Chapter 26 - Jay

The Mallrats gathered in the café quietly and somberly, we all knew why we were there and we didn't like it one bit.

Most of the tribe had been there when Dee found her lying in the pool of blood; everyone had some blood on their clothes or shoes from that night. But what no one could understand was why, why Ebony, the strongest, or so we thought, member of the tribe should try to take her own life.

That was what cut me up most, the fact that I didn't know why, I couldn't be there for her and help her face the why. I didn't know whether it was something I had done, something I could protect her from or help her with. Why. The ultimate question. I hadn't slept much in the few days since we found her, when I did I was always haunted by the mage of her lying lifeless in that endless pool.

Allyn started the meeting, asking if anyone had noticed anything strange about Ebony recntly.

Everyone had something to say, Salene had noticed she wasn't eating, not turning up for the first two meals of the day and barely touching her dinner, I knew she went to the beach every morning and various people had noticed her wandering about the mall at night.

But it was Patch and Allyn who had the worst news. Patch told us how when he was tending to the injuries Java had given her he had noticed she was covered in bruises, old and new, apparently she was plastered in them, he didn't know where they had come from and noone vcould work that one out. But Allyn had even more shocking news, Ebony had been cutting herself, recently, Allyn had seen the marks.

Somehow that was even more terrible than everything else, the fact it had been going on for a while and we had not noticed. In some ways I could see why we had not noticed, Ebony had obviously been concealing whatever was going on from us and she had done it well, when people said she was a queen of deceit they weren't wrong, she was an insomniac, a recluse, eating like she was anorexic and cutting herself, and yet we did not notice, did not see the pain going through her mind.

We felt guilty and powerless to help, even those who did not like Ebony felt bad for her but we could not help. We still did not know what was going on in her tortured mind, with all the evidence we still didn't understand why, we still couldn't help her, we could only watch her, prevent her from doing herself further harm until she decided to open up to someone.

It ripped me apart that we could nothing to help her, that I could not help her, that I couldn't just take her in my arms and protect her from the world forever. I wasn't even sure how she felt about me, one minute she seemed to hate me but the next I thought maybe she returned my crazy feelings for her.

And they were crazy feelings. I had always thought I liked nice girls like Grace, and I had to admit it, Amber, girls who wanted a better world, who shared my outlook on life. But Ebony was different, always slightly darker, and slightly more unpredictable. I just couldn't repress my feelings I saw we were so similar in the way we spoke and dealt with people, hitting low and direct and keeping our cool at all times.

And yet Ebony had an outlook on life that meant she thought she needed to get as much power and protection for herself so she would not get hurt. I always wondered where that came from, what had perverted her innocence? her outer selfish power needy exterior always hid her slightly more caring side, the side she did not want you to see, the one she thought was her weakness but was actually her greatest strength, and she was strong, she was as strong as you get.

When I wonder about why I loved Ebony, before I wonder what attracts us to anyone, I always wonder whether it was because I wanted to readjust the innocence of her misdirected mind, I wanted to show her that the world wasn't always out to get her. But beyond wondering why I loved her I just wanted to hold her in my arms and defend her from the world and know that somewhere in her dark heart she felt the same about me.

At the end of the meeting I asked Patch if I could go and see her and he agreed after warning me not to upset her.