Guilt and pain pulling me everyday,
Crushing me and I can't get away,
Killing my heart and soul.
Nicole – Ash
"Where do you think the temple is then? It's gotta be around here somewhere, right?"
Lesca held her hand up, shielding her eyes from the sun as she squinted around the small island. Long, lush palm fronds swayed gently in the slight sea breeze, the salt air cooling sun kissed skin. She took off her boots, wiggling her bare toes in the sand as she had done a lifetime ago. The ocean lapped softly at the delicate flesh as she sat heavily on the golden beach, savouring the moment. She was imprinting every experience onto her mind; she wanted to have happy memories as she gave her life. Cid walked over to a nearby townsperson to ask for directions and she discretely pulled the sphere from the pouch at her hip.
The images sprung to life one by one, the only picture of herself and Auron she had, taken on their wedding day by Braska at the Via Purifico. She chuckled at the look on his face; the meeting with Jecht had reversed his previous smile of joy back into the semi permanent frown. A still she had recovered from the sphere sent to her by Auron where he was yet again scowling at Jecht. Herself and Aleron, two hours after she had given birth. She winced at how awful she looked and quickly moved onto the next depiction: Aleron with Cid, his first steps, and her son's first tooth. She smiled as she remembered his first word; Mama. Lesca wished she'd had a proper recording of the moment, one with sound as well as film. Second birthday. Third birthday. Aleron. Aleron. Aleron.
She sighed; the dreaded last picture came too soon now. The morning he'd died, she'd taken his picture on vagary before sending him off to see Cid. It was a fit of whimsy she had regretted in the time immediately after his passing, but one which had been a great source of comfort to her in latter months. His russet eyes, so like Auron's, gazed up at the sphere. His arms held out to her, a grin on his face. That was how she wished to remember her son on his last day on Spira. Not watching his helpless body shake as Sin's attack racked it. Not the disintegration of his form into the cacophony of pyreflies. Lesca nodded slightly to herself, placing the sphere back in the sac as she stood to dust the sand from her skirt.
"Lesca!"
She turned to face Cid who had a youth in tow. She grinned at the teenager, not much younger than herself, towering over her. "Hey, what's your name?"
The lad winked at her, pushing unruly, spiky hair from his eyes. "Chappu."
The Al Bhed gestured to Chappu. "Kid's gonna take us to the village. That's where the temple is. He knows Yuna too."
She smiled, addressing the young man. "Well, Chappu. Lead the way."
He eyed Lesca with interest. "So how you know Yuna? She's High Summoner Braska's daughter, ya?"
Lesca chortled as Cid fell behind, cursing as a wasp buzzed around him. "She's my sister."
Chappu stopped for a second to contemplate the new information. "Her sister? Why'd you not come to Besaid with her?"
She hesitated. "I had…other things to attend to. I'm here now."
The youth shrugged. "True. I got a big brudda, his name's Wakka. One day, me an' him, we gonna be the best blitzer's in da whole of Spira! Hey, there's Besaid. You want me to go get Yuna for you?"
"Please, Chappu."
Cid caught up to her, muttering darkly in Al Bhed about being left behind. She rolled her eyes and grinned at him. They studied their surroundings with appreciation and Lesca thanked the God's that Sin had not visited Besaid in some time. The beauty of the island was unparalleled, a stark contrast to the urban magnificence of Bevelle. A piercing shriek broke the lazy peace of Besaid; the cry quickly followed by a flash of blue that wrapped itself around Lesca's waist. Chappu and two other teenagers, a man she guessed to be Chappu's elder brother and a young woman, looked on in amusement as Lesca tried to disentangle herself from the vice like grip.
"Yunie? Hey honey. It's been a while, huh?"
The girl looked up at her, joy and anger fighting for precedence. Anger prevailed. "You said you'd be here soon! It's been four years Lescy!" Yuna stated accusingly.
Lesca scratched her head. "I'm sorry. I got caught up at Home, things happened. I sent you spheres; you've made friends... I couldn't have looked after you the years I've been away Yunie. I didn't have the strength."
Kimahri walked to Yuna's side and nodded to Lesca. She smiled at him warmly. "You stayed with her? Thank you Kimahri."
"Kimahri want to know where Lesca been, Lesca's reasons."
She waved off the demand with a flick of the wrist. "Later, not here. Tonight."
Lesca turned back to her sister who still looked at her with disdain. "Yunie? Look, I'm sorry, I truly am. I should've been there for you and I wasn't. I'm being quite selfish as usual Yuna, but I'm here for two reasons. The first is to see my darling little sis…"
Yuna couldn't suppress the smile that worked its way onto her face, the smile that quickly disappeared as Lesca announced the other purpose for her visit.
"The second is to obtain the aeon from the temple. I'm a summoner, Yuna."
"So you're going to leave just like daddy. I'm never going to see you again."
"I'm sorry. I need to; you'll understand one day. Please forgive me, please tell me you don't hate me." Lesca whispered, stroking the young girl's hair.
"I don't hate you Lescy, I just wish you didn't have to go." Yuna's lower lip trembled and Lesca put a finger under her sister's chin, forcing her to look into her eyes.
"Remember what I said all those years ago? No tears, Yuna. Make him proud."
She nodded and smiled, placing a mask of happiness over a troubled heart. She noticed the older man and frowned. "Who's that?"
Lesca grinned, "I forgot you'd never met. Yuna, this is your Uncle Cid, mom's brother. He's my Guardian."
Cid embraced her tenderly, ruffling her hair. "Hey kiddo. Good to finally meet ya."
She bowed deeply and much to her uncle's distaste made the sign of Yevon. "It is an honour to meet you, uncle."
"Yeah, well…" He scratched his head, overwhelmed by the Yevonite influence on his youngest niece.
Lesca sensed Cid's discomfort and addressed Yuna. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"
Yuna clapped a hand over her mouth before gesturing to her friends to join the small gathering. "Lesca, these are my friends. Chappu you've met, his older brother Wakka, and this is Lulu."
The woman waved at the assembled group a little sheepishly. "Hi!"
She received a mumbled reply in return as the teenagers tried to decide what to make of her sudden appearance. Her tongue darted out, wetting her lips nervously and she grinned at her younger sister. "So, you wanna meet me later on? We can do some catching up before I leave…"
Yuna thought for a moment. "Well, I'm going to watch Wakka and Chappu blitz just now, but I'm free after that."
"That's great, I've got to go to the temple anyway, so it'll be perfect timing. Um, I'll meet you here?" Lesca was taken aback by her own nervous enthusiasm.
Her sister bowed once more and smiled genteelly. "I can't wait. I missed you Lesca."
She moved to her friends and the adolescent giggling was carried back to Lesca on the breeze as they left. Lesca turned to Cid, a ghost of a smile on her lips. "The best thing that ever happened to her was coming here. I'm going to have a look around."
She left her uncle peering into the workings of something he claimed to be an ancient machina while she explored the tiny village. People smiled warmly at her as they passed, while greetings and gifts were proffered to Spira's new hope. The temple dominated the small town, towering above the ramshackle dwellings with marbled splendour. She tapped her staff idly against her leg as she entered the cool building, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the gloomy interior. The young summoner could not help but feel awed by the statues bathed in flickering candlelight, the forefathers of Yevonite devotion smiling down upon her. Lesca sensed the presence of someone behind her and she spun round, knocking the man off his feet. She shrugged apologetically and offered him her hand to help him up.
As the flame haired man stood he began to speak softly. "You are the Lady Lesca, are you not?"
"Just Lesca, but I am the one you speak of." She replied.
"I am Luzzu. I heard of your pilgrimage, my Lady." He bowed deeply and she blushed.
Lesca stifled her giggle as one of the priests glared at her. "There's no need for such formalities, Luzzu. Are you of the temple?"
The red head bobbed in acquiescence. "A newly minted warrior monk, Lady Summoner. I hear you have but one Guardian?"
She cocked her head to the side, eyeing him quizzically. "That's correct."
"I wish to offer my skills on behalf of Yevon, my Lady. The temple has blessed my Guardianship provided, of course, that you have need of me."
"I, are you sure? I mean, it would be an honour to have you join us Luzzu, truly." Lesca stammered, unsure as to how to reply to such an offer.
He bowed once more, offering up a prayer. "The honour is mine. Praise be to Yevon. May I accompany you through the trials just now, or would you rather wait until the other Guardian were present?"
She thought for a moment. "Well, I should really wait for Cid, but he's probably caught up in something or other. If you're willing we could go now."
"I'm more than willing, my Lady."
The summoner rolled her eyes and entered the cloister, her new Guardian in tow.
~*~*~
"You made a bad call. Your team lost because of you."
Tidus scowled at the man through the mop of flaxen hair. "So? What's it got to do with you?"
Auron paused; trying to articulate the newly acquired knowledge into something the boy would comprehend. "The time is coming where you will need to know which path is the right one to choose, only the right decision will mould your story appropriately. In life, there are no second chances; your life and the life of others will depend on your actions. Make the right call."
"I don't understand, Auron! Why you gotta be so damn cryptic?"
Auron threw him a warning look over his shoulder as he left the house. "Watch your mouth."
He flung open the door, inhaling the scent of the twilight Zanarkand as it surrounded him. One foot in front of the other, he moved steadily toward nowhere, the journey so ingrained onto his psyche he didn't need to think of the path. Long, even strides made short work of his small pilgrimage, the red coat swaying gently with his steps and the biting sea breeze. Auron shivered a little, gathering the robe tighter to his body as he mused on the irony that death was no release from the discomforts the living endure. The collar he had bought that morning offered some protection and he fastened it to his apparel, the warmth slowly but surely flooding back into his chilled bones. He sighed, his breath becoming suspended in a fog of dewy droplets; the only thing that reminded him of his still living death.
He was still acutely aware of his untimely demise, careful to the point of obsession to hide the condition from the son of Jecht. His body, knowing it no longer required the meaningless action of a heartbeat had shut down the heart and other useless organs all those years ago in Spira. He smirked as he recalled comforting Tidus on one of the many nights he was crying, the cerulean eyes widening in shock as he realised there was no pounding of relentless, rushing blood through the veins of the Guardian. The sheer panic at possible discovery had stirred the organ back into use and the boy had relaxed, the comforting rhythm lulling him to sleep in Auron's arms. In time, he had realised he could use the functions of the living as he willed. He clung on to what remained of his mortal life with a terrifying ferocity, forcing food down his gullet and air into his lungs in his battle to remain unsent and human. The pull of the Farplane was great on his tumultuous spirit even here.
The warrior sighed, his mind troubled by the revelations of the previous night. This spot had become something of a comfort to him in recent times; the rare, unparalleled view of the stars from the usually bustling Zanarkand metropolis soothed his tormented soul. He imagined at times that he could hear the voice of his beloved calling to him from across the serpentine waters, before disregarding the thoughts as ludicrous, dangerous flights of fancy. Last night, Sin had appeared in the brine to shock Auron from his reverie of the heavens. Sin was Jecht. Jecht had come home, if only for a short while. The red cloaked ronin had felt the desire of the man within the beast to take his son far from the dream he inhabited, give the boy a chance at the life he had experienced in Spira. Auron remembered shaking his head, whispering to the hulking form. "Not yet, he is but a child. Give me more time, he'll be ready then, we both will. I'll free you from this nightmare, Jecht."
It had paused before sinking back into the turbulent depths from whence it came, Auron exhaling a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. "Jecht, I'm sorry…"
~*~*~
Luzzu supported the summoner as she exited the temple, the staff trailing in the dirt as she struggled to maintain her tremulous grasp on consciousness. Cid rushed over to the pair, glaring at the man who dared lay a finger on his niece.
"What have you done to her? I swear I'll ki - "
Lesca looked up dazedly, waving a hand weakly to ward him off. "Cid, he's done nothing wrong. He's my new Guardian. We can't complete the pilgrimage with only the two of us. We need a third person. Luzzu offered his services."
The new Guardian nodded in agreement before assisting her to the inn, settling her as he braced himself to face Cid. The Al Bhed eyed him suspiciously, the red headed man nodding coolly as he approached the older man. "My name is Luzzu, I am a warrior monk here in Besaid. The temple has allowed me to help you and the Lady Summoner on the pilgrimage."
"Luzzu, eh? The name's Cid." The elder man walked toward the younger, scrutinising him until they were nose to nose. "I can see it in your eyes, boy. Don't get any ideas; she doesn't need anymore hurt, especially from another damn monk. She's as good as dead anyway. Keep yer hands to yerself and yer eyes on the road ahead." He emphasised his drawl, knowing it made him sound more intimidating.
Luzzu gulped, smiling nervously to show his agreement. The Al Bhed grunted and walked off, leaving the monk to contemplate his words. The blue mountain that was Kimahri stopped the older man in his tracks.
"Lesca receive visitors?"
Cid rolled his eyes. "No, she's not receiving any visitors. It takes a hell of a lot outta her to go through those damn trials. What do ya want with her?"
Kimahri looked down at the Al Bhed who refused to be intimidated by the man-beast. "Kimahri guard Yuna. Yuna missed Lesca. Why Lesca not here?"
"Well, it wasn't through choice. I'm Cid, the girl's uncle. Lesca's been staying with me."
"Why?" The Ronso asked simply.
Cid sighed and began to tell the Lesca's tale of woe, the hurt that had led her to the point of impending death. As he finished, he recognised compassion on the rough features of the gentle giant and he pleaded with Kimahri. "Keep it to yourself, no one else need know, especially not little Yuna. Let the ghosts of the past rest in peace."
Kimahri nodded. "Kimahri not tell. Cid has Kimahri's word."
~*~*~
Lesca looked down at the tear stained face of her sister and tried to keep her own tears at bay by biting her bottom lip, the metallic taste of blood invading her senses. She choked on a rising sob, smoothing Yuna's hair awkwardly.
"Yuna, please go! We'll see other again some day, I'll be watching over you from the Farplane. I, I can't bear seeing you like this…"
Yuna wrapped herself around Lesca, refusing to let go. "Then don't leave! Stay here with me Lescy!"
She shook her head sadly. "No. Yuna, be strong. No matter how sad you feel, remember that my Guardians and I do this for all of Spira. We're…kinda like Spira's ray of light y'know? We have to be happy on our journey because that happiness helps the people. You have to help me by being my Guardian here, keeping a smile on your face no matter what will ease my passage. Promise me you'll smile for me."
"I, I promise. Always."
Lesca nodded, kissing the top of Yuna's head before running up the gangplank. "Farewell, Yuna. I love you."
She allowed a tear to spill as she heard her sister's cry from the dock. "I love you, too! May Yevon bless your journey!"
Yevon? Fuck Yevon. My Guardians and myself will ensure the success of this pilgrimage, not some phoney deity who has taken everything from me.
She didn't dare stay on deck to wave to the masses as she departed; it had been too hard to leave Yuna once. To leave her twice would have broken her resolve to journey on to her doom. Instead, she wandered into the power room, losing herself in the motions of the wheels being turned by the chocobo's. She rested against the sweet smelling hay, closing her eyes as she hummed the Hymn of the Fayth. Even now it soothed her, invoking memories of happier times. The door to the room closed with a quiet click and she opened one eye to meet the nervous grin of Luzzu.
"My Lady, I was wondering where you got to."
She rubbed her temples. "Please Luzzu, it's grating me already. My name is Lesca."
"Very well…Lesca. I was pondering why one such as yourself would throw your life away, may I ask your reasons?"
Lesca smiled. "Trying to get to know your summoner a little better, eh? Ok. I've got nothing left to live for that's all. It's not so complicated."
"But why? You're young, beautiful; you have a great life ahead of you as the daughter of the High Summoner. How can you possibly have nothing to live for?"
"I have lost those whom I love. I died with them; just now I only survive. This isn't life, I crave my release. I want a proper death instead of this cursed half life."
Luzzu hesitated before taking her hand as she looked at him in confusion. "I can offer you the love you desire. I don't want to see you go to your death."
She frowned. "You've just met me, yet you claim to love me. You don't know me, but you don't want me to die. I don't understand."
"Do you believe in love at first sight?"
Do you believe in love at first sight? That there is only one person, a soul mate for everyone and when you find them you'll know from the second you see them that this is it, this is meant to be?
Lesca withdrew her hand, wincing as his face fell. "I do…but you aren't him. I met my soul mate. I married him. I lost him. I lost myself and I lost my way. I've found my path again, Luzzu, and it leads straight to him, to the Farplane. I'm sorry."
"It's quite alright. It was presumptuous of me. I still do not wish you to die, Lesca." Luzzu blushed.
"We don't always get what we wish for. It's sad fact of life. If you mean to disrupt the pilgrimage, try to hinder me, please leave us."
He shook his head, pulling himself up to his full height. "I will aid you. Anything I can do to make you happy shall be done, even if it means leading you like a lamb to the slaughter."
"Thank you."
I believe in love, in fate…is this meant to be? I believe so.
