Author's Notes: I managed to update! Wow! And it would have been up sooner if ff.net would actually work for more then 2 days at a time… I swear ever since they got rid of nc-17 fics they've gone down hill. But anyways enough about that… I must sneak this in before you continue to read… my current obsession is the movie Pirates of the Caribbean. OMG I swear it's the best movie I've ever seen, if you haven't seen it I strongly suggest you do so! Johnny depps performance is just stunning. Alright now that I got that out of the way… continue! And enjoy! And as always thanks all you reviewers!!!
To love is to know the sacrifices which eternity exacts from life
--John Oliver Hobbes School for Saints
Sakura sighed softly tracing elegant raindrops as they danced upon her window pane. The sky outside burst with tears as thunder and lightening streaked through the heavens. She didn't dear shift from her perch, her muscles already screaming from the strain. Sakura couldn't seem to move much at all without someone's help these days. Every muscle in her body protested whenever she wanted to use them. She always felt terrible weak and her once rosy skin was getting paler by the day. Honestly she thought pregnancy wouldn't be like this, half the time she was bedridden, and the other half she was in the bathroom. She rubbed her swollen belly softly sighing once more.
"I wouldn't give it up for the world though little one." She whispered softly tracing soft ticklish circles on her belly. It was the truth to, even though she was weak and sick she wouldn't give this up. She wanted this child more then life itself, and she was willing to go through anything the heavens threw at her for it.
Sakura wondered silently if this is what all pregnancies were like, but she already knew the answer. The cancer was making it extremely difficult; most women could at least keep their dinner down for the child to absorb. For herself it was extremely hard to keep any meal down no matter how hard she tried. The doctors had almost violently insisted that she stay in the hospital for this, but she would have none of that. She didn't want to be stuck in the hospital for her pregnancy; she argued that it would be better for both of them if she was in the comfort of her own home. Despite Syaoran's reluctance on the subject she had ended up winning the argument, with a stern warning that she needed to be monitored by a loved one at all times, and that tests needed to be performed at least every two weeks. They were all very tedious tasks, but she performed them without a fuss.
"I would have helped you if you had told me you wanted to sit by the window." Syaoran stated in the doorway with a steaming bowl of something that actually smelt quite delicious to Sakura. Every time Syaoran cooked something for her, her stomach would turn at any thought of consuming it. Not that Syaoran was a bad cook or anything, just the thought of food lately made her sick. She was pleasantly surprised to find that the smell of whatever Syaoran had cooked was making her actually crave food, which hadn't happened all throughout her pregnancy.
"I know love, but you were cooking." Sakura answered patting the spot next to her.
"I would have come back." He replied again wishing she wouldn't strain herself. He sat down next to her, tangling his unoccupied hand in her soft hair. "Are you hungry?" He questioned deciding to drop the subject, he knew his love was very independent and it was hard enough for her to have to be monitored constantly.
"I am more hungry then usual." She smiled softly at him taking the noodles from his hands.
"Its all we had downstairs, Leena went out to buy more food, but she hasn't returned yet." Syaoran explained not sure if the noodles would agree with her today.
"It smells really good." Sakura replied taking a small bite, she continued to eat while Syaoran looked after her. She was full after a few bites her stomach already starting to turn at the thought of eating more. She continued to eat until at least half was gone knowing the baby needed as much food as she could possibly handle.
"How are you feeling today?" Syaoran asked as she put the rest of the noodles to the side.
"Alright, tired." She answered pulling Syaoran closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist burying his face in her hair.
"Do you want to rest?"
"I suppose I should." She responded as Syaoran helped her to her feet. Her muscles again screamed at the movement, but she didn't dare show it in fear of worrying Syaoran even more. She was concerned about her beloved, dark circles dawned around his beautiful eyes. Worry lines were beginning to be a permanent feature on sun kissed skin. Sometimes he looked more tired then herself, and this frightened her most of all. She wished he would sleep at night but she knew half the night he was up watching over her. This was one of the reasons she agreed to take so many naps, in hopes that as they cuddled he to would get a bit of sleep.
Syaoran pulled Sakura close to his chest placing gentle fingertips on her tummy. He rubbed it softly making Sakura purr in contentment.
"I love you with all my heart." She whispered closing her eyes as his hands lulled her to sleep.
"And I love you even more." He answered his own eyes closing to join her in dreamland.
Kero peeked in through the door watching the two cuddle sleeping peacefully. He was worried, about both of them infact, although he would never admit to being troubled about the gaki. They both looked like neither had gotten a good nights sleep in ages, and he knew it was true. This was actually the first time he had seen them both sleeping at the same time.
"Are they sleeping?" Kero jumped at the voice behind him. He glanced back seeing Leena had entered with a handful of groceries. After the catastrophe with Syaoran's mother Leena had opted to stay and help the couple out, which everyone was extremely grateful of. She made sure the groceries were stocked, that doctor's appointments were kept, that Syaoran didn't starve himself while he kept Sakura as healthy as possible.
"Yeah they both are." Kero replied suddenly fluttering away from their door. He noticed she was soaked, not one inch of her was dry. Her hair clung to her face as wet droplets of rain sputtered off her clothes. Kero shuttered at the cold she brought in the house with her.
"Good… they need it." She replied putting away what she had bought. Neither talked for a few minutes each seeming to be dwelling in their own worlds. "Kero…?" Leena started waiting to get the guardians attention.
"Yes…?" Kero questioned waiting for the woman to go on with her thoughts.
"Well I've been thinking… about the Sakura cards…" Leena started as the guardian sat himself on the counter.
"I know… they need to be sealed away into the book…" Kero answered already catching onto where she was heading with this.
"I thought as much." Leena replied sadly.
"I know I know… they draw energy from their mistress… and with this sickness she needs all her energy. I've been checking on the cards regularly, and they aren't starving yet, but they aren't getting as much as normally." Kero explained the situation.
"How long do we have then?"
"I think we should seal the cards away before they get too agitated from the lack of energy they are getting, it's just…" Kero paused looking down.
"And what happens to you?" Leena asked scratching the back of his ear softly.
"The cards need at least one guardian or else they won't stay sealed in the book. They don't feel safe and they will spread across the world and wreak havoc. So… I'll have to be sealed away as well… that's why I've been putting it off… I just… I know I'm being selfish… but…"
"Oh Kero it's not selfish… anyone in your situation would feel the same way." Leena explained smiling softly at the guardian. "Besides it will only be until the pregnancy is over and Sakura's all better, then you will be released"
"Right…. Of course…" Kero replied the melancholy in Kero's tone making Leena's heart ache. "I just wish I could be here for Sakura… but I have my duties."
"Sakura will miss you for sure… and so will I and even Syaoran, but you'll be here in spirit. We know you'll be watching over us as well as the cards eh? After all you are the one and only amazing guardian beast of the seal!"
"You better believe it!" Kero piped up at her compliments.
"And I just so happen to come upon this in my grocery shopping oh amazing guardian beast." Leena stated slyly as she pulled something out of one of the grocery bags. Kero's eyes lit up in delight as he snatched it from her hand.
"Pudding Pudding Pudding!" He exclaimed wildly as he fluttered out of the room to attack his wonderful treat. Leena laughed at his antics softly, turning her head back and forth.
"Better get the rest of these put away." She stated to herself going back to her work.
"I never even thought about what this would do to the cards." Sakura stated from the doorway. Leena turned around quickly not having heard anyone enter. She just nearly missed bumping her head on a cabinet, which she was thankful she avoided.
"Sakura what are you doing? I thought you were sleeping." Leena stated pulling out a kitchen chair and helping her to sit down.
"I'm not very tired today… but I wanted Syaoran to get some rest." Sakura explained. Leena nodded in acknowledgement knowing that both of them were worried over Syaoran.
"Well you should get some rest as well…"
"It's not fair…" Sakura started barely audible.
"What isn't?" Leena asked worried Sakura was going into depression over her sickness; she knew one of the key elements to survival on these kinds of things was hope. If you lost the will to live then there was no point in even trying to beat the illness.
"It isn't fair to the cards… I mean they have every right to get angry at me… I'm going to have to seal them away… it's just not fair to them…" Sakura stated almost making Leena laugh a bit, of course Sakura would get down about something being unfair to someone else.
"Oh Sakura… you are their mistress and their first allegiance is to you and only you… Sakura they will understand that for your survival they have to be sealed in their book for a bit. After all it's not like your doing it for no reason." Leena tried to reason.
"Yes I know… it's just not fair… I never realized this would be so hard… Leena but this child means the world to me… I can't give up on it!" Sakura stated a tear drifting down her cheek. All her frustration was building up inside her, and the last thing she wanted to do was put more worry on everyone.
"Sakura… I told Syaoran that anything worth having is always what you have to fight for. But look at how far you've come, you and Syaoran have gone through so much together, apart… and you've come out better then you were before. This will be no different, don't give up hope and keep fighting. For Syaoran, for your child, and most of all for yourself." Leena stated with a fierce fire in her eyes that Sakura had only seen in the Li family. Leena wrapped a friendly arm around Sakura to give her some comfort, which seemed to give Sakura the very thing she needed.
"Yes I will not stop fighting." Sakura agreed with renewed assurance. This child would be born healthy and would grow up with all the love in the world. Sakura was sure of this fact, more sure of this then anything. She would make sure this happened no matter what the outcome of the cancer was. This child would live a long, happy, fulfilled life.
"I think I'll go back and rest." Sakura stated getting up slowly.
"Do you need any help?"
"No… it's not that long a walk." Sakura answered a small smile formed on her lips as she moved to the bedroom. As she entered she was thankful that Syaoran still was asleep. The pillow she had replaced her body with still tucked snugly in his arms. She sighed contently placing her body softly on the bed. She carefully removed the pillow from his arms and they instantly sought something else to wrap around. They curled around her waist bringing her to his chest. Sakura ran gentle fingers up the length of Syaoran's bare arm. She breathed in the deep sent that was uniquely Syaoran, and vowed to keeping fighting, for everyone and everything she loved.
~~Siberian… although I'm gonna go for a name change as soon as ff.net lets me… due to the fact that they added a stupid one next to my name?!?!?!~~
