*counts reviews for the last chapter* Wow! 14 reviews! Thank you all. Special thanks to those of you that have been reviewing this story from the beginning. I am grateful that you've stuck around and remained interested. And remember, if you write a KenxRan, I'll review right back. ^_^ (But I don't read RanxKen. Sorry.)
There will only be a few more chapters after this one. I've had this fic all planned out for monthes now! Not sure how quick I'll be on the updates, though. I still haven't had my baby yet. It could be any day now. But I promise that I will try and finish this in a timely manner. In the meantime, enjoy what is likely to be my last pre-baby chapter.
Codes: 'thoughts'
((Schu talking telepathically))
Oh! one more thing. I updated my profile (finally!) and have included a link to my new site. Check it out!
~Koyasu
~~~~~~~~~~
"Omi WHAT?!" Aya burst out, once again breaking down into tears. "But why?! Why now, of all times?!"
"Let's step outside, shall we?" Schuldig said calmly. He led Aya out with a gentle hand, looking back, embarassed and apologetic, at the crowd that was staring at them.
"Read this." He handed Aya a letter once they were outside. "It's Omi's suicide letter. I got it from Yoji before we came in to stop you from abusing your brother", he laughed.
"Was I abusing-?"
"It's understandable", Schu chuckled. "You're pregnant and hormonal. Just remember that Ran is very fragile now." He smiled, eyes full of empathy. "Now read", he urged, motioning to the letter.
Aya nodded, cleared her throat and began:
To my friends:
I know that nothing I can say will make up for all of the pain that my family has caused you. I inherited the burden of running Kritiker not long after the death of my father. I took on that responsiblity, in honor of his memory. But it was never easy, seeing my friends put their lives on the line night after night. That's what I get for caring, I guess. I can't help it, though. I don't have the stoney reserve that the rest of my family possessed. That's why I got out. I couldn't bear to know what was happening.
But absence does not equal lack of awareness. I knew that Ken and Ran were still working as assassins, with a new team, under new leadership. The mere thought of it nearly drove me to madness. Finally, with reluctance (and Nagi at my side to protect me), I returned, begging to regain my position of leadership.
When Yoji came back, I considered it a miracle. A blessing. A good omen, if you will. In my naivete, I thought nothing of the monthes of intense training it would take to reteach him the ways of an assassin. I didn't even question if he was, or would ever be, truly ready for this life again. Weiss was back together. I was with my "brothers" once again. It felt like things had come full circle, and that could only be good.
Or so I thought. I should have listened to Nagi. He warned me not to take up this lifestyle again. He told me that only bad things would come of it. Foolishly, I ignored these warnings and continued on, out of guilt and a sense of obligation. Nagi, frustrated, said it was time we took a "break", leaving me with nothing to live for but my team. But where is that team now? If I had used better judgement as your leader, would Ran still be able to speak? Would Ken still function as an adult? This was an intensly personal mission, and I should not have allowed Weiss to accept it. Now, all of our lives are forever altered. It is my fault, and I feel it is best that I depart now, before I cause any more pain.
Goodbye.
Omi
Aya threw the letter to the ground. "If he didn't want to cause any more pain, why the hell did he kill himself?! And here I gave him all this credit for being the smart one", she fumed, trembling and shaking her fists at her side.
"Aya, I know you're upset-, Schuldig began, reaching a hand to Aya's shoulder, which she promptly swatted away.
"Of course I am!" she hissed. "He was selfish! We need him now! Ran needs him! And Yoji..." Aya took a deep breath in and out of her nose before continuing. "Why couldn't he just-"
"Now you aren't being fair" Schuldig said sternly, grabbing Aya firmly by the arms. "Yoji feels like the weight of the world is resting on his shoulders How would you feel if, after spending the day with two seriously injured freiends and one friend's grieving sister, you went to see a third friend, only find find that he had hung himself?"
"Y-Yoji found him?" Aya put her hand to her mouth, which was agape. "How...how awful! I-I'm sorry."
Schuldig pulled Aya in for a hug. "Don't worry about it. I understand. You've been through a lot. You lost your husband, found out you'll have to raise a child alone, and Ran...well..." Schuldig sighed. "Just don't forget, you aren't the only one suffering."
"Do Ran and Ken know yet?", Aya asked, her voice a choked, hoarse whisper.
"No", Schuldig answered, taking Aya by the hand and leading her through the sunny courtyard outside the hospital. "I think that we can hold off on telling Ken. He doesn't understand these things anyway, and he might not even think to ask about Omi. Ran, on the other hand, has probably already started to wonder. I'm reluctant to tell him, though. He starts physical therapy soon, and-"
"And you're worried the emotional distress may interfere with his progress?"
Schuldig nodded, stopping and sitting at the edge of a fountain. "I dread coming to see your brother, Aya. I fear that, the next time I do, I'll be faced with questions about Omi."
Aya took a seat next to Schu. "Yoji and I can avoid the topic, since we have no way of communicating with him on our own. You, on the other hand, will probably be depended upon more and more by Ran for conversation and friendship. It's a tough position to be in, isn't it?"
"Yeah. Sometimes, this gift is a curse", Schuldig lamented, turning his head back slightly and gazing into the calm, still water.
*
"Yoji, what does 'discharged' mean?" Ken asked, looking up from his tray of food.
"It means to be released. If you are in the hospital, for example, it means you will be going home", Yoji replied as he fed Ran some rice. "Why?"
"I heard some doctors talking today, and they said I was getting discharged." Ken fidgeted with a straw. "Yoji...I don't remember where home is. Where will I be going?"
"We've got someplace nice in mind for you." Yoji smiled at him. He didn't have the heart to tell Ken that they had decided to put him in assisted living. There was no way he would be able to live on his own.
"Ah - aaaaahhhh...", Ran whined anxiously.
Yoji looked at his hand. "Oh, sorry!" He hadn't realized he was holding the spoon where Ran couldn't reach it with his mouth. "Here you go." He brought the spoon to Ran's mouth and began feeding him again.
"Ran is so cute", Ken cooed. "Will he be getting discharged, too?"
"Not yet. He'll be staying here a little longer. He needs to get better and try walking again, like you are."
Ken's face fell. "Then when will I see him?"
"Soon, we hope", was Yoji's tentative response. He wiped some food off of Ran's face, saddened to see it reflecting the heartbreak of his lover.
"Then he can live with me, right?" Ken asked hopefully, nervously ripping a napkin into small pieces.
"That, um...that depends on his progress." Yoji cringed in anticipation of Ken's reaction. "You may not be living together, but you can still visit eachother."
"NO!!!" Ken hollered, throwing his tray of food across the room. "I want to be with Ran forever! You can't take him from me!"
"Ken, nobody is-"
"You are! I HATE you, Yoji! I hate all of you!" Ken went on, only pausing to take brief breaths.
"Is something the matter?" a young nurse's aid asked, cautiously approaching Ken's bed.
Ken swung an arm out, punching the woman in the face. "Yes! You're taking me away from him! I need to be with Ran and take care of him! He's my little baby lover, and he needs me to be his daddy now! He NEEDS me!!!"
Ken went on for about five more minutes. By the time he finished, he realized he had been put in restraints, and was being taken to another part of the hospital on a gurney.
"Where are you taking me?! Stop this!" Ken demanded angrily.
"Sorry." An intern that was pushing the gurney shook his head. "We're taking you to solitary confinement. After we talk with your doctors, we'll have a better idea what to do with you."
Ken felt tears well up in his eyes. He just wanted to be with his baby Ran. Why were they trying to keep them apart? Why was everybody being so mean? Ken closed his eyes, trying to shut out the hurt. "Make it stop. Make it stop", he chanted to himself before succumbing to sleep.
*
Schuldig entered the room, a visibly shaken Aya on his shoulder. When he saw Yoji leaning over to embrace Ran, he knew that something wasn't right. But the combined noise coming from his three friend's minds made it impossible to figure anything out, and emotions were running so high, he felt dizzy. "Would you all just be quite?" he winced, doubling over in pain and falling to the floor.
"Schu!" Yoji ran over to his lover, helping him to his feet. "You okay?"
"I'm fine", Schu nodded, looking over at a distressed Ran. He turned back to Yoji. "Ken found out he was getting discharged, huh?"
"Yeah, and when he learned that Ran wouldn't be coming with him he..." Yoji put a hand to his forehead in frustration.
"Got a little upset", Schu finished for him.
"'A little upset' is putting it mildly", Yoji sighed. "Ran is pretty shook up about it, so I think you'd better go to him now."
"Right." Schuldig approached Ran's bed and gently entered his mind. ((Ken scared you, didn't he?))
'Yes', Ran admitted. 'It was uncomfortable, seeing him act like that. And I worry that..." He closed his eyes, allowing himself to shed a single tear.
((Go on!)) Schu encouraged, stroking Ran's arm in a gentle, reassuring manner.
'He's not coming back, is he? The old Ken, I mean. No matter what the doctors do, or how hard anybody works, Ken will always be like this.'
((Well...)) Schuldig hesitated.
'You can tell me. I can see the truth', Ran thought cynically. 'Ken threw a tantrum like a spoiled 3-year-old today, and I don't think his brain can function on a much higher level than that.'
((It probably never will again.)) was Schu's honest response.
'That's what I thought.' Ran breathed out heavily and began to whimper.
((Are you still doubting your love for Ken?)) Schuldig asked, frustrated at how good Ran had become at blocking his thoughts.
'Earlier today, I was fairly certain that I could keep loving him, but he really scared me', Ran replied, blinking back tears. 'I...I guess I still love him, but it's odd...like I'm loving a child. But this child used to...' Ran blushed.
((Used to make love to you?)) Schu grinned.
'Mmm' Ran's face turned a deeper red. 'What is going to happen to him? What's going to happen to me? I know that Ken needs help in life now, and, the way things are looking, I'm likely to need a different kind of help. I hate to admit this, but...'
((You're scared. I know. It's okay.)) Schu took a tissue and wiped Ran's eyes dry.
'I am! I'm scared because I have no idea where things stand anymore. Even things that concern me! Everyone is keeping secrets. You may be able to get away with that with Ken, but I'm too smart for it.'
((I know you are. What do you need to know?)) Schuldig asked with dread.
Ran took a labored breath, swallowing hard before he began. 'I'm not getting my hopes up in terms of speaking. I doubt I will be able to do that again. But...what about everything else? How will life be for me after I get out of here? Have the doctors given you any idea about that?'
((They have)) Schu nodded with an encouraging smile. ((Your doctors think that, with a lot of hard work, you will eventually walk again.))
'But even if I walk, I wouldn't know where to put my feet', Ran argued. 'I can't make sense of those things anymore.' He looked off sadly, frustrated with himself.
((If that continues to be the case, you may need someone with you to help guide your steps. But it's doubtful you will be wheelchair bound.)) Schuldig was not going to let Ran get discouraged. ((Do you believe me?))
Ran looked up into Schuldig's fierce green eyes. They looked sincere enough. 'Yes.' He smiled tearfully. 'I do.'
((I'm glad.)) Schuldig gave Ran a quick kiss on his forehead and stood up, turning to walk out of the room. He almost made it to the door when...
'Wait!' Ran mentally pleaded.
Schuldig cringed, walking back over to Ran. ((Wh-what is it?)) he asked, attempting to remain calm.
'Why hasn't Omi been by to see us lately?'
There will only be a few more chapters after this one. I've had this fic all planned out for monthes now! Not sure how quick I'll be on the updates, though. I still haven't had my baby yet. It could be any day now. But I promise that I will try and finish this in a timely manner. In the meantime, enjoy what is likely to be my last pre-baby chapter.
Codes: 'thoughts'
((Schu talking telepathically))
Oh! one more thing. I updated my profile (finally!) and have included a link to my new site. Check it out!
~Koyasu
~~~~~~~~~~
"Omi WHAT?!" Aya burst out, once again breaking down into tears. "But why?! Why now, of all times?!"
"Let's step outside, shall we?" Schuldig said calmly. He led Aya out with a gentle hand, looking back, embarassed and apologetic, at the crowd that was staring at them.
"Read this." He handed Aya a letter once they were outside. "It's Omi's suicide letter. I got it from Yoji before we came in to stop you from abusing your brother", he laughed.
"Was I abusing-?"
"It's understandable", Schu chuckled. "You're pregnant and hormonal. Just remember that Ran is very fragile now." He smiled, eyes full of empathy. "Now read", he urged, motioning to the letter.
Aya nodded, cleared her throat and began:
To my friends:
I know that nothing I can say will make up for all of the pain that my family has caused you. I inherited the burden of running Kritiker not long after the death of my father. I took on that responsiblity, in honor of his memory. But it was never easy, seeing my friends put their lives on the line night after night. That's what I get for caring, I guess. I can't help it, though. I don't have the stoney reserve that the rest of my family possessed. That's why I got out. I couldn't bear to know what was happening.
But absence does not equal lack of awareness. I knew that Ken and Ran were still working as assassins, with a new team, under new leadership. The mere thought of it nearly drove me to madness. Finally, with reluctance (and Nagi at my side to protect me), I returned, begging to regain my position of leadership.
When Yoji came back, I considered it a miracle. A blessing. A good omen, if you will. In my naivete, I thought nothing of the monthes of intense training it would take to reteach him the ways of an assassin. I didn't even question if he was, or would ever be, truly ready for this life again. Weiss was back together. I was with my "brothers" once again. It felt like things had come full circle, and that could only be good.
Or so I thought. I should have listened to Nagi. He warned me not to take up this lifestyle again. He told me that only bad things would come of it. Foolishly, I ignored these warnings and continued on, out of guilt and a sense of obligation. Nagi, frustrated, said it was time we took a "break", leaving me with nothing to live for but my team. But where is that team now? If I had used better judgement as your leader, would Ran still be able to speak? Would Ken still function as an adult? This was an intensly personal mission, and I should not have allowed Weiss to accept it. Now, all of our lives are forever altered. It is my fault, and I feel it is best that I depart now, before I cause any more pain.
Goodbye.
Omi
Aya threw the letter to the ground. "If he didn't want to cause any more pain, why the hell did he kill himself?! And here I gave him all this credit for being the smart one", she fumed, trembling and shaking her fists at her side.
"Aya, I know you're upset-, Schuldig began, reaching a hand to Aya's shoulder, which she promptly swatted away.
"Of course I am!" she hissed. "He was selfish! We need him now! Ran needs him! And Yoji..." Aya took a deep breath in and out of her nose before continuing. "Why couldn't he just-"
"Now you aren't being fair" Schuldig said sternly, grabbing Aya firmly by the arms. "Yoji feels like the weight of the world is resting on his shoulders How would you feel if, after spending the day with two seriously injured freiends and one friend's grieving sister, you went to see a third friend, only find find that he had hung himself?"
"Y-Yoji found him?" Aya put her hand to her mouth, which was agape. "How...how awful! I-I'm sorry."
Schuldig pulled Aya in for a hug. "Don't worry about it. I understand. You've been through a lot. You lost your husband, found out you'll have to raise a child alone, and Ran...well..." Schuldig sighed. "Just don't forget, you aren't the only one suffering."
"Do Ran and Ken know yet?", Aya asked, her voice a choked, hoarse whisper.
"No", Schuldig answered, taking Aya by the hand and leading her through the sunny courtyard outside the hospital. "I think that we can hold off on telling Ken. He doesn't understand these things anyway, and he might not even think to ask about Omi. Ran, on the other hand, has probably already started to wonder. I'm reluctant to tell him, though. He starts physical therapy soon, and-"
"And you're worried the emotional distress may interfere with his progress?"
Schuldig nodded, stopping and sitting at the edge of a fountain. "I dread coming to see your brother, Aya. I fear that, the next time I do, I'll be faced with questions about Omi."
Aya took a seat next to Schu. "Yoji and I can avoid the topic, since we have no way of communicating with him on our own. You, on the other hand, will probably be depended upon more and more by Ran for conversation and friendship. It's a tough position to be in, isn't it?"
"Yeah. Sometimes, this gift is a curse", Schuldig lamented, turning his head back slightly and gazing into the calm, still water.
*
"Yoji, what does 'discharged' mean?" Ken asked, looking up from his tray of food.
"It means to be released. If you are in the hospital, for example, it means you will be going home", Yoji replied as he fed Ran some rice. "Why?"
"I heard some doctors talking today, and they said I was getting discharged." Ken fidgeted with a straw. "Yoji...I don't remember where home is. Where will I be going?"
"We've got someplace nice in mind for you." Yoji smiled at him. He didn't have the heart to tell Ken that they had decided to put him in assisted living. There was no way he would be able to live on his own.
"Ah - aaaaahhhh...", Ran whined anxiously.
Yoji looked at his hand. "Oh, sorry!" He hadn't realized he was holding the spoon where Ran couldn't reach it with his mouth. "Here you go." He brought the spoon to Ran's mouth and began feeding him again.
"Ran is so cute", Ken cooed. "Will he be getting discharged, too?"
"Not yet. He'll be staying here a little longer. He needs to get better and try walking again, like you are."
Ken's face fell. "Then when will I see him?"
"Soon, we hope", was Yoji's tentative response. He wiped some food off of Ran's face, saddened to see it reflecting the heartbreak of his lover.
"Then he can live with me, right?" Ken asked hopefully, nervously ripping a napkin into small pieces.
"That, um...that depends on his progress." Yoji cringed in anticipation of Ken's reaction. "You may not be living together, but you can still visit eachother."
"NO!!!" Ken hollered, throwing his tray of food across the room. "I want to be with Ran forever! You can't take him from me!"
"Ken, nobody is-"
"You are! I HATE you, Yoji! I hate all of you!" Ken went on, only pausing to take brief breaths.
"Is something the matter?" a young nurse's aid asked, cautiously approaching Ken's bed.
Ken swung an arm out, punching the woman in the face. "Yes! You're taking me away from him! I need to be with Ran and take care of him! He's my little baby lover, and he needs me to be his daddy now! He NEEDS me!!!"
Ken went on for about five more minutes. By the time he finished, he realized he had been put in restraints, and was being taken to another part of the hospital on a gurney.
"Where are you taking me?! Stop this!" Ken demanded angrily.
"Sorry." An intern that was pushing the gurney shook his head. "We're taking you to solitary confinement. After we talk with your doctors, we'll have a better idea what to do with you."
Ken felt tears well up in his eyes. He just wanted to be with his baby Ran. Why were they trying to keep them apart? Why was everybody being so mean? Ken closed his eyes, trying to shut out the hurt. "Make it stop. Make it stop", he chanted to himself before succumbing to sleep.
*
Schuldig entered the room, a visibly shaken Aya on his shoulder. When he saw Yoji leaning over to embrace Ran, he knew that something wasn't right. But the combined noise coming from his three friend's minds made it impossible to figure anything out, and emotions were running so high, he felt dizzy. "Would you all just be quite?" he winced, doubling over in pain and falling to the floor.
"Schu!" Yoji ran over to his lover, helping him to his feet. "You okay?"
"I'm fine", Schu nodded, looking over at a distressed Ran. He turned back to Yoji. "Ken found out he was getting discharged, huh?"
"Yeah, and when he learned that Ran wouldn't be coming with him he..." Yoji put a hand to his forehead in frustration.
"Got a little upset", Schu finished for him.
"'A little upset' is putting it mildly", Yoji sighed. "Ran is pretty shook up about it, so I think you'd better go to him now."
"Right." Schuldig approached Ran's bed and gently entered his mind. ((Ken scared you, didn't he?))
'Yes', Ran admitted. 'It was uncomfortable, seeing him act like that. And I worry that..." He closed his eyes, allowing himself to shed a single tear.
((Go on!)) Schu encouraged, stroking Ran's arm in a gentle, reassuring manner.
'He's not coming back, is he? The old Ken, I mean. No matter what the doctors do, or how hard anybody works, Ken will always be like this.'
((Well...)) Schuldig hesitated.
'You can tell me. I can see the truth', Ran thought cynically. 'Ken threw a tantrum like a spoiled 3-year-old today, and I don't think his brain can function on a much higher level than that.'
((It probably never will again.)) was Schu's honest response.
'That's what I thought.' Ran breathed out heavily and began to whimper.
((Are you still doubting your love for Ken?)) Schuldig asked, frustrated at how good Ran had become at blocking his thoughts.
'Earlier today, I was fairly certain that I could keep loving him, but he really scared me', Ran replied, blinking back tears. 'I...I guess I still love him, but it's odd...like I'm loving a child. But this child used to...' Ran blushed.
((Used to make love to you?)) Schu grinned.
'Mmm' Ran's face turned a deeper red. 'What is going to happen to him? What's going to happen to me? I know that Ken needs help in life now, and, the way things are looking, I'm likely to need a different kind of help. I hate to admit this, but...'
((You're scared. I know. It's okay.)) Schu took a tissue and wiped Ran's eyes dry.
'I am! I'm scared because I have no idea where things stand anymore. Even things that concern me! Everyone is keeping secrets. You may be able to get away with that with Ken, but I'm too smart for it.'
((I know you are. What do you need to know?)) Schuldig asked with dread.
Ran took a labored breath, swallowing hard before he began. 'I'm not getting my hopes up in terms of speaking. I doubt I will be able to do that again. But...what about everything else? How will life be for me after I get out of here? Have the doctors given you any idea about that?'
((They have)) Schu nodded with an encouraging smile. ((Your doctors think that, with a lot of hard work, you will eventually walk again.))
'But even if I walk, I wouldn't know where to put my feet', Ran argued. 'I can't make sense of those things anymore.' He looked off sadly, frustrated with himself.
((If that continues to be the case, you may need someone with you to help guide your steps. But it's doubtful you will be wheelchair bound.)) Schuldig was not going to let Ran get discouraged. ((Do you believe me?))
Ran looked up into Schuldig's fierce green eyes. They looked sincere enough. 'Yes.' He smiled tearfully. 'I do.'
((I'm glad.)) Schuldig gave Ran a quick kiss on his forehead and stood up, turning to walk out of the room. He almost made it to the door when...
'Wait!' Ran mentally pleaded.
Schuldig cringed, walking back over to Ran. ((Wh-what is it?)) he asked, attempting to remain calm.
'Why hasn't Omi been by to see us lately?'
