Chapter Two: Anya's Letter


Dear Xander,

Don't think that just because I'm writing to you on nice stationary that I've sprayed with perfume because I saw it in a romantic movie means I want to get back together with you. I'm just doing this to tell you something just in case I don't make it tomorrow. Don't read too much into it.


I'm mad at you Xander. I'm mad at you for leaving me at the altar of course you already knew that but still. And I'm mad at you for losing your eye, even though it really wasn't your fault, you should've known better than to fight a psychotic preacher. But most of all I'm mad at you for loving me. If that even makes sense. Why did you love me? You weren't supposed to love me Xander. I wasn't supposed to fall in love. It's your stupid fault I'm human anyway. And now I'm feeling all these feelings and I don't like it. I'm angry, and I'm confused, and I'm scared. I'm really, really scared and I don't like it. I don't know what to do. But what I do know, is that I love you Xander Harris. Even after everything you've done to me, I sill love you. Damnit.


You know, none of this would've happened if you had just married me. I guess you were right though. Not to go through with it. But I had these great wedding vows where I was gonna tell you how you taught me to love again and that I'd be your sex poodle. But I guess that'll never happen. I'll tell you something, I was ready to run that day too. For a moment I wanted out. But then I thought of how you gave me this warm feeling deep inside me and how from that day on every time I looked at you, I'd get that warm feeling and I was okay. I really wish you would've felt that too.


So there, Xander. Congratulations, I still love you. I'm mad at you but I still love you. I hope that we both make it through this apocalypse. I hope Buffy has a really huge trick up her sleeve so that I'll be able to see you again. Maybe you'll ask me to marry you again. That was a joke. I'd say yes though, just FYI.

I Love You

With all my Heart


Just Love,

Anya


Xander squeezed his eye shut. A tear leaked out and Andrew let his own tears flow. He looked over at the blubbering kid. "Thank you, Andrew," he said.

Andrew just whimpered and nodded. "She really loved you."

"I know."

They sat in silence and Xander crumpled the letter into a ball and threw it into a wastebasket. "Why'd you do that?" Andrew asked wildly retrieving it from the garbage.

"Put it back, Andrew," Xander told him.

"But..."

"Put. It. Back," Xander said firmly.

Andrew did so then shook his head angrily, "You're just rejecting her love like that? How could you? Anya was really upset because she thought she was gonna die and never see you again. And now she's dead."

Xander studied the boy's angry face "I know. And I'm not rejecting her love, I'd never do that. But I can't dwell on what would have been, it hurts too much. I know now how she felt and she does to."

"How do you know?"

Xander shrugged and looked up, "I just do."