*OOC: Well.I got stuck on Dual Hearts and, deciding maybe a similar setting as my usual Trigun stories have gone, have started writing this. Hope it's alright. Expect that I may go OOC for the characters at some point as this is a continuation of the anime and not the manga though certain small details from it may be added.

***Thought(') are not part of the diary

Prologue: To Whom It May Concern

Dear Diary,

I keep talking about this. I'm sorry. It's been about three monthes now, hasn't it? I don't know why Vash brought him home in the first place, as if he expected us to get along right off the bat. I trust in him more than anyone save Milly or Wolfwood had he been alive. If his Knives was the one who made Vash cry, the one who was the leader behind these incidents causing him so much anguish then his presence in our new home is unacceptable. I would have left him for dead.

'Truthfully.I could not have done so.because Vash loves Knives so much.'

The blond haired, donut-loving freak can always soften my heart no matter what. I suppose that being around him has changed me and Milly for the better. Living in this town has already proven that. My usual uptight attitude seems to be wearing thin these days, replaced by happiness for the simplier things in life. Quitting the Bernardelli Insurance Agency was a good decision on our part. Now Vash can live in peace without being alone. The townsfolk here either haven't recognized him or they just don't see a threat. Either way, I'm glad to be settled here with him.

Milly isn't so sad anymore. Well.she still cries a lot.then denies it in the morning when I ask about it. I wonder from time to time what would have been.could have been. Would she and Wolfwood have lived together, away from me and Vash? Would they have a family.a couple of kids? Maybe they would have started an orphanage. Milly still plans to do this but her heart seems sad when she talks about it. Who can blame her? I feel for her. I want to cry just looking into her watery eyes. I can't stand it sometimes. I feel horrible but I desire those moments when I'm alone. I just don't want to see her so sad.

Vash hasn't changed. Maybe I should have mentioned him first like I usually do. I still find his goofy charm irresistible but every girl probably does too. You just can't hate him. You fall in love with his smile, with his determination to save everyone. Nothing much in the way of danger has crossed this town but a few bandits. All of them are defeated safely, none of them severely injured nor a death. Vash is a hero here as he is in those towns we traveled to together.well.when we followed him there. Those people who knew him for briefs seconds. They all fell in love with him too. I wonder if this thing that I feel for him is really romantic at all or if I'm just like them? Maybe I'll never know. Maybe I will.

Knives. He's still in some sort of comatose state. I can't say that I am unhappy with this. I grieves me only for the sake of Vash's worry over him. Sometimes he won't sleep, just standing in that guest room staring at the being responsible for countless murders with perfect love. A brother's love. He tells me sometimes about their past more in detail, the stuff he never told me before when he first told me his brother's name. I enjoy listening to them because then I can be closer to him. I want him to bury his past in any way that he can.

I've left the subject of Knives again. His philosophy, as Vash puts it, revolves around the existence of humans as a disease. Why is that? Why are we a threat to him? I want so much to try and understand.even if he is a murderer. Vash is hard to reason with on this subject. He just says that he doesn't believe in it. When.if..Knives wakes up, I'll ask even if he tells me off. He hasn't met Meryl Stryfe yet. He'll have a hard time belittling me. I wonder.will I be afraid when he opens his eyes? Will Milly? Will he try and hurt this town? If he is what Vash says, we'll have to check those chains around his wrists again.

I'll tell you more later when I have something more to say. Milly will be home soon. She works later than me and she seems to like it that way. She says it helps her to keep busy. Me, on the other hand.enjoy sitting in solitude, occasionally peeking in at Knives. If he wakes up, I have to tell Vash immediately when he returns from work as well. I'm not sure if he will wake up.

-Meryl-

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She stared at her handwriting as if it were foreign to her. Shaking her head, strands of dark hair fluttering in front of her tired grey eyes, she closed the diary. She pushed it in her desk, shoving the drawer in quickly. There was no sense in being so secretive. No one would read her diary without asking. They knew better but, deep down, she needed that comfort, that security. Knives was the only one there but that did little to sate her nervousness with her personal thoughts. If he woke up, he might wander around. He might even have amnesia. These thoughts she put into words might upset him or cause him to lash out at them before they even had a chance to try and reason with him.

"Like he would listen to us anyways."

Having picked up the habit of chatting out loud with herself, she found an unlikely friend. It really was pathetic. When she looked in the mirror, she had to laugh. Walking out of her room into the hallway, she made her way the next room down. That was Knives' room. The opposite direction was Milly's and Vash's was beside Knives'. She pushed the door gently, peeking inside. It was the same scene as usual. His prone body lay still on the bed. No movement ensued. There never was any. His eyes were closed. No flitter of his lashes. No back and forth of his eyeballs underneath his lids. Underneath an exterior she found surprisingly appealing lay the black heart of someone who wished for all of humanity to die out in a horribly vicious end. She pondered for a moment if he imagined it with only himself and Vash.

"It sounds boring to me. That's just stupid."

She had a feeling she would waste her time trying to break through to him even with Vash and Milly. He sounded like he was stubborn. She hated people like that. She shook her head, becoming angry with herself at the reference to person. He was not a person. He, not Vash, was a monster.

She broke herself away from thoughts on Knives. He was hardly worth the fatigue her mind went through. Right now, she had to prepare dinner for Vash and Milly. They worked hard to keep their home in tact. She wanted to prove how useful she could be. Lately she was feeling as if she were the laziest of the three though she did keep the house looking its best and did all of the shopping. She kept them from getting the usual gallons of pudding and dozens of donuts. Despite their pleading, she remained ironcast in her shopping decisions. To them, she must seem like their mother.

"Maybe that's a good thing. Both of them can be such children sometimes.though that's not a bad thing."

The distant giggles of Milly then Vash's loud laughter filled her ears. They always met soon after work to join each other in some idle chitchat. They were always laughing. Meryl envied them. She found it hard to laugh sometimes even with a softer attitude. She blamed it on Knives, this feeling of morbidity. Something just did not feel right to her as if there were eyes watching them, brooding off to the side until the perfect time to strike. She laughed at herself, scoffing at her constant fear.

"First my diary and now paranoia. Great. At this rate, I'll be in the nuthouse for sure."

She peered around the kitchen at the stove and the sink. Small pictures of the desert lined the walls. The table she sat down at was a simple primitive table with chairs made of wood. She still felt strange. She could feel it, causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. As her friends neared the house, she suddenly remembered she had forgotten a piece of laundry in Knives' room. Often times she would do her chores there and forget an item. She hurried quickly, her cape slapping the backs of her legs. There was no threat really involving the need for her cape holding the derringers but she felt more comfortable with it. Besides she had removed the guns a month ago.

"Dinner's almost ready!" she called out. A muffled reply made her nod. She moved past Knives' bed, noting his state for a split second. In that moment, her breath ceased. His eyelids fluttered open, cold icy blue orbs focused right on her. His lips were curved into an unreadable frown. She could not move. She wanted to but something held her back. It was not him. Her legs felt heavy as if tied down by lead. She stood over him. His hand reached out towards her but was restrained by the cuff.

"Let me go now."

His deep voice was cold. She felt like she was insignificant at the cutting edge of it. It seeped into her skin, slicing all the way to the bone. His fingers grazed her arm. Despite the warmth expected of touching skin, he felt cold to her. Lifeless. She did not want to feel that way again. She pulled herself back finally, her wide eyes on Knives' body. His annoyance was apparent with her, with the situation he found himself in. He was trapped, apparently too weak to force her to let him go. He could have killed her where she stood if he was fully recovered. She knew that he could.

"I."

"I will kill you when I get out of here if you do not let me go."

"You'd kill me anyways."

"Vash would only tell you that so you would not let me up. He's paranoid."

"He wouldn't lie to me.especially if you would hurt me or Milly. Just lie still and I'll get Vash for you."

It all felt like some kind of dream. He was not supposed to wake up now or ever. He should have stayed asleep. Somehow though, she knew it would happen eventually. Still her uneasy feeling remained. It eased off a bit when she discovered his awakened state but it crawled back, inching up her flesh like a relentless insect. No matter what she thought of as she hurried towards Vash, she could not feel better. Maybe some time to herself for a day or two would help. Her desire was, on top of eberything, to be away from Knives at this moment.

'And this uneasy feeling I keep having.'

*Well.not a great beginning but I'm experimenting once again. Yes..I have beginnings to my stories a lot like this one. I guess it's just a more comfortable beginning for me. It's kind of a cross between Dual Hearts and Forsaken except the out of characterness will not be severe.until later perhaps. ^_^ Hopefully it's interesting enough..this is a made up story thus please do not flame me for moving away from what happens in the manga. I felt like starting this.*