Authors Notes: Hmm…how do I describe this one? Lets call it torn…lol. "I could pack myself up in a matter of minutes and leave you all far behind. All my whole world, and all the things in it are hard to find. Like they never were mine." Lol. We'll leave it at that. All my love ~ Aly
Greg Windmiere was a typical Quidditch all-star. Strong build, large toothy smile, bold eyes, and a fan club, complete with giggling fourth years. However, despite all the looks and the glory that came with Greg, Lily saw beneath all that, to a person she loved, and cared about…well, maybe not so much loved, but she did care about him.
He looked at her curiously…
"Did you and James Potter just walk out of your room together?" he asked, smiling.
"Yes, we were looking for Sirius." She smiled back, the smile was forced, and painful, and she wished nothing more than to turn back time, and stand back in the moonlight with James.
"You know, Potter is a terrific Quidditch player…he's got tons of talent." Greg commented, taking Lily's hand in his own, it felt cold and odd, as if her hand was not meant to be there. Why did she even leave the room?! She wondered how James was handling this.
"James?" Katelyn cooed from the fireplace, letting off cool air now, because of Lily. "Where were you? I've been sitting here for nearly a half-hour!"
She huffed and placed her hands on both of her hips rather girlishly, and allowed her immaturity to blaze through.
James held down the urge to go grab Lily, and forget the pathetic lies they were both living, but he refused.
"Sorry, I was busy. I'm here now." He said casually, and that was enough for Katelyn, afterall, James was popular, handsome , and a Quidditch starter, she knew better than to sacrifice her reputation by causing a scene. She wanted the entire school to envy the two of them. She didn't want anyone to know how secretly jealous she got at times, how angry he would get when she'd make a smart comment about one of his friends. Life was merely a warped perspective of reality, and lately, she could not tell the difference. James left her momentarily to get something to drink, and she was still pondering where he had been as he walked away from her, deliberately searching for something besides a beverage.
"Lily!" he yelled out, and he smiled as she turned around and grinned.
"Yeah?" she yelled over the music.
"Sirius wants to tell you something, c'mere." He yelled.
"What?" Sirius yelled.
"NOTHING!" Lily and James simultaneously replied, pulling him over to a corner with them.
"Give me just one second Gregs, I'll be right back."
"Sure thing, love." He said, oblivious to the fact that Lily was so filled with joy whenever James called her name.
"Yeah?" she said, walking over to a confused Sirius and a gleaming James.
"I told him." James confessed.
"You what!"
"And…Sirius told me." Jenny said, walking up behind her."
"Oh my …..oh my….help me…" Lily whispered.
"Lils, we're your bestfriends, do you think we're going to announce it to the room?" Jenny said.
"I suppose not, its just that…its all so hard, and confusing." Lily started.
"Its just too much drama for Lily." Sirius finished, laughing.
"Pretty much." She confessed, looking at James…seeing the look in his warm brown eyes she had seen only minutes ago.
"So what are you going to do?" Sirius asked.
"I don't know, I just…well, Lil, I had to call you over here, I had to see you, to see your eyes, I can't stand this. I can't stand this pretend love stuff with Katelyn." James said, looking at her.
"Guys, this is not the place to be discussing this." Jenny whispered, glaring at Katelyn and the posse of girls behind her, shooting daggers at Lily and herself.
"I can't hurt him James."
"I know, its just…"
"Hard."
They both smiled, and returned to their impatient couples. When Lily returned Greg greeted her with a sincere hug.
"I love you, I know I don't tell you enough…but I do." Greg whispered.
"Thank you." Lily whispered back, refusing to lie to him. "I have to go to bed, I've got a huge test in the morning." She lied.
"Alright, goodnight you."
"G'Night Gregs, love you." she yelled over her shoulder as she walked up the stairs to her dormitory. Before she entered her room she turned to look at James in the common room below the balcony. He immediately looked at her, and they both smiled with sad, determined, resolute faces as if admitting they were trapped.
Trapped. That was such a perfect suiting word. Lily could not think of a worse situation. She paced around her bed a few times, allowing her mind to wander. Finally, she demanded it to stop focusing on James Potter, and get ready for bed. She switched into in pajamas and sat on her bed with her History of Magic book, studying to distract her.
"That's my girl, studying for comfort." Jenny laughed as she walked in the door. "No wonder you have such good grades."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She said, quietly shutting the book.
"So..it finally happened?" Jenny said, getting a mischievous glitter in her large brown eyes, as she climbed onto her bed.
"Yeah." Lily smiled.
"Come on! Details…"
"Well, it was incredible, he just took me in his arms and said 'I'm going to kiss you, and afterwards we are going to go down to the party.' Its like we both just admitted that we couldn't do anything to fix it, but we couldn't deny how we felt…it was incredible." Lily smiled.
"What! You're just going to keep this a secret?"
"Yes, and you are too. G'Night Jen." She laughed, pulling the curtains around her bed to a close.
"But, wait…doesn't that mean?" Jenny started, as Lily pulled open her curtains with a horrified look on her face.
"I cheated on Greg." She finished Jenny's sentence.
Lily got out of bed early on Friday, the sunlight was warmly entering the windows promising a new day. She let the beams kiss her cheeks before she stood before the mirror in the bathroom, freeing her flaming hair from its braid. The waves cascaded about her back, and she quietly brushed it, in deep thought.
She walked back into her room glancing at a clock; Jenny had three more minutes till she had to wake up. Lily momentarily wondered what on earth Jenny would do without Lily to wake her up and help her throughout her day -everyday. She laughed without noise as she made her way to the closet, pulling a long sleeve emerald green shirt over her head and phlegmatically putting on black pants that would show underneath her black school robes.
She raced across the room and leapt onto Jenny's bed, grinning.
"Wake up my most bestest friend in the world! I love you!"
Jenny tried stuffing a pillow over Lily's face, but she dodged it and pulled her out of bed into the bathroom. Jenny stooped over the skin, eyes still closed, hair moving in every direction.
"I'll let you fight the morning, but hurry okay?"
"Hmmph." She mumbled incoherently.
Ten minutes later, Jenny walked out of the bathroom, and stumbled over to her closet, pulling a white T-shirt and black pants on underneath her black robe.
" I hate you." Jenny said.
"Boy, if I had a knut for every morning I've heard that one." Lily said, not looking up from her book she was reading on her bed.
"No..this is a different reason."
"Oh..my! Do tell!" Lily laughed.
"Well, I hate you because the rest of us look like clones and your hair is so long, I don't know, you just stand out."
"Are you complimenting me?" Lily laughed.
"No. I'm jealous, there's a difference." Jenny corrected, opening the door to go downstairs.
Lily instantly spotted James out of everyone crowding the common room in somnolent conversations before breakfast. She quickened her steps down the stairs and walked over to him, trying not to smile to hard.
"Morning James." she said. Curse this face for revealing my heart, stop smiling!
He turned around and looked at her. James looked as if he was just about to say something to her, but then, as if on instinct, he seemed as if he had just remembered something, and turned around, ignoring her presence.
"James?" she said again. He didn't even flinch.
"What's with you?!" she demanded.
He turned around. "Listen Lily, nothing can come from this." he whispered solemnly. "Lets just let this go."
"Lets just pretend that our feelings don't exist?" she asked bitterly.
"Yes."
"I can't believe you." she whispered, as she turned on her heels and exited the door to breakfast, her flaming hair, swaying behind her.
I don't understand how someone's feelings can just change that fast? How can he just pretend that he never felt anything for me? How can he just stop feeling this way? Why am I being punished for a feeling? Isn't it enough for him that I'm placing my future with Greg on the line for him? I don't understand. How can I care so much and yet, he feels nothing? Why is he ignoring me? What have I done?! I've ruined a friendship! Things will never be the same.
Authors Notes: Don't you hate it whenever someone takes your heart and throws it up against the wall without even realizing your pain?
