The night finally came. It crept slowly up on them not wanting their moment of glory [pun intended] to come. As soon as the sun set, Buffy was up out of her chair. She had been sitting there the last few hours reading boring stuff about Glory that would never help her. She knew what she needed to do. Kill her. It was that simple. Or at least she hoped so.

"Spike and I will go gather the weapons from my house. Be back later. …Spike. Lets go."

"I don't bloody well have to listen to you."

"You may not bloody well have to listen to me, but you aren't doing much good just sitting here. You said you wanted to help. And somehow I don't see you as the research type."

"Fine."

"Everyone. We regroup here at ten. We'll leave from here as soon as everyone arrives." Giles stated trying to sound like his old watcher self, but no one takes him as seriously as they had before. Before they grew up.

Spike stands up and follows his Slayer out into the darkness like a lost puppy. He cursed himself for following so helplessly. He WAS the Big Bad. Or at least he USED to be. Now he was a sick puppy just like the poof and soldier-boy. Does she even know what she does to men, or demons, as the case may be? He didn't want to be like that, but he knew what he had become. WHO he had become…

********************************************

When they reached her house, she noticed the door was unlocked. She was almost positive that she locked it when she left. Spike simply smiled. Then he patted his duster pocket. His hand was hitting a small, hard bound book.

"I wonder why that door was unlocked. I know I locked it."

"You sure 'bout that pet?"

"Don't call me pet."

"What do you want me to call you then?" Slowly, while flashing his sexy smile. "…Luv? …I bet you'd like that one. Wouldn't you? You naughty girl, you."

A seductive smirk ripples across his lips. Buffy turns around and glares. That just made him want more. So much more. He thought. But she wouldn't give it to me. …At least not yet. But someday …maybe.

"What, can't I call you that? You call me all sorts of pet names."

"Spike, those aren't pet names. They're what you are. A demon. A Vampire. And he-llo, I'm the Vampire SLAYER. You're bad. And I'm good. The two don't mix. Did you forget?"

"No. I just thought you liked 'em on the dangerous side. I've told you before. You need a little monster in your man. …And besides you're the one that was mentioning mixing" He licks his lips "not me."

"That's just… …sick. Why would I want …YOU?"

"Hey Slayer. I speak what I know. And what I know comes from a little …black …book." He said, emphasizing the last three words.

He pulls the book out of his pocket and begins flipping the pages. Buffy's eyes go wide as she recognizes her diary. He finds the page he was looking for and begins to read it out loud.

"Lurking in the shadows

Moving in the dark

"Could you be talking 'bout me luv?" Buffy's eyes flash with heat from her anger. Was that a touch of lust in those eyes. Spike grew hopeful. Maybe it wouldn't be that long before she confessed after all.

"Unable to touch you

But able to see

What your 'life' is like

Living it without me.

"Don't you dare continue Spike." But she didn't move to stop him. Something wouldn't let her. On some level, this needed to be said. Spike noticed, but continued anyway. He was enjoying watching her squirm. Too bad it isn't under me. His smile grew.

"Even when we touch

You're not here with me.

Going through the motions,

Caressing,

Feeling the heat from within.

Only when I'm with you

Do I feel my life again.

"Catch me if I'm wrong, luv, but we've never touched, 'specially not like that." Looking her up and down. "Believe me. I would have remembered."

"When we fight…I mean, what are you talking about? What makes you think that's you?"

"Shall I continue?"

"We've both been there

Felt the sweet release of death,

But for us

That's when it all began.

No farewell,

No good-bye,

No end.

Death is what we share.

"So now we know that your mystery man is dead. You must have a fetish …Still not convinced? …True. Could be Angelus," he said the name with malicious. " but not likely."

"And why not?"

"Because you don't love him anymore."

"How dare …" She wanted to stop him, but she knew he was right. She didn't know when it happened, but somehow, somewhere, she stopped loving Angel. But he would always have a special place in her heart.

"I know you Slayer. I know everything about you. Everything you want…" Spike slowly backs her into the wall across from her door. "Everything you need. … …But, …let's continue shall we?"

"When you're with me.

Touching me,

Kissing me.

That's when I'm alive.

"Luv, we've only kissed once."

"Not true… I mean…um…"

"Sure. …I believe that one. …But … …when?"

"Will's spell."

"Ah." Spike remembered all too well the little spell Red had put on them making them fall in love and want to get married. -Too bad it didn't last.- It gave him this feeling in his chest… …A feeling I don't want. Not for the Slayer. Must continue my little torture session.

"But no,

No one can know.

No one understands.

"See pet, everyone understood your precious Angel. Well, everyone but the whelp. Knew I liked him for some reason."

"Our love is lost

In the shadows.

Forever.

Left cowering from the light,

The truth.

"And I thought I used to be pathetic."

"And there we must hide,

In the shadows.

For I know

Acceptance will not come.

"And again I say, everyone accepted your little Angelus, luv. Now for the grand ending. And we find the answer to the question you've so often denied answering."

"And this is what we share,

The age-old tale

Of heat,

"Nice"

"Of lust,

"Even better luv."

"Of a love so pure

Yet it is inexplicably evil.

"Um. …Love and evil. Who else could you be talking about? …Your precious Riley. –Pa-lease."

"You've humiliated me now. Are you happy?"

"Well, uh, actually…"

"Give me back my book." Buffy puts her hand out to receive it.

"And such is the tale

Of the undead

And the not yet living."

On the last line Spike closes the book and hands it to her with much satisfaction. But something in him wants her to actually speak the words to him. He looks over at Buffy, but she has walked away and is now rummaging through her weapons chest trying to find the right items. While she's at it, she re-hides the book at the bottom of the chest until she can get it back to her room. Get a grip on yourself, Buff. If you act normal, he'll forget it. Just don't talk about it. She stands back up after a few minutes holding a stake and turns around. Spike just knows he's dust. He flinches when she walks over to him.

"What? …Worried much? …I was just going to ask if you think we'll be fighting vamps tonight."

"Don't know. Be prepared for anything. She's had several weeks to prepare like you, how many you think we're expecting?"

"Don't know. Guess, be prepared for the worst. Hope for the best." Then to Spike's surprise, she went back to how things were before. Like she just forgot the book he had just read to her filled with the desires from her very own heart. It pained him to see her forget so easily what he has tried over and over to put out of his mind. He was sitting there in her living room –her quiet living room –thinking about the things he recently read, that he, so many times before, had hoped she would say to him.

Then, for the first time, he noticed the quiet and the reaction Buffy had to it. It seemed to scare her. At least that's what his vampire instincts told him. He could always smell fear, but he hardly ever smelled it on Buffy. Even when she was fighting by the Hellmouth itself. All he could smell was the scent of vanilla, the scent of her, Buffy, herself. She smelled so pure and clean. …It almost made him disgusted at some of the things he thought about. … Almost. But then he remembered her little black book and smiled. She isn't as pure and innocent as I once thought. She's very much like me. Very much so indeed. Only …she won't admit it. But I'll make her see soon. All in due time, luv. All in due time.

That's when he looked over at her and for the first time he saw her discomfort. He didn't like the silence any more than she did. Not if it made her feel like that.

"Where's little bit?"

"What?" Buffy looked up from the array of weaponry before her.

"Where's Dawn, you know, your lil' sis'?"

"She went to visit my Dad."

"Why?"

"But in much."

Spike laughed to himself. At least she was joking around with him again. He could stand that better than the indifference she showed only moments ago. It was a step in the right direction.

"I don't know. You guys don't talk much 'bout him. Why all of the sudden?"

"Well, when Dad found out Mom died, he wanted us to come live with him, but I said no and Dawn didn't really want to stay permanently but I could see her disappointment. After the whole thing with Glory and my dying and all, I figured she needed a break from the Slayer stuff. Christmas time, therefore no school, therefore she was able to travel. I could tell she missed Dad so I sent her on her way. Plus I wanted to keep her out of Glory's hands when I found out she was back. And since dad lives in LA, if she gets into any trouble Angel or Cordy could bail her out."

"Not a bad plan."

"Thanks. Just what I wanted. Spike's approval." Buffy sarcastically replied.

"You know what I meant."

There was another awkward silence between them. Spike began thinking again and that led to Buffy which, in turn led to her house, completely empty except for the two of them. And that led to many other more … …interesting scenarios. Spike smiled slyly to himself.

Similar thoughts invaded Buffy's mind and she smiled the same sly smile. Then she shook the thoughts from her head. Concentrate. What are you thinking? The world's in danger and you're imagining what Spike would look like naked? She smiled again with the image.

Buffy had turned around in time to see this rather unusual, but sexy smile on Spike's luscious, very kiss-able lips. After staring for a moment at the delicious treat she wouldn't allow herself to have, she was finally able to speak.

"What?"

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"What is that silly grin for?"

Spike touched his lips, somewhat embarrassed. Buffy laughed trying not to give in and comfort him.

"Are you going to help pick out these weapons or are you of absolutely no use to me?"

"Oh, just like a car, Baby. Just like a car. Many uses and many speeds. …Tell me: Which do you prefer?"

He licks his lips suggestively at Buffy. She picks up a pillow from the nearby couch and throws it at him as hard as she can.

"Tsk, tsk, Slayer. You're losing your touch."

"You never had my touch." Buffy snapped before realizing what she said. No time to take it back. Spike heard. Now it was her turn to get embarrassed.

"Um, I wasn't talking about that? Nice to know that's where your pretty, little head is though."

"Watch it. Or the next thing I throw will be this sharp piece of wood right at your heart."

"Oh, I'm impressed. You talk big. But can't act on it."

"Don't believe me?"

She stands up holding the stake and lunges towards Spike, still sitting on the coffee table. He doesn't even flinch.

"Go ahead. Here I give you a free shot."

He rips his shirt partially open and stands there. Buffy lunges again, but stops short of piercing the skin. How can I stab something so perfectly chiseled. A work of art. She is standing so close, he can feel her warm breath on his cold chest. –Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.– He never before realized how much this simple action could turn him on. Buffy, feeling the same heat between them, backs away slowly. She walks out of the room and comes back several minutes later, after controlling her raging hormones, carrying a large empty bag. She begins to place her chosen weapons into the bag and has completely finished before Spike has regained control of his body.

"Slayer. Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"What this is between us."

"There isn't anything between us. Except maybe a few feet of floor. You're a vampire and I'm…" Spike cuts her off.

"The Slayer. Yes I know. But I also know that you feel it too."

"Feel what?" Buffy knows what he's trying to get her to say, but she needs so bad to resist him. To remain in control.

"Let's see. What did you call it. …Ah, yes. The heat, lust, and pure love that exists between us."

"I never said that that poem was about you!"

"Slay-Buffy." She loved how her name sounded rolling off his tongue. Wonder what else that tongue does well? Buffy was broken from her trance at the sound of his voice. "I used to write too. I know who it was about. It's the poet inside me. Even though I hate to admit it."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"When I was human. I was, well, a poet, but I even knew I sucked."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Well, I can't talk to you any other way. I figured that I'd try some honesty."

"Wow, honesty. Is that your new ploy to earn my 'love'?"

"Already have it. You just won't admit it."

"I don't…" Spike cut her off again.

"Buffy."

He walked up to her and grabbed her hand. He placed it on his still bare chest. She tried to pull away, but he held on tighter. Then he pulled her somewhat closer to him.

"Tell me what you feel."

"W…What (sigh) are (sigh) you (sigh) talking about?"

"That."

"Wh(sigh) what?"
" What is that? What do you feel right this moment?"

Buffy shook her head to try to stop thinking about it. She finally managed to get her hand out of his strong hold. But she wasn't sure she wanted to be free.

"Lust. …That's all. …If anything at all. That's what it HAS to be." Spike noticed that she didn't say that's what it actually was. Still have a chance. Don't let her leave tonight without saying it.

Buffy couldn't do anything, but stand there staring at him. She wanted to move, but her legs were stone. She couldn't even look away. She was frozen by his…dare I say it…his heat. It radiated off his body and intensified as it neared hers. She could feel him on her, around her, in her. Where she wanted him to be.

Snap out of it Buffy. This is Spike. She thought. For that was all she was able to do. Spike. The unforgiving, horrible, evil vampire. The vampire who killed mercilessly for years, who loves no one. –No one but me. HE would do anything for me and HE has never left me. —Buffy. Don't do this to yourself. He isn't your type. –What? Not my type? What am I talking about? Look at him. (Sighing) Ohhh, look at him. That perfect body. That rippling chest. Oh to touch it again. –No. No. No. Don't go there Buffy. Don't do it. …Too late. Her eyes slowly started to wander over his body.

"Slayer. What's your problem? I thought you didn't care."

Buffy finally gained enough strength back to speak, though she still could do nothing else.

"I…I…I don't."

"Yeah. That's why it took you five minutes to get out those two little words."

Buffy glanced at the clock on the mantle out of the corner of her eye. 7:15. She still has two hours and forty-five minutes left before she can go back to the magic shop. Giles said ten. He meant no earlier. --Unless she wanted to research, but books weren't her thing.-- And definitely NO later.

What could she do for two hours and forty-five minutes? …Let's make that, who? She thought, looking Spike up and down. No. Stop it. Don't think that. But it was too late. Spike saw the look she gave him and he gave her his winning smile, well, more like a seductive stare. But it always worked. Always. This time was no different.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?" Spike continued to give her that hypnotic stare as he walked slowly towards her.

"You know what! Now stop that …that look." He smirked at her while continuing his stare.

"Why? Don't you like it?" He said as he walked right up to her and placed one hand behind her.

She just knew he would touch her, pull her near him, and she wanted him too. She didn't know why, but she wanted him to. No, correction. I want him. I want Spike. Right here. Right now. Then he turned on the stereo behind her. She seemed so disappointed, but she lost her train of thought when he grabbed her and pulled her close.

"Wanna' dance, Slayer." He purred into her ear.

"No. Not really. Not now."

But she didn't pull away. She began to sway in time with him. Their bodies moved as one. They fit together perfectly. Almost like they were meant for one another. She wanted him to kiss her, but for some reason she could tell he was holding back. Unsure of what he would do next, she felt helpless in his arms. She wasn't in control and she hated it. She didn't want him to have this kind of control over her, but he did, she knew it, and he knew it, which made things all the worse. She just wouldn't let herself say why. She had to say something or else he had won. She couldn't let him win. Not this time. Maybe not ever.

"When did you know?"

"Know what pet?"

"I told you not to call me that?"

Spike leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Call you what?" A tingle went down her spine and traveled all over her body. He felt her shiver and pulled her closer.

"Never mind." Was the only reply she could find. Stupid Buffy. Don't give in. You can't.

"Now luv, what were you wanting?"

"When did you realize you could never have me?"

"Oh, getting right down to business are we? Trying to be the Big Bad Slayer?" He pulls her closer and they continue to sway.

"Answer the question." She pushes him back, but only to where he was before his most recent pull. She wasn't ready to leave his safe hold just yet.

"Very well. I'll play your game." Whispering seductively into her ear again. "If you'll play mine." Buffy didn't respond. She was so helpless in his arms and he knew she would do anything. He enjoyed the power. Haven't felt this powerful in a long time. "I knew after I told you about the other Slayers I've killed. What were your words again. Ah, yes. Still fresh in my memory. 'It'll never be you Spike. Never. You're beneath me.' That was it. The point I knew you would never be mine."

After a moment in silence Buffy began to drift back into her dark desires and couldn't control her own body. HE was finally here. I can at least live one of my fantasies, right? …Right before she gave in, Spike asked "When was your defining moment?"

"Mine. Oh, mine was the same one. Only that's when I knew I would have to fight this… whatever it is, …for eternity. That was the first time I wanted you. I had seen you at your worst. And I knew that it had come from telling me about what you used to consider your greatest moments. I knew then that you were different from the monster you once were. You were now a man, and just like every other man, I knew you needed to be cared for. To be loved." Buffy looked up at his heavenly eyes. "I knew from your tears…" Buffy saw the shocked expression in Spike's face when she admitted knowing he cried over that moment. "Yes, I heard you crying and it tore me up, but I wasn't going to let you win. … …I couldn't. … …I still don't think I can."

"Buffy, Luv, this isn't a game. At least not for me. Not this time. …It's time for the truth." He stopped the radio, yet Buffy remained close to him. "Buf-Slayer. You have to decide now." Spike pushed Buffy away from him so he could look into her eyes. "Do you love me?"

Buffy longed to be back in his arms. His tight, strong arms and to feel his cold, naked chest against her weak body. –How something so cold could make me feel so warm inside is beyond me.

His question shocked even himself. Buffy had no way to respond. She couldn't even breathe without reminding herself that she had to in order to live. Not to live, but to survive. Merely exist. She hadn't been truly alive since she came back. Well, at least not until now. Not until the moment she was in his arms. She stood paralyzed by his words. So true, so raw, so magnificent. …No. …She was falling for it, …for him, all over again.

Then, from out of no where, she heard a voice say "Yes. I love you with all my heart."

Was that me? Could I have actually said those things? To Spike? Where did it come from? And then she realized it. She had said it from her soul. Not her heart. That was fragile and had lied to her before, but from her soul, the only thing she trusted anymore. –Well, the only thing except for him.

She looked up and noticed Spike was in just as much shock as she was. He expected her to say no, or maybe, even that she wasn't sure, but yes. He never expected her to say yes. Never. This isn't happening. It isn't true. He would wake up tomorrow and it would have been a bad dream. Yes a nightmare. No, not a nightmare. The nightmare would be waking up and finding her not there. Beside me, where she belongs.

Then she repeated it. Mainly to reassure herself she had said it in the first place.

"Spike, I love you."

He was still gone. Why has he left me at this crucial point? I pronounce my love for him and he's visiting la-la-land. She knew how to get him out of it. She pulled him closer and wrapped her tiny arms around his lean and muscular body. She was closer to him than she had ever been before. She was scared. But she knew she was safe. For the first time since she was back, she felt safe in her life and her world. She had finally let someone through the barrier she built for herself upon her arrival. And that someone was the person she least expected. –Spike.– She looked into his eyes, but he was still missing. His spark wasn't there. … …Okay, plan B. I like plan B.

She kissed him on his cheek and said "Spike…"

She kissed his neck "I…"

She kissed his chest "love…"

And then she gave him a passionate kiss that caused even herself to be astounded. "You."

"Buffy? Is that really you?"

"As far as I know, Luv." She said the last word giving her best imitation of Spike.

"Oh Buffy." He said, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist and went back to kissing her. He kissed her luscious lips, then up to her now closed eyelids, then back down her face to her cheek, then he found her lips again. He loved those lips. Those lips had just caused him the greatest pleasure he had ever felt. Slowly, he moved to her neck gently kissing all the right spots and feeling her smooth skin with his tongue. I was right. That tongue can do several things well. Oh so well. He wanted her now. This very moment and he knew she would let him. She wanted him too. Now they needed each other. They always had. They had a lot of lost time to make up for and a very short amount of time to do so.

Buffy opened her eyes long enough to glance at the clock before falling back under

Spike's spell. Ten minutes. It had only been ten minutes since she last looked at that clock and wanted time to fly. Now she wanted it to stop. For everything, everyone, except for the two of them, to stop.

She ripped the rest of Spikes shirt off and felt every rippling muscle in his body. What strength? What power he possesses? Yet he is ever so gentle with me. Always has been. Full of nothing but pure, unadulterated love for me. She had never felt that before, but in some ways she was glad he was the only one that she has shared such an exhilarating sensation with. He was her true love. Her equal in every way. He always had been, and always will be. That's why she could never defeat him. He was a part of her.

She pushed him up against the wall and pressed her lips against his gently at first, then their passion for one another took over and they fell into the greatest kiss she had ever felt. Nothing was happening around them, no sound, no room, no…nothing. They were alone. Completely alone in one another's arms. Their senses completely shut off. Neither of them would have known if the Hellmouth had opened up beneath them and swallowed them whole. That one kiss sent a tingle down her spine and she knew Spike had felt the same thing. The heat, the passion, between them was growing. They were surrounded and intoxicated by such a raw emotion. Love in all its beauty. Nothing could stand in their way. Nothing.

"Upstairs." Buffy panted. Spike agreed, answering with one last, hard kiss. They practically ran up the stairs taking them two or three at a time. When they reached her room, she stopped.

For some unknown reason she was scared. Scared because of the emotion involved this time. She could tell Spike was too. Then she noticed how desirable he was standing in front of her with his loving, caring, sweet—Spike side showing, not the fighter she knew he could be.

That was her Spike.

And she wanted him.

So she took him. Several times.

Want, Take, Have. Remember.

She kissed him intensely, over and over again.

"Oh Buffy"

"Spike"

"William. I'm William again."

And with that the door closed.