Chapter Ten: Crying
(Oh, I'm so glad you all liked that letter. It actually pained me to write it. Well, here's some more. Also, I've gotten a few requests for an Andrew letter. I think that's a great idea. I'll try and come up with something Andrew-like.)
Buffy curled herself into a ball on her bed. She had stopped sobbing finally. She was just making those tiny, puppy dog, whimpering noises every time she breathed. She hated feeling like this. It wasn't Spike, either, who had made her feel like this. Well, his letter had a little something to do with it, but it was mostly her. She had cried over the letter, of course. His beautiful words to her made her cry, made her feel worse than she had ever felt in her entire life. His soul-baring sentences, profession of love for her forever, and the harsh fact that he didn't believe how she felt.
She wanted to die. Again. She felt like death. Her stomach was in knots, her head throbbed, her eyes were swollen and her nose was all booger-y, gross! She reached for a kleenex box but her hand fell upon the letter. She grasped the thin paper with his fine writing and brought it to her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut. 'You're not going to cry, You're not going to cry, You're not going to cry,' she told herself as two lone tears leaked out. The floodgates reopened, and the dam broke.
Buffy squirmed on the bed. Why was she crying so damn much? It was just a stupid letter. A stupid, dumb, incredibly poetic and soul-baring letter that Spike had wrote her. He wrote it to her after he saw her kissing Angel in the temple. She didn't deserve him. Well, she did, but she definitely didn't deserve to be written such beautiful words to.
She wiped her eyes, and tried focusing on the paper. "Damnit Spike," she said and began blubbering once more. Then something made her think. IT was a noise. In the kitchen. The clattering of pots and pans. Andrew.
"Andrew!" Buffy roared. Andrew was standing in the kitchen stirring a saucepan. His ears perked up when he heard the angry slayer yell his voice. He didn't have time to run before she burst into the room. "You! What'd you do with my letter to Spike?!"
Andrew cowered into a corner, holding his wooden spoon up like a shield. "Wha-what le-letter?"
"Don't play dumb with me, geek-boy. Where is it?"
Andrew edged away. "I uh... sent it to Ane..gel ..." his voice was inaudible by the end of his sentence.
"YOU SENT IT TO ANGEL!" Buffy exploded.
Andrew cringed, he forgot about the super-slayer hearing. "Uh... yeah."
Buffy breathed heavily. "Why... would... you DO THAT!?"
The boy shrugged sheepishly. "Because that's where Spike is."
"Where Spike is..." Buffy shook her head. "Spike is dead."
"Uh, actually, not so much. Seems that Giles heard from Angel that Spike came back from the dead because that amulet he wore invoked a prophecy called Shanshu," Andrew explained.
Buffy sat on a stool. Her jaw was dropped open and she struggled to comprehend what Andrew had just told her. "How do you know this?"
"I was cleaning the phone receiver," was his excuse.
Buffy nodded, not paying attention. "That's nice. Where's Giles?"
"He went to the store with uh... Dawn and Xander."
"Okay," Buffy's voice was strange as she got up, started to the living room then walked outside without closing the door.
"Buffy?" Andrew called out to her. The pot on the stove started to boil over. "My spaghetti sauce!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Giles, Dawn and Xander got home after their trip to the grocery store. They put down the bags on the counter.
"Hi Andrew," Dawn greeted eating an opened bag of Oreo cookies.
"Nice apron, Mrs. Child," Xander said.
"Thank you, Xander," Andrew said appreciatively, not realized the sarcasm. "Did you remember to pick up my capers?"
"Here you go," Giles said fishing out the jar and handing them to Andrew. "Excellent. These will finish off my fried mozzerella," Andrew said busying himself with dinner.
"Fried mozzerella?" Dawn asked.
Andrew nodded. "Yep. I'm making an italien feast. Spaghetti with meat sauce, a salad, bruschetta, and for the hors d'oevers, fried mozzerella with anchovies."
Andrew had Xander up till anchovies, the brunette gagged and Dawn just rolled her eyes at her brother figure. Giles ignored the young people's conversation. He removed his jacket. "Where's Buffy?"
Andrew didn't look at him, "She's in her room, I think." He decided against telling the Watcher about his little confession to the Slayer.
"Right then," Giles said ascending the stairs. Buffy's room was the last down the hall. "Buffy?" Giles knocked at her door. "Are you in..." he entered a dark room. "here." He felt for the light switch but the light didn't turn on. "Buffy?" He looked around the room. There, in the corner was Buffy. He rushed to her side. "Dear Lord, are you all right?"
Buffy made no attempt to acknowledge the man at her side. She stared off into space with that vacant expression he had seen on her only once before. When Glory had captured Dawn. Giles shook her lightly, "Buffy..." No reaction. Giles sighed. She was catatonic again. What had happened? He looked around the dim room, and on the bed was a few pieces of paper. Giles picked them up and skimmed the words over. In an instant he knew who the writer was. "Oh, Buffy," Giles settled next to her. "I'm so sorry."
Buffy made her first movement, she buried her head down in his lap and started shaking. Giles, surprised, but not, he cradled his surrogate daughter in his arms, stroking her hair and letting her weep all over his sweater. "I..." her voice vibrato between sobs, "just... feel... so... bad..." she let out a shuddering gasp and began to sob again.
"Shh, it's all right. It's all right," Giles told her. "It's not your fault."
She looked up at him bloodshot eyes, tears streaked across her cheeks. "But... it is. I loved him and he didn't believe me." She growled angrily. "He sent my letter to Spike to Angel. He said that Spike was alive and that you knew." Her face hardened. "You knew?"
Giles eyes were downcast. "Yes."
"How long?
"Angel phoned me about a month ago."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Giles sighed, "I was. When the time was right."
Buffy stood up quickly. "I have to go to him, Giles. I have to see him."
"Buffy, I don't think that's a good idea," he said, regretting the words as they rolled out of his mouth. His slayer would surely yell at him, claiming to have no right to an opinion about Spike because of past actions. Instead, she looked as if she would start crying all over again.
Buffy knew Giles was right. It wasn't a good idea. It would just hurt more, but that's what their relationship had been all about. Hurt, Pain, Denial, Trust, Love. Love. She had to see him. "Giles..."
Giles nodded, he smiled his kind smile he generally reserved for her. "Get packed. I'll book the tickets."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(Was that ending too dull? Should I have made with the yelling and grudges? I dunno, it just seemed like and okay ending. Should it be better?)
