Okay, this took me about 20 minutes to write so I apologise if there are
any mistakes.
Chapter Two
(I see a lot of things that make me crazy
And I guess I held on to you
I could of run away and left
Well, maybe...
But it wasn't time we both knew)
Harry sat bolt upright in a cold sweat, panting. It had happened again. He'd had the same nightmare he'd been having for the past two weeks of the holidays.
He looked around his room at the Dursleys, and wiped the sweat from his brow. Swinging his legs out of bed he decided he'd had enough sleep for that night. Besides he'd done better than he usually did. Most of the time he'd wake up in the early hours and, looking at the clock, he was relieved to see the time as nearly 5.30.
He stood and paced the room a little, trying to shake the nightmare from his mind...the black veil...screams...Sirius' face...a black archway that would engulf him just before he woke up...
He shook his head violently and sat down on the chair by his desk and reread Remus Lupin's last letter to him, telling him a few things that had happened and promising to tell him everything when he saw him next because post could be intercepted by the wrong people. And telling him that if he ever needed to talk he, Remus, was there for him. Harry hadn't taken him up on that offer yet. He'd tried to keep his mind off what had happened. Tried to keep busy. It was only at night that the dreams came.
Harry knew that he was trying to hold onto something that he couldn't. He was trying not to think about it so he didn't have to deal with the fact that Sirius really was gone and he was never going to come back. Luna had made him feel better for a while but his sort of understanding hadn't lasted long and now that he was alone and had time to think he really didn't feel any better.
He kept considering writing to Remus about how he felt, except that he didn't know how he felt...some days he felt an overwhelming urge to cry, then on others he felt so angry that he would want to take on a troll or giant and know that he'd win.
A bustle of feathers made him look up to see Hedwig fly through the window and take her perch on the desk next to Harry. He stroked her and she nibbled on his fingers affectionately, knowing that he needed a friend.
"Hey Hedwig. Been hunting? Glad one of us can get out of the house and be free for a while." She squawked gently in answer and made Harry smile a little. Another flutter of wings and feathers made him look up again to see another owl swooping up to the window. At first he figured it was just another letter from Hermione, Ron or Remus, but then he realised that he'd never seen the owl before. He untied the letter, thanked the owl who abruptly left, and looked down at the writing.
It was an official letter, marked with an emblem he didn't know. He carefully tore open the envelope and pulled out two pieces of parchment, one longer than the other. Picking up the shorter one he read through it quickly and his heart leapt in something resembling excitement and fear at the same time. The letter was from some Wizarding Lawyer's firm and stated the handing over of a letter for a Mr. Harry Potter left in their care by a Mr. Sirius Black in the event of the latter's demise. Harry quickly picked up the other piece of parchment and unfolded it, his hands trembling. Sirius' scrawled writing appeared up at him.
*****
Harry,
If you're reading this, it must mean that I'm no longer a part of your world. It seems strange writing something that you will read when I'm no longer there. I wonder how you will feel when you get this. I'm hoping it will make you feel better as I probably died a quick death in the line of duty - I can hope at least - and that I probably never got a chance to talk to you before.
I had so much to tell you, so much to show you. I wish I could have been a part of your life like a Godfather should have been and I'm sorry that I wasn't and I'm sorry that I'm not there now with you. I just hope that that coward that calls himself a Wizard and that I once called friend also went with me, and if not I hope he soon gets what's coming to him.
You've grown into such a strong willed, loyal and headstrong man, Harry - more than I could ever hope. And I just hope that however I died, that you're not blaming yourself for it. I'm sure that I died in battle and honourably fighting for everything I believe. Nothing you could have done would have stopped me.
I also know that I probably won't have gotten my pardon before I die and I want you know that I don't care. I was free... in my head, I was always free. I'm glad I could be a part of your life for the short time I was. God, you reminded me so much of James and, even though I didn't believe Mrs. Weasley at the time, I did act like I'd just gotten my best friend back. But Harry, no matter how much alike you are to James, you never had any of his bad qualities - you had your mothers good qualities instead.
I want to ask you a favour Harry. I want you to keep an eye on Moony for me. No matter how strong he thinks he is, I know he's hurting. He was always the type to hide behind a book and facts instead of dealing with his feelings. I have a bad feeling that one day he'll just burst and go on a rampage. All I ask is that you just keep an eye on him for me. He needs a friend as much as I know you do right now. Talk to him, he can help. He was probably just as much a Godfather to you as I would have been. I was just the one with the title.
Just to let you know I've left you half my savings, I gave the rest to Remus - he sure needs some new things. Buy yourself something nice and have some fun with it.
I have another surprise for you as well. Down in the basement of my parents home - there's a secret door behind the old wine rack. My uncle stored all my old things there when I left home, before he was kicked out himself. You might find some interesting items back there.
I don't know what else to say, Harry. I'm just sad that I'll never get to see you grow up to be the man I know you're gonna be. So much better that any of us Marauders, well maybe not so much Remus - always the serious and sensible one out of the lot of us.
Have fun, stay safe and never stop believing in yourself.
Your ever present Godfather,
Sirius Black.
PS. Don't forget to give Severus hell from me. And don't take anything he says to heart. He's only jealous.
*****
Harry sat back and stared at the letter. A weight seemed to have lifted off his shoulders. He felt now that maybe he was able to face up to what's happened and maybe even talk about it. Like Sirius said Professor Lupin was probably going through the same thing - if not worse seeing as Sirius had actually been one of his best friends.
Making a decision, he pulled out some parchment, grabbed his quill and started writing.
(So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the love you gave me through all the years
Will take away these tears It's okay now...
Goodbye my friend)
Chapter Two
(I see a lot of things that make me crazy
And I guess I held on to you
I could of run away and left
Well, maybe...
But it wasn't time we both knew)
Harry sat bolt upright in a cold sweat, panting. It had happened again. He'd had the same nightmare he'd been having for the past two weeks of the holidays.
He looked around his room at the Dursleys, and wiped the sweat from his brow. Swinging his legs out of bed he decided he'd had enough sleep for that night. Besides he'd done better than he usually did. Most of the time he'd wake up in the early hours and, looking at the clock, he was relieved to see the time as nearly 5.30.
He stood and paced the room a little, trying to shake the nightmare from his mind...the black veil...screams...Sirius' face...a black archway that would engulf him just before he woke up...
He shook his head violently and sat down on the chair by his desk and reread Remus Lupin's last letter to him, telling him a few things that had happened and promising to tell him everything when he saw him next because post could be intercepted by the wrong people. And telling him that if he ever needed to talk he, Remus, was there for him. Harry hadn't taken him up on that offer yet. He'd tried to keep his mind off what had happened. Tried to keep busy. It was only at night that the dreams came.
Harry knew that he was trying to hold onto something that he couldn't. He was trying not to think about it so he didn't have to deal with the fact that Sirius really was gone and he was never going to come back. Luna had made him feel better for a while but his sort of understanding hadn't lasted long and now that he was alone and had time to think he really didn't feel any better.
He kept considering writing to Remus about how he felt, except that he didn't know how he felt...some days he felt an overwhelming urge to cry, then on others he felt so angry that he would want to take on a troll or giant and know that he'd win.
A bustle of feathers made him look up to see Hedwig fly through the window and take her perch on the desk next to Harry. He stroked her and she nibbled on his fingers affectionately, knowing that he needed a friend.
"Hey Hedwig. Been hunting? Glad one of us can get out of the house and be free for a while." She squawked gently in answer and made Harry smile a little. Another flutter of wings and feathers made him look up again to see another owl swooping up to the window. At first he figured it was just another letter from Hermione, Ron or Remus, but then he realised that he'd never seen the owl before. He untied the letter, thanked the owl who abruptly left, and looked down at the writing.
It was an official letter, marked with an emblem he didn't know. He carefully tore open the envelope and pulled out two pieces of parchment, one longer than the other. Picking up the shorter one he read through it quickly and his heart leapt in something resembling excitement and fear at the same time. The letter was from some Wizarding Lawyer's firm and stated the handing over of a letter for a Mr. Harry Potter left in their care by a Mr. Sirius Black in the event of the latter's demise. Harry quickly picked up the other piece of parchment and unfolded it, his hands trembling. Sirius' scrawled writing appeared up at him.
*****
Harry,
If you're reading this, it must mean that I'm no longer a part of your world. It seems strange writing something that you will read when I'm no longer there. I wonder how you will feel when you get this. I'm hoping it will make you feel better as I probably died a quick death in the line of duty - I can hope at least - and that I probably never got a chance to talk to you before.
I had so much to tell you, so much to show you. I wish I could have been a part of your life like a Godfather should have been and I'm sorry that I wasn't and I'm sorry that I'm not there now with you. I just hope that that coward that calls himself a Wizard and that I once called friend also went with me, and if not I hope he soon gets what's coming to him.
You've grown into such a strong willed, loyal and headstrong man, Harry - more than I could ever hope. And I just hope that however I died, that you're not blaming yourself for it. I'm sure that I died in battle and honourably fighting for everything I believe. Nothing you could have done would have stopped me.
I also know that I probably won't have gotten my pardon before I die and I want you know that I don't care. I was free... in my head, I was always free. I'm glad I could be a part of your life for the short time I was. God, you reminded me so much of James and, even though I didn't believe Mrs. Weasley at the time, I did act like I'd just gotten my best friend back. But Harry, no matter how much alike you are to James, you never had any of his bad qualities - you had your mothers good qualities instead.
I want to ask you a favour Harry. I want you to keep an eye on Moony for me. No matter how strong he thinks he is, I know he's hurting. He was always the type to hide behind a book and facts instead of dealing with his feelings. I have a bad feeling that one day he'll just burst and go on a rampage. All I ask is that you just keep an eye on him for me. He needs a friend as much as I know you do right now. Talk to him, he can help. He was probably just as much a Godfather to you as I would have been. I was just the one with the title.
Just to let you know I've left you half my savings, I gave the rest to Remus - he sure needs some new things. Buy yourself something nice and have some fun with it.
I have another surprise for you as well. Down in the basement of my parents home - there's a secret door behind the old wine rack. My uncle stored all my old things there when I left home, before he was kicked out himself. You might find some interesting items back there.
I don't know what else to say, Harry. I'm just sad that I'll never get to see you grow up to be the man I know you're gonna be. So much better that any of us Marauders, well maybe not so much Remus - always the serious and sensible one out of the lot of us.
Have fun, stay safe and never stop believing in yourself.
Your ever present Godfather,
Sirius Black.
PS. Don't forget to give Severus hell from me. And don't take anything he says to heart. He's only jealous.
*****
Harry sat back and stared at the letter. A weight seemed to have lifted off his shoulders. He felt now that maybe he was able to face up to what's happened and maybe even talk about it. Like Sirius said Professor Lupin was probably going through the same thing - if not worse seeing as Sirius had actually been one of his best friends.
Making a decision, he pulled out some parchment, grabbed his quill and started writing.
(So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the love you gave me through all the years
Will take away these tears It's okay now...
Goodbye my friend)
