teachers paused and looked down the table expectantly. There was a moment of silence.
"Well?" MacGonagall snapped. Snape looked perplexed.
"Um," he tried again, "you know that. . .that one guy? That guy with the. . .the thing, that one time. . ."
"No, I don't believe we've met," Dumbledore answered serenely, turning his attention back to his dinner. But Flitwick frowned at the table and then looked back up again.
"I think. . .wait, I DO know that guy!" he exclaimed. "He's a small guy, right? Eyepatch, tattoo of a birdcage on his neck, drives a giant hot dog car, wears a Burger King crown all the time?"
"No, no, that's not the guy," Snape waved his hand impatiently, "the guy I'm thinking of is totally different. He's like. . .he was standing next to that one dude at that last thing we all went to, remember?"
Sinistra snapped her fingers with an air of recognition. "I've got it," she said. "it's that one guy who always goes down to the Y-Mart and smells all the towels and then donates fifty cents to the March of Dimes directly afterwards."
"No, that's not him either, geez," Snape snapped. Sinistra looked pouty. "Well. . .then that must be some other guy," she answered huffily.
"It must be," Snape muttered, "because I know that guy and. . .well, and that's not him, so there." He kicked the leg of the table moodily. "I KNOW you all know him," he continued, "he's that one guy with the thing, and he went to that place and got something there from. . .from somebody, I forget who, but he was THERE, and that's all there is to it."
"Wait. . .is he that guy with the white face and the crazy bloodshot eyes? Likes to talk to snakes? Has a club of death-people following him around?" Lupin asked mildly. Snape slapped the table and laughed. "YEAH, that's him!" he shouted at once. "What the hell was his name?"
"That's Lord Voldemort," Lupin replied with some surprise. Snape settled back in his chair triumphantly.
"Yeah, that's they guy I was thinking about," he said in a satisfied tone. There was a slight pause.
"So. . .WHAT ABOUT HIM?" MacGonagall asked impatiently.
"That guy scares the crap out of me," Snape finished.
-----
(Author note: I am being the big sneaky thing and hiding my real name in this story, so SEE IF YOU CAN FIND IT! And no fair people reviewing and telling what it is if you already know :P)
