Chapter 15
I walked along the corridors waiting for Jay to catch up, I knew he would. Finally I heard his footsteps behind me
"Ebony wait" he called. Slowly I pivoted on one foot to face him. His usually calm exterior was tarnished "Ebony she was coming onto me" he said wildly his eyes pleading with me, those gorgeous eyes that I just wanted to fall into.
"I saw," I said stalking towards him "I also saw you kissing her!" I said coldly
"She kissed me" he protested indignantly "And it meant nothing," he said desperately
"Liar" I said coldly to his face
"It meant nothing to me" he repeated begging me to believe him
"Really" I said skeptically but beginning to weaken, by now we were quite close and he was having a hypnotic effect on me
"Really" he said quietly, but confidently, he knew I was weakening. And then before I knew what was happening I found Jays lips were on mine and we were kissing and his arms were around my back pressing me to him and my arms were twining themselves around the back of his neck and pulling him closer to me. I didn't know what I was doing, I shouldn't be doing this, he had kissed Amber, but somehow in the tide of emotion that swept over me I felt the doubts, the fears the feelings of regret being washed away in the glorious wash of emotions that swept over me with his tender kiss. I was in heaven, his sweet lips were on mine and kissing me tenderly, and I was in heaven.
Then suddenly I was brought back to earth as he pulled away slightly,
"Now that meant something," he gasped his breath tickling my face. I didn't answer except to pull him back down and begin kissing him again.
As our kisses increased we made our way down the hallway until I was lightly pressed against my door completely lost in kissing him. Gently Jay moved his hands to undo my top but as he touched the zip I froze, a series of images flashing through my mind. I saw Jay staring at the bruises that danced across my body and I saw him not believing me that Zoot had given me them.
I pushed him away from me not really believing it was happening. Zoot had come between Jay and me.
"No" I said firmly keeping him at arms length, not looking at his face
"What's wrong?" he asked concerned, holding my hand tenderly
I stepped back into my room "This never happened and it wont happen again" I said coldly slamming the door on his shocked face.
"Ebony" he yelled pounding on the door as I sank to lean against it my legs trembling "Lets talk about this" he begged, I ignored him, I had to, this was not something I could compromise on.
Zoot had come between Jay and me; somehow from a distance he had managed it. I needed to forget, I needed nothing, and I needed peace.
When I entered the smoky bar an hour later I was wearing my most revealing outfit, my bruises hidden by make up and the half-light in the bar. My braids were gone, they were too distinctive and my make up had changed. I was a different person, an anonymous girl, not Ebony. Only those that were drunk or slightly drunk were left in the bar at this time of night, just the kind of man I wanted. Spotting a candidate, open to suggestion but not out of it, I moved forwards to sit next to him at the bar. Sliding into the seat next to him I gave him a good eyeful of my outfit then signaled the bartender for a drink. As the bartender brought my drink the boy next to me insisted on paying for it, this was going to be easy.
For the next ten minutes as I wormed my way into his consciousness we sipped our drinks, he was about to order some more when I learned over and letting my tongue tickle his ear whispered
"Is there somewhere, quieter, we could go" his eyes lit up and he took my hand eagerly and lead me out of the bar and down the quiet streets. He led me to an old ground floor flat he obviously lived in; as soon as we got inside I started kissing him. He tasted of alcohol but I ignored that fact. I tried to find some pleasure in what we were doing but I couldn't find pleasure in it at all, not even something in the way I was using him, but I felt nothing, just removed, calm as it wasn't me kissing him.
Slowly we moved over to the bed in the corner his hands straying across me and removing my clothes. I ought to feel something, even to feel distaste at what I was letting him do to me but I felt nothing. I had done this with so many men to get what I wanted I had taught myself to become removed from it. But now that betrayed me, I wanted to immerse myself, loose myself. As he lay on top of me I desperately tried to find some feeling or emotion but I was numb. Finally it was over and the release I wanted, the release I needed had not come.
Unable to sleep next to a boy I didn't even know the name of I imagined he was Jay; I was falling asleep in Jay's arms, in Jay's bed.
I walked along the corridors waiting for Jay to catch up, I knew he would. Finally I heard his footsteps behind me
"Ebony wait" he called. Slowly I pivoted on one foot to face him. His usually calm exterior was tarnished "Ebony she was coming onto me" he said wildly his eyes pleading with me, those gorgeous eyes that I just wanted to fall into.
"I saw," I said stalking towards him "I also saw you kissing her!" I said coldly
"She kissed me" he protested indignantly "And it meant nothing," he said desperately
"Liar" I said coldly to his face
"It meant nothing to me" he repeated begging me to believe him
"Really" I said skeptically but beginning to weaken, by now we were quite close and he was having a hypnotic effect on me
"Really" he said quietly, but confidently, he knew I was weakening. And then before I knew what was happening I found Jays lips were on mine and we were kissing and his arms were around my back pressing me to him and my arms were twining themselves around the back of his neck and pulling him closer to me. I didn't know what I was doing, I shouldn't be doing this, he had kissed Amber, but somehow in the tide of emotion that swept over me I felt the doubts, the fears the feelings of regret being washed away in the glorious wash of emotions that swept over me with his tender kiss. I was in heaven, his sweet lips were on mine and kissing me tenderly, and I was in heaven.
Then suddenly I was brought back to earth as he pulled away slightly,
"Now that meant something," he gasped his breath tickling my face. I didn't answer except to pull him back down and begin kissing him again.
As our kisses increased we made our way down the hallway until I was lightly pressed against my door completely lost in kissing him. Gently Jay moved his hands to undo my top but as he touched the zip I froze, a series of images flashing through my mind. I saw Jay staring at the bruises that danced across my body and I saw him not believing me that Zoot had given me them.
I pushed him away from me not really believing it was happening. Zoot had come between Jay and me.
"No" I said firmly keeping him at arms length, not looking at his face
"What's wrong?" he asked concerned, holding my hand tenderly
I stepped back into my room "This never happened and it wont happen again" I said coldly slamming the door on his shocked face.
"Ebony" he yelled pounding on the door as I sank to lean against it my legs trembling "Lets talk about this" he begged, I ignored him, I had to, this was not something I could compromise on.
Zoot had come between Jay and me; somehow from a distance he had managed it. I needed to forget, I needed nothing, and I needed peace.
When I entered the smoky bar an hour later I was wearing my most revealing outfit, my bruises hidden by make up and the half-light in the bar. My braids were gone, they were too distinctive and my make up had changed. I was a different person, an anonymous girl, not Ebony. Only those that were drunk or slightly drunk were left in the bar at this time of night, just the kind of man I wanted. Spotting a candidate, open to suggestion but not out of it, I moved forwards to sit next to him at the bar. Sliding into the seat next to him I gave him a good eyeful of my outfit then signaled the bartender for a drink. As the bartender brought my drink the boy next to me insisted on paying for it, this was going to be easy.
For the next ten minutes as I wormed my way into his consciousness we sipped our drinks, he was about to order some more when I learned over and letting my tongue tickle his ear whispered
"Is there somewhere, quieter, we could go" his eyes lit up and he took my hand eagerly and lead me out of the bar and down the quiet streets. He led me to an old ground floor flat he obviously lived in; as soon as we got inside I started kissing him. He tasted of alcohol but I ignored that fact. I tried to find some pleasure in what we were doing but I couldn't find pleasure in it at all, not even something in the way I was using him, but I felt nothing, just removed, calm as it wasn't me kissing him.
Slowly we moved over to the bed in the corner his hands straying across me and removing my clothes. I ought to feel something, even to feel distaste at what I was letting him do to me but I felt nothing. I had done this with so many men to get what I wanted I had taught myself to become removed from it. But now that betrayed me, I wanted to immerse myself, loose myself. As he lay on top of me I desperately tried to find some feeling or emotion but I was numb. Finally it was over and the release I wanted, the release I needed had not come.
Unable to sleep next to a boy I didn't even know the name of I imagined he was Jay; I was falling asleep in Jay's arms, in Jay's bed.
