Title: The Newsletter
Author: Allie
Disclaimers: Enterprise and Star Trek is the property of Paramount. Use of characters and subject matter is done for entertainment only and no profit is being made off of said use.
Rating: PG13 (slight swearing/suggestive themes)
Category: Humor/challenge
Codes: very slight Tu/S, ALL
Spoilers: Slight for a few Season 2 shows. Set before The Expanse.
Summary: Hoshi and the dreaded newsletter.
Author's Note: Beta is the wonderful Chele who did a great job pruning out the newsies elements. This was from a challenge at the Linguistics Database.
PROLOGUE
T'Pol stood outside Captain Archer's ready room and paused a second before entering.
Archer's strangled "come" sounded strange even for a human.
"Do you require assistance, Captain?" T'Pol asked calmly, watching him bang his head hard on the desk.
"I have a headache," Archer said simply, banging his head a couple more times for good measure.
"That would be the logical result of banging ones head against a hard surface. Perhaps I should call Dr. Phlox?"
Archer gave a weak laugh and waved T'Pol over to sit down.
"Starfleet's newest order is what gave me the headache," he said. "The head banging was just my response to it. The only one I could think of that wouldn't get me court-martialed."
T'Pol raised one of her infamous eyebrows.
"What type of order would call for such an emotionally violent response?"
Archer looked back at the view screen, hoping the words would be different this time. No such luck.
"Admiral Tarken is apparently quite a history buff. He read about a 20th century thing called a newsletter and wants Enterprise to try one as a 'morale boosting' exercise," he said, a pained-expression on his face. "The first warp-five starship and he wants us to ask our crew: If they were a tree, what tree would they be?"
If a Vulcan could look worried, T'Pol did.
"You are not going to write it yourself, Captain?" she asked, remembering what happened the last time Archer was asked to write anything other than a standard report.
He shook his head.
"No. But who will? No offense, but people would be falling asleep if you did it.
"Malcolm? He would be asking everyone what their favorite explosion was.
"And Travis? I can barely make out his basic reports. He can fly, but writing is definitely not his forte.
"Then there's Trip ...." Archer's voice trailed off as a bitter look crossed over his face. "He needs to stick with his engines."
T'Pol spoke next in agreement.
"Dr. Phlox also would not be a logical choice as he prefers to observe interactions,"
She tilted her head slightly and continued. "Ensign Sato, although, appears to be the correct choice ...."
"Hoshi is perfect!" he exclaimed, jumping up and banging his knee painfully against the desk that had taken the brunt of his frustration just a few minutes ago. "Who could resist those big brown eyes? And this stretch of space is a bit boring. All she really could do now is fiddle with the UT and brush up on her Klingon."
A maniacal light shone from Archer's eyes as he hit the comm pad.
"Ensign Sato, could you come to my ready room, please?"
