Just A Harmless Siege: Take 2
From Whiplash Productions
Copyright Jazz: Mr. T suddenly appears in a flash of light. "Hey sucka', I pity the fool who thinks this guy owns Swat Kats! My mans from Swat Kats are copyright to Hanna-Barbara, and I don't wanna' hear no jibber-jabber 'bout it! The T has spoken!" Mr. T vanishes.
*Author's Notation: Okay, well, I guess all I can say is keep those reviews pouring in. *laughs*
--------------------------------Thousands of miles below the crust . . .
The Pastmaster's feverish digging had slowed somewhat, and breathing became a tad difficult.
"Phew! Those scum buckets! They must've buried me deep!" He cursed, continuing to claw away at the hard soil.
Things began getting warm. The earth he clawed into was hot to the touch, and beads of sweat began to form on the Pastmaster's brow.
"My, it must be hot on the surface. Could it be because of . . . nah! The greenhouse effect is only a myth! Told to young kittens to make them take a bath. Hahaha! Silly me." He laughed, digging on.
--------------------------------*We interrupt this regularly scheduled story to bring you this*
Dr. Viper is seen in front of a lush tropical backdrop.
"Hello kiddiesssss! Your good friend Dr. Viper here!" He greets, waving.
A small, innocent looking kitten strolls up to Viper.
"Gee Dr. Viper!" He says in that kiddish voice, "Why are you interrupting the story?"
Dr. Viper smiled knowingly, kneeling to the small boys level.
"Well you sssssee Jimmy," He starts, "I want to take thissss time to tell all our friendsssss out their about the greenhoussssse effect."
Jimmy looks puzzled. "Golly Dr. Viper, I thought that was only a myth to get me to take a bath!"
Viper chuckles, placing his paw on Jimmy's shoulder. "Oh no, Jimmy! You sssssee, the greenhoussssse effect isssss very much a reality! Unfortunately, lotssss of other katizenssss think of it only as a myth." He consoles.
"Well, I don't understand," Jimmy said, giving that cute confused look, "If it's not a myth, then why aren't us kats doing something about it, Dr. Viper?"
"I don't know, Jimmy. I don't know," Dr. Viper said sorrowfully, patting the kitten's head.
"Well, I think, we all should stop doing whatever it is that's making this greenhouse effect!" Jimmy said determinedly.
"That'ssssss the ssssspirit!" Viper rallied, "Here, drink thissss down."
Dr. Viper grabbed a mutagen formula from his coat, and shoved its contents down a startled-looking Jimmy's throat. Viper chuckled, patting the kittens back as Jimmy took on many colorful faces.
"Heh, heh, that'sssss a lad," He murmured.
Young Jimmy suddenly grew in size and out of shape, turning into a gigantic palm tree monster. Viper stood smiling.
"Oh! Excussssssse me for a moment, will you kiddiessss! Got a bit of a (ahem) sssscratch in my (cough)destroymegakatcity(cough) throat! (ahem) Ah, much better!" Dr. Viper coughed.
The giant palm tree monster started off in the horizon towards MKC.
"Remember," Viper stated, smiling broadly, "The power, issss yourssssss!"
--------------------------------*We now return you to our regularly scheduled story*
--------------------------------At the clown's secret hideout . . .
Dark Kat and the two Metallikats stood in the middle of what looked to be a wrecked village. Coconut cream was splashed everywhere.
"Holy kats! Can you believe what just happened?!" Dark Kat asked excitedly.
"I know!" Mac exclaimed, jumping up and down.
"Boy, I'm sure glads I didn't miss it! If I would've missed what just happened here, I'd sure feel like a dolt!" Molly shouted.
"Tell me about it!" Dark Kat yipped, "The action! The ferocity! The coconut cream!"
"Just like it came out of a fanfic or somethin'!" Mac howled.
"All this excitement's makin' me woozy," Molly sighed.
The round, pie covered form of the boss clown made its way up to the trio.
"Golly, that was incredible! Amazing! Stupendous, what you just did!" He exclaimed.
"That's what we were just sayin'." Mac acknowledged.
The boss clown sighed deeply, as more of his clown followers came up behind him sadly. The three villains were a tad confused by the sad faces.
"Hey, what's the matter you guys?" Dark Kat asked.
"Oh, it's nothing," The boss clown sniffled, his squeaky voice reaching new heights, "It's just that we'll never see our beloved cult leader again."
"But I thought that yous was the leader of this cult?" Mac questioned.
The boss twiddled his thumbs.
"I'm only temporary cult leader. You see, when our former great leader was taken away from us, several of our old wise clown kats said they had a vision in the form of a dream."
"We did not!" A feeble voice in the background shrilled.
"They said our great leader demanded a sacrifice of one big purple kat, and two metallic heads, before he'd be able to come back." The boss clown continued.
"We were talking about the weather!" The feeble voice continued.
"And then they all let forth with a strange howling, that marked the time was near for us to find our sacrifices." The boss clown stated.
"Dadgumit! It was our kidney stones!" The feeble voice proclaimed.
Dark Kat and Co. were taken aback. The big kat held his head in thought. The Metallikats couldn't hold their heads in thought, because they had no bodies.
"Wait, wait a minute. You guys have only been in the past for maybe, I dunno', an hour at the most! How could you have had a great leader, then lost him, then appoint a new leader, in just an hour?" Dark Kat queried.
The clowns were speechless. More coconut cream dripped from their forms. Someone sneezed. Dark Kat was getting suspicious. He narrowed his eyes, peering around at the soggy mess around him.
"You!" Dark Kat grabbed one of the old wise kats, "Talk!"
"You'll never break me, ya' hear!" He shrieked.
Dark Kat slapped him, then tossed the old kat aside. "What about you, soldier? You gonna' talk?" Dark Kat picked up another clown.
"I-I-I swear! I-I-I don't know anything!" The clown gasped, quivering from head to toe.
Dark Kat slapped him as well, threw him aside, then grabbed yet another clown. "Talk!!"
"Well, what do you want to know?" The clown asked.
"I ask the questions around here!" Dark Kat slapped the clown. He picked up the boss. "What do you know?"
"All I know is-" Dark Kat slapped him.
"Hey! I was gonna' tell you that-" Dark Kat slapped him.
"Well if you'd stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped him once again.
"Geesh! Just stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped Mac.
"Enough already! Stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped Molly.
"I'm the one interrogating here and if I wanna' sl-" Dark Kat slapped himself. Dark Kat dropped the boss clown and held his jaw awkwardly. "Oh my."
"Gee, thanks for the swell concussion." Molly retorted.
"Terribly sorry. Guess I'm just uptight is all." Dark Kat sighed, holding his right arm uncomfortably.
"Yes, well," The boss started, standing up, "We're all uptight here since Queen Callista stole our great leader."
"Who?" All three villains asked in unison.
"Queen Callista, runs Megalith City, can't miss the place." The boss said.
"So just who was this great leader of yours that this Queen Callista kat- napped?" Mac asked.
"Why! His most honorable majesty, Madkat."
--------------------------------In Megalith City, the royal boredom room . . .
Queen Callista yawned, as she awaited the next imbecile who'd jump out into the room and try to entertain her. That weird jester, whom they had picked up from some strange face-painted natives, was up next. She certainly hoped he at least could give a good joke.
"Hey, hey! Watch the spandex!" A loud voice was shouting.
Moments later, Madkat was dragged in on the scene and dropped in front of a drowsy queen. He smoothed back his cap and took note of his surroundings.
"What is your name?" Callista asked, bored.
"Madkat, leader of the clowns!" Madkat pronounced bravely.
"I'll say," The queen muttered, "Well, let's have it, shall we?"
Madkat just stood there awkwardly. "Um . . . what?"
Callista rolled her eyes and showed immense exasperation.
"You are a jester, are you not?" She questioned.
"Well, um, I guess," Madkat responded.
"Then entertain me, you imbecile!"
Madkat shuffled uneasily. Callista grew impatient.
"Well?!"
"It's like this queenie. I-"
"What did you call me." Callista interrupted, her face becoming shadowed.
"Uh . . . Queenie?"
Lightening flashed in Callista's eyes, and all the servants began trembling with fright. The queen stood from her chair, a dark aura seeming to radiate from her. She suddenly broke out laughing. Madkat chuckled uneasily, as the queen draped herself over him, slapping her knees. "Queenie!! Ahahaha!! That was great!!" Callista howled, unable to stand upright.
The servants began to chuckle a bit as well. Callista's humorous demeanor suddenly evaporated, and she shot an icy stare at the servants. They shut up.
"Well, uh, guess I made you laugh! Can I, um, go now?" Madkat asked.
"Why, of course you can!" The queen said brightly.
"Really?"
"As soon as I become bored with you." She hastily added.
"Oh."
"And, as all the servants know," Callista looked at all the servants, who were shaking like leaves, "Whenever I become bored with someone, they are no longer allowed to, oh how shall I say it, exist!"
"Oh!"
--------------------------------Back at the clown's secret hideout . . .
"Madkat?" The three villains pondered, looking at one another.
"I say, how did he get in the dark ages?" Dark Kat queried, to no one in particular.
"What a bloody mess this is!" Molly spat.
"Yes, I should say so! Look at all this coconut cream!" Mac referenced, looking around.
"Not that, you mongrel!" Molly shouted.
The three villains suddenly looked at each other in realization.
"Excuse us for a bit, love." Dark Kat smiled, going off screen.
"Us too, love." The Metallikats said, just as sweetly.
The sounds of gnashing, and punching, and whamming, and slamming were heard off screen, as the clown's covered their eyes. Coming back on, the trio had a pleased look on their faces. Three British kats crawled across the screen, severely beaten.
"That'll teach the author to try and dub us! Right guys?" Dark Kat stated, patting his paws.
"Yous said it! I'm not even a Brit! I'm Italian!" Mac replied.
"You're a meatball." Molly muttered.
"So, um, yeah," The Boss started, "Will you help us get our cult leader back?"
"Well, um, I guess we should. It is the main plot device, after all." Dark Kat stated.
"Jolly good!" Mac cried.
Molly looked at him.
"Heh, just jokin'. . ." He chuckled uneasily.
"Fine! Then we'll start immedietly! I'll send one of my clown's with the demand for Madkat's release!" The Boss said heartily.
--------------------------------Back at the royal boredom room . . .
"So the dog said, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!'" A drumbeat followed.
Callista fell out of her throne laughing.
A page entered the room, quivering in front of the rolling queen.
"My queen, a messenger has come to see you." The page cowered.
Brushing herself off, Callista resumed her throne position and summoned the messenger in. It was a small, lanky looking clown. He cautiously stepped into the room, peering around unsurely.
"Enter already, ya' dumb moronic little . . ." Callista growled, tapping her fingers impatiently.
Giving a startled yelp, the messenger threw himself in front of the throne, almost trampling over Madkat.
"I've a meaeir foer uaor mey Qeausn Cailatesa oer Mekalifst Sedy!" The clown stammered. His face was completely in the floor.
Callista sighed, nodding to one of her guards. The guard approached the quaking clown and stepped on his tail. The messenger's head shot up.
"I've a message for you Queen Callista of Megalith City!!" He shrieked.
"I guess you could say, that was a *step* in the right direction!" Madkat commented, a drumbeat following.
"Spit it out. I haven't all day you know." The Queen stated.
"We of the clown kat cult would like our great cult leader back . . . if possible . . . please?" The messenger recited meekly.
A stormy look passed Callista's face. It was there for an instant, until her demeanor changed dramatically to that of sweet innocence.
"Oh! But of course, my good kat! Here, now, stand up!" She said sweetly, "But before we release him, I'd like to show you something very special!"
The clown messenger, very relieved by the positive reception, graciously followed the queen. They started up a winding staircase accompanied by two guards and Mildred, the cursed chambermaid. Madkat was put back in his padded room. Upon reaching the top, the messenger found they had climbed up to the highest tower overlooking Megalith city and on the edge of the moat, hundreds of feet below. It was a sight indeed.
"Wow! This is great!" The clown chirped, leaning dangerously far over the wall to get a view.
Acting quickly, Callista had Mildred take off her right dress shoe and replace it with a hefty boot adorned "Ye Royal Booting Shoe".
"Hey! I think I can see our camp from heEEEREEEEEE!!!" The clown yelled all the way to the bottom, when he hit the water of the moat.
Sputtering furiously, he would've thrown some pretty rough language the laughing Queen's way had it not been for the gleaming white teeth of the pet crocodiles that drove him to shore.
--------------------------------Back at clown HQ . . .
Everyone was just loafing around, twiddling their thumbs. No one really had thought of the possibility that Queen Callista wouldn't hand over Madkat, so no one bothered thinking up a plan. Until, who should flail into camp but the drenched clown messenger. He collapsed into Boss's arms.
"I've . . . failed . . . you . . . ugh." He choked, before shutting his eyes and lolling his tongue out.
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.
"We don't even know what happened yet!" Dark Kat replied.
"Cause he ain't talkin'!" Molly retorted.
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.
Dark Kat groaned. "Clowns. I'm surrounded by clowns!" Realizing what he'd just said, Dark Kat turned pinkish.
"C'mon, kat! Wake up!" Boss rallied, shaking the messenger's shoulder.
" . . . Can I slap him?"
"No!" Came the immediate response from everyone to Dark Kat's query.
"Gimme' a pie! Stat!" Boss yelled. A pie was placed in his awaiting paw. He sniffed at it, and then threw it angrily aside. "What are you mad!? He can't handle cream cheese! I need coconut, and I need it now!"
Finally, after smacking a coconut cream pie into the messenger's face, he woke up. Groggily, he turned his head to look at Boss.
"Madkat . . . forced to tell bad jokes . . . padded room . . . crocs in moat . . ." He managed to get out.
"Good job, soldier. You've earned your rest." Boss replied, signaling two other clowns to take the messenger to his room.
"This is outrageous! Who does this Queen Callista think she is?!" Dark Kat growled.
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.
Molly looked at her husband. "Shat up."
"Well, I guess it's hopeless. Now we'll never see our beloved cult leader ever again." Boss sniffled, on the verge of crying outright.
"Now, now, we have only begun to fight! We're gonna' get Madkat back for you, and maybe while we're at it, even steal some pepper stew!" Dark Kat cheered.
Everyone around him blinked. One of the clown's in the back scratched himself then spoke up.
"We dun' like no peppa' ste-uw!" He replied in short.
Dark Kat paused. "Well . . . maybe they'll have some nice fruit pies. Give you all a change in pace." He said thoughtfully.
Now everyone around him gasped in wonderment. The same clown from before even stopped scratching himself to reply.
"We's all like fruit pie vury much!" He answered. All the clowns nodded in excited agreement.
"Then pack up your arsenal of cream pies, and wherever those bulldozers went, go get them too!" Dark Kat ordered, "It's siege time!"
A loud cheer rained throughout the camp.
Dark Kat turned to the Metallikats.
"I'd like you two to be the head-"
"Hey!"
"Er, I'd like you two to be in command of those bulldozers that somehow made their way into the past. We're going to have to actually work together on this. Here's the plan, I'll-" Dark Kat suddenly turns towards the author. "Ahem! A little privacy!"
So the three villains work out their siege plans in 'private'. Geez . . .
--------------------------------Somewhere in the ground . . .
The Pastmaster was still at it, digging feverishly as his encounter with some peculiarly placed magma was scorching his bum. Finally escaping from it's grasp, the old sorcerer sighed heavily, his breaths coming short and rapid.
"Curses! They must have placed a pool of lava in between me and the surface!" He bellowed, starting to dig once again. "Can't believe all the trouble they went through to bury me . . . but it will all prove to no avail! As I, the Pastmaster, will rise again!!"
Somewhere in his boney gut, the Pastmaster just knew that he was getting closer to the surface. His gut instinct proved true when he finally burst through the last few layers of soil. Jumping out of the hole cackling like a mad kat, he was temporarily blinded by the immense light emitted from the sun.
"Finally!! I will now complete my . . . my . . . y'oh boy."
Several short, beady-eyed kats stood around him, pointing and talking in Chinese. They wore strange little hats, and their thin, long mustaches hung loosely from their muzzles. The Pastmaster had dug his way straight through the middle of the planet.
"Hmm, I . . . I must be in one of those suburban areas outside Megalith City, I guess." Pastmaster reasoned, "Um, excuse me, can I get a ride to Megalith City?"
All the foreign kats were silent then all at once erupted into strange conversation and laughing, some pointing at the Pastmaster's attire.
"Something tells me I'm not in Kansas anymore . . ."
--------------------------------Just outside Megalith City . . .
"Purpledude to Metalhead, over! Do you read me Metalhead!"
"Uh, that's a big 10-4 Dark Kat!"
"Oh you! You're supposed to call me Purpledude, Mac! It's my codename, like yours is Metalhead! See?" Dark Kat growled into his coconut.
"Oh, yeah, copy that Purpledude!" Mac retorted through his coconut.
"Now, Metalhead, we'll initiate the siege as planned just as soon as-"
"What's my codename?"
"Wha?! Who's there?" Dark Kat demanded.
"It's ah, Molly. She wants a code name . . ." Mac responded.
Clenching his fists and teeth, Dark Kat threw down his coconut and turned to the two Metallikats in the bush beside him.
"This is just not working! Look, you go attack the castle from the other side, and we'll take up the front here, okay?" Dark Kat stated.
"Affirmative! C'mon Molly." Mac replied, bouncing off back into the woods.
"But I wanna' codename . . ." She meekly answered, following him.
"Alright, how about Stupid?" Mac suggested.
"Knock it off ya' dolt!" Molly retorted, cured of her codename fetish.
"Okay, it's now or never," Dark Kat said to Boss, who was laying beside him behind the bush. He was shaking like a leaf.
"Would you care to announce our siege?" Dark Kat asked.
"N-n-no! Th-that's o-o-okay! Y-y-you can d-d-do it!" Boss replied quickly.
Dark Kat smiled gleefully, for he had wanted to do it anyway. "All right clowns, CHARGE!!!"
And with that, the clowns burst forth from the woods and ran towards Megalith City.
--------------------------------To be continued . . .
Wow, another part done! This is actually record time for myself, believe it or not. Well, ah, stay tuned for the next chapter, which will hopefully draw the conclusion of this little mad fiasco.
From Whiplash Productions
Copyright Jazz: Mr. T suddenly appears in a flash of light. "Hey sucka', I pity the fool who thinks this guy owns Swat Kats! My mans from Swat Kats are copyright to Hanna-Barbara, and I don't wanna' hear no jibber-jabber 'bout it! The T has spoken!" Mr. T vanishes.
*Author's Notation: Okay, well, I guess all I can say is keep those reviews pouring in. *laughs*
--------------------------------Thousands of miles below the crust . . .
The Pastmaster's feverish digging had slowed somewhat, and breathing became a tad difficult.
"Phew! Those scum buckets! They must've buried me deep!" He cursed, continuing to claw away at the hard soil.
Things began getting warm. The earth he clawed into was hot to the touch, and beads of sweat began to form on the Pastmaster's brow.
"My, it must be hot on the surface. Could it be because of . . . nah! The greenhouse effect is only a myth! Told to young kittens to make them take a bath. Hahaha! Silly me." He laughed, digging on.
--------------------------------*We interrupt this regularly scheduled story to bring you this*
Dr. Viper is seen in front of a lush tropical backdrop.
"Hello kiddiesssss! Your good friend Dr. Viper here!" He greets, waving.
A small, innocent looking kitten strolls up to Viper.
"Gee Dr. Viper!" He says in that kiddish voice, "Why are you interrupting the story?"
Dr. Viper smiled knowingly, kneeling to the small boys level.
"Well you sssssee Jimmy," He starts, "I want to take thissss time to tell all our friendsssss out their about the greenhoussssse effect."
Jimmy looks puzzled. "Golly Dr. Viper, I thought that was only a myth to get me to take a bath!"
Viper chuckles, placing his paw on Jimmy's shoulder. "Oh no, Jimmy! You sssssee, the greenhoussssse effect isssss very much a reality! Unfortunately, lotssss of other katizenssss think of it only as a myth." He consoles.
"Well, I don't understand," Jimmy said, giving that cute confused look, "If it's not a myth, then why aren't us kats doing something about it, Dr. Viper?"
"I don't know, Jimmy. I don't know," Dr. Viper said sorrowfully, patting the kitten's head.
"Well, I think, we all should stop doing whatever it is that's making this greenhouse effect!" Jimmy said determinedly.
"That'ssssss the ssssspirit!" Viper rallied, "Here, drink thissss down."
Dr. Viper grabbed a mutagen formula from his coat, and shoved its contents down a startled-looking Jimmy's throat. Viper chuckled, patting the kittens back as Jimmy took on many colorful faces.
"Heh, heh, that'sssss a lad," He murmured.
Young Jimmy suddenly grew in size and out of shape, turning into a gigantic palm tree monster. Viper stood smiling.
"Oh! Excussssssse me for a moment, will you kiddiessss! Got a bit of a (ahem) sssscratch in my (cough)destroymegakatcity(cough) throat! (ahem) Ah, much better!" Dr. Viper coughed.
The giant palm tree monster started off in the horizon towards MKC.
"Remember," Viper stated, smiling broadly, "The power, issss yourssssss!"
--------------------------------*We now return you to our regularly scheduled story*
--------------------------------At the clown's secret hideout . . .
Dark Kat and the two Metallikats stood in the middle of what looked to be a wrecked village. Coconut cream was splashed everywhere.
"Holy kats! Can you believe what just happened?!" Dark Kat asked excitedly.
"I know!" Mac exclaimed, jumping up and down.
"Boy, I'm sure glads I didn't miss it! If I would've missed what just happened here, I'd sure feel like a dolt!" Molly shouted.
"Tell me about it!" Dark Kat yipped, "The action! The ferocity! The coconut cream!"
"Just like it came out of a fanfic or somethin'!" Mac howled.
"All this excitement's makin' me woozy," Molly sighed.
The round, pie covered form of the boss clown made its way up to the trio.
"Golly, that was incredible! Amazing! Stupendous, what you just did!" He exclaimed.
"That's what we were just sayin'." Mac acknowledged.
The boss clown sighed deeply, as more of his clown followers came up behind him sadly. The three villains were a tad confused by the sad faces.
"Hey, what's the matter you guys?" Dark Kat asked.
"Oh, it's nothing," The boss clown sniffled, his squeaky voice reaching new heights, "It's just that we'll never see our beloved cult leader again."
"But I thought that yous was the leader of this cult?" Mac questioned.
The boss twiddled his thumbs.
"I'm only temporary cult leader. You see, when our former great leader was taken away from us, several of our old wise clown kats said they had a vision in the form of a dream."
"We did not!" A feeble voice in the background shrilled.
"They said our great leader demanded a sacrifice of one big purple kat, and two metallic heads, before he'd be able to come back." The boss clown continued.
"We were talking about the weather!" The feeble voice continued.
"And then they all let forth with a strange howling, that marked the time was near for us to find our sacrifices." The boss clown stated.
"Dadgumit! It was our kidney stones!" The feeble voice proclaimed.
Dark Kat and Co. were taken aback. The big kat held his head in thought. The Metallikats couldn't hold their heads in thought, because they had no bodies.
"Wait, wait a minute. You guys have only been in the past for maybe, I dunno', an hour at the most! How could you have had a great leader, then lost him, then appoint a new leader, in just an hour?" Dark Kat queried.
The clowns were speechless. More coconut cream dripped from their forms. Someone sneezed. Dark Kat was getting suspicious. He narrowed his eyes, peering around at the soggy mess around him.
"You!" Dark Kat grabbed one of the old wise kats, "Talk!"
"You'll never break me, ya' hear!" He shrieked.
Dark Kat slapped him, then tossed the old kat aside. "What about you, soldier? You gonna' talk?" Dark Kat picked up another clown.
"I-I-I swear! I-I-I don't know anything!" The clown gasped, quivering from head to toe.
Dark Kat slapped him as well, threw him aside, then grabbed yet another clown. "Talk!!"
"Well, what do you want to know?" The clown asked.
"I ask the questions around here!" Dark Kat slapped the clown. He picked up the boss. "What do you know?"
"All I know is-" Dark Kat slapped him.
"Hey! I was gonna' tell you that-" Dark Kat slapped him.
"Well if you'd stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped him once again.
"Geesh! Just stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped Mac.
"Enough already! Stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped Molly.
"I'm the one interrogating here and if I wanna' sl-" Dark Kat slapped himself. Dark Kat dropped the boss clown and held his jaw awkwardly. "Oh my."
"Gee, thanks for the swell concussion." Molly retorted.
"Terribly sorry. Guess I'm just uptight is all." Dark Kat sighed, holding his right arm uncomfortably.
"Yes, well," The boss started, standing up, "We're all uptight here since Queen Callista stole our great leader."
"Who?" All three villains asked in unison.
"Queen Callista, runs Megalith City, can't miss the place." The boss said.
"So just who was this great leader of yours that this Queen Callista kat- napped?" Mac asked.
"Why! His most honorable majesty, Madkat."
--------------------------------In Megalith City, the royal boredom room . . .
Queen Callista yawned, as she awaited the next imbecile who'd jump out into the room and try to entertain her. That weird jester, whom they had picked up from some strange face-painted natives, was up next. She certainly hoped he at least could give a good joke.
"Hey, hey! Watch the spandex!" A loud voice was shouting.
Moments later, Madkat was dragged in on the scene and dropped in front of a drowsy queen. He smoothed back his cap and took note of his surroundings.
"What is your name?" Callista asked, bored.
"Madkat, leader of the clowns!" Madkat pronounced bravely.
"I'll say," The queen muttered, "Well, let's have it, shall we?"
Madkat just stood there awkwardly. "Um . . . what?"
Callista rolled her eyes and showed immense exasperation.
"You are a jester, are you not?" She questioned.
"Well, um, I guess," Madkat responded.
"Then entertain me, you imbecile!"
Madkat shuffled uneasily. Callista grew impatient.
"Well?!"
"It's like this queenie. I-"
"What did you call me." Callista interrupted, her face becoming shadowed.
"Uh . . . Queenie?"
Lightening flashed in Callista's eyes, and all the servants began trembling with fright. The queen stood from her chair, a dark aura seeming to radiate from her. She suddenly broke out laughing. Madkat chuckled uneasily, as the queen draped herself over him, slapping her knees. "Queenie!! Ahahaha!! That was great!!" Callista howled, unable to stand upright.
The servants began to chuckle a bit as well. Callista's humorous demeanor suddenly evaporated, and she shot an icy stare at the servants. They shut up.
"Well, uh, guess I made you laugh! Can I, um, go now?" Madkat asked.
"Why, of course you can!" The queen said brightly.
"Really?"
"As soon as I become bored with you." She hastily added.
"Oh."
"And, as all the servants know," Callista looked at all the servants, who were shaking like leaves, "Whenever I become bored with someone, they are no longer allowed to, oh how shall I say it, exist!"
"Oh!"
--------------------------------Back at the clown's secret hideout . . .
"Madkat?" The three villains pondered, looking at one another.
"I say, how did he get in the dark ages?" Dark Kat queried, to no one in particular.
"What a bloody mess this is!" Molly spat.
"Yes, I should say so! Look at all this coconut cream!" Mac referenced, looking around.
"Not that, you mongrel!" Molly shouted.
The three villains suddenly looked at each other in realization.
"Excuse us for a bit, love." Dark Kat smiled, going off screen.
"Us too, love." The Metallikats said, just as sweetly.
The sounds of gnashing, and punching, and whamming, and slamming were heard off screen, as the clown's covered their eyes. Coming back on, the trio had a pleased look on their faces. Three British kats crawled across the screen, severely beaten.
"That'll teach the author to try and dub us! Right guys?" Dark Kat stated, patting his paws.
"Yous said it! I'm not even a Brit! I'm Italian!" Mac replied.
"You're a meatball." Molly muttered.
"So, um, yeah," The Boss started, "Will you help us get our cult leader back?"
"Well, um, I guess we should. It is the main plot device, after all." Dark Kat stated.
"Jolly good!" Mac cried.
Molly looked at him.
"Heh, just jokin'. . ." He chuckled uneasily.
"Fine! Then we'll start immedietly! I'll send one of my clown's with the demand for Madkat's release!" The Boss said heartily.
--------------------------------Back at the royal boredom room . . .
"So the dog said, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!'" A drumbeat followed.
Callista fell out of her throne laughing.
A page entered the room, quivering in front of the rolling queen.
"My queen, a messenger has come to see you." The page cowered.
Brushing herself off, Callista resumed her throne position and summoned the messenger in. It was a small, lanky looking clown. He cautiously stepped into the room, peering around unsurely.
"Enter already, ya' dumb moronic little . . ." Callista growled, tapping her fingers impatiently.
Giving a startled yelp, the messenger threw himself in front of the throne, almost trampling over Madkat.
"I've a meaeir foer uaor mey Qeausn Cailatesa oer Mekalifst Sedy!" The clown stammered. His face was completely in the floor.
Callista sighed, nodding to one of her guards. The guard approached the quaking clown and stepped on his tail. The messenger's head shot up.
"I've a message for you Queen Callista of Megalith City!!" He shrieked.
"I guess you could say, that was a *step* in the right direction!" Madkat commented, a drumbeat following.
"Spit it out. I haven't all day you know." The Queen stated.
"We of the clown kat cult would like our great cult leader back . . . if possible . . . please?" The messenger recited meekly.
A stormy look passed Callista's face. It was there for an instant, until her demeanor changed dramatically to that of sweet innocence.
"Oh! But of course, my good kat! Here, now, stand up!" She said sweetly, "But before we release him, I'd like to show you something very special!"
The clown messenger, very relieved by the positive reception, graciously followed the queen. They started up a winding staircase accompanied by two guards and Mildred, the cursed chambermaid. Madkat was put back in his padded room. Upon reaching the top, the messenger found they had climbed up to the highest tower overlooking Megalith city and on the edge of the moat, hundreds of feet below. It was a sight indeed.
"Wow! This is great!" The clown chirped, leaning dangerously far over the wall to get a view.
Acting quickly, Callista had Mildred take off her right dress shoe and replace it with a hefty boot adorned "Ye Royal Booting Shoe".
"Hey! I think I can see our camp from heEEEREEEEEE!!!" The clown yelled all the way to the bottom, when he hit the water of the moat.
Sputtering furiously, he would've thrown some pretty rough language the laughing Queen's way had it not been for the gleaming white teeth of the pet crocodiles that drove him to shore.
--------------------------------Back at clown HQ . . .
Everyone was just loafing around, twiddling their thumbs. No one really had thought of the possibility that Queen Callista wouldn't hand over Madkat, so no one bothered thinking up a plan. Until, who should flail into camp but the drenched clown messenger. He collapsed into Boss's arms.
"I've . . . failed . . . you . . . ugh." He choked, before shutting his eyes and lolling his tongue out.
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.
"We don't even know what happened yet!" Dark Kat replied.
"Cause he ain't talkin'!" Molly retorted.
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.
Dark Kat groaned. "Clowns. I'm surrounded by clowns!" Realizing what he'd just said, Dark Kat turned pinkish.
"C'mon, kat! Wake up!" Boss rallied, shaking the messenger's shoulder.
" . . . Can I slap him?"
"No!" Came the immediate response from everyone to Dark Kat's query.
"Gimme' a pie! Stat!" Boss yelled. A pie was placed in his awaiting paw. He sniffed at it, and then threw it angrily aside. "What are you mad!? He can't handle cream cheese! I need coconut, and I need it now!"
Finally, after smacking a coconut cream pie into the messenger's face, he woke up. Groggily, he turned his head to look at Boss.
"Madkat . . . forced to tell bad jokes . . . padded room . . . crocs in moat . . ." He managed to get out.
"Good job, soldier. You've earned your rest." Boss replied, signaling two other clowns to take the messenger to his room.
"This is outrageous! Who does this Queen Callista think she is?!" Dark Kat growled.
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.
Molly looked at her husband. "Shat up."
"Well, I guess it's hopeless. Now we'll never see our beloved cult leader ever again." Boss sniffled, on the verge of crying outright.
"Now, now, we have only begun to fight! We're gonna' get Madkat back for you, and maybe while we're at it, even steal some pepper stew!" Dark Kat cheered.
Everyone around him blinked. One of the clown's in the back scratched himself then spoke up.
"We dun' like no peppa' ste-uw!" He replied in short.
Dark Kat paused. "Well . . . maybe they'll have some nice fruit pies. Give you all a change in pace." He said thoughtfully.
Now everyone around him gasped in wonderment. The same clown from before even stopped scratching himself to reply.
"We's all like fruit pie vury much!" He answered. All the clowns nodded in excited agreement.
"Then pack up your arsenal of cream pies, and wherever those bulldozers went, go get them too!" Dark Kat ordered, "It's siege time!"
A loud cheer rained throughout the camp.
Dark Kat turned to the Metallikats.
"I'd like you two to be the head-"
"Hey!"
"Er, I'd like you two to be in command of those bulldozers that somehow made their way into the past. We're going to have to actually work together on this. Here's the plan, I'll-" Dark Kat suddenly turns towards the author. "Ahem! A little privacy!"
So the three villains work out their siege plans in 'private'. Geez . . .
--------------------------------Somewhere in the ground . . .
The Pastmaster was still at it, digging feverishly as his encounter with some peculiarly placed magma was scorching his bum. Finally escaping from it's grasp, the old sorcerer sighed heavily, his breaths coming short and rapid.
"Curses! They must have placed a pool of lava in between me and the surface!" He bellowed, starting to dig once again. "Can't believe all the trouble they went through to bury me . . . but it will all prove to no avail! As I, the Pastmaster, will rise again!!"
Somewhere in his boney gut, the Pastmaster just knew that he was getting closer to the surface. His gut instinct proved true when he finally burst through the last few layers of soil. Jumping out of the hole cackling like a mad kat, he was temporarily blinded by the immense light emitted from the sun.
"Finally!! I will now complete my . . . my . . . y'oh boy."
Several short, beady-eyed kats stood around him, pointing and talking in Chinese. They wore strange little hats, and their thin, long mustaches hung loosely from their muzzles. The Pastmaster had dug his way straight through the middle of the planet.
"Hmm, I . . . I must be in one of those suburban areas outside Megalith City, I guess." Pastmaster reasoned, "Um, excuse me, can I get a ride to Megalith City?"
All the foreign kats were silent then all at once erupted into strange conversation and laughing, some pointing at the Pastmaster's attire.
"Something tells me I'm not in Kansas anymore . . ."
--------------------------------Just outside Megalith City . . .
"Purpledude to Metalhead, over! Do you read me Metalhead!"
"Uh, that's a big 10-4 Dark Kat!"
"Oh you! You're supposed to call me Purpledude, Mac! It's my codename, like yours is Metalhead! See?" Dark Kat growled into his coconut.
"Oh, yeah, copy that Purpledude!" Mac retorted through his coconut.
"Now, Metalhead, we'll initiate the siege as planned just as soon as-"
"What's my codename?"
"Wha?! Who's there?" Dark Kat demanded.
"It's ah, Molly. She wants a code name . . ." Mac responded.
Clenching his fists and teeth, Dark Kat threw down his coconut and turned to the two Metallikats in the bush beside him.
"This is just not working! Look, you go attack the castle from the other side, and we'll take up the front here, okay?" Dark Kat stated.
"Affirmative! C'mon Molly." Mac replied, bouncing off back into the woods.
"But I wanna' codename . . ." She meekly answered, following him.
"Alright, how about Stupid?" Mac suggested.
"Knock it off ya' dolt!" Molly retorted, cured of her codename fetish.
"Okay, it's now or never," Dark Kat said to Boss, who was laying beside him behind the bush. He was shaking like a leaf.
"Would you care to announce our siege?" Dark Kat asked.
"N-n-no! Th-that's o-o-okay! Y-y-you can d-d-do it!" Boss replied quickly.
Dark Kat smiled gleefully, for he had wanted to do it anyway. "All right clowns, CHARGE!!!"
And with that, the clowns burst forth from the woods and ran towards Megalith City.
--------------------------------To be continued . . .
Wow, another part done! This is actually record time for myself, believe it or not. Well, ah, stay tuned for the next chapter, which will hopefully draw the conclusion of this little mad fiasco.
