Chapter Five: Willow's Letters
(Thank you to my first two reviewers, Nikki and Draco's Secret Lover. Buffy and Spike's letters will be coming soon.)
Dear Buffy,
What do I say to the Slayer? To my best friend? I'm scared Buffy. I don't know if I can do what you've asked. But I'll try my best, because you asked me. I know I haven't really been all that here, lately. I guess none of us really have. I'm sorry Buffy. For everything I've done. I know you've already said you've forgiven me, but I don't think I'll ever stop feeling sorry. It's just something I have to live with.
But I want you to know how much I love you. And that you're my best friend. I can And now I can't remember I time when I wasn't running from vampires and averting apocalypses. Or causing them. Ha ha ha.
Thank you for being my friend when it was bad for your new reputation, thank you for giving me guy advice (though I guess it really didn't help much), thank you for protecting me and protecting Xander, thank you for saving the world, thank you for putting up with me, thank you for being you.
So just in case all the power goes to my head tomorrow and I don't get the job done I have to tell you. Buffy Anne Summers, you are my best friend and I love you more than you will ever know.
Willow
Dear Xander,
I'm already crying and I've barely written "Dear Xander". I've loved you all my life, and my love for you will never stop even after death. Okay, that sounded morbid. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'll never stop loving you. No matter how many girlfriends I have or how many demons you attract (kidding), I'm always going to love you. You are my first love, and my forever love.
We've been through everything together. Remember when we were just ordinary kids? Yeah, I don't much either. The day before we met Buffy you said something that's stuck with me. You said, "Willow, I think this is the year that everything changes." I'm so glad that it did. For better and for worse, it changed. I never want to look back and say, "I wish things had never changed." And I won't, as long as I have you and Buffy.
You saved me with your love, Xander. You were the only one who could do that. The only one who would do that. You're more special than you think.
And don't do anything stupid and heroic tomorrow. I don't wanna lose any more of you.
I Love You Too Much For Words To Describe Willow
Tara,
I'm not sure why I'm writing to you. It's kind of silly, what with you being dead and all. (Fake laugh). But I do know, it's something I need to do. Not to clear my conscience but to maybe find peace. Because, I need you so much, baby. I don't think I can do this alone. Buffy, she's asking me to do this huge thing, and I'm not so sure I can. It's a whole mess of power that I don't ever want to tap into again. I don't want to go to the bad place again, and I'm so afraid that I will.
I wish to Goddess you were here. You'd be the voice of reason here. Things have been so bad since you've been gone. So bad. You're probably watching all of this with your beautiful concerned eyes upset and worried, or maybe even yelling at all of us. Maybe we wouldn't have done so many wrong things, maybe none of this would've happened if you were here. You were... are so good. You're the light, and I need that. We all do.
I have to tell you about Kennedy. She's a sweet girl, kind of. She's the complete opposite of you. She's not you. I don't know if I'm in love with her, yet. I think I could be. But I don't wanna let you go. Can I be in love with two people, even if one isn't here? I guess not. That'd be like, having my cake and eating it too.
Why haven't you come to me? Is it because of what I did? I killed people, I used dark magicks, and I was stripped of my right to see you again? I know the First was playing mind games with me. But you're so good, and light, and pure. I took that all for granted. I haven't even dreamt of you and I thought even in the dream world I'd be able to feel you. But I can't.
God, Tara, I can't do this. I just can't. I tapped into great power before I even learned to float a pencil and now I'm supposed to invoke the essence of this wicked-looking scythe to help Buffy. I don't think I can, not without you. So, I guess I'm asking for a favor. Can you keep me grounded tomorrow? Can you just be there, somewhere? Not to intervene, but to remind me of the light. Help me not to touch the bad place. I can't go there again. I can't lose everything again. I need you there, just in case.
I Love You So Much
Willow
"What are you doing?" Willow asked walking into her room
"Willow!" Kennedy squeaked as she tried to hide what she had been reading.'
"What's that?" Willow asked.
Kennedy guiltily looked away. "Oh, just a letter I found."
"From who?"
"You?"
"What?"
Kennedy sighed. "Look, I found Andrew sniffing around in here. He wanted to give you something, so I told him to leave it on your dresser. Curiosity got the best of me and I read it."
"So, you read something personal that I wrote to someone?" Willow said. "Have to say, you're not much for respecting privacy."
"Oh, not just someone. Your ex-girlfriend," Kennedy said.
Willow's eyes flashed. "You read my letter to Tara! How dare you!"
"How dare me? What about you? It's nice to know that you think so highly of me," she said.
"Well, I kind of did until just recently. Jeez, Kennedy, what's wrong with you?"
"Me? I'm not the one writing to my deceased girlfriend."
Willow took a step back. Then slapped Kennedy. The dark haired girl turned white as she held her cheek. Willow's resolve face was set. "You are never ever to say anything about her," She said through clenched teeth.
"That's just fine," Kennedy said coolly.
"Good."
They didn't say anything to each other. Willow forced down her anger. "I'm sorry."
"No, I am. I shouldn't have read that letter," Kennedy said.
"You're damn right you shouldn't have," Willow said her voice raised. Then she quieted. "And you shouldn't get jealous of Tara."
"I'm not. It's just... I thought I was your kite string." kennedy pouted.
"You are," Willow said.
"Did I... keep you grounded that day?"
Willow looked away, hiding her eyes. "You want the truth?"
"Always."
Willow looked up into Kennedy's eyes. "No."
Kennedy's face pained. "Oh."
Willow sighed. "You wanted the truth."
"I know."
The room filled with a heavy air. "Did I hurt you?"
"Yes."
"I meant when I slapped you."
Kennedy shook her head. "Nah. Slayer strength, remember?"
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I don't know," Kennedy said getting up and walking out of the room. She didn't look back at Willow. The red haired witch picked up the pieces of paper on her bed and started sobbing.
