Chapter Two
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Blessed is the man where perseveres under trial because he has stood trial, because he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him. James 1: 2-4, 12
After Supper
Diary,
I can't stop thinking about Jocelyn's death. When that girl was killed at school it bothered me but it didn't bug me as much as it does now. Is it because I knew Jocelyn and I didn't know that other girl? I hope not. Doesn't that make me a horrible person? I remember Hebrews 13:3 and I think that I am not remembering those who suffer because of their faith. Maybe I am a bad Christian. I've been thinking horrible thoughts lately. I want to tell someone but I can't! Not even Daniel! I have been wondering why I am a Christian? Sometime I hear whispers that say Jesus isn't God and that God is all a fairy tale. I always laugh at it and remember that true signs that God exists. I don't necessarily mean miracles but just look outside. What an awesome God we have to create such a beautiful Earth! The sun setting in the west and causes the sky to light but with red and purple. The moon rising with its' beautiful colours, flowers and fall. God created all that. And we stupid humans come and ruin it all! Anyway, that is another rant. But then a few weeks later the voices return. Days after I see or hear about another persecution and I wonder why do I risk it all? Why do I risk my well being for God? I guess I should think of it another way. If it weren't for God where would I be? I think I would be dead.
When I was entering high school I got really depressed. I stopped being happy. All I saw was destruction around me. It was like my world had gone black. Daniel was really worried about me. He knew that I would sometimes think about killing myself. One night I was at his house talking to him. I asked what was the point of living? Daniel suddenly got this really nervous look on his face. I asked him what was wrong. I thought he was going to tell me that he had been thinking along the same lines as me.
"Mia, you have to promise not to tell another soul what I am about to tell you." Daniel said. I nodded.
"Sometimes I get depressed too but I have a Light in my life that always help me out. This Light is my best friend and my Saviour." I was taken back. Plus I felt hurt from that statement.
"I thought I was your best friend." I grumped. Great another reason to add to the list: why live?
"You are my human best friend. My other Best Friend isn't like you." I was confused.
"Danny, you aren't helping." I stated.
"I am a Christian, Mia."
"What?" I cried. I felt another burden fall on me.
"Mia, it isn't as bad as it sounds. Being a follower of Jesus is the best thing that ever happened to me." I stood up. I thought I was going to be sick.
"Danny, I can't deal with this now... I'll talk to you tomorrow." I high tailed it out of there. I heard Daniel call after me but I went home. I remember avoiding him for the next week. I didn't want to lose my best friend to some fake God! Daniel gave my space for the week and then on Sunday he came to my house. Mom and Dad weren't home so I let him in. We sat in my bedroom.
"Mia, I was too blunt. I'm sorry. But I want to share my Light with you." I nodded. I was too upset to argue.
"I was never depressed, like you are, when I found God. It was only a couple of years ago when I found Him. Remember in grade six I avoided you for a week?" I nodded, "It was that week I found out about Jesus. The school librarian told me about Him. When I heard about Him I felt empty. Like I had this hole in my heart. It could me a while to discover that Jesus was missing in my life. That hole was a God- shaped hole. Anyway I finally accepted Jesus as my Saviour and even through I knew that was a good thing I was scared. Mrs. Maldy helped me a lot.
"How do I explain this? Jesus is this really awesome man who is fully God and fully man. See God created this place for us called Heaven and it's perfect! But a person cannot go there unless s/he reminds sinless their entire life. God knew this was an impossible task for us so He sent His only Son to Earth. Jesus was born a virgin birth and lived a sinless life. He was then killed. His death was the payment for our sins. So now that anyone who believes in Jesus can have ever lasting life and can go to heaven.
"But Jesus is more than that. He is also our friend. He wants a personal relationship with us. My favourite verse from the Bible is Isaiah 41: 10. 'So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand'. God will always be there for us when we need Him. Understand?" I shook my head. Why on Earth would some man want to die for a crime He didn't commit? Even to this day I can't figure that out! It's all a part of God's grace! I didn't commit myself to Jesus that day. It wasn't until a month later when I did.
My parents were out and I had hit rock bottom. I just didn't see the point to go on. I was standing in my bedroom, crying my eyes out when I saw this spark of light in my dark mind tunnel. I remembered what Daniel had told me.
"JESUS!" I cried, "If you really exist can you take away my pain? Can you provide Light when there isn't any? Please Jesus... I need you in my life. If You are half as good as Daniel tells me only You can make me happy again! Jesus, I surrender myself to You. Jesus, I know I am sinful and I know You are pure..." I really don't remember what else I said. I must have prayed to Him for at least an hour. I wonder if I still have it... here it is! I going to copy the poem I wrote after:
Snapping
Cracking
Popping
Losing my mind
Lost grip on what is real
I've gone down
I almost can't remember how to get up
I will stand again
I will stand again
because I have seen You
I've seen Your light
It's a guiding light
a loving light
I will stand again
Just because I know You're there
just because I know You love me
You love me
I will never be alone
just because You love me
You have helped me stand again
I'm standing, walking, talking
just because You held Your light
I also remember that things didn't get better right away. And sometimes I still get depressed. Like with this death.
JESUS I SOMETIMES FORGET THAT YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND AND THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME. I FORGET THAT YOU WANT ME TO LEAN ON YOU AND TRUST YOU. PLEASE REMIND ME WHEN I FORGET AND PLEASE STRENGTH ME WHEN I FALL. HELP ME TO RECALL THAT DEATH ISN'T FINAL; IT'S JUST THE NEXT STEP TO YOU! JESUS I LOVE YOU. AMEN.
-Mia
After School
Diary,
I received an awesome surprise when I came home. My sister sent me a letter. Usually Sam and I only communicate by email. It's nice to get a handwritten letter every once and awhile. It has cheered me up a bit. She didn't even talk about anything special. She wrote that her boyfriend (Noah) and her have talked about getting married. Of course they won't marry until they are both out of school. Sam wants to be an elementary school teacher. I can totally see that. Sam is so great with little kids. I really have no idea what Noah wants to do. Something in computers I think.
Anyway, she asked me if I knew the latest victim of 'tolerance'. I don't think she's religious or anything but she HATES the government rule on religion. She has told me, and more than once, that everyone should have the right to decide whether or not they believe in God or not. I completely agree with that! There would probably be a lot less evil in the world. I mean sure when religion was a 'free choice' there were lots of arguments and wars about it but if we could learn to respect each other, why couldn't it work? I should know the answer to that: because people sin. Humans are such a stupid race.
THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING ME THIS LETTER. YOU KNEW I WAS UPSET AND YOU HELPED. I PRAY FOR SAM THAT SHE MAY ALSO FIND YOUR WORD AND YOUR LOVE. I PRAY FOR MY PARENTS THAT THEY KNOW OF YOU. I ASK THAT YOU CONTINUE TO GUIDE STEVE IN TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN TRUTHFULLY. I FINALLY ASK THAT YOU PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FROM HARM. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
1st period
Diary,
Daniel told me that he thinks he is really close to getting us a Bible. He is a bit worried. He has to be able to print out 3 copies. That's one for him, Steve and I. He asked if I could chip in a bit with paying for paper and ink. Of course I agreed. I asked him if David and the others needed copies. Daniel told me that Anne already has one. Both her parents are Christians. Lucky. He doesn't know about David and Matthew. Anyway I just wanted to record that. I am planning to send little prayers to God all day.
-Mia
After Supper
Diary,
God must really have a hand in this. Daniel and I went to the store to buy ink and paper after school today. When we got there the store had a 2 for 1 sale on the paper and the ink was half price! On the way home Daniel and I song every praise song we knew at the top of our lungs! But to be on the safe side we kept our windows closed, even through it was a beautiful day outside. I love spring!
THANK YOU LORD FOR HELPING US PAID FOR THE INK AND PAPER. YOU ALWAYS PROVIDE FOR YOUR CHILDREN. LORD, YOU ARE SO GREAT AND POWERFUL. I AM HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO WORSHIP YOU!
-Mia
1st period
Diary,
Just reflecting. History seems so different without Jocelyn in it. It's weird not to have anyone to talk to during a boring movie (today's was on the rise of Communism in the mid 20th century). Or when our teacher steps out for twenty minutes, she won't be here to sing her songs or cracks jokes. I guess I never realise what an important friend she was to me. I guess there is one comfort. She's with Jesus and she is happy. Praise God for that...
-Mia
4th period
Diary,
We sat with David, Matthew and Anne today. David gave Daniel a web address.
"Go here. It has a Bible. You will have to hack a bit to get in the site. By that I mean just type the sentence 'Jesus is Lord'. A few windows will pop up. Answer the questions by typing the answer then the windows will close and the site will open for you." David advised. So Daniel is coming over tonight, while my parents are out grocery shopping. Then we are going to find the site and burn the Bible to disc. Wish us luck, diary!
Also Matthew lent Daniel a worship CD. It has a lot of good songs on it. I'm going to burn two copies- one for myself and one for Steve. Daniel has his own burner.
-Mia
Late Night
Diary,
The site was shut down. When we got there my computer froze. Daniel made this program that will freeze the computer if the government is monitoring a Christian site. Daniel is such a computer genius. Anyway, we called David and told him about the site. He said he just found out. He was about to grab his own copy but his computer froze. (Daniel shares his programs with his Christian friends.) David wasn't able to get a copy before. Daniel always asks me to pray for him. David's dad works for the municipal government. Rumour has it that he will soon be promoted to the provincial level. Anyway David needs to be really careful about his practices as a Christian.
We are totally upset about losing our chance at getting a Bible. Daniel went home soon after.
LORD COULD YOU PLEASE HELP US GET YOUR WORD? WE ARE DYING TO READ YOUR COMMANDMENTS! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
After Church
Diary,
Steve is ecstatic! He received a Bible! There are these missions that still exist. Their main purpose is to get Bibles and other things to churches that are in need. I would imagine it is very dangerous work. Anyway, one read our church plead for a Bible and they came down last night to visit Steve. The group's name is Servants For God. Today at the service they presented him with a Bible! Steve was crying! Actually there probably wasn't a dry eye in the room! We spent most of the service singing praises (Steve really enjoyed the worship CD. Daniel and I dropped it off Saturday). We had a quick sermon by one of the visitors and we sang some more!
THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING OUR PASTOR A BIBLE! YOU ALWAYS PROVIDE. THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
-Mia
After School
Diary,
Both my parents were at work so I decided to update the website. That means cleaning up the site, check to make sure the "unbreakable walls" are still up, update the link pages and read the posts. We have our own forum. Usually Daniel and I take turns updating. Anyway I found this really interesting post by some web group called Underground Resistance. They say they are totally dedicated to the teaching people about Jesus! I think that is awesome. I have so much respect for those brave people! I emailed Daniel right away with the link to the group. I told him I was going to check them out tomorrow. I have to go make supper. I'm thinking Chinese rice and chicken. Diary, what do you think?
LORD, THANK YOU FOR THE BRAVE PEOPLE WHO GO OUT AND TEACH PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR SON. PLEASE CONTINUE TO GIVE THEM THE STRENGTH AND ENCOURAGEMENT THEY NEED. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
After school
Diary,
I am absolutely furious right now! What a bunch of bull crud that Underground Resistance is! Okay so I went to their web group and clicked on their website. First of all it's on public Internet, meaning there was no, that's right NO, hacking involved to get to it. Which at first I thought that was wicked cool. What an awesome way to get just anyone to the Word of God and it's like saying to the government 'your rules are stupid and Jesus is the only way!' THEN I read their mission statement and I was absolutely flabbergasted! I CANNOT believe they thought they were a good group to put on the site! They are complete syncretism! To the point: they want religion in our world (yeah!) BUT they believe everyone would benefit by having (get this, diary) a ONE WORLD RELIGION! What are they thinking? I mean it's a good idea and all if that one religion was Christianity but that would never ever happen. Anyway I read that they have created a petition to send to the World Leaders and tell them we want a world religion! And you would not believe how many people signed it! After that nasty shock I decided to read their message board. I figured there would be SOME people who disagreed. I still cannot believe it! Some message say, `I've want religion all my life but I was afraid. I'm so glad you are brave enough to take a public stand!' Or 'I've read all about the different religions and each are so exclusive. Pick me or suffer. It's about time we had a religion which included everyone and celebrated the goodness of humanity!' I couldn't read anymore after that one and got off my computer. Sometimes I can't believe this world!
-Mia
After Supper
Diary,
Can you believe it gets worst? After I finished writing in here I called Daniel and complained to him. We got off and he sneaked on the computer to see this site for himself. He discovered even more than I did! He found out that not one of the founders of Underground Resistance is Christian! The founders have a Buddhist background, an Islamic background and a Hindu background. How could they even think of posting their stupid site on our CHRISTIAN website? I mean they don't even believe that Jesus is the Son of God! That's like the main theme of Christianity... that and salvation. Anyway that Buddhist guy works for the bloody government! Argh! So Daniel quickly took action. He removed the message from Jesus Freaks Lives and posted a really long one explaining why the message from Underground Resistance was removed and why the founders of this site believe it's best to stay away from it.
Then Daniel tells me from ten minutes from posting people are already replying. Some people thanked us and said they were planning to check it out but since that report came out they want nothing to do with it! Others weren't so... friendly. 'My parents are a part of that group! They believe that Jesus is a god! Why should Christianity be the ONLY way to heaven?' Hey moron! That's what the Bible says! Jesus even said He was the Truth, the Way and the Light! No one will see the Father except through Him! *Wait a second!* I have an idea, why don't Daniel and I open a new section of our site? FAQs of Christianity or Info for Seekers or something like that. Pretty much it will be just an area that explains why we believe Jesus is the only way to heaven and explain the way to salvation! I bet Steve would even like to help! I can't wait to tell Daniel!
-Mia
LATE at night
Diary,
It's after midnight. I can't sleep. I keep thinking about my explosion of anger in here. I...
LORD CAN YOU FORGIVE ME FOR CALLING THE UNBELIEVERS MORONS? I DON'T MEAN IT BUT SOMETIMES I GET SO ANNOYED AT PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR GOOD WORD AND AREN'T OPEN TO IT. I WOULD LOVE THE DAY WHERE EVERYONE BELIEVES THAT YOU ARE GOD AND YOU ARE ONLY WAY TO HEAVEN. PLEASE HELP ME BE MORE ACCEPTING OF PEOPLE LIKE THOSE WHO CHEW DANNY AND ME OUT FOR POSTING OUR THOUGHTS ABOUT UNDERGROUND RESISTANCE. HELP ME LOVE THEM LIKE YOU DO AND REMIND ME TO PRAY FOR THEM. I KNOW NOT EVERYONE WILL ACCEPT YOU AND HELP ME RESPECT THEIR DECISION AND, IF THEY ASK, HELP ME GUIDE THEM TO YOUR TRUTH. LORD, FORGIVE ME FOR MY SHORTCOMINGS AND THERE ARE MANY OF THEM! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
Before bed
Diary,
Today was a wonderfully normal day. No big fears about being found out, no anger explosions, just me hanging out with my friends. Just a normal day at school. I even got a test back: 83%! Hurrah! I am so thankful for these days. Especially since lately my life has been chaotic.
THANK YOU LORD FOR NORMAL DAYS LIKE TODAY. BEING YOUR CHILDREN ISN'T ALWAYS EXCITEMENT AND WHEN WE GET DOWNTIME IT'S NICE. THANK YOU.
-Mia
1st period
Diary,
A little update. I finally got around to telling Daniel about my idea. He loves it! But he said I would have to do most of the HTML. That's okay with me. I like creating web pages. But I told Daniel I would only do it if he got Steve to give us a sheet on the steps to salvation and Biblical references. I was also thinking of creating an area where people can post their conversion story. I'm sure Daniel, David, Matthew and Anne would post their stories! I can't wait to start!
-Mia
After Supper
Diary,
Wow! Daniel called Steve last night for the steps to salvation and by after school today he has already emailed them to me! I am going to start right away!
-Mia
1st period
Diary,
I finally have time to write! I haven't written in several weeks! I have spent those weeks coding the new sections and it was only last night I was able to upload everything to the server and post the pages. I even made a new front page. I hope everyone likes it!
Also I haven't had any time in class to write because the teachers were just pouring the homework on! And if it wasn't a project it was a test. I am surprised that I finished the site as quickly as I did. But I guess I should also say that Daniel helped a lot. He told me that he wasn't going to do anything but he was the one who managed to get the conversion stories for our site! We have about ten of them, including Danny's and mine. Daniel was able to teach me how to write in Java into the site! Plus he sent me some new pictures to put up. Daniel did a lot. I can't wait to read the reviews of the new sections!
So anyway that's why I haven't been writing. I hope you will forgive me, Diary! But now that the site is done I should have a lot more time to write. I have actually missed writing in here. It's like an outlet or something. I mean my friends help me sort out my thoughts too but this helps more and it's funny to go back and read my old entries! You can see how much I have grown over the years! Later!
-Mia
After Supper
Diary,
I am so excited! I'm just dying! Daniel called and said only one thing to before he hung up, "Read Angel's message." I wasn't too annoyed because I figured that his parents were around somewhere. I don't think they like me too much. I mean they are friendly and everything but it's a quiet hostility. I think they think that I brought Daniel to Christ. Anyway I went to our site and read through the posts. Most of them dealt with the new sections. Some of them were nice, 'I love your new sections!' others weren't... 'Are you for real? What kind of God says pick me or fry? God is love.' But I finally found Angel's message. He (or she) gave us an address to get a Bible! I immediately called Daniel.
"Is this for real?" I asked. I could just hear Daniel smiling. I was grinning like a fool too!
"Your parents working tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"I'm coming over. Pray for this." Like he even had to tell me!
LORD PLEASE LET THIS BE THE REAL DEAL. PLEASE ALLOW DANIEL AND I GET A BIBLE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
After school
Diary,
WE HAVE A BIBLE!
-Mia
A few hours later
Diary,
Okay, I am calmer. (Yeah!) We drove home as fast as we could. We almost broke down the door coming in! We raced to the computer. Since we were so excited it took us three times to get into the site. Then the site loaded. We prayed that the computer wouldn't freeze. Then we clicked on the link to our very own Bible. And then it appeared in front of us- Genesis 1:1, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth." We copied the whole thing and saved it to disc. Daniel is going to print out the copies tonight. I am so happy!
THANK YOU LORD THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED A BIBLE! THANK YOU FOR GIVING YOUR CHILDREN A CHANCE TO READ YOUR WORD DAILY! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
-Mia
1st period
Diary,
I am now a proud owner of a Bible! I brought my chemistry binder (I took that tortuous class last year) so that I could put my Bible in it! When you open the book it say Gr.11 Chemistry and when you flip to the back it has all my exam review sheets/ notes but in the middle- ALL GOD! Anyway I'm going to go. I want to "study" my "chemistry".
-Mia
2nd period
Diary,
I haven't written in a couple of days. Don't worry, Diary, nothing has happened. My life has gone back to being boring and that's okay with me! All I (and Daniel and David) have been doing is reading our Bibles! I... I can't even write how I feel when I read it. It's like God is opening my heart and is speaking directly to me. The Bible has the answer to everything! It's just wonderful. I am marking it all up. I keep highlighting every passage that is meaningful to me. In the beginning I didn't want to mark it up so I thought 'hey I will just write them down'. That was a stupid idea. My wrist began to hurt. I think I might have to ask Daniel to print me another one so I can colour code the passages! By the end of the year it's all going to be highlighted!
The Bible is such a comfort. I mean listen to this: "Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust in Me." That totally says why worry when God is on your side? Steve was telling us a month ago that the Bible is full of passages like that one. God wants us to trust Him. He wants to take care of us if we let Him. As Christians we have let Him in control of our lives but as sinful people we always try to grab that control back. I really need to learn to lean on God. He is so great to us.
LORD, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALLOWING US TO READ YOUR WORD. YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN ANY OF US CAN IMAGINE. YOU ARE SO PERFECT, SO HOLY. THANK YOU!
-Mia
Lunch
Diary,
Daniel laughed at me! I asked him about getting me another copy and he laughed! I explained why and he laughed harder.
"I understand you completely but I don't have anymore ink! Anyway I was thinking about posting the Bible on our site. Now that we have one why not let everyone else?" I totally agreed. I also got roped into posting it. So I have to create a new section just for the Bible. Oh well. We are so blessed to have God's Word; every other believer should have it too!
-Mia