Disclaimer: Sadly, the wonderful characters of both Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings do not belong to either of us. The plot, however, which was thought up during a long, boring block of Spanish, does.

Warning: There is  slash in this story which means male/male pairings--Draco/Harry, Legolas/Aragorn, Remus/Sirius. If this bothers you then click the back button now! Oh...and if you don't like the story don't bother to leave a review…flames are mean and pointless.

Summery/Plot: Voldemort and Sauron get together in order to enforce their angry wrath upon the 'heroes' that often cause the failure of their evil plans…Sadly, it doesn't go the way they planned and chaos ensues!

Note: The unmentionable event that occurred  in book five that caused the passing of a certain somebody :sniffles unhappily: won't affect this story. He'll stay living in this just like he still lives here :Blaise and Sven tap over their hearts: Anyway, enjoy the story.

A very big thanks to out loyal readers and reviewers.

Chapter 7: Spooning at Dinner

As Harry sat atop the balcony, the winds called out to him, tousling his already messy hair far beyond recognition. A single crystalline tear slid down his pale cheek. Not from sorrow, rather, from fear and disbelief. He knew that he wanted Draco with all his being, and yet he didn't know why he ran away from him. Why he ran away from perhaps the only opportunity he'd ever get.

"What the hell's wrong with me?" Harry stammered as words and events coursed through his mind, making him feel as though everything was drawing him downward and with less than few things keeping him from go under.

Harry leaned his head against the wall that was supporting him and closed his eyes, allowing himself to get lost in the sounds of the night.

After what had seemed like an eternity, Harry heard the distant sound of oncoming footsteps. Distraught by this horrid intrusion, Harry had the insane thought of jumping into the dark abyss (and eventually crashing into the hard earth below leaving him to either a horrific death or a serious assortment of injuries—both would not be much fun for the boy-who-lived, as Harry was known…when he wanted to be known as just Harry, just Harry who feared being alone more than anything else).

A small creature, a hobbit, as they had claimed that they were called, had stormed out onto the balcony, head covered in a dark mess of hair and bright eyes that seemed to gleam with an inner fire.

"Hullo," Harry said in a quiet voice that was no louder than a whispering wind, but it was non-the-less heard by the little man. "You are…" Harry thought hard for a moment trying to summon the hobbit's name from his jumbled thoughts.

"Frodo, Frodo Baggins…and you are…?"

"Harry, Harry Potter," Harry waited for a moment, forgetting that this man hailed from a different world and waited for the usual reaction that came from hearing his name, but he never got one. "You…don't know who I am?"

Frodo offered an innocent smile and shook his head.

"Good."

~*~

After the house elf, Dobby as he said he was called left on his quest to find Harry Potter and 'his Wheezy' (what this was Aragorn did not want to know) Aragorn had gone back to sleep. This had been a very bad idea because he was plagued by yet another dream of Legolas but instead of their being one scantily clad elf there had been well over a dozen. A small smile spread across his face as he remembered the dream…

He was once again lying on a silk bed though this time the bed seemed to take up the length of the room and sitting in  a circle around him was Legolas, no scratch that, a large number of Legolas' each of them dressed in a wide array of tight and revealing clothing.

"Am I in heaven?" asked Aragorn hopefully, his eyes wide with barely contained 'bliss'.

Then one of them slowly crawled forward so that he was face-to-face with Legolas, Aragorn could feel the hot, sweet breath on his face and he shivered with pleasure.

"No, love," The Legolas said with a devilish smirk on his face. "If you were in heaven, then I couldn't do this." With that, Legolas slid himself down, so that he was in the right position to…

And that's when the dream ended; Aragorn remembered waking up totally put out. So in order to clear his…mind, he had decided to go for a walk about the castle.  

Aragorn was wandering the halls, searching for peace of mind. He was still confused and slightly frightened in what his little dream could have meant. Obviously it meant that he was thoroughly into elves, especially the blonde…sexy…male ones. But anyway, he hadn't a clue what his current action should be.

He stopped short and gazed down at his wedding band, he was so sure when the moment had come for him to marry his love, Arwen. But after coming to this place, he didn't know anymore. Aragorn felt as if he were torn in two, part of him wanted to tear Legolas' clothes off and make passionate love to him every chance he could, and the other…wait…the other part of him wanted to do the same thing too. Where the hell did the part that loved Arwen go to?

'Maybe,' he thought. 'Maybe I never really loved Arwen. Maybe I've loved Legolas all along and never really wanted to admit to it because I was afraid of what everyone else would think and react to the heir to be in love with a man, well, an elf…a sensitive…gracious…smart…hot…sexy...DAMN IT MAN GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!'

Aragorn walked down the hallway, singing an odd song to himself that he himself didn't even know where it came from. "When a man loves a man, can't keep his mind on nothing else—he'll trade the world for the good thing he's found…When a man loves a man, deep down in his soul—oh hmmm…"

Aragorn stopped suddenly upon hearing soft footsteps. Far too soft to be coming from any of the mortals in this world, or his dwarf friend—he knew who it was without even analyzing the situation, Legolas. His love…er…friend. Aragorn knew that with Legolas' extraordinary elf senses, he was well aware of Aragorn's presence.

Aragorn saw the lovely elf walk by with cat-like grace that made his heart race and his breath shallow—he couldn't stand to just watch the elf with his new-found knowledge. But something, two somethings actually, caught his eye.

The two beings were from this new world, Snape and Lucius if Aragorn's memory served correctly. The two were sliding down the hallway, belly-down, kicking and elbowing each other viciously as they followed their target—Legolas.

'Is everyone here mad?' Aragorn thought before running over to the two wizards, tackling them head on.

~*~

Harry laughed whole-heartedly and it felt amazing. Sure he had had his good times with his friends but it was nice to have someone who had gone through similar circumstances as him—being the main protagonist, I mean, ahem, being the two main male characters with heavy burdens to carry.

"So," Frodo said with a small smirk on his face. "Hobbiton is a great place. You should see it. It's gorgeous. One of the most gorgeous places in Middle Earth. We hobbits love food—having seven sometimes eight meals a day-"

"I wouldn't want to let my cousin Dudley get near there, might eat all your food. And that's not over exaggeration," Harry said followed by another moment of laughter. Harry's eyes scanned the horizon, it was getting closer to dawn—he could almost smell the sunrise in the air.

"That would be unfortunate. I wonder what would actually happen to hobbits if we ran out of food, beer, and pipe weed…"

~*~

Ron glanced out onto the balcony and was all but green with jealously. This little… midget guy was stealing his best friend away from him on a one day acquaintance. He wanted to go out there and throw the little Mr. Frodo guy off the balcony and laugh as he made a delicious squashing noise as he collided with the ground.

Ron felt something stir behind him and he tore his eyes away from his best friend to see what was lurking behind him.

"It is time for dinner… do you know where Mister Frodo is?" Another hobbit immerged from the shadows.

'Great,' Ron thought to himself. 'I'm surrounded by freaking midgets. I swear God's punishing me.'

"He's out there on the balcony stealing MY best friend," Glancing back out to the balcony where Frodo and Harry continued laughing. "You know, I used to make him laugh like that. Seems like I'm not what he needs anymore," a small tear rolled down Ron's cheek.

Sam took in a deep breath and sighed. He stood on his tiptoes and reached over to the tall red head, trembling slightly—he had done this to one other man before—and put his hand, gently, on Ron's shoulder.

"I'm sure he still needs you. You've been with him for what? Seven years? That's forever. He will not—he cannot just dump you for another guy. Especially Mr. Frodo there…He's just talking with some one who has gone through similar thing that he did. Me and you, we're the sidekicks. We'll always be here."

Ron sniffled, "Really?"

"Yes," said Sam laughing. "Now…"Sam paused, trying to find the words he was looking for and when he did, they came out in a rush. "Willyoubemyfriend?"

Ron edged away from Samwise, and looked at him searchingly. "Just what exactly does that entail??"

~*~

Harry, Ron and Hermione met up in the dinner hall, Ron with a small scowl, Harry with a broad grin (That talk with Frodo had really helped him), and Hermione with a nervous smile (for some reason she kept glancing at Gimli). The three walked into the dining room with Harry and Hermione arm-in-arm while Ron trailed behind them with his arms folded across his chest.

Everyone else had already been seated at the single, long table that had been placed in the dining room. The wizard Gandalf was seated at the far end of the table with the raven haired Aragorn to his left who sat, rather reluctantly, next to Gimli who was followed by three empty seats, which were followed by Draco, Neville and Lupin; and to his right was a sad- yet sexy looking Legolas, sandwiched between the greasy Snape and anal-retentive Lucius, with the four hobbits seated next to them, lastly followed by Sirius. And, at the opposite head of the table was professor Dumbledore. The trio sat down in the empty seats, making Hermione sit next to the dwarf Gimli and Harry shyly next to Draco.

"Now that we are all here," Dumbledore said, standing up and raising his hands in the usual manner. "We may all begin eating." As the professor sat, trays of food appeared on the table—all the usual types of food that was served at Hogwarts.

"Wow," The hobbit named Pippin said in awe, practically drooling over the food in front of him and started to pile on numerous types of food onto his plate.

"Slow down Pip, are you in a rush or something?" Merry looked at his cousin and then started to grab his own food.

"Hey," Pip said in between bites. "Can I get a pint?"

"A pint would be great," added Merry.

Then, suddenly a house elf appeared behind him carrying the requested 'pints' and forcing all four hobbits to jump.

"It-it…it can't be!!" Frodo yelled almost falling off his chair. Sam grabbed a tiny sword from Pippin and pointed it at the elf. "Back you devil! BACK!"

Dobby, who was the said House-Elf, shrieked in fear and would have dropped the pints if it had not been for Merry and Pippin leaping from their seats to grab the alcoholic beverages before they hit the floor.

"It's alright, it's alright," Hermione said making his way around the table to try and calm the four scared hobbits. "This is Dobby…he's a friend. He's a house-elf." Three of the hobbits laughed nervously and turned back to their plates, while Sam stood, sword shaking in his hand.

"That was a close one," said Merry, sighing as he clutched the drink to his chest.

"Aye." Pippin replied while stroking his own mug of ale.

"Sam," Frodo said quietly. "Calm down Sam. It couldn't have been Gollum anyway…He's dead."

"Dobby is very sorry for scaring sirs and almost dropping Big Footed Sirs drinks," stammered Dobby. "Dobby must be punishing himself now. Goodbye Sirs, have a nice dinner." Dobby then disappeared and moments later his muffled screams could be heard from somewhere deep within the castle.

"When will he ever learn?" sighed Harry.

"Remind me to get my S.P.E.W. badges after dinner, Ron," said Hermione turning back to her food.

"What are you gonna do? Recruit the Middle-Earthers?"

"Middle-Earthers, Weasley?" asked Draco in disbelief.

"Shut it, ferret."

"House-Elf, eh? So is he your cousin or something, Elf?" Gimli asked Legolas with a laugh.

"I should hope not," muttered Legolas. "The day my people leave their forests to slave away in castles is the day I marry a dwarf."

"Let us hope that day never comes," Aragorn said in a very serious tone.

On the opposite side of the table, Draco could hardly keep eyes could hardly stop glancing over to wash over Harry's form, taking in every aspect of him as he did many times before when no one noticed. He decided if he kept up with this, he'd go insane so he decided to look at the handsome elf that his father and Snape were so obviously hitting on (scary thought isn't it?). He looked so sad, seldomly looking up to the raven haired man, Aragorn, and practically ignoring the two idiots next to him.

"I'm Severus Snape. That's Luscious Malfoy. I teach potions here at the school. Did you know that Potions is more of an art than a science? I could…give you a 'private' lesson later if you want…" Snape brushed up against the elf slightly, who just shook his head and glanced back down at his untouched food.

'Luscious?' thought Draco, almost gagging on his food, 'Bloody hell that's disgusting!'

"I'm Lucius Malfoy," Luscious sent a warning glare at Severus, picked up two forks and then looked at Legolas. "But since there are so many of us here, I'll FORK-give you if you, FORK-get, geh geh." Lucius noticed that everyone was glaring at him and tossed down his forks, sending bits of food flying everywhere.

"Just because you quoting a muggle movie doesn't impress him doesn't mean you have to throw a fit," Harry said dusting bits of food off his face.

"And I supposed you could do better, Potter," Snape said throwing his usual dagger filled stare at Harry.

"Well I wouldn't offer a lesson so I could seduce him; no one would go that low, Sevi," said Harry with a wicked grin that made Draco's heart swell with pride.

'If he wasn't so adorably noble he would make a wonderful Slytherin.' Draco thought with a mental sigh.

Snape grabbed his desert spoon and poised it as if for attack as a few people burst into laughter. "DON'T MAKE ME SPOON YOU!!?!?!"

Harry put his arms up to block his face in his terror. "NO! PLEASE GOD, NO!!"

"I'll spoon you,'' Draco whispered in Harry's ear sending noticeable shivers down our hero's spine.

"Hem, hem," Hermione said taking her seat and trying to make everyone else to look away from the two. 'I hope they'll just get together already,' She thought taking a bite of her mashed potatoes. 'The sexual tension between them is unbelievable—why, I'm surprised they didn't notice it before.'

Harry blushed, and stared fixedly at his food, while Lucius looked at his son in shock. 'My little boy, likes…boys *tear* he's more like me than I ever imagined…I'm so proud!' Lucius took in a shuddering breath and then started to shovel food into his mouth.

"Harry," Ron leaned towards him as to whisper in his ear. "If you were waiting for the opportune moment… that was it."

"You know what I was wondering about," Sam said with some 'taters' inches away from his mouth. "Who's this Voldemort everyone's been talking about—or mentioning rather. I've only heard Mister Potter refer to him by name." Almost everyone from Hogwarts flinched once the name reached there ears.

"Well," Remus said in a serious voice (which was quite different from the tone he'd been using when talking around Sirius… you know, that adorable couple voice that just makes you want to sigh because they are so adorable together…) "With Voldemort- or Who-must-not-be-named, You're not facing a normal wizard. A cruel, demented, vicious wizard to be certain. But, a cruel demented vicious wizard who cannot be killed."

"Everyone can be killed. It's just a matter of finding a weakness," Legolas said quietly, toying with the food on his plate.

"Really? I'd like to see you try and kill him!" Neville said fuming. "Harry has faced him a number of times and yet he's still around.

Pippin and Merry gathered their *pints* from the table, slid off their chairs, and walked as quietly as they could out of the dining room while the rest of the table stared at each other in silence.

"Hey," Harry said, desperately trying to make everyone stop with this insatiable little arguments. "Where did the two other hobbits, er, Merry and Pippin go off to?" Everyone looked at the vacant seats and glanced about the room.

"Does anyone want to make sure that they're alright?" Hermione's know-it-all voice chiming in as everyone looked at each other.

"I dunno if we'd want to intrude," said Ron. "They looked very close."

"They're COUSINS!!!" Sam squealed.

Ron's ears turned red. "Well Sam, Fred and George are twins they…they are…ah…together."

"Well," Lucius sneered. "I guess that brings an all time low to your family. You're father is obsessed with muggles, you ASSOCIATE with muggles and mudbloods, and now you're brothers like to keep it in the family. My, my, did I leave anything out?"

Draco stood up. "SHUT UP. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE BETTER THAN EVERY ONE—BUT YOU'RE NOT!! YOU'RE WORSE THAN EVEN THE LOWEST FORM OF BEING. I HATE YOU." With that, Draco stormed out of the dining room and was readily followed by an impulsive Harry.

"Draco…" Harry gasped when he came upon Draco who was slumped up against the wall, with his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" Harry kneeled beside him, as Draco's misty eyed expression met his.

"I guess. I don't know what came over me…I, I just hate when he talks down to people like that…I guess that's were I got it from. I can't believe I ever looked up to such a daft prick."

"You didn't know any better, love," Harry brushed a blonde strand out of Draco's silvery blue eyes, letting his hand linger on Draco's smooth skin.

"No, I didn't. Not until I met you…" Draco said, his utterly hopeless expression drawn across his face as he looked at his love—his life. "I used to think that I had the answers to everything, but since you came along… my whole word has turned upside down and I don't know what to do or who I am. All I know is that I want you. And you are the only person who can show me…." Draco stopped on account of Harry's lips on his, showing him bliss like he's never known before.

"I forgot to tell you…" Draco said, pulling away from the kiss for a moment. "That I love you. I do… I love you… and I don't care what anyone thinks. I love you for the man you want to be and the man you almost are."

A smile crept over Harry's face. He felt better than he had in years, because he was truly happy.

~*~

"Are you ready to hear my theme song?" Voldemort said eagerly to a rather traumatized Sauron who was sitting in a dark red velvet chair that was shrouded in shadow.


"Not really," Sauron sighed. His predicament was not improving much. Yes he desperately wanted to wreak his revenge on the fellowship for thwarting his plans… but forcing him to put up with an idiot such as Voldemort and his groupies—er death eaters, was trying his patience.

"Aw," Voldemort whined. "But the Eaties have been practicing all day! They'd really really like it if you'd listen to them…pleaseeeee!?!"

Sauron rolled his eyes and waved his hand in sign of defeat.

"All right everybody, file in!" called Voldemort.

And with that, Peter Pettigrew hurried in wearing a sequenced vest with white fringe and purple biker shorts followed by the whole lot of death eaters wearing pink frilly shirts and purple biker shorts.

"Wow! You guys look great! I'm so glad I went with the lilac over the ruby… it really accents the tat-"

"Voldemort," Sauron said with exhaustion.

"Oh, oh, yes." Voldemort took up his wand and tapped it on the desk in front of him. There was an over-all sound of throats being cleared and Sauron had the foreboding feeling that he should be frightened.

            "Evil, evil is his one and only name

            Evil, in his mind there is no other game!

            When your name is Voldemort, that is good or so you think,

            But you're so very wrong.

            It's evil!"

Some of the Death Eaters who had been singing backup had begun to swing dance and Sauron put his head in his hands. 'Why me? Why oh why?' Sauron thought as he looked back up at the display in front of him. 'Am I really this desperate?'

            "But being wrong is right, so then you're good again,

            Which is the evilest thing of all...

            Do you find his sudden ways, invite you? Does he excite you?

            If his contradictions should attract you, should he distract you?

            Heaven help you then...

            You're finished, it's the end...

            There'll be no retrieval...

            From the evil...

            The evil, he will do.

            He's evil,

            He's evil.

            His name is Voldemort."

Voldemort stuck his wand underneath his arm and started clapping enthusiastically shouting "Bravo!" at his troops who seemed relieved that their lord was pleased with their performance.

"I think its missing something don't you?? …So what do you think my fellow evil doer Sauron?" asked Voldemort, "It could have been missing something, I mean I am two Death Eaters short since we, ah, accidentally locked them in Hogwarts castle."

Sauron looked up at his pitiful partner in crime. "It was…astounding, Voldie. Simply astounding."