Well, I had so many reviews, I decided to reward you with a new chapter!
This has The Hug in it (and Sirius!), but I sincerely promise you that this won't turn into slash… I am a Remus/Sirius shipper myself, but I know a lot of people don't like it, so I won't write it (well, at least not in this story…). I will give my very personal opinion and view on the Remus/Sirius friendship/relation/whatever in the Author's Note.
There will be three more chapters after this, I hope to get them all posted before August three, because I'm going on vacation on August the fourth (to England and Scotland! And Loch Ness! YAY!). But I have this feeling that it won't be a problem…
Review, please!
Thursday 6th of June, 1994.
"Sirius, NO!" Lupin yelled, launching himself forwards and dragging Black away from Ron again. "WAIT! You can't do it just like that – they need to understand – we've got to explain –"
Remus nearly slipped on the grass when he ran at top-speed to the Whomping Willow. He just in time managed to keep his balance, and arrived gasping at the large tree. He took a few moments to catch his breath, then he looked around him for a stick or something to make the tree stand still. He found a long, straight stick, almost like a broomstick without the brush, and touched the nod on the tree. The Willow froze, and he crouched on all fours to get into it.
He slid down the sand-filled passageway he had not been in for nearly fifteen years. It was strange to see how little everything had changed. The feeling of sliding down, of walking to the very core of the earth was the same, and he automatically bucked for rocks he thought he had forgotten about. The only thing that was different was that the passageway felt a lot smaller than he remembered it – but that was probably because he had grown bigger.
He knew it wasn't the same when he saw that the door to the Shack itself was ajar. He had very nearly sworn an oat to Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey that the door to the Shrieking Shack would never, ever, ever be left open, to ensure that no curious students came to take a peek at the rumoured ghosts. It also kept the werewolf in, and it had been almost the one thing that had saved Snape´s life, that night when he'd climbed down to the Shack and James had just in time pulled him back.
Remus pushed the door further open and walked in. The shattered furniture was now covered in layers of dust, but the floor clearly showed footprints, those of a dog and a cat, and two pair of human footprints.
He lit the tip of his wand with a soft "Lumos", and looked around, looking for any signs. Suddenly, the silence was broken by a single, shrill voice, coming from upstairs. Hermione Granger's voice.
"WE'RE UP HERE!" she screamed. "WE'RE UP HERE – SIRIUS BLACK - QUICK!"
Remus didn't hesitate. He ran up the stairs with two steps at the time. He nearly shouted "alohomora!" at the door, which flew open in a shower of red sparks. He had his wand raised, ready to strike.
Harry whirled around to look at Remus, his face pale. A nasty bruise was visible on one side of his head, and the sleeve of his robe was torn, as if a cat had ripped it. Remus' eyes shot through the room, over Ron, lying on the floor with a leg that was too weirdly twisted to be unbroken, over Hermione, who was crouching near the door, looking as if she tried to make herself invisible, over Harry, who looked quite murderous, and then he looked at Sirius.
Sirius… my God…
Remus had always said that Sirius deserved what he had got. If they were ever stupid enough to let Sirius free before he had died, he had always insisted, he would kick him back into Azkaban himself. But now, looking at that frail, thin man, almost skeleton-like, he wasn't so sure anymore.
Sirius looked as if he was about to fall apart. He could have been a corpse, were it not that his nose was bleeding and his left eye was bruised, and his eyes – they were most certainly not dead. Those deep, hollow eyes burned with an anger that was terrifying, and Remus was suddenly glad that he was not the target of that anger.
"Expelliarmus!" he shouted.
Three wands flew his way, and he caught them all quickly. Then he stepped forward, his eyes still on Sirius. A large ginger cat was lying on his chest, almost protectively, daring Remus to take him away. Sirius looked up at Remus. He didn't blink, just looked, defiantly, but under that Remus could see something fragile, just a tiny hint of vulnerability. He had the idea that, with those eyes, Sirius begged him to believe him.
The moment seemed to go on for hours, but in reality it had taken not half a minute. Then Remus asked, with a tense voice that he hardly recognised as his own, "where is he, Sirius?" In the corner of his eye, he saw that Harry was looking quizzically at him, but he tried to stay calm. Peter was here, somewhere, and he needed to know where.
Sirius seemed to think about this for a few seconds, his face expressionless. Then he slowly raised a bony hand and pointed at Ron, who was holding a panicking rat.
Ron and Harry exchanged amazed looks, but Remus didn't notice it. He was still looking at Sirius, who looked back. It seemed as if he was trying to force Remus to read his mind, as if he was trying to tell something without saying anything.
"But then…" Remus muttered, thinking quickly. His mind was spinning, and he had the feeling he very nearly got the clue, but couldn't just lay his finger on it. "Why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless…" It suddenly clicked. Of course. "- unless he was the one… unless you switched… without telling me?"
He didn't need any reassurance from Sirius, he knew he was right, that it was true. Sirius had not been the Secretkeeper, Peter had been. Sirius never betrayed the Potters. Peter did. Sirius was innocent.
Slowly, his eyes fixed on Remus' face as if he was unsure how he was going to react, Sirius nodded.
"Professor," Harry said loudly. "What's going on..?" But Remus paid no attention to him.
He lowered his wand, impulsively stepped forward and pulled Sirius to his feet, in a tight embrace.
God, he is so thin… He could feel the shoulder blades, the ribs right through the fabric of Sirius' shabby robes. His eyes stung with tears he quickly blinked away, when he thought about the years Sirius had wasted in Azkaban. Sirius clung to him as though letting go would cost him his life, and Remus felt a suddenly protectiveness rush through him.
"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Hermione´s sudden scream noticeably startled Sirius, who dug his nails in Remus' back. Remus let go of him and turned around to face Hermione. She had scrawled to her feet and was staring wide-eyed at the two of them, pointing accusingly at Remus. "You – you – " she stuttered.
"Hermione – "
" – you and him!"
He approached her, one hand raised as if she was a panicking animal. "Hermione, calm down – "
"I didn't tell anyone!" she continued. "I've been covering up for you – " This made an alarm in his head go off. Covering up for me? What does she mean? How long has she known… what exactly?
"Hermione, listen to me, please," he said, his voice raised. "I can explain – " whatever needed explaining.
Now Harry joined the two of them. "I trusted you!" he shouted at Remus, his voice wavering with fury. "And all the time you've been his friend!"
"You're wrong," he told the boy, shaking his head to empathise that he was speaking the truth. "I haven't been Sirius's friend, but I am now – let me explain…"
"NO!" Hermione interrupted. "Harry, don't trust him, he's been helping Black get into the castle, he wants you dead too – he's a werewolf!"
Remus suddenly understood what people meant with 'a deafening silence'. It was as if time had stopped for a few seconds, and all sound appeared to have disappeared, except for the beating of his own heart, which seemed extraordinarily loud. Strangely enough, he didn't feel shocked or anything. Quite the contrary; he felt unusually calm while he looked at how the three children reacted – Harry's confused green eyes, looking at him as if Harry couldn't believe it, Ron, who appeared to have paled some more, though it was difficult to see because he was already very pale, and Hermione, who was looking at Remus as if daring him to deny it. Remus even amazed himself by feeling a little proud of her – it would take someone of her intellect to find out about his Lycantropy in less than a year. It had taken the Marauders nearly two years, and they had been around him nearly every day. If any of the students were to find out – and he had subconsciously known all along that someday they would – he'd rather have Hermione figure it out that one of the Slytherins. For such an accomplishment, he could forgive her her accusations of him helping Sirius.
"Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermione," he said. "Only one out of three, I'm afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle and I certainly don't want Harry dead." He shivered involuntarily by his next statement. "But I won't deny that I'm a werewolf."
Ron tried to get up again, but that made his broken leg move, and he fell back, whimpering with pain. Forgetting about the situation he was in, Remus tried to move towards him, to try and see how badly he was injured, but Ron made a gesture with his arm to fend him off and gasped, "get away from me, werewolf!"
It was like a stab in the back. Remus stopped dead in his tracks, then turned slowly to Hermione. He swallowed to get his voice back, then said, "how long have you known?"
"Ages," she whispered. "Since I did Professor Snape´s essay…"
Of course…
"He'll be delighted," Remus said coolly. "He assigned that essay hoping someone would realise what my symptoms meant.... Did you check the lunar chart and realise that I was always ill at the full moon? Or did you realise that the Boggart changed into the moon when it saw me?"
"Both," Hermione said quietly.
Remus forced himself to laugh. "You're the cleverest witch of your age I've ever met, Hermione."
"I'm not," Hermione whispered. "If I'd been a bit cleverer, I'd have told everyone what you are!"
"But they already know," he answered. "At least, the staff do."
"Dumbledore hired you when he knew you were a werewolf," Ron gasped. "Is he mad?"
"Some of the staff thought so," said Remus. "He had to work very hard to convince certain teachers that I'm trustworthy –" One teacher in particular…
"AND HE WAS WRONG!" Harry cut in. "YOU'VE BEEN HELPING HIM ALL THE TIME!" He pointed accusingly at Sirius. Sirius looked as if he couldn't take it all anymore, staggered to the four-poster bed and sank onto it. He hid his face in one hand. The great ginger cat jumped on his lap, purring, and Ron edged away from both of them.
"I have not been helping Sirius," Remus said. "If you'll give me a chance, I´ll explain. Look – "
He took the wands of the three of them and threw them back to their owners, who caught them, stunned. "There," he said, and stuck his own wand back into his belt. "You're armed, we're not. Now will you listen?"
"If you haven't been helping him," Harry said, still looking suspicious, and glancing furiously at Sirius, "how did you know he was here?"
"The Map," Remus said simply. "The Marauder's Map. I was in my office examining it – "
"You know how to work it?" Harry interrupted him.
"Of course I know how to work it," Remus answered, impatiently waving one hand. "I helped write it. I'm Moony – that was my friends' nickname for me at school."
"You wrote – ?" Judging from the tone of Harry's voice, he couldn't quite believe it.
"The important thing is," Remus continued, ignoring Harry, "I was watching it carefully this evening, because I had an idea that you, Ron, and Hermione might try and sneak out of the castle to visit Hagrid before his hippogriff was executed. And I was right, wasn't I?" He started to pace up and down, concentrated about what had happened only so shortly before. Little patches of dust whirled around his feet, but he didn't notice. "You might have been wearing your father's old cloak, Harry –"
"How d'you know about the cloak?"
"The number of times I saw James disappearing under it...," said Remus, waving his hand impatiently again. James's cloak was hardly the issue here. "The point is, even if you're wearing an Invisibility Cloak, you still show up on the Marauder's Map. I watched you cross the grounds and enter Hagrid's hut. Twenty minutes later, you left Hagrid, and set off back toward the castle. But you were now accompanied by somebody else."
"What?" said Harry. "No, we weren't!"
I couldn't believe my eyes," Remus continued, still pacing. He ignored Harry, he was too caught up in what he was telling. "I thought the map must be malfunctioning. How could he be with you?"
"No one was with us!" Harry interrupted again. Remus still ignored him.
"And then I saw another dot, moving fast toward you, labelled Sirius Black.... I saw him collide with you; I watched as he pulled two of you into the Whomping Willow –"
"One of us!" Ron said angrily.
"No, Ron," Remus said calmly. "Two of you." He stopped pacing and looked at Ron, or, more accurately, at the rat the boy was holding.
"Do you think I could have a look at the rat?" he said evenly.
"What?" said Ron. "What's Scabbers got to do with it?"
"Everything," Remus answered, not taking his eyes off the rat. "Could I see him, please?"
Ron hesitated, then reached inside his robes. He dragged Scabbers – Peter – out by his long bald tail. The grey, ill-looking rat frantically and desperately tried to escape, but Ron had a tight hold of him. The ginger cat on Sirius' lap stood up and hissed softly.
Remus bowed forward to examine the rat more closely. He was unconsciously holding his breath when he noticed small but familiar things – a small rip off an ear, the way the rat moved.
"What?" Ron said, holding the rat close to him. He sounded irritated and scared. "What's my rat got to do with anything?"
"That's not a rat," croaked Sirius suddenly. It was the first time Remus heard him talk – it sounded as if Sirius hadn't used his voice in a long time.
"What d'you mean – of course he's a rat –" Ron clearly had no idea what they were on about.
"No, he's not," said Remus quietly. "He's a wizard."
"An Animagus," Sirius added, "by the name of Peter Pettigrew."
Remus could understand the looks the trio was giving them. It was voiced by Ron Weasley, who stated that "You're both mental."
"Ridiculous," Hermione chided faintly.
"Peter Pettigrew´s dead!" Harry added. "He killed him twelve years ago!" He pointed at Sirius again, who's face twitched.
"I meant to," he growled, his yellow teeth bared as if he was still in dog-form, "but little Peter got the better of me... not this time, though!" Before any of them had the time to react, he suddenly lunged at Peter. He landed with his full weight – though that wasn't much – on Ron, who screamed with pain as Sirius pressed hard on his broken leg.
"Sirius, NO!" Remus yelled, running forward and dragging Sirius away from Ron. He tried to get a hold of the struggling, murderous man. "WAIT! You can't do it just like that – they need to understand – we've got to explain – "
"We can explain afterwards!" Sirius snarled, fighting to push Remus away. But he was underfed and weak, and Remus had his werewolf-strength to use. Sirius could do nothing but idly claw the air and glare at Peter, who was squealing as if he was being murdered, and he scratched Ron´s face and neck as he tried to get away.
"They've – got – a – right – to – know – everything!" Remus panted. He clamped his arms around Sirius, trying to keep him away from the red-head and Peter. "Ron's kept him as a pet! There are parts of it even I don't understand, and Harry – you owe Harry the truth, Sirius!"
This stopped Sirius, and he went calm, though his eyes were still fixed on Peter. Ron was holding his rat tightly and protectively under his scratched hands.
"All right, then," Sirius said reluctantly. "Tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for..."
"You're nutters, both of you," said Ron shakily, looking at Harry and Hermione for support. "I've had enough of this. I'm off." He heaved himself up and tried to stand on his good leg, but Remus took out his wand and pointed it at Peter, and thus at Ron. He was not going to let him get away so easily. The truth needed to be told.
"You're going to hear me out, Ron," he said quietly. "Just keep a tight hold on Peter while you listen."
"HE'S NOT PETER, HE'S SCABBERS!" Ron yelled. He tried to put the rat back in his front pocket, but Peter was struggling with all his might to get away. Ron overbalanced, and Harry caught him and gently pushed him back onto the bed. Then he looked at Remus.
"There were witnesses who saw Pettigrew die," he said. "A whole street full of them..."
"They didn't see what they thought they saw!" Sirius said harshly, before Remus could say anything.
"Everyone thought Sirius killed Peter," confirmed Remus, nodding. "I believed it myself – until I saw the map tonight. Because the Marauder's map never lies... Peter's alive. Ron's holding him, Harry."
Harry looked down at Ron, and Ron looked back. Remus had the feeling the two of them silently agreed that both Remus and Sirius were completely mad. Hermione broke the silence in a forced-calm voice. "But Professor Lupin... Scabbers can't be Pettigrew... it just can't be true, you know it can't..."
"Why can't it be true?" Lupin said calmly. Knowing Hermione, she would have some reasonable explanation for her statement.
"Because... because people would know if Peter Pettigrew had been an Animagus," she said hesitantly. "We did Animagi in class with Professor McGonagall. And I looked them up when I did my homework – the Ministry of Magic keeps tabs on witches and wizards who can become animals; there's a register showing what animal they become, and their markings and things... and I went and looked Professor McGonagall up on the register, and there have been only seven Animagi this century, and Pettigrew's name wasn't on the list."
This was so true and it was so Hermione-like, that Remus started to laugh. "Right again, Hermione!" he said. "But the Ministry never knew that there used to be three unregistered Animagi running around Hogwarts."
"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus," Sirius cut in. Twelve years of Azkaban hadn't made him any more patient. "I've waited twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer."
"All right... but you'll need to help me, Sirius," said Remus. "I only know how it began..." A loud creak behind him made him break off. The door leading to the bedroom had opened, though there was no one to be seen. Remus, who was closest to the door, carefully walked towards it and peeked out into the landing, which was completely deserted. "No one there…" he muttered. One moment, he thought he heard a soft creaking of a floorboard, and it felt as if he was being watched, but the only thing moving was a speck of dust floating through the air.
"This place is haunted!" said Ron.
"It's not," said Remus, resuming his original place but still looking at the door. "The Shrieking Shack was never haunted.... The screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me."
He thoughtfully pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. This was going to be a long story, and were to begin? At the beginning, of course. Just like the Mad Hatter said, in Alice in Wonderland. Begin at the beginning, and end at the end.
"That's where all of this starts – with my becoming a werewolf," he started. "None of this could have happened if I hadn't been bitten... and if I hadn't been so foolhardy..."
Ron opened his mouth as if to say something, but Hermione hissed at him to be quiet. She had her eyes fixed on Remus.
"I was a very small boy when I received the bite," he continued. "My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure. The potion that Professor Snape has been making for me is a very recent discovery. It makes me safe, you see. As long as I take it in the week, preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform.... I'm able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again.
"Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month. It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts. Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me.
"But then Dumbledore became Headmaster, and he was sympathetic. He said that as long as we took certain precautions, there was no reason I shouldn't come to school...." Remus looked at Harry, who looked back. "I told you, months ago, that the Whomping Willow was planted the year I came to Hogwarts. The truth is that it was planted because I came to Hogwarts. This house" – he gestured around, - "the tunnel that leads to it – they were built for my use. Once a month, I was smuggled out of the castle, into this place, to transform. The tree was placed at the tunnel mouth to stop anyone coming across me while I was dangerous."
The three children were now listening raptly to his story, almost like it was some kind of bedtime-story. The only sound, apart from Remus' voice, was Peter's squeaking. Sirius was still looking at the rat, only occasionally gazing at Remus as if telling him to get a move on.
"My transformations in those days were – were terrible," Remus went on. "It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead." Hermione half-nodded, as if he was confirming something she'd read in a book. But then, he thought, he probably was. "The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits. Dumbledore encouraged the rumour.... Even now, when the house has been silent for years, the villagers don't dare approach it....
"But apart from my transformations, I was happier than I had ever been in my life. For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black... Peter Pettigrew... and, of course, your father, Harry – James Potter." He nodded to Harry, who stared back, wide-eyed.
"Now, my three friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month. I made up all sorts of stories. I told them my mother was ill, and that I had to go home to see her... I was terrified they would desert me the moment they found out what I was. But of course, they, like you, Hermione, worked out the truth....
"And they didn't desert me at all. Instead, they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi."
"My dad too?" said Harry, astounded. His mouth was slightly aghast.
"Yes, indeed," Remus said, smiling. "It took them the best part of three years to work out how to do it. Your father and Sirius here were the cleverest students in the school, and lucky they were, because the Animagus transformation can go horribly wrong – one reason the Ministry keeps a close watch on those attempting to do it. Peter needed all the help he could get from James and Sirius. Finally, in our fifth year, they managed it. They could each turn into a different animal at will."
"But how did that help you?" said Hermione. She frowned, trying to puzzle it out.
"They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals," Remus told her. "A werewolf is only a danger to people. They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak. They transformed... Peter, as the smallest, could slip beneath the Willow's attacking branches and touch the knot that freezes it. They would then slip down the tunnel and join me. Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them."
"Hurry up, Remus," Sirius interrupted him. His eyes were still fixed on Peter. The poor rat was still being pinned down by Ron, and could do nothing but sit it all out.
"I'm getting there, Sirius, I'm getting there..." Remus said reassuringly. "Well, highly exciting possibilities were open to us now that we could all transform. Soon we were leaving the Shrieking Shack and roaming the school grounds and the village by night. Sirius and James transformed into such large animals, they were able to keep a werewolf in check. I doubt whether any Hogwarts students ever found out more about the Hogwarts grounds and Hogsmeade than we did.... And that's how we came to write the Marauder's Map, and
sign it with our nicknames. Sirius is Padfoot. Peter is Wormtail. James was Prongs."
"What sort of animal –?" Harry tried to ask a question, but Hermione harshly cut him off.
"That was still really dangerous!" she said indignantly. "Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you'd given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?"
"A thought that still haunts me," Remus admitted. "And there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless – carried away with our own cleverness.
"I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore's trust, of course... he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmaster would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others' safety. He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month's adventure. And I haven't changed..." He narrowed his eyes in self-disgust at the thought of the past year. "All this year, I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn't do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I'd betrayed his trust while I was at school, admitting that I'd led others along with me... and Dumbledore's trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using dark arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it... so, in a way, Snape's been right about me all along."
"Snape?" Sirius cut in. For the first time in minutes, he took his eyes off the wriggling rat and looked at Remus. "What's Snape got to do with it?" He had a disgusted look in his deep eyes.
"He's here, Sirius," Remus said heavily. "He's teaching here as well." He looked at Harry, Ron and Hermione, who were giving the two of them blank looks. "Professor Snape was at school with us. He fought very hard against my appointment to the Defence Against the Dark Arts job. He has been telling Dumbledore A year that I am not to be trusted. He has his reasons... you see, Sirius here played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me –"
Sirius snorted disdainfully. "It served him right," he sneered. "Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to... hoping he could get us expelled...."
"Severus was very interested in where I went every month." Remus told Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "We were in the same year, you know, and we – er – didn't like each other very much." Understatement of the century… "He especially disliked James. Jealous, I think, of James's talent on the Quidditch field... anyway, Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me toward the Whomping Willow to transform. Sirius thought it would be – er – amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree trunk with a long stick, and he'd be able to get in after me. Well, of course, Snape tried it – if he'd got as far as this house, he'd have met a fully grown werewolf – but your father – " he nodded at Harry – ", who'd heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk to his life... Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel. He was forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody, but from that time on he knew what I was...."
"So that's why Snape doesn't like you," said Harry slowly, figuring it all out, "because he thought you were in on the joke?"
"That's right," someone behind Remus sneered. There was the rustling of a silk-like fabric. Hermione screamed. Remus turned around and saw an ebony wand pointed directly at his face. There, his wand in one hand, an invisibility cloak in his other hand – I was right, there was someone on that landing – stood Severus Snape, a content smirk on his face…
