A week had quickly passed since West regained consciousness, and Noreen felt Artie continuing to pull away from her. She hadn't meant to deceive him. She hadn't meant to fall in love with him. The thought of losing him was making it painful to be in the same room with him. She blinked away the tears, and picked up the lunch tray. She balanced the tray of food in one hand, and held the front of her skirt up with the other as she ascended the stairs.
He heard the light knock on the door.
Come in.
Noreen entered the room to find Jim sitting up in bed, reading. He was looking healthier by the day, and she anticipated that it wouldn't be long before he was ready to travel. That thought gave her pause, but she recovered quickly, setting the tray in front of him.
You're looking much better, Mr. West.
Thank you, Miss Macrae, I feel a lot better.
Noreen noticed that Artie was nowhere to be seen, Do you happen to know where Artemus is?
I think he went to his room.
Ah, I think I'll check and see if he's hungry then. Enjoy your lunch.
Thank you.
Jim watched her exit and debated talking to her, but knew it wasn't his place. He was worried. He could see how much Artemus cared for her; but caring was not love, and Noreen was not Lily. The question was whether or not his partner realized it. Artie was an emotional man, and often found it difficult to separate himself from his feelings. Jim settled down into his lunch. In the end he would just have to trust that Artemus would do what needed to be done. Jim let out a long sigh. Artie's emotional nature could prove to be his undoing.....
***********
He was lying on the bed when she knocked on the door. He knew it was her, and felt his throat tighten up with anxiety.
His voice was low and tired sounding, Come in.
Noreen entered and closed the door behind her. She looked at him: he seemed a little pale, and even thinner than he had only a week ago. It made him appear slight, even though she knew he wasn't a small man. She walked to the foot of the bed and stopped, examining the haunted brown eyes.
Are you all right?
Of course.
I'll get you something to eat, it will only take me a minute--
--No thanks. I'm fine.
She stared at him, You don't look fine.
She was right, he wasn't. He glanced away. He was filled with guilt over Jim, the Service and especially, Noreen. Artie knew he shouldn't have become involved with her; he hadn't begun to get over Lily. He was alone and hurting, and there she had been; kind and caring. He swallowed hard, but the guilty lump in his throat remained.
Noreen's voice was quiet, Well....I'll leave you alone then...
She turned toward the door, but his voice stopped her.
With her back to him, she closed her eyes in relief. Slowly she turned to face him. Neither of them spoke for a long moment. Noreen's eyes filled with tears; she could see on his face the words that were to come. She looked down quickly, embarrassed by the drops spilling from her cheeks.
Artie felt horrible, but knew there was no choice. Jim needed him. And on some level, Artie knew he needed Jim and the Service. He would have to return to that life and face the pain. No matter how far he ran, the anguish in his heart would simply come with him. He had always known it.
Noreen fought hard against the sobs that were choking her. Artie couldn't stand to see her so hurt. He went to her, gently pulling her into his arms, pressing her face into him. He leaned his cheek against the top of her head and stroked her hair affectionately. His voice was like a soft caress.
I'm so sorry. He swallowed hard, This is all my fault.
Noreen sobbed into his broad chest, clinging to him tightly. Artie felt the sting of his own tears and tried to blink them back. He gently pushed Noreen to arm's length, brushing away the moisture on her cheeks with his thumbs. He cupped her face with his hands, his breath hot against her skin.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this okay.
She looked up into his soft eyes, You can't fix this, Artie. Just love me for however much time we have left together. Please.
Artie's heart felt as if it might burst. He shook his head at her, and looked toward the ceiling, trying in vain to keep his tears from falling. Noreen ran a hand lightly across the soft flesh of his throat and down his chest. After a moment, he glanced down at her, allowing his tears to fall.
Her voice was even, The first night we were together, I told you I knew you would leave. I asked you to accept the gift I was offering and not to question my motives. It still stands.
I can't do this to you. I won't--
Before he could finish, Noreen covered his mouth with hers, taking his breath away. After a few moments, he recovered and pushed back slightly.
I can't hurt you any more than I already have, Noreen. You deserve better than this...better than me. She tried to pull his lips back to hers, but he stopped her,
Her eyes flashed hurt, You don't want me.
He grabbed her face with his hands, Don't say that. I do want you.....I--
His words suddenly failed him. He leaned in, kissing her passionately. She could feel his body pressing into her and knew he wasn't lying. Artie felt his need for her comfort growing; he had to control himself. Abruptly he broke away from her lips, keeping his hold on her face. She could feel the heat of his breath on her moist lips.
I can't use you like this, Noreen. It just isn't in me. I've hurt you too much already, and you'll never know how sorry I am for that.
Her eyes searched his and saw that he meant it. Her voice shook slightly with anger.
I should have known I'd fall for you, and that you'd never stay.
Her eyes took on a fiery quality. She reached up and slapped him hard across the face. Artie was a little shaken by the force of it, but deep down felt it was the least he deserved. He wanted to pull her into his arms, and cover the sting of what he had done by making love to her one last time. But it was far too late for that, and in the end, Gordon realized it would only make it worse when he had to leave. And soon, Jim would be well enough to ride.
He gazed into her eyes, allowing his own hurt to peek through.
I never meant to hurt you, and I am truly sorry.
Her eyes shined with venom as they filled with tears. And without a word, Noreen Macrae walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
************
