Chapter Seven

That is why we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" Remember your leaders who first taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and trust the Lord as they do. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:6-9

After supper

Diary,

He's dead. I...

At home

Diary,

He's in heaven, meeting his Saviour. He has no more pain or suffering. He's happy now. Such a part of me wishes that I could join him. But it's not my turn. Matthew Jadyn Burns died at 5:13pm on June 6th. On this day he is with Jesus, the Lord and Saviour of mankind.

LORD, THANK-YOU FOR GIVING MATTHEW NEW LIFE. YOUR GLORY WILL BE SHOWN. MY FRIENDS AND I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU KNOW BEST BUT WE ASK FOR YOUR COMFORT. WE MISS OUR FRIEND. PLEASE COMFORT US. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Later

Diary,

Dad came to talk to me.

"Mia, I know this is hard. Time heals all wounds." Dad said to me.

"I know God didn't do this to Matthew but it still hurts. It's not that I don't love Him or trust Him... I just don't understand. Pus I'm scared. What if that would have been me? Daddy, would you have stayed by my side? Would Mom have?" the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. Dad pulled me into a hug. We sat crying for a moment.

"Daddy, I'm sorry that I'm a disappointment to you. I know you hate me. I wish... I wish I could please you and Mom."

"Oh baby," he said as he fiercely hugged me, "you are not a disappointment to me. We are so worried about you. What if that was you in a coma instead of Matthew? My heart breaks that Sammy is gone. I was so happy when I thought you were safe. I guess... I guess if He is real, I cannot run from Him."

"He is real." I whispered.

"When Seth died I begged God not to take anyone else I loved from me. I begged Him. I told Him I would not be fearful again if He kept those I loved safe. To prove my word I told my dad about Christ. But God broke His promise," he stopped. I opened my mouth to say something but dad continued as if I wasn't even there, "Or so I thought. Because I thought God didn't keep His children safe I thought that perhaps He didn't exist. I told myself that He was just a terrible cruel lie. All because He didn't play by my rules.

"All through college I met Christians. I even witnessed some of their deaths. After every one of their deaths I would shut my dorm door and curse God for being a liar. I knew He existed. During my second year I caved at one point. I began researching Buddhism and Hinduism but they just seemed empty. They were self- religions and there wasn't that focus on God. You would think that is what I would have wanted but it just didn't seem right. So I trusted myself into a big anti- religion group.

"I, then, met your mother. A beautiful and smart woman. She was perfect. We dated for two years then we married. A year later Samantha Ruth was born. I remember thinking she was a gift from God. Such a perfect baby. I told myself, later, she wasn't a gift. She was a product of me and my wife... uh... there was no Gift Giver. A few years later Amelia Lydia was born. Another gift from God. For so many years He left me alone, or so I thought. He was just revealing Himself in different ways.

"When Sam died, all those feeling about my own father and Seth came back. I was putting my trust in the wrong person. Oh Lord!" he began to pray, "You are so patient with me. You do go after the lost lamb until they are safe in Your care. I am so sorry for the hate I have felt. Please forgive me. Help me put my trust in You now. I will walk Your path. Amen."

"Amen." I whispered, crying. My dad has become a Christian again! I hugged him.

"Daddy, it hurts that my friend is gone but I know he is in a better place. And I believe when you and I are called to be with God, we will be reunited with Matthew, Sam, Seth and Grandpa. He's so good."

"My baby, truer words have not been spoken."

THANK- YOU LORD! MATTHEW'S DEATH DID SHOW YOUR GLORY. DAD IS NOW YOUR CHILD AND I THANK YOU. YOU ARE SO GREAT AND HOLY. WE ARE LOST WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Afternoon

Diary,

It's been several days since the last entry. Looking back I guess I didn't really hit me yet. It didn't sink in that Matthew was gone. I didn't go to school on Friday. I spent the day crying and reading the Bible. But I wasn't just mourning Matthew but Sam and Jocelyn too. It hit me on Friday that I have lost three people that I really care about. I'm still not totally "okay". I hurt a lot still.

I haven't spoken to David and Daniel since Thursday. I guess we don't want to talk. It makes everything too real. We must face the fact that one of our group is gone. Anyway, Matthew's funeral will be tomorrow after school. Dad is taking me.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

We are such a sombre group. Some people come up to us and express their sympathy for us. Others tell us to quit being so sad. I wonder how many people are actually going to be at the funeral today?

LORD... HI. I AM AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. I GUESS I THROW ALL MY WORRIES AND PROBLEMS TO YOU. YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. THANK- YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Evening

Diary,

What to say about the funeral itself? Actually a lot of students were there, probably most of the school. The entire Chosen Students troop was there. Surprises, most of them looked upset. I know now that Matthew's death is truly working for the glory of God.

After the service one member, Joel, came up to Daniel, David and I. He was one of the SPS who attacked Matthew.

"Mia, Daniel, David," Joel paused, "I am truly sorry. Since that night I cannot forget what I did. Many members of Students believe what happened was for the best but I wonder..." he looked away.

"What?" Daniel asked gently.

"Was Matthew telling the truth? I mean, about Jesus. Could there really be a person who loves me more than anything else? Who willingly suffered and died for me?" David nodded.

"Let's go outside and I'll tell you the Truth." David returned with Joel an hour later. Joel had accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour! PRAISE GOD! MAY YOUR KINGDOM GROW!

But that is not all that happened at the funeral. Amy was there too.

"Mia!" she came up to me and hugged me, "I did it! I really did it!" she was grinning.

"How? What happened?" I just knew what she was talking about. Amy finally accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour!

"Thursday, I was in my room looking at Jesus Freaks Lives, that website, and I was just staring at the screen as if I was expecting a magic answer to pop out. I was reading over some of the testimonies and it just dawned on me. There was no magic answer. If He was real then He was. I turned off my computer and knelt down. I asked Him to reveal Himself to me. Nothing happened. No bolts of lightening or thunderclaps. He didn't appear to me. I figured nothing was my answer. Nothing was out there. I opened my diary and the first thing I saw was 'I am the Truth, the Way, and the Life. No one can come to the Father except through me.'

"I have no idea why but I just began to cry. I began praying too," she grinned, "What I said was rather private but He entered my life that night. I see now He really did answer my prayer." I hugged Amy.

"That's so awesome!" I cried, grinning.

So, Diary, because of one death at least three people found new life. I am so awestruck by the power and glory of God. How people cannot see Him is beyond me!

My Saviour

My Lord

Your glory done

I don't always agree

I don't always like

But You are God

The Lord of all

The King of all

Why do I fight?

Why do I disagree?

When I know You know?

Silly human

You are my Lord

my Saviour

Your glory done.

Afternoon

Diary,

It's been several weeks since I last wrote. Our group seems to have gotten bigger. Joel and Amy hang out with us a lot more now. Joel is slowly pulling away from SPS. He tells us he is afraid to quit like Matthew but he, at least for now, is not participating with the hunts. Amy, being the only one with unsupervised Internet access, is now working on the website. She was really surprised that Danny and I were in charge! She's doing a really good job and she's really growing in her faith. Amy and I are now Bible Buddies. That just means we do Bible studies together. My friends and I don't see Anne anymore. According to rumours she's trying to get into SPS. She doesn't even look at us, which is fine with us. We are praying for her and her family now. We hope she finds Jesus soon.

Life at home is a lot better now. Since Dad has become a Christian, he is loosing the grounding up. He's letting me go on Christian sites when Mom isn't home plus he's helping my friends and I find a new church. Dad is also trying to get Mom to loosen up about Christianity. He tells me that he is planning to share the Good News with her soon.

Joel is also updating us with information about Steve. Right now he is in this labour camp somewhere in the city. They will probably kill him soon. David, who has been trying to find that information, has confirmed all that. We will try to be there but depending on the information on security of the place we may not go. If they are searching for mourners we would be caught… and killed.

Anyway, things besides Steve seem to have calmed down. After these past few months I've learnt stuff. I've really learnt to trust God. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect but I must look to God now. Before I do anything now I turn to Him first. I still struggle with my faith but I trust Him a lot more!

LORD, THANK- YOU FOR BEING SUCH A WONDERFUL FATHER. YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN SO MUCH. YOU COMFORT US AND KEEP US SAFE. IT'S SO AMAZING THAT THROUGH EVERYTHING YOUR GLORY IS STILL SHOWN. THANK- YOU LORD, MY GOD FOR EVERYTHING!

-Mia