Chapter Three
Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! No, I came to bring a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household! If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:34- 39
Before Bed
Diary,
Another Friday night at home. I guess Danny and I could have done something but I wanted to stay home with my parents. Tonight I had this huge urge to tell them about Christ. It was right after the evening news and mom had just commented that why couldn't anyone bring peace to Earth? I was about to say there is someone but before I got the words out I froze. What if they turned me in? What if they didn't but threw me out of the house? Or they told me to choose: them or Jesus? I know that isn't a hard choice but I don't want to lose my family. What does there have to be so much trials with being a Christian? I have to learn to trust God more! I need to! You know, I'm going to go to Steve's tomorrow and ask him for help. He seems to trust God a lot.
-Mia
After Supper
Diary,
I rode my bike to Steve's after lunch. I knocked on the door and he answered. He looked like a mess! His hair was everywhere and he looked like he had been up for days!
"Mia, hello!"
"Hi, Steve. Do you have a few minutes?"
"Of course. Come on in!" I stepped inside. His apartment was a total sty! Clothes (I don't know if they are clean or dirty) covered his furniture and his coffee table was stacked high with dishes. I feared the condition of the Bible! Steve seemed rather embarrassed at the mess.
"Sorry about the untidiness here. I have been..." he trailed off, "Want some tea?" I nodded and followed him into the kitchen.
"Need an ear?" I offered. Or a hand?
"No, I'm fine. But you came here. Mia, are you okay?" I knew something was wrong with Steve. Daniel and I have been to his apartment before and it's has never been so messy! Usually it's neat. Steve even told us that he can't work when there is a mess.
"How about a deal? I'll talk to you if you talk to me." Steve smiled.
"There's no deterring you. You should be a lawyer." I laughed.
"I do like proving my point. Well?"
"But I'm the pastor. I'm supposed to help you not the other way around." I stared at him.
"And you are human. You need to vent. And who knows I might be able to help!" Steve, with our tea, walked into the living room. He "cleared" off two armchairs and we sat down. Steve sighed and knew I wasn't going to say a thing until he told me why he was so upset.
"I think we should stop meeting for awhile." He said. I was confused. Meeting? Who? I guess Steve saw my look of utter confusion. He continued, "Our church services, I mean." Ta- da! The light went on and I understood for about two more seconds.
"What? Why?" I cried.
"Over the past couple of weeks I've noticed that we are being watched. I drove past the church (just a note here Diary, the church is actually his parent's old house. We use the living room as the area for the services.) and there have been cars parked outside of it."
"Neighbours." I replied immediately. Steve shook his head.
"I have a friend who is a police officer. He told me that they think that there might be 'illegal religious practices' going on there. It would be safer for everyone to not go to church anymore."
"What if we could meet somewhere else?"
"Where?"
"I don't know but we can't stop meeting! There are tons of people, including me, count on those services! It's the highlight of our week. You really help us, Steve. How about this? We have service tomorrow and you tell everyone what's up. If there are still people who want to risk it then let them come... unless it's you who doesn't want to risk it?" Steve looked away.
"You would think being a pastor would make me trust God all the way. Yeah, Mia, I am afraid. That's why my place is a mess. I've been praying all week. I guess... some things have to be done in order to please God. Who can hurt me when I have God on my side?" Steve said. I nodded. He decided to continue to have the services. If God wanted him to be caught then that's what would happen. "I will continue my ministry in the prison then!" I totally agreed.
LORD, PLEASE GIVE STEVE THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE HIS MINISTRY WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH DANGER. GIVE HIM STRENGTH. LORD, PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH. HELP ME TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ALL POWERFUL AND YOU HAVE A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. IF YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO MY FAMILY ABOUT YOU PLEASE GIVE ME THE COURAGE AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO. THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORD. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US, THROUGH YOU WORD, THE COMFORT WE SEEK WHEN WE ARE AFRAID AND WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
Afternoon
Diary,
Hurrah! We are safe today! No one came and raided the church. We had an awesome sermon. It was about trusting the Lord and that He overcomes everything. Then Steve told the rest of the group what he told me yesterday. A lot of people looked scared. But also a lot of people looked content. Like they were still going to come even through there was danger. David pointed out there has always been danger but since it was as obvious as it is now we weren't afraid. Daniel, David, Matthew, Anne and I have all agreed to continue going. We are going to be strong! Hurrah! Anyway, I'm at Anne's so I probably should stop writing and pay attention to everyone else.
-Mia
Before bed
Diary,
Matthew and Anne annoy me so much!
"Mia, isn't that diary a little dangerous?" Anne asked after I put in my purse.
"No, why?"
"Well you are revealing other names of Christians in it. You could get in a lot of trouble with it and a lot of other people could get in trouble." Anne explained. She talked like she was conversing with a two- year old. Grr.
"Anne, it's not that big of a deal. I'm really careful not to let anyone else see it. I'm the only who writes in it and I'm the only one who reads it."
"What if the church got raided today? You had it on you! The police could have read it then!"
"Only if I got caught." I said. Okay I knew she was right. I could get Daniel in a lot of trouble. It's a worst crime to be caught converting people than it is to be just a Christian but this diary was a way to vent to get out all my annoyances. I've been writing in a diary ever since elementary school. My entries were a little silly than but I felt better afterwards and same with now. Okay, my entries are no longer "silly" but I do feel better. It helps me sort out my thoughts and after a while I read it and I see that the Lord really does answer my prayers. But Anne is right. So next time I go to church I won't bring my diary with me. I'll hide it under my mattress at home or something. But I'm not going to throw it out. I refuse to.
-Mia
2nd period
(Outside the principal's office)
Diary,
Anne was right! I should have been more careful with this book! But no! I didn't care! I just had to write in class; I just had to read my Bible every spare second! I'm just proving my point by writing in here now! Why won't I learn? Well, since I am already doomed I might as well explain myself. I was in the library researching for a presentation we have to do when my teacher walked up to me. She had this really strange look of her face.
"Amelia? The principal wishes to see you." I grabbed my stuff and I began to panic. What did I do? Is someone hurt? Have I been found out? Did someone see me writing in here and read one of my prayers? And so now I sit here panicking. I guess this is one of those times I need to put my trust in God. But it's so hard! Okay, LORD I TRUST- oh here he comes!
-Mia
At home
Diary,
I never knew... I should have known... my sister was found out to be a Christian. I feel so selfish! There I was, worrying about myself when it's my sister who needed praying for. It was her in danger! I need to write down what happened in the office.
The principal walked up to me as I threw my diary in my bag.
"Amelia Rutherford?" I nodded and without saying a word he walks me to his office and shuts the door. Mom and Dad were sitting at the desk. Mom stood up and wrapped me in a hug. I was terrified now. Was this the final good- bye? Would the SWAT team run in here down and pin me down? Or would they just shoot me? I looked at my crying mother.
"Mommy?" I whispered. I haven't called Mom 'mommy' since I was a little girl. The principal cleared his throat. I glanced at him. He was staring at me with fake pity.
"Amelia, your sister has been accused of being a Christian." He said.
"What?" I stammered, "No... that's isn't right. She would have told me." I didn't believe him. Sam and I were close. She would have told me. She tells me everything. Then it crossed my mind. She didn't tell me for the same reasons I didn't tell her. She was scared. Mom finally spoke.
"She was holding a prayer meeting in her room. She and several others were arrested." I began to cry. I am so scared for her. Dad took my arm and lead me and mom out of the office.
PLEASE, LORD, KEEP MY SISTER SAFE. PROTECT HER. GUIDE HER AND KEEP HER STRONG. THANK YOU FOR THE FACT THAT SHE FOUND YOU. LORD... PLEASE HELP ME TO TRUST YOU MORE. HELP ME TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY COMFORT AND I CANNOT DO A THING ON MY OWN. THANK YOU AND PLEASE... IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
After Lunch
Diary,
I decided to stay home today. I didn't want to see anyone. Daniel called last night. Daniel promised to pray for Sam. I didn't tell him about my own conflicts. I think I am going to spend the rest of today saturating myself in God's Word.
-Mia
My Findings:
- Isaiah 43:2-4 - "When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour. I gave Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba as a ransom for your freedom. Others died that you might live. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honoured, and I love you."
- Jesus talks about trust a lot. Birds and flowers don't worry, why should I? God always takes care of His children.
LORD, YOU SPEAK A LOT ABOUT TRUST. I HAVE A HARD TIME TRUSTING YOU. I LIKE TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN. I KNOW THAT IS WRONG. YOU WANT TO HELP ME AND YOU WANT TO KEEP US SAFE. YOU ARE THE MOTHER HEN AND WE ARE THE CHICKS. HELP ME TO LEAN ON YOU AND TRUST YOU. HELP ME BE A BETTER CHRISTIAN. HELP ME BE STRONG IN YOU. THANK YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
Late at night
Diary,
I can't sleep. After I finished writing in here Dad asked me if I wanted to come with them to see Sam. That's a no brainer. I agreed. I was nervous as we drove up. I left my diary under my bed at home. I knew this would be totally different than from I spoke with Jocelyn.
We waited in a visitor room for almost a half hour. There was a camera on the ceiling. I guess it's there to watch the criminals and to make sure they don't hurt anyone. The door opened and the guards practically threw Sam in. She was wearing a red jumper and her hands and feet were cuffed. It looked like she had been beaten up. My eyes filled with tears. How could anyone be so cruel? I ran to Sam and hugged her.
"Sam... how are you so brave?" I cried. She smiled at me.
"I am not. It's only with God's grace that I can stand here with you. It's only with His strength I can say I am not afraid because He is with me and He comforts me." She said.
"Samantha shut up! Amelia doesn't need to hear your religious bullshit!" Mom snapped. Sam sat down on one of the chairs in the room. She continued to smile. I sat next to her. Our parents remained standing.
"Mom, I am not lying. Jesus is the way." Sam said.
"Your 'lord' is causing you to suffer! What kind of God is that?"
"A perfect one. He isn't causing my suffering but man's sinful nature is. Suffering comes from man's disobedient of God's Will," Mom smirked at that answer, "Mom, why did you come here?"
"To knock some sense into my little brainwashed girl!" Mom cried.
"Honey, just tell them you aren't a Jesus Freak. Then you can come home with us. You can be with your family." Dad said.
"No. I cannot give up my faith in the One Most High."
"Sam... why did the guards hurt you?" I asked quietly.
"Mia, this is such a small price to pay. Jesus suffered so much for us and the Father gives us so very much more! I wish I could express the love that Christ Jesus gives!" I wanted to tell her then. In front of Mom, Dad and that camera I wanted to tell her that I was a follower of the Lord Jesus! But, as usual, I was too afraid. I hate pain... I don't think I could stand it and I would fail God... Mom walked over to Sam and slapped her across the face. It reopened a cut on Sam's face. Sam continued to smile at Mom. I was filled with anger. How could she do that?
"Mom!" I cried. Sam is her own daughter!
"Mia, calm down. She wanted to keep you safe. She doesn't want you to suffer. But, remember, nor does Jesus."
"Sam what if there is no God? What if you are wrong?" Dad asked.
"What if I am right? What do I have to lose?"
"Your life!" Mom cried, she paused, "Sammy, I'm sorry. Please just say you aren't a Christian. You don't have to mean it... please come home with us."
"My Lord says, `but if anyone denies me here on earth, I will deny that person before my Father in heaven.'"
"So you are going to deny your family the right to have their daughter, sister with them?" Dad protested.
"Paul said this, 'If we die with Him, we will also live with Him. If we endure hardship, we will reign with Him. If we deny Him, He will deny us. If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.' I cannot deny my love for Jesus." My parents looked at each other and they, both, hugged Sam.
"If that's what you want to do..." Dad said, "Good- bye." Then Mom and Dad walked to the door. I stood up and hugged my sister.
"I believe in Him too." I whispered then went to join my parents. Sam grinned at me. Nothing was said on the ride home. I wonder what my parents are thinking? Are they even sad?
When we entered our house I ran straight to my room. Since then I have been trying to shut out my thoughts: what if I was in that situation? Could I be that strong? Or would I fail? I wonder if other Christians think the same? Or are they stronger than I am?
LORD... HELP. AMEN.
-Mia
I think I'm going to cry
My world is shot
And I am in pain
How can I follow You?
It hurts so much
Trust You
Love You
You know best
It hurts
It pains
It won't go away
You will make think better
Trust You
Love You
You know best.
1st period
Diary,
Mom told me I should go to school today. "It's best to have things return to normal." Are my parents even hurting at all? At least my friends care. Daniel suggested skipping school and just hang out all day at the coffee shop. I (obviously) denied. I then asked them my thoughts: are they scared? Anne and Matthew shook their heads, proclaiming that they trust God 100%. David, at least, wasn't so full of it.
"I get scared sometimes. I dread to think what would happen if my parents found out. I have no doubt in my mind that Dad would turn me in. But I force myself to remember what Jesus said, 'do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust in Me.' So then I think, why should I worry? The Lord is with me." I think Daniel was the most honest. He pretty much said the same as David but then said, "Sure I remember God's words but there is no point in fooling anyone. I have a hard time totally relying on Jesus. It's one thing to say, 'I believe' but it's a completely another thing to act on that belief, understand?" So Daniel is in the same boat as me. I think he is a little further along in the river but we can help each other.
"You think there are other Christians at our school?" I asked. Anne laughed at me.
"D'uh. You honesty think we are the only ones?" she smirked. She really annoys me!
"Hey, Dave, want to help me find them?" Daniel asked. David agreed. I really hope they can find some. If not maybe we can connect with some of the teenagers at church. Maybe we could start a support group or something! That's a neat idea.
LORD, HELP DANIEL AND DAVID ON THEIR QUEST TO FIND OTHER CHRISTIANS. HELP US FIND SUPPORT WITH EACH OTHER AS WELL AS IN YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
4th period
Diary,
I hate people! Okay, so when a religious person is caught it's all over the papers as a deterrent. So now everyone knows that Sam has been caught. Is anyone sympathetic to the sad sister? NO! This one guy, who I used to think was really fine, said, "Yeah, I love to see those Christians freaks burn! Mia, don't grieve your sister, she's getting what she deserves." This other really quiet girl, Amy, said, "As much as I hate to see people hurt or killed, she broke a law and therefore must be punished." I was almost sick. How could they say such things? They don't even know Sam! How can they make such harsh judgements? I hate this world!
-Mia
Before bed
Diary,
There is no comfort at home. Mom is on a cleaning frenzy and Dad... he is just sitting in the living room doing nothing. But then, tonight, I did something really weird. I was on the net, and I was searching for information on Jesus comforting people and I found a tract. So I downloaded it. Initially I downloaded it for myself but instead of keeping it I put it inside our mailbox for Mom and Dad to find. I wonder what they will say when they find it?
DEAR LORD, PLEASE LET THAT TRACT TOUCH THEM. LET THEM SEE YOUR LOVE AND OPEN THEIR HEARTS SO THEY CAN EMBRACE YOU. IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
1st period
Diary,
Updates:
-Daniel and David are unsuccessful on finding other Christians at this point
- Mom and Dad haven't found the tract as of the time I left for school
- It's Friday and therefore we have church in a couple of days!
-Mia
4th period
Diary,
Amy approached me today at lunch.
"Mia? I want to say sorry about yesterday. I feel really bad." She said softly. I nodded and turned back to my locker.
"I understand if you don't want to listen but I feel that I have to tell you this. There have been a lot more arrests lately and they are making me think. Why risk your life for nothing? When Jocelyn died it was a huge shock. She became one of them overnight and at her trial she seemed so filled with joy. She didn't seem upset at all that she would be killed. She seemed so glad for this fictitious Jesus." I slammed my locker shut. I was wondering what was her point?
"So I began to search for this man. It was hard. On public Internet all Christian related sites are against it. Full of propaganda. I didn't know how to find out about this man that people will die for," she stopped, "I cannot continue here. The hallways will be too crowded and it will be too dangerous. Will you meet me after school? I need to finish this." What could I say? She, for some unknown reason, no longer seemed like the enemy. I agreed. So after school I am going to her house to "talk". I'm praying that this isn't some sort of trap. Granted Amy doesn't seem the type but who knows? I am praying for God's protection. Wish me luck.
-Mia
Evening
Diary,
Continuing on with the story. After school I met Amy at my locker. We walked out to car. I loved her car- a yellow bug! I want one when I can afford it. We drove to her house and went to her room. She shut the door and put on a CD. She smiled at me nervously. I wondered if she was thinking if she could really trust me?
"Zak, won't be home for a while." She said as she sat down.
"Zak?" I asked.
"He's my brother. My parents died when I was a baby. They were both Christians. Zak says they got what they deserved, leaving two children behind. He calls them selfish. Always tells me that they died for some false God. He says he would like to have seen their faces when they discovered there was no God."
"Do you believe him?" I asked.
"With Zak's attitude, I grew up angry with my parents. I needed them, why didn't they care enough?" Amy's eyes filled up with tears, "When I read about your sister all that anger resurfaced. Your sister is choosing death over a family who needs her."
"She believes it's the best." I said.
"That brings me back to where I stopped earlier. Who would leave everything for an invisible being? These past couple of weeks I've been obsessed. Who is this man? Who is this Jesus? Public services weren't helping. They said that Jesus was a man who people thought was God. People, namely Christians, spend lies that He was raised from the dead after He was crucified. They also spend lies that He was perfect. But, rest assured, these were all lies. No one would be saved from the fiery pits of hell by faith in Him because there is no hell or God.
"Again I was asking why then do these people die for these lies? Surely they are aware of the fact their religion is false! I needed help. An old friend of Zak's turned Christian helped me. Zak still doesn't know that Mark is a Christian. That's probably good. Anyway, Mark guided me through private Internet and to pro- Christian sites. It took me several more days to find one that was understandable to me. I didn't understand terms like 'trinity' or 'grace of God.' I really didn't know what John 3:16 meant. Was the Webmaster telling his friend John to meet him at 3:16pm? Then I found a teenaged Christian site- Jesus Freaks Lives! It explained everything. That Webmaster had such a passion and love for this God. He (I almost protested at this point! I wrote it, thank you very much!) explained who Jesus is and why Christians call Him Lord. He even explained what John 3:16 meant! Then next to that there was their holy book, a Bible. I downloaded it and read that book John first. I was shocked. Could this man really be God? And if that story is true... why would this God want to suffer for us?"
"Because He loves us," I answered, "Because He knows none of us are good enough to make it into Heaven and He wants us to go there."
"Mia... are you a Christian?" I nodded. The instant after I thought I was going to be sick. What if this whole thing was a trap? Breathe... don't let your heart be troubled.
"Mia, how are you willing to die for Jesus? What if you are wrong?"
"I am willing because I know I am right. Jesus saved me from death once and I know He exists." I then told her my story of how I found Jesus. Just a side note, I never mentioned Daniel's name. She said nothing for a moment.
"That's the truth?" she asked. I nodded. She frowned.
"Amy... if you want you could come to church with me. You could talk with my pastor or with other Christians." I suggested.
"Well, I don't know. Could I get back to you? I need to think some more." I nodded again. I'm glad Amy's heart is (slowly) being opened to God. Amy, then, promised to keep our talk a secret and asked if she could call me if she had anymore questions. I agreed.
LORD, PLEASE ALLOW AMY TO RECEIVE YOU AS LORD AND SAVIOUR. LET HER SEE THAT YOU ARE GOD AND THAT YOU LOVE EACH ONE OF US. PLEASE, IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
So I went home. Aie. Well my parents found the tract and Mom was furious. Plus she was blaming it on Sam!
"She sends us this piece of... and what? We are supposed to forgive her? Is she expecting us to fell to our knees and believe this crap?" Mom then noticed that I came home.
"Where were you?"
"I left a message on the phone. I went to Amy's." I said. Dad was reading the tract.
"Jesus isn't on Earth anymore. He cannot make us feel better!" Dad cried, "He is the reason why my little baby is leaving!" he turned and left the room, after throwing the tract on the ground. I reached over to pick it up but Mom yanked it away from me.
"I don't want you to read this garbage! I don't want to lose another daughter. Listen to me, Mia, Jesus isn't real. He's like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, just something people make up to amuse themselves. It's really sad when they can no longer separate their delusions from reality." She turned away from me and threw out the tract. I could tell she was crying. I know they are hurting. I guess they just don't want me to see their pain. Do they think if they are strong, I will be too? Mom, Dad, don't you see Jesus loves you?
LORD, I WANT THEM TO SEE YOU! BUT I AFRAID TO DO MORE. LORD WHAT SHOULD I DO? DO I LEAVE THEM ANOTHER TRACT? OR NOTHING? DO I GIVE THEM TIME? PLEASE HELP ME... PLEASE HELP AND COMFORT MY PARENTS. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
After Church
Diary,
I want to spend some time to thank God for everything He has given me and my friends. After services like today you want to tell God how thankful you are for being safe.
THANK YOU LORD FOR MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME AND KEEPING ME SAFE FROM HARM. THANK YOU FOR KEEPING DANIEL SAFE. THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ALL MY FRIENDS SAFE. THANK YOU FOR THE LEADERS OF THE CHURCH AND THE GUIDANCE THEY BRING. THANK YOU FOR ANSWERED PRAYERS. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU! AMEN.
-Mia
1st period
Diary,
I told Daniel about the whole tract situation. He said he wished could do the same thing with his parents but he knows his parents (or more correctly his dad) would assume it was him who put them there and he would get in trouble. He told me to keep sending them to my parents. It's unfortunate that Mom and Dad blame Sam but at least the message is given to them. Also he told me that I needn't given them a tract every day but once in a while. So I might just do that. Give them a tract once or twice a week and sees what happened.
Danny and I had one of those mornings where David, Matthew and Anne weren't around to nit pick everything we said. That was nice. I still don't see why Daniel likes them. But whatever.
*Note to Self*- talk to Amy later with week. I want to see how she is doing with her search and if I can be of any assistance. I trust Amy now so I'm not as afraid. Anyway I should get started with my class work. Later!
-Mia
Evening
Diary,
The past couple of days I've spent on the Internet looking up tracts I can use with my parents. I know I can't convince them with just words of comfort from Jesus since they don't even believe that He exists! I found this one that briefly proved the existence of Jesus. On the same site I downloaded two more: one that proved that Jesus died and did rise again and then other explained Jesus' claim to Godship. I'm still a little afraid to give them the tracts. What if they figure out it's me? What if they turn me in? I have to trust God with this. I HAVE to. I'm giving them one tonight, one Sunday then one next Wednesday or something like that.
PLEASE LORD ALLOW THESE WORDS TO TOUCH THEIR HEARTS AND LET THEM SEE THAT YOU AREN'T JUST A FAIRY TALE BUT A REAL LIFE GOD THAT CARES FOR THEM AND LOVES THEM. PLEASE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.
-Mia
Later
Diary,
Argh. I just suffered through a parental talk. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents but I hate it when one (or both) tried to act all concerned and stuff. It's annoying. Yeah, they are worried about me but please! If I say nothing is wrong; then nothing is wrong.
So, Dad walked into my room while I'm trying to study my history. He sits down on my bed.
"Mia... are you okay?" he asked. Now remember, this is totally out of the blue.
"Yeah Dad." Going back to studying.
"Really? Are you sure you are okay? Do you want to talk about what's happening with Sam?" It's kind of like he is talking to an eight- year- old instead of his seventeen- year- old.
"Dad, it doesn't matter. It's not like we can do anything about it." I'm trying to give that whole problem to God. I'm learning to trust Him; Sam is.
"I know honey. You seem... rather not understanding of this whole issue." I smirked at him. What's not to understand? I understood perfectly.
"Dad, I understand. She's a Christian and therefore under our government she must die. Like Jocelyn." See Dad? I get it. It's not fair and I hate it with every part of me but I get it.
"Are you okay with this?" What does he want me to say? Well... I didn't handle the situation very well. I lost my temper and almost blew it.
"Am I okay with the fact I'm going to lose my sister? No! Never! You think the government is right! Burn the witches! But you don't understand! You are the one who doesn't 'get it'! You don't know-" I stopped. I almost said 'you don't know the pressures of loving God.' That would have been really bad. Dad hugged me then. He told me that he did understand and that no matter what he loved me. He told me he really wanted to save Sam and he loved her too. So in this hug this thought hit me. I think it was a God- thing. God loved His image- bearers so much that He died for us! I just thought it was amazing. He died for us. I was reminded how lucky I was for being able to be His follower. Now I understood why Sam wanted to die for Jesus. I began to cry. Dad thought I was crying because of Sam. God is so great and powerful and merciful.
"Oh Mia..." he whispered.
"Daddy?" I suddenly asked, "Did you ever know Jesus?" I have no clue why I asked him this. He seemed surprised at my answer.
"Yes, Mia. When I was your age I knew of Jesus but when I grew up I learnt better. Jesus is a fairy tale. He's not real," He stood up and smiled at me, "You better finish your homework." Then he left. I wondered how he knew Jesus? Were any of his friends a Christian or something? Anyway I'm going to get some milk before I go to bed. 'Night!
-Mia
Later
Diary! I cannot believe what I just overheard! I went down to get some milk and I thought I heard crying. I went to investigate. I pinpointed the crying in the rec. room. I crept down really quietly and it was Dad! He was on his knees. I was about to ask him if he was okay when he began to speak!
"Damn You! Here I am! On my knees begging You! Why can't You leave me alone? Why can't You leave my family alone? But no! You have to try and grab my attention! I don't want anything to do with You! I loved You once! I loved You! And how do You repay me? By taking away my best friend! But I still loved You after that! I still did! But then You decided to have my father killed! And then You expect me to love You after that? You want me to continue to follow You! I refuse! You promised to take care of Your followers! Killing them isn't taking care of them! And after thirty years of rejecting You, You still annoy me! Now You are after my daughter! My daughter! And don't think I don't know about You nosing around my youngest daughter! What kind of God are You? You are a liar! A deceiver! A lunatic! Just, please, leave my family alone! Please!" I stood frozen at the door. I still cannot believe what I heard. Dad was a Christian? And so was Granddad? I crept back upstairs. Dad was so angry with God. I don't understand. Sure, God does things that we don't agree with and think is wrong but it's always for the greater good. I wonder if I should go back and talk to him? I wonder if I should tell him that Jesus really does love him and wants to care for him. Hum.
LORD I SEE THAT YOU ARE REACHING FOR MY DAD'S HEART. THANK YOU. PLEASE ALLOW HIM TO SEE THAT YOU ARE A GOOD GOD AND THAT BAD THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. PLEASE HELP HIM LOVE YOU AGAIN.
-Mia
After Supper
Diary,
Matthew 18: 12-14. I found that posted when I was updating the site. That's all it said. Curious, I looked it up on the E- Bible that Daniel and I have up on the site. As I read that passage I immediately thought of my dad. I printed out the passage. It is a parable about how a Shepard would leave his 99 other sheep in order to find his lost one. It signifies that God would do anything to get His lost children back.
Anyway, I'm thinking of mailing it to Dad. Of course I won't put a return address on it. But, honesty, I feel really discouraged right now. Mom (and Dad) flipped out when they discovered the new one.
"I can't believe this garbage!" Mom cried at dinner. She was pointing to the tract that Dad had in his hand. They refuse to let me see it at all. When I asked if I could Mom cried, "There is no way my little girl is going to be brainwashed by those freaks!" I really wonder if I should just give up. Mom is so hardened against Jesus and Dad... well that's a different story. I doubt that Mom knows that Dad used to be a Christian. I wouldn't think so. Whenever Dad sees the tract he becomes quiet. Mom yells about how stupid, silly, crazy, etc Christians are. Dad doesn't say a word.
I'm getting sad thinking about this. Sometimes I just can't believe how this world got so against God. They seem to hate everything about Him. Some people hate Him for, to me, no reason at all. Others were taught things about God when they were younger that is wrong about Him and now they will not search out the Truth because they think they already have the truth. Others will make up their own beliefs without any proof behind it. There are people who attack Christians just out of hate. I know our beliefs are illegal... but. My heart aches to see the hatred of God when He loves us so much! Even when you tell some of these people that God loves them they don't believe you. I really hate this world.
-Mia