Chapter 14
Suddenly voices broke into my world of pain,
"Ebony? Ebony?" vaguely I recognized the voices.
Pulling myself up I tried to make myself look slightly better but I really didn't feel better in any way shape or form, my mind was numb, not connected to my body or my actions. As I walked forwards towards the voices I almost ran in terror, every shadow, and any tree could hide Zoot Eventually I stumbled back onto the path walking straight into Lex. Stepping back I saw there was another girl with them who must have been Mays friend.
She was a startling looking girl. When you looked at her she leaked pain and suffering like Zoot did anger, everything in the way she looked clashed. She was skinny and tall and wearing simple unflattering clothes totally in black that hid her body as if she had something to hide. The only skin you could see was her hands and face and the skin on that was ghostly white against the black material and her black hair that was untidily held back and fell to her waist. Her war paint was done simply but painfully like everything else, it was two blood red marks on both cheeks and blood red lips. All this was unsettling but nothing was as bad as her eyes. Startling green, they stared back at you burning with some inner pain or injury. It was almost painful to look at her and I wondered what had happened to her to make her like that.
"Ebony, this is Allyn," said Siva seeing me staring at her.
"What happened to you?" asked Lex with a slight sneer in his voice I suddenly felt exposed and weak, I saw Allyn watching me with those eyes. They seemed to see through me, they seemed to know me and there was something in them I didn't want to identify or face. "I got lost," I said frostily bringing up my defenses.
The journey home was a nightmare for me, every moment was terror and it seemed to last forever. I made sure I was always in the center of the group, I could feel a presence following us and I didn't want to be in the position where a hand could reach out of the darkness at me. When we made it safely back to the mall I immediately escaped the room seeing the arguments that were to come as the mall rats advanced around May and Allyn.
I went and sat in the café for the night, sleepless and unwilling to return to my own room, I stayed there uninterrupted until I left sometime after dawn. I relived again and again in my mind what had happened with Zoot feeling in my heart my eternal loneliness. In the woods I had been alone, truly alone and defenseless but I this place where people gathered and lived I was still always alone. No one saw me, no one heard me, no one noticed me, and I was alone. Always and forever totally alone.
After dawn I left for the beach, my place of refuge, my place of calm. Like the day before I spent my time loosing my misery and myself in the eternal loneliness and emptiness of the beach and the ocean.
When I got back to the mall Salene bullied me into cleaning the cafe, I had too admit it needed cleaning, it had needed it for a long time. Working in the café with Lex and Siva was better than brooding in my room. Late in the afternoon a water fight started up between Lex and Siva, occasionally, half- heartedly, I joined in but this was their happiness, their fun, not mine and I felt out of place, an intruder in a world I couldn't reach.
"We're dead" Siva declared surveying the cafe which was a disaster zone. Thankfully Salene didn't return to survey our work till after we had performed the miracles required to clean the room, again.
That night I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even lie down, the thought of being woken by those cold merciless hands terrified me. Every creak, every noise could be him coming to torture me more, the minutes went by, the hours in suspense and tension.
Finally unable to stand the suspense any longer I convinced myself to leave the room and walk to the café to get a drink for my parched mouth. I crept to the door picking up the courage to open it, in my mind was a picture of Zoot standing there waiting for me outside, opening it revealed the empty corridor but it didn't make me feel any better. Every door every corner to the café was the same, he could be waiting for me. I couldn't believe he scared me that much, what had he reduced me to.
Finally I got to the café. Peering around the doorway I saw something I didn't want to see, it wasn't Zoot, it cleared all thoughts of Zoot out of my mind, swept them away.
It was Amber.
Wrapped around Jay.
They were stood in the middle of the café not looking at me; Jay was stood in his best techno general pose, his hands behind his back his face passive. But amber was pressing herself against him twining herself around him like a vine. Her hair was messy and her make up smudged and on the table beside them was a half empty bottle of whisky and a glass with lipstick marks on it.
"Come on Jay" Amber was saying slurring some of her words slightly "You know you want to" My heart sank, I wanted to turn away, I wanted to run and run until I was so far away none of them would ever find me again. But I couldn't move, I had to stay, I had to see, I didn't want to but I had to.
"Amber I don't want to kiss you" Jay said firmly removing her hands from around his neck. She pouted and folded her arms
"Why not?" she demanded, "You wanted to the other times"
Other times? Plural? Not just the once Jay had told me about? I felt like I was falling down into a deep deep pit which I couldn't escape from.
"We said we would forget that," said Jay his voice cold
"Well I can't" said Amber pressing herself against him and peering up at him and placing one hand on his chest possessively, I could almost see it burning through the material making a permanent mark there.
"Sure once was a fluke," said Amber persuasively letting her words entwine around him like a snake "But twice? When you were supposed to be in love with miss bi!chiness herself and helping her through her ordeal. Is that a fluke Jay?" I could see her words like a deadly poison weakening him, his face softened slightly but his voice remained steady
"No Amber" he said pushing her off him again but she was not deterred, she had seen it too. "Are you saying you don't want this?" she whispered pushing herself close against him and starring into his eyes. Slowly she reached up pulling his head down to hers. Their lips were millimeters away and I wanted to cry out, I wanted too stop them; I wanted to pull her away from him. But I couldn't, I had to watch I needed to see this.
Slowly their lips touched, carefully, gently they kissed, and their eyes closed Amber's hand behind his head.
It only lasted a few seconds but each millisecond was like an hour to me, I saw in slow motion every detail and each millisecond hammered more cracks and pain into my heart, I couldn't bear to see them like that, so close so tender
Jay pulled away and stared at Amber for a second then turned away from her his head down "You-we can't do this," he told her his voice heavy.
She put her hand on his shoulder using the other one to get another glass of whisky and down it. She pressed herself around his side peering at his face
"Are you saying you don't want me?" she asked.
The words so close to the ones I had used to get Jay back what seemed so long ago shocked me and I could see they had the same effect on him by the look of horror on his face He was silent for a moment obviously collecting his thoughts and then he said
"However much I may be attracted to you, I love." she never gave him the chance to finish the sentence
"The bi!ch queen" she mocked; "The s1ut with the coldest heart and most evil mind in the west, you love her," she laughed slurring more of her words, letting them attack Jay. I wanted to slap her; she had no idea about me or what my life was like.
Suddenly he turned around and lifted her by her collar, his face close to hers and angry
"Don't say that about Ebony" he hissed at her
"Jay be calm" she said hold out her hands to pacify him, gently he lowered her too the ground "Tut, tut, tut" she told him reaching for another glass of whisky "Shouldn't loose your temper like that" she said as she knocked back the glass, staggering slightly she grabbed onto Jay for support.
"I only loose my temper for good reasons" he told her in the tone that he used when he was annoyed "like when people insult." she put a finger on Jay's lips to stop him talking
"Don't say her name," she said, her slur getting worse "You see" she told him in a confidential tone "If she wasn't here we would be fine, its her fault we're not together"
"Her and Bray" Jay said coldly obviously not impressed by how drunk Amber was getting.
Suddenly Amber burst into drunken tears
"Bray left me" she sobbed "He left me all alone and he's not coming back"
Turning her around Jay pushed Amber towards the other door "You should get too bed" he told her.
She stopped crying "Yours or mine?" she asked cheekily. How dare she.
"Amber just go to bed. Alone" he said
"Fine" she muttered sulkily attempting to blow him a kiss but muddling it up totally then ambling out of the room drunkenly.
I couldn't believe what I had just seen or heard, I felt violated, I couldn't believe Amber, even if she was drunk, would try it on with Jay.
Jay began to pick up the bottle and glass and as he straightened up he looked across and saw me. It wasn't as if I was trying to hide, I was just stood next to the doorway a look of horror on my face.
He looked horrified "Ebony!" he cried, I just gave him a withering look and walked off.
Suddenly voices broke into my world of pain,
"Ebony? Ebony?" vaguely I recognized the voices.
Pulling myself up I tried to make myself look slightly better but I really didn't feel better in any way shape or form, my mind was numb, not connected to my body or my actions. As I walked forwards towards the voices I almost ran in terror, every shadow, and any tree could hide Zoot Eventually I stumbled back onto the path walking straight into Lex. Stepping back I saw there was another girl with them who must have been Mays friend.
She was a startling looking girl. When you looked at her she leaked pain and suffering like Zoot did anger, everything in the way she looked clashed. She was skinny and tall and wearing simple unflattering clothes totally in black that hid her body as if she had something to hide. The only skin you could see was her hands and face and the skin on that was ghostly white against the black material and her black hair that was untidily held back and fell to her waist. Her war paint was done simply but painfully like everything else, it was two blood red marks on both cheeks and blood red lips. All this was unsettling but nothing was as bad as her eyes. Startling green, they stared back at you burning with some inner pain or injury. It was almost painful to look at her and I wondered what had happened to her to make her like that.
"Ebony, this is Allyn," said Siva seeing me staring at her.
"What happened to you?" asked Lex with a slight sneer in his voice I suddenly felt exposed and weak, I saw Allyn watching me with those eyes. They seemed to see through me, they seemed to know me and there was something in them I didn't want to identify or face. "I got lost," I said frostily bringing up my defenses.
The journey home was a nightmare for me, every moment was terror and it seemed to last forever. I made sure I was always in the center of the group, I could feel a presence following us and I didn't want to be in the position where a hand could reach out of the darkness at me. When we made it safely back to the mall I immediately escaped the room seeing the arguments that were to come as the mall rats advanced around May and Allyn.
I went and sat in the café for the night, sleepless and unwilling to return to my own room, I stayed there uninterrupted until I left sometime after dawn. I relived again and again in my mind what had happened with Zoot feeling in my heart my eternal loneliness. In the woods I had been alone, truly alone and defenseless but I this place where people gathered and lived I was still always alone. No one saw me, no one heard me, no one noticed me, and I was alone. Always and forever totally alone.
After dawn I left for the beach, my place of refuge, my place of calm. Like the day before I spent my time loosing my misery and myself in the eternal loneliness and emptiness of the beach and the ocean.
When I got back to the mall Salene bullied me into cleaning the cafe, I had too admit it needed cleaning, it had needed it for a long time. Working in the café with Lex and Siva was better than brooding in my room. Late in the afternoon a water fight started up between Lex and Siva, occasionally, half- heartedly, I joined in but this was their happiness, their fun, not mine and I felt out of place, an intruder in a world I couldn't reach.
"We're dead" Siva declared surveying the cafe which was a disaster zone. Thankfully Salene didn't return to survey our work till after we had performed the miracles required to clean the room, again.
That night I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even lie down, the thought of being woken by those cold merciless hands terrified me. Every creak, every noise could be him coming to torture me more, the minutes went by, the hours in suspense and tension.
Finally unable to stand the suspense any longer I convinced myself to leave the room and walk to the café to get a drink for my parched mouth. I crept to the door picking up the courage to open it, in my mind was a picture of Zoot standing there waiting for me outside, opening it revealed the empty corridor but it didn't make me feel any better. Every door every corner to the café was the same, he could be waiting for me. I couldn't believe he scared me that much, what had he reduced me to.
Finally I got to the café. Peering around the doorway I saw something I didn't want to see, it wasn't Zoot, it cleared all thoughts of Zoot out of my mind, swept them away.
It was Amber.
Wrapped around Jay.
They were stood in the middle of the café not looking at me; Jay was stood in his best techno general pose, his hands behind his back his face passive. But amber was pressing herself against him twining herself around him like a vine. Her hair was messy and her make up smudged and on the table beside them was a half empty bottle of whisky and a glass with lipstick marks on it.
"Come on Jay" Amber was saying slurring some of her words slightly "You know you want to" My heart sank, I wanted to turn away, I wanted to run and run until I was so far away none of them would ever find me again. But I couldn't move, I had to stay, I had to see, I didn't want to but I had to.
"Amber I don't want to kiss you" Jay said firmly removing her hands from around his neck. She pouted and folded her arms
"Why not?" she demanded, "You wanted to the other times"
Other times? Plural? Not just the once Jay had told me about? I felt like I was falling down into a deep deep pit which I couldn't escape from.
"We said we would forget that," said Jay his voice cold
"Well I can't" said Amber pressing herself against him and peering up at him and placing one hand on his chest possessively, I could almost see it burning through the material making a permanent mark there.
"Sure once was a fluke," said Amber persuasively letting her words entwine around him like a snake "But twice? When you were supposed to be in love with miss bi!chiness herself and helping her through her ordeal. Is that a fluke Jay?" I could see her words like a deadly poison weakening him, his face softened slightly but his voice remained steady
"No Amber" he said pushing her off him again but she was not deterred, she had seen it too. "Are you saying you don't want this?" she whispered pushing herself close against him and starring into his eyes. Slowly she reached up pulling his head down to hers. Their lips were millimeters away and I wanted to cry out, I wanted too stop them; I wanted to pull her away from him. But I couldn't, I had to watch I needed to see this.
Slowly their lips touched, carefully, gently they kissed, and their eyes closed Amber's hand behind his head.
It only lasted a few seconds but each millisecond was like an hour to me, I saw in slow motion every detail and each millisecond hammered more cracks and pain into my heart, I couldn't bear to see them like that, so close so tender
Jay pulled away and stared at Amber for a second then turned away from her his head down "You-we can't do this," he told her his voice heavy.
She put her hand on his shoulder using the other one to get another glass of whisky and down it. She pressed herself around his side peering at his face
"Are you saying you don't want me?" she asked.
The words so close to the ones I had used to get Jay back what seemed so long ago shocked me and I could see they had the same effect on him by the look of horror on his face He was silent for a moment obviously collecting his thoughts and then he said
"However much I may be attracted to you, I love." she never gave him the chance to finish the sentence
"The bi!ch queen" she mocked; "The s1ut with the coldest heart and most evil mind in the west, you love her," she laughed slurring more of her words, letting them attack Jay. I wanted to slap her; she had no idea about me or what my life was like.
Suddenly he turned around and lifted her by her collar, his face close to hers and angry
"Don't say that about Ebony" he hissed at her
"Jay be calm" she said hold out her hands to pacify him, gently he lowered her too the ground "Tut, tut, tut" she told him reaching for another glass of whisky "Shouldn't loose your temper like that" she said as she knocked back the glass, staggering slightly she grabbed onto Jay for support.
"I only loose my temper for good reasons" he told her in the tone that he used when he was annoyed "like when people insult." she put a finger on Jay's lips to stop him talking
"Don't say her name," she said, her slur getting worse "You see" she told him in a confidential tone "If she wasn't here we would be fine, its her fault we're not together"
"Her and Bray" Jay said coldly obviously not impressed by how drunk Amber was getting.
Suddenly Amber burst into drunken tears
"Bray left me" she sobbed "He left me all alone and he's not coming back"
Turning her around Jay pushed Amber towards the other door "You should get too bed" he told her.
She stopped crying "Yours or mine?" she asked cheekily. How dare she.
"Amber just go to bed. Alone" he said
"Fine" she muttered sulkily attempting to blow him a kiss but muddling it up totally then ambling out of the room drunkenly.
I couldn't believe what I had just seen or heard, I felt violated, I couldn't believe Amber, even if she was drunk, would try it on with Jay.
Jay began to pick up the bottle and glass and as he straightened up he looked across and saw me. It wasn't as if I was trying to hide, I was just stood next to the doorway a look of horror on my face.
He looked horrified "Ebony!" he cried, I just gave him a withering look and walked off.
