Chapter Three: Xander's Letters


Willow,


My Willow. You are mine. You know that right? I don't care how many girlfriends you have or how many demons I attract, you'll always be my Willow. I don't think you have any idea just how much I love you. I think that if I love you anymore, I'll burst into a million Xander pieces, and that'll be a huge mess to clean up. I love you from Crayon Break-y Willow to Scary Veiny Willow. You know all my dirty little secrets and I know all of yours. We're one Willow. Me and you, we're a package deal. Buy the cute redhead get the butt-monkey for free.


If something happens I wanted you to know that I love you. I don't mean to get all deep and negative but yeah, you know me. I just didn't want to die without you knowing that.


Do you remember the day before sophomore year? I told you that this would be the year that everything changed and you asked "how so?" Do you remember what I said next? I said, "I dunno, but it was pretty profound, huh?" You laughed and said, "I think you're right, Xander. I feel a change in the wind." Then we met Buffy and life has never been the same. And as long as I have both of you in my life I'll never have to worry about that again.

So, in case I don't get to tell you. I Love You.

Xander


Dear Buffy,

I've been on a roll with these letters and decided to write yours now. It's kinda melodramatic, this letter-writing business , but since I'm being all reflective.

I've loved you since the moment I saw you. Of course I think it was my raging teenage hormones than actually love. It's funny after I saved your life, I knew that nothing would ever happen between us. I just knew we'd never be boyfriend and girlfriend and I was okay with that because I was much more happy with you just being my bestest friend. I respect you so much. Even when you were with Angel and... Spike. I was proud to have a friend like you.

I know I've been closed minded in the past. But that's only because I want my girls to have the best. Nothing but the best for the loves of my pathetic life. You are Buffy, you and Willow are the Loves of my Life. All I want to do is protect you, even though I'm the weaker of the three. I'll die to protect you two. So, if any thing happens and I'm not able to protect you anymore, I 'll always watch over you. Maybe I'll haunt you guys. That'd be fun.

Love

Xander


Dear Anya,


Forgive my bad penmanship. I'm having trouble keeping the words on the lines. I'm not really good at putting words to paper. I'm not even good at putting words into coherent sentences so that my brain can send the message to my mouth. And we all know the consequences when that happens.


I should've married you Anya. I know that now. I should've done a lot of things in my life but that's probably the one I wish I did the most. I'm so sorry. I was scared. That's all I've ever been, afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid, of demons and monsters, and most of all, afraid of love. I was afraid to love you because every time I saw love it always resulted in terrible pain, and I didn't want to be the one to cause you pain. But I ended up hurting you anyway.


No matter what happens, I want you to know that I love you. If I die, and I'm already down an eye so I have a head start on all of you, I want you to take care of them. They like you Anya, they really do, and I know you like them so I need you to watch over them if I can't. I love you. And hey if I don't die, maybe I'll propose. That was a joke. But I still have your ring.

Love

Xander


Xander set the letter down on the ground next to the gravestone. He, Andrew, Dawn, Giles, Willow, and Buffy were standing in a green cemetery outside of where Sunnydale had been. The tombstone simply read: Anya Beloved Friend and Sex Poodle

"I still can't believe you put 'sex poodle' on a headstone," Willow commented.

"It's quite... uh unique," Giles said taking off his glasses and cleaning them.

"I dunno, it makes sense," Buffy said, Dawn nodded in agreement.

Xander stood up and let out a shaky sigh, "All right. Let's go."

"Shouldn't we say something?" Andrew asked.

"No, I think this is good," Xander said. He put his arms around Buffy and Willow. "This is good," they smiled up at him. They all walked away.