Title: Thoughts of a Jedi
Rated: PG… for now.
Notes: This was completely inspired by Fyrie's "The Chronicles of Lucius Malfoy", a totally hilarious parody of "Bridget Jones' Diary", so go read it! I command thee!
Premise: If Obi-Wan Kenobi kept a diary, what would he write? Random thoughts from everyone's favorite Jedi hunk! This is set during Episode I (possibly with an Episode II sequal).
More Notes on Dates: I stink at dates, both real and imagined (O.o), so I'm just gonna guess on how they date things in the Star wars Universe. Bad me! I don't have a Star Wars chronology with me, so I have no way of getting the correct names for days, months, and so forth. So, for this diary (until one of you lovely reviewers corrects me), dates will go as follows: SM means Standard Month, so SM 1 is the first month of the year. BBY means Before the Battle of Yavin, and though I'm aware people pre-Yavin wouldn't know what this means, I like the term, so I'm using it. Episode I is set 21 years BBY (Obi-Wan is 25 in Episode I and 51 in Episode IV. You do the math), so the years in this diary are marked '21 BBY' …Phew.
Now, on to the actual diary! Buahaha!
SM 1/12/26 BBYMaster Yoda has suggested that I keep a journal of my daily exploits, particularly those pertaining to the Force. Hmph. It's just like him. Here's a Force-Related entry for you: Force willing I don't kill the little bugger for making me do this! Bloody elder. I respect him until he gets silly and does something like this. What do I look like, a journalist? Bugger the temple. I'm starting to sound like my Master.
Force, my master, I can't let him read any of this. If he saw it, he might take away my lightsaber. Hell. I'm not 13 anymore. I Like my Lightsaber. It's shiny and pretty and nice. I built it myself!
Damn. I'm actually writing in this thing. Actually, it's sort of nice. Nobody will take my lightsaber for writing rude things about the masters. For example:
Master Windu needs hair treatment. Does he suffer from premature balding or something? Hope it's not contagious. Note to self: Don't aspire to be on the council. All of them are bald, except the ladies, and I am not a lady. I like my hair. I may keep it cut short and spiky after I graduate as a Knight. My hair makes the young ladies swoon.
Too bad I can't take advantage of my sexy haircut. Not until I'm knighted, at least. I hope I don't get old and pruny before then.
I've written long enough. Maybe I can hide my journal and say I lost it. Yeah. Good plan.
SM 1/13/26 BBYBlast. Master found out about the journal. He told me it was my responsibility as a Jedi to write in it. Goody. He said he won't read it, and that's a relief. Master is an old fart! He's always getting into trouble with people. Blast him. Makes me look bad, figuratively of course. I'm sexy otherwise. I caught master Luminra looking at my arse today in the council meeting room. I don't know whether to feel flattered or creeped out. My attention was soon diverted, however, by Yoda and Master Windex. …If anyone finds this, I'm dead. Anyway, it seems me and my Master are going on another mission, to a planet called Naboo. Master advised me to write down the stats so I won't forget. Bugger it. I don't even need to know them. Might as well write it down anyway, in case someone finds this. With luck they'll see the boring planet stats and skim over my other entries.
Planet Name: Naboo
System: Naboo
Size: Small
Ecosystem: Mixed forests, grasslands, and swamps
Sentient Inhabitants: Humans, Gungans
Government System: Democratic Monarchy
Capital: Theed
What kind of stupid planet has a 'democratic monarchy'? That's an oxymoron, like 'smart rhodian'. I've heard of gungans, too: the perfect definition of 'pathetic life-form'. Me and my Master have to break up some trade dispute or something. I'm going along to save his arse with my lightsaber if we get into trouble.
Force, I love my lightsaber.
A/N: Well? Whacha think? Ideas on dating the entries would be appreciated. In fact, ideas on anything would be appreciated. Look forward to the next entries in a few days! …If I get enough reviews, that is. Oh! Yeah! And check out my website, www.templeofkenobi.com I'm collecting fanfictions for the archives. SEND ME STUFF!!!
