A/N: Hello, all. I just wanted to say that, stay tuned at the end, because there will be a note to y'all.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or his friends, parents, other relatives, godparents, pets, potential lovers, or enemies.
That said, enjoy!!!
Falling into Grace
Chapter Six
The Blood That Binds
Blood
So much blood.
It mixed with the tears and sweat and saliva from the monstrous cries that echoed between the cold stone walls of the kitchen that had been desecrated. There was a dreadful splash, splash, splash as James's hand pounded into the pool.
"No!" he cried over and over again. "No, no, no!"
Remus and Peter arrived at the scene a few minutes later. Peter stood shocked, eyes widened in horror. Remus's sensitive sense of smelling took in the stench of blood and death and hit made his stomach churn horribly until all the chocolate and sweets he had eaten on the train was emptied from his stomach.
"Mum!" James screamed. "Dad!"
* * *
Sirius carried Lily out of the kitchen and into the sitting room where the firebox was used to contact ministry officials. James refused to let Remus carry him out of the room. He cried like a little child, appalled at the sight of his parents' mangled bodies, but he wouldn't leave. Even when the ministry officials arrived, he stayed in the room until a burly wizard felt sorry enough for him that he stunned James with a Stunning spell and stuck his arm with a needle and syringe full of muscle relaxers and Dreamless Sleep potion. He was then handed over to a few other wizards who cleaned the blood and vomit off him and took him to the guest bedroom on the second floor and had a young witch keep an eye on him.
* * *
James looked blearily around the cold steel room. Everything was steel except for himself and his companion and a little black ashtray. It was like he was in a dream. He didn't really know where he was or why he was there, but it was some horrible reason. But he did know; that was the most horrible part. And it wasn't a dream. He wished more than anything that it was – but it was too repulsive to not be reality.
The wizard sitting across from him, whose name James didn't care to catch, sat staring at him intently.
"James," he said. It seemed that when you had a loss, it was perfectly okay to call you by your first name. "Do you mind if I smoke?" James shook his head no. Out of the corner of his eyes, James saw the wizard pull out a pack of cigarettes. "You want one?" James shook his head again.
The wizard took out a fag and lit it deftly with a match, then took a drag and exhaled loudly.
"James," he said again. "I know this is hard for you, but I'm going to have to ask you some questions."
"Was it Voldemort?"
"Excuse me?" James looked sharply at the light-haired wizard.
"Was it Voldemort?" he asked again.
"Well, that's what I was going to ask –"
"They didn't have any enemies. My dad worked in the Department of Magical Creatures and my mum was an Herbologist."
The wizard shook his head sadly. "Then you didn't know?"
"Didn't know? What didn't I know?"
"Your parents worked for the Department of Mysteries, James," the wizard said softly.
"What? No they didn't – I would have known."
"They were Unspeakables, James. Sworn to the utmost power of secrecy."
James could hardly think. "Then who would have done it?"
"Well," the wizard said. He took another drag then exhaled heavily. "Your father's assignment was the infiltrate the Russian Ministry because there were some beliefs that they were going to start a war on the English Ministry – for confidential reasons, mind you," he added, seeing James's questioning look.
"The point is, we believe that the Russian Ministry was responsible for the murder of your parents."
The wizard moved to shake the ash off the cigarette and James held out his hand. The elder looked at him for a few seconds before passing the fag to James. He put the white cylinder to his lips and took a long drag. James passed the cigarette back to the wizard and exhaled, blowing smoke off to the left of him. There was an awkward silence before the wizard spoke again.
"Your parents were required to make a will when they took the job of infiltrating the Russian Ministry. They knew it was a huge risk, but they were the best ones for the job." He took a drag off the cigarette and exhaled shortly this time. "Anyway, they left all their possessions to you. The house, the money, the estate, all the other estates they had – everything they owned. The Ministry is also entitled to pay you insurance because of the death of your parents. That comes to" – he put the cigarette out in the black ashtray and tried to calculate quickly – "fifty-three point eight million galleons. Counting the value of the estates that is. About forty million in hand."
James wanted to retch. It was sick – all so sick.
"What's wrong, James? You'll be set for life."
"I don't want your hush money!" James yelled. "I want my fucking parents back!"
The wizard looked sympathetically at the seventeen-year-old wizard. He didn't know how to comfort him. Finally after a moment of tense silence, James asked, "What happened? How did it happen?"
"The Ministry had been attacked several times, and we figured it was the Russians, so we sent your parents to infiltrate the Russian Ministry. Your father was pretending to be a Russian that worked with the English Ministry of Magic for years and had info for them. He brought along his Russian wife – your mother – who started an affair between herself and a man with the alias of Lukas Pisarev, who turned out to be Welsh Ministry rebel Harrison Pettigrew."
"Pettigrew?" James interrupted. "Peter Pettigrew's late father?"
"That same one," the wizard answered, pulling out his carton of cigarettes again. He offered one to James, who declined. When the fag was lit and there was a fresh cloud of smoke above them, the wizard continued.
"He was on the Russian side and your mum played as his lover for nearly a year."
"My forty-something year-old mother was a whore to one of my best friend's father? My mother isn't like that."
"She did what she had to. She disguised herself well, but she made one slip. One single slip to Pettigrew and he had to be disposed of before they killed her. So she asked him to meet her in a small wizarding town in Japan. She killed him and made it look like a natural cause."
"Heart attack," James said numbly. "My mum. She killed him. She was a murderer."
"She did what she had to under Ministry orders. If she didn't get rid of him then, he would have killed her."
"She ended up dead anyway. If he killed her first, I'd still have one parent at least," he muttered bitterly.
"I'm sorry, James. I really am. But that's life – that was their job."
The interview was over. It would not be the last, James knew, but he was thanking the deities that it was over finally. He walked out of the cold steel room and into the seemingly bright hallway of the Ministry of Magic.
"James!" He turned and saw Lily running towards him. She threw her arms around his neck. "How was it?"
"Great. Just bloody great. My mum wasn't an herbologist – no, she was a Russian whore!"
"What?" Lily pushed herself away from him.
"She was a spy for the Ministry. Both my parents were working for the Department of Mysteries and sent to infiltrate the Russian Ministry. It wasn't Voldemort that killed them – it was Harrison Pettigrew and his cronies at the Russian Ministry."
"Pettigrew?"
"Peter's father. She killed him in Japan, they found out and killed both of my parents."
"James, I'm so sorry –"
"Don't feel sorry for me. M parents didn't die – people I don't even know existed did." Lily looked at him carefully. He looked mad – about to snap. "I never knew. Never had an idea even. How could they? How could they not tell me? Then they get themselves brutally murdered and I didn't even know!"
"James, they were still your parents. Mourn the loss of the people you knew; don't scorn the ones you didn't know. I hardly know what my mum and dad are like. Just because I don't know all their personal life doesn't mean I don't know them. They're still my parents."
"It's not the same." He stared off into space for a moment.
"James, things will get better. I know they will. Things have been really rough lately, but everything will smooth out." James nodded slowly. Lily knew he was going to fall apart in tears again. To save his dignity, she took his hand and said, "Let's go back to your house and I'll make you some tea."
A few minutes later they were standing in the sitting room, sipping strong peppermint tea. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were there as well as Professor Dumbledore.
"James, could you explain to me what the situation is?"
James had not wanted to explain. He wanted to go back to sleep. He wanted to sleep forever. But he sipped his tea, scalding his tongue, trying to get it to work, and painfully launched into his story. Afterwards, Dumbledore nodded.
"Figures," he said. "I had no idea. I thought the Ministry attacks were by Voldemort. James, I don't know what to say. We know who did and why, so I don't know what else can be done. I will be sending two Ministry officials to stay here with you for the next couple of nights. The Blacks, Evans, Mrs. Pettigrew, and Ms. Lupin will all be contacted." Lily noticed he had refrained from just saying 'your parents will be contacted.'
"I know this is difficult, James. I have lost any family members due to dark or rebellious nature." James knew he meant his biological daughter, though Dumbledore was unaware that James knew about that.
The old man placed a sympathetic hand on James's back before disappearing out the front door.
"Come on, love," Lily said gently. "Let's go to bed."
As Lily and James were getting ready for bed, James leaned over the bed where Lily was lying and kissed her. Her kissed her thoroughly and moved his lips to the soft flesh on her throat, which was met by appreciative sighs.
A split second later, Lily pushed James away. "It's not right – your parents just died." James stared at her for a second.
"You're right. You always are and I love you for it. Very much so. You know that, right?" Lily half-smiled. Things are going to be okay, you know?"
"Absolutely, honey – everything's going to get better."
"I mean, it can't get worse."
"No, it can't," Lily agreed, pulling James down onto the bed with her. He squeezed her tightly then she rolled over so that he was spooning her. He ran his fingers though her hair to take his mind off reality until he fell asleep.
* * *
One floor up, Peter Pettigrew sat in his room, twiddling his fingers in agitated thought.
It was the Potters' fault that his father had died and his mother was overprotective. It was their fault Peter felt the way he did. He had been very close to his father and they had to kill him because he was a rebel. Now James's parents were dead because of it. No less than they deserved, he thought.
He loved James, but it just wasn't fair!
Payback rendered in his mind. The name Potter should forever be his enemy.
No! his brain screamed.
He was changing mentally – he could feel it. He didn't want it to change, but there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. His life was a living hell.
Payback, it nagged again.
It would be a very long time before he got any sleep.
* * *
A week later, after the Alan and Geness Potter's funeral, the five were back at Hogwarts. It was Christmas Eve and they were invited to the usual holiday spirit tea, but James and Lily decided not to make an appearance. They were in their room, sitting on the couches in a contented silence.
"Lily, when we get married can start a family right away?"
Lily looked up from her task of picking the fingernail polish from her fingers. "Sure, James, if that's what you want."
James nodded. "And we can't keep any secrets from each other or our children, promise?"
"I don't keep any secrets from you, honey," Lily replied.
"I know – I didn't mean it to come out that way." He sighed in tension. "I don't have a family anymore."
"Sweetheart, you have me and Sirius, Remus, and Peter. We're your family – we always have been and always will be."
"Yes, but I have no blood relatives anymore. No grandparents, no cousins, no aunts or uncles. I'm the only one left. I need children to pass on the generation of my genes."
"Is that what you want?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes!" He cried. "And what if I die before I have any children? What then?"
"James, that's not going to happen."
"You never know," James said. "No one does."
"You're right, no one does." She got up from her seat.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm brushing my teeth – you're crazy, James, and I'm getting away from you for a few minutes." She grinned at him and he half-smiled back.
She reflected on the conversation while she was in the bathroom for a moment before picking up the vial that always magically refilled it self each night.
"Well, it's what he wants," Lily thought aloud. She took the top off, poured its contents down the sink and watched mindlessly as the clear liquid swirled down the drain.
"Lils, are you coming to bed?" James called.
"Coming!"
She looked at the empty crystal container in her hand, then placed the lid back on and put it in its original place. She walked out of the bathroom to look for James. She found him lying on the bed in an easy-going pose that Lily always thought was sexy. He knew it too, and he slowly used his fingers to beckon her to the bed. She flushed and went to him where he kissed her one, twice, thrice, then moved his lips to her neck. Lily let out a small groan.
Soon they were One; lips, hips, passion matching, meeting, completing each other. And when they were sated, they lied down together, Lily in James's arms and he fell into a deep sleep.
Lily, on the other hand, traced her fingers over her naked lower abdomen, a panic – very small, but still a leaden weight – settled in her chest, knowing that the sequence of events that took place would reflect directly to the area she was stroking.
The words she was always telling James and herself were ringing in her ears: Everything is fine; things will get better.
God, she really hoped so.
* * *
When the two awoke it seemed almost like things were back to normal – almost as if it was the very first year they were together, when the first few months were pure bliss. When they were falling…falling…falling free with nothing to hold onto but each other.
James kissed Lily softly on the brow and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. They had hit rock bottom and it was still possible to be blissful – even if the bliss was only temporary.
James ran his fingers from Lily's jaw and down her collarbone, then lower and lower until his fingers fluttered over her womb.
"I can't wait," he said quietly. Though he was oblivious to the life that was possibly flourishing there already. "Everything's going to be wonderful."
"Knock, knock! Happy Christmas!" Sirius's voice echoed in the sitting room.
"At least the hangings are closed," Lily said lightly.
"Hang on a sec, mate," James called back. "We're no – uh – we're not –"
"You're not decent?" Remus asked.
"We know what your Christmas present was, James," Sirius said. The three boys in the sitting room chuckled and James's cheeks flushed, but Lily giggled.
"Stay here and I'll get you your nightgown," he said to her. He opened the curtains a minimum and stepped out. He was met by his three friends' whistles.
"Shove it," he said and threw Lily's nightgown at her. She slipped into it and came out from the bed.
"Happy Christmas!" Remus, Sirius, and Peter cried.
"Happy Christmas to you too," she replied, hugging them.
Try not to know she's naked under there, Sirius told himself as Lily embraced him and kissed his cheek. But his inner mantra didn't work so well.
"Presents!" Peter cried, pointing to the Christmas tree and the array of colored packages underneath it.
"Let's say we open them!"
"Sound like a charming idea," James said.
"That's a terrible idea," Sirius said. "People didn't spend seconds waving their wands to put beautiful paper on boxes so you'd just rip it to shreds. That's not what Christmas is about!"
"Sirius, you've been giving us corny speeches about the 'real' meaning of Christmas since first year," Remus said.
"Since he could talk," James interjected. "There's a new reason for Christmas every year."
"Why don't you stuff it, O Knowing Ones and we can open our gifts."
"I'm agreeing to that," Sirius said. He grabbed a package under the tree and, contrary to his berating statement, tore the wrapping to shreds and pulled it's contents out of the box.
"Blue and green stripped underwear!" he cried. "And they sing rock music when you press the button! Thanks, Lily!"
"Yes, I know you'd enjoy them. I had my mother send them to me just for you." Sirius kissed Lily, though tried to evade any physical contact.
The rest of the present opening was like a madhouse of colored paper and cries of satisfaction and when everything was open and they had gorged themselves with sweets (at nine o'clock in the morning) they sat down upon the couches and relaxed. Reflecting on the gifts they had gotten.
Remus and Peter had gone in together to get Lily a charm bracelet with six charms – five of them were the first letters of all of their names and the sixth was an eternity knot.
"You always like that sentimental crap," Sirius said after Lily embraced Remus and Peter and kissed them twice on each cheek. "That's why I took the fastest way to your heart and got you a box of chocolates. They say the fastest way –"
"– To a man's heart is through his stomach," Lily finished.
"Yeah, I read that in one of my books. Muggle saying. But I decided that women like chocolate, so the fastest way to a woman's heart is by chocolate." Lily grinned.
"It's wonderful," she replied, hugging him tightly to her – so tight that Sirius's inner mantra had to play in his brain again.
"That's ridiculous," James said. "I've never heard of that."
"Well, it's not as ridiculous as seeing Sexy Suave Sirius in an apron fussing over fat-free carrot cakes and darning socks."
Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and replied sulkily, "I hope you know that your socks needed it – as well as some of you three's underwear." He pointed at his three friends.
"You've touched out underwear?" Remus asked, clearly disgusted.
"Well, someone had to make sure your bum was completely covered."
Lily looked at the three boys. "You have holes in your underwear? That's disgusting!"
James shrugged. "Not as disgusting as Sirius."
"No, not as," Lily said. "More so!"
"Hey!" Sirius said defensively – even though he wasn't being accused of anything. "Someone has to make sure you have a good diet and have un-holey things to wear."
"The only 'unholy' thing I want to see anyone wear would be something I don't want to say and it would be on Lily!" James said.
Lily rolled her eyes and flushed. "It never stops. It's a wonder that you're best friends."
"You're questioning my masculinity," Sirius said, his arms still crossed.
"I'm not the one who joined the Book-Slash-Homemaking Club," Remus said.
"I'm telling you, to be more aware of your masculinity, you must be aware of your femininity," Sirius said. "You should try it sometime."
"Yeah, I'll look into that," Remus replied.
"How'd we get on this topic anyway?" Peter asked.
"It doesn't matter anymore," Sirius said. "He placed his hands on his hips. "How about some nice, fiber-filled chocolate chip cookies? I can whip them up in a half hour flat."
"Sirius, you're worse than having Lily as a Mum-Away-From-Mum," James remarked.
"I'll take that as a compliment," Sirius said, positively beaming. "Now let's get down to the kitchens." He stood and grabbed James and Lily's hands and dragged them towards the door.
"We'll be there in a minute, mates," Remus said. "We're going to do a bit of cleaning up in here."
"Bring me some clothes, then," Lily called at Remus and Peter, since Sirius was so intent on pulling her away and not letting her escape.
"We will, love," Peter said. He and Remus winked knowingly at Sirius before he shoved Lily and James out the door.
"You have an hour to get down there! Be on the sly," Sirius said. He winked back and exited after James and Lily.
* * *
A/N: I want to truly thank everyone who reviewed. And I want to profoundly apologize if I had made anyone guilty about not reviewing. That was not the purpose. And I was in a strange, depressed mood that day, so I decided to be whiney about every little thing. It had been a very long week also – trust me on that one!
But I absolutely appreciate everyone who did review and told me that they were there still out there, but just hiding at the moment. :o) And I am better now. My hormonal imbalance (lol) is over and I'm good as gold.
**THANK-YOUS**
Zetta – First and foremost with everything! You were the first reviewer of this chapter.
dandylion345
me
lolololololo
Aileron – Thanks ever so much for all the support! I luv ya for it!
Becca
Magica
UnforgivenChild – Hmm…thanks for the fact on no dreaming. I'll have to keep that in mind…it might be my next plot twist… :o)
Ruby – I've noticed a change in my writing style too. I'm just trying to figure out what I like best right now. It explains the mid-teenage crisis I'm going through.
Wow. You know my life is boring when the most important thing in my life to give me a crisis is my fanfiction writing. :o)
Lauren
PrincessOfDarkness
everblue3 – Thank you SO much for your review. I haven't had a long review in a very long time. It feels wonderful. And that is certainly the best review I've gotten in ages. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Tezka
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* * *
Thanks again! This time I leave you with a thoughtful quote:
The writer is only as good as the pen in his hand, the wood on the table, and the characters he intends to sabotage.
Luvs from Lavender
