I Played the fool today

And I

Can see us vanishing into the crowd

Longing for home again

But home

Is a feeling I buried in you

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

And I can't ask for things to be still again

No I can't ask for you

To offer the world through your eyes

Longing for home again

But home

Is a feeling I buried in you

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

My window through which

Nothing hides

And everything sings

I'm counting the signs

And cursing the miles in between
Greenwheel- "Breathe"
The Departure of Boromir

The Fellowship had been gone for 11 days. As the afternoon sun gave way to the evening sky, a sudden heaviness settled over Celebruthiel's heart. Her first thought was of Legolas and his death. But she was uncertain. Fate could not be so cruel as to leave her guessing, as her love lay dead. She desperately clung to that hope, even though deep in the pit of her stomach, she wasn't quite so certain. She spent the first part of the evening pacing the bedroom she'd shared with Legolas. Though she had assured her parents she would return to the big house once the Fellowship had continued on their journey, she could not bear to leave the place where she felt Legolas' presence the most closely. And so she paced in a desperate attempt to gleam some sort of knowledge from the very air bristling around her. She finally sighed, frustrated in her futile attempts to reach Legolas or Aragorn with her mind. There was a darkness surrounding them, like a thick, damp fog and she could not penetrate it with her mind.

Celebruthiel left the talon and returned to her parents' home, seeking out her mother. She prayed on the short distance she traveled to reach them that her mother would have better luck, that she would have some news. Celebruthiel found her mother standing on the veranda outside her father's study. Her back was to the doorway and she stood still, looking out over her city. Celebruthiel watched her silently, looking for a sign to relieve her fears. But her mother's tense stance offered none.

"You sense it also, do you not?" Galadriel asked softly, startling Celebruthiel. She hadn't been certain her mother was aware of her presence.

"Yes, though I do not know what IT is," Celebruthiel whispered as she stepped onto the veranda and joined her mother. "I feel something terrible has happened to them and pray Legolas is safe. Please tell me you know more than this." She clutched her mother's arm as she spoke.

Galadriel turned to her daughter and smiled sadly as she patted Mirriel's hand. "The Fellowship has separated. And the man is dead."

Celebruthiel paled and felt suddenly faint. "Dead?" she whispered. "No, you must be wrong. Please tell me you are wrong." Galadriel shook her head sadly. "Oh no. I must leave. I must go to Arwen. She will need me."

"Arwen? What does Arwen have to do with this?" Galadriel asked, clearly surprised. "I did not realize either of you were close to the Heir of Gondor."

"Gondor?" Celebruthiel asked softly, shaking her head, trying to determine exactly what her mother was attempting to tell her. "I do not understand." Then realization dawned on Celebruthiel and she felt an overwhelming relief settle over her briefly. "Boromir," she whispered. "Not Aragorn." She paused as Galadriel's eyes narrowed sharply on her daughter's face. "What of the others?"

"They have split. Frodo continues on with the quest while the others track the Halfings," Galadriel responded, watching Muriel closely. She was worried of Mirriel's reaction when she discovered Orcs had taken the Hobbit, Pippin, captive.

Celebruthiel's head rose suddenly to her mother's face as the relief she'd felt only moments before burst. "What are you saying?"

"Two of the Halflings have been taken captive and Aragorn, your husband, and the Dwarf pursue. News has reached us of a new breed of Orcs, ones that can travel by daylight. The Fellowship was set upon by them, the Man was killed defending the Halflings, and they were taken," Galadriel explained with such decisiveness, void of any emotion. Celebruthiel stared at her mother, wondering how she could be so detached from what was occurring around them. "Mirriel, my only concern lies with the Ring. Everything else is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Our very lives are meaningless and expendable if it brings about the Rings destruction. You must understand this. For the Ring to be destroyed, some must die. That is the way of it," Galadriel explained softly as she reached out to gently touch her daughter's arm.

Celebruthiel shook her head. Her mind understood the rational of her mother's words, but her heart just couldn't grasp it. To her mother, these were just names and faces. But Celebruthiel's heart was involved. Not only was her husband involved in this Quest, but also a man she considered her brother, and several others she now considered friends.

"Would you speak the same words if Lothlorien had more at stake? If it was your people going into the unknown, would you still say some must die?" she asked.

"Mirriel, I have seen war before. Always some do not return. That is the way of things," Galadriel murmured softly as she stroked her daughter's arm in an attempt to sooth her.

"I just can not accept that," Celebruthiel replied hoarsely. No, she could not tolerate such an event. Legolas and Aragorn must return.

"I am sorry, Mirriel. I did not realize the turn of events would affect you this way. I did not expect you to have developed such deep ties to those sent to destroy the Ring."

"What do you mean?" Celebruthiel asked, though one look upon her mother's face spoke volumes. "You knew," she hissed. "You knew this would happen! How could you let them go without warning them?"

"I did what I could. Our part in this is over. Once Mithrandir slipped into shadow, your role ended." Galadriel paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "What should I have told them, anyway? That Boromir from Gondor would try to steal the Ring from the Halfling and in doing so, insure his death."

"Yes, maybe that is exactly what you should have done," Cerebruthiel yelled defiantly. She pulled away from her mother, an anger filling her like she had never experienced.

"And what if that action changed the course of events? What if someone was meant to die? Would you rather take the risk of it being your husband, or Aragorn, whom you are so fond of? You, of all those on Middle Earth, should understand the dilemma I felt." Celebruthiel looked at her mother in surprise. "Do not think the confusion you felt over what to tell them of the things you had seen slipped past me."

And with that statement, the anger Celebruthiel had felt only moments before evaporated. Her mother was right. Neither of them knew how their involvement would affect the Quest- for good or bad.

"I am sorry, Mother," Celebruthiel whispered as she ran to Galadriel, throwing herself into her mother's arms. "It is just so hard. I know I can do nothing to change what is to be, but that does not mean I want to accept this. I made a vow to Legolas that if anything happened to Aragorn and himself, I would sail West, and convince Arwen to go with me. I do not know how I can keep this vow."

Galadriel did not let the mention of Arwen slip past her notice again. "I understand it would be difficult for you, but you would have no life here without Legolas. This is something you must come to terms with before such an event should occur." Galadriel lifted Mirriel's head from her shoulder and gently stroked her cheek. "Now tell me what Arwen's involvement is in all this," Galadriel demanded softly.

Tears slowly slid down Celebruthiel's cheeks and she pulled away from Galadriel. "I should not be the one to tell you," she whispered. Celebruthiel turned to glance over the veranda railing, watching the inhabitants of Galadrim weaving through the trees going here and there. "If Aragorn survives his destiny, Arwen will not be sailing West with the Elves. She will remain behind until death consumes her." Celebruthiel paused at her mother's gasp. She turned her head to look at Galadriel. "I have to say I am surprised you did not read the truth in Aragorn's eyes. The guilt is there for everyone to see."

"Maybe I did not want to see," Galadriel murmured. She did not fool herself into believing she had overlooked the truth of Mirriel's words. She realized now it had been before her all this time. She had just refused to see it, because it doing so, she would have been forced to accept her granddaughter's decision.

Celebruthiel nodded at her mother's admission. "Now you understand my perspective concerning Aragorn. My feelings of kinship aside, if Arwen gets her way, Aragorn will be part of this family. And I truly believe only death will sway her from this path, whether Aragorn's or hers, I do not know."

"And did you do nothing to try to dissuade her?" Galadriel asked evenly.

"Mother, I did not see the harm in Arwen's choice. Unlike you and Elrond, I was kept in the dark concerning some pertinent facts." Celebruthiel glanced at her mother from the corner of her eye and caught Galadriel's sheepish look at her daughter's statement. "Though even if I had known, I still would have done nothing. Arwen has every right to make her own choices. And in this instance, her heart chose Aragorn. I cannot fault her for knowing her own heart anymore than I can for knowing mine. And as for Aragorn, I understand his position in all this. I did not have the strength to send Legolas away from me even though I still think it would have been the correct thing. He would not now be risking his life for me if I had sent him back to Mirkwood when I had the chance."

"I think you are wrong concerning the determination of your husband," Galadriel stated, placing a hand on her daughter arms. "He would have gone with the Halfling just to prove to you his intentions. He is just as stubborn as you are, my dear. The little I gleamed from his mind during our first meeting confirmed this to me. He also found himself set on a course he refused to detour from. Your father is also a stubborn one, as is Elrond. I fear the females in this family are destined to love hardheaded Elves," Galadriel said with a sigh.

Celebruthiel laughed at her mother's forlorn look. "Then you should understand Arwen's position." Celebruthiel paused as her mother smiled, but nothing she said eased the worry from Galadriel's face. "Mother, what good is eternal life if you have no one to share it with, if the man you love, the only one you have ever loved or ever will, cannot spend it with you. Wouldn't you rather have what time you could together, than none at all? I know I would." Celebruthiel's thoughts wandered once again to the vow she had given Legolas. She still was not certain it was one she could follow through with, or that she even wanted to. She would rather follow him into death than spend the rest of eternity without him.

"And if there was a child, would you still feel the same way?" Galadriel asked softly.

Celebruthiel shot a surprised glance in her mother's direction. "Why are you asking me of this?"

Galadriel was surprised by her daughter's reaction to her question. It was at that moment that Galadriel realized Mirriel had given that exact scenario some thought. "I do not sense anything different about you this day. Am I mistaken?" she asked quietly.

Celebruthiel shook her head, tears glimmering in her eyes. "You are not mistaken," she whispered sadly. "I do not think Legolas was willing to leave me with child."

"Oh Mirriel, did you not discuss it with him? I cannot believe Legolas would have been unwilling if he was aware a child was important to you. I would think it would bring comfort to him knowing you would flee this World if you had a child to protect."

Celebruthiel shrugged. "Maybe I was afraid to speak of this with him. I do not know," she murmured softly as she turned from her mother. Celebruthiel was embarrassed to be speaking of such things with Galadriel, for she knew deep in her heart, the main reason she had not spoken the words to Legolas before he left her was because she was selfish. She wasn't completely certain even a child would prevent her from following Legolas into death. And she was not about to leave a child behind. From her own experience, she knew how difficult it was to be without a mother. But at least she had had her father. No child should be abandoned by both parents. It was not fair.

Galadriel nodded as she realized this was a topic Mirriel did not wish to confide in her about. And while she thought she understood her daughter's reasons, she didn't want to press the issue to discover if she was correct.

"Mirriel, you should rest now. This has been a difficult day for us all. And you do not need to worry over my interference concerning Arwen. She has made her choice and whether or not she is prepared to deal with the consequences, that is up to her. But I would not mention this to your father. I fear he would not react as calmly to such news."

Celebruthiel nodded as she kissed her mother's cheek. She could just see her father sending Lorien warriors after Aragorn. That thought brought a smile to her lips. Yes, her father would most certainly overreact, both of them would. Her own affairs suddenly seemed so much simpler than that of her baby sister and Celebruthiel felt she had gained some perspective to help her get through the dark days.
****
Three days and two long nights passed slowly by after Celebruthiel learned the news of Boromir's death and the capture of Pippin and Merry. During the day, Haldir, pressed into action by his promise to Legolas and his concern for Celebruthiel, enlisted the aid of his brothers in occupying her every waking moment with nonessential tasks. The three managed to keep Celebruthiel busy enough to prevent her mind from wondering and worrying about the progress of the members of the disbanded Fellowship. But the nights left Celebruthiel alone. So it was during the darkest hours that Celebruthiel lay in bed, eyes closed, and let her mind wander over the mountains and the plains, vainly searching for Legolas. And each morning she would awake more depressed than the day before for there was a darkness surrounding the three like a thick damp fog that prevented Celebruthiel from reaching him.

On that Third day, Celebruthiel said a small prayer of thanks for Haldir as she retired to her home for the evening. She realized without his interference, she would be going insane with worry. As it was, she felt she was holding on by a thread, one that was stretched so thin that it was starting to fray. As Celebruthiel removed her mantle and sat in her shift, brushing her hair, she wondered how she was going to get through the days and months ahead. She was not certain if it was the separation or the just not knowing that had her in such a downward spiral.

With a sigh, Celebruthiel set down her brush and crawled into bed. Even as she settled down and closed her eyes, she wondered why she was even bothering. She knew she was just setting herself up for more disappointment. Celebruthiel reached across the bed, pulling Legolas' pillow against her chest and silently called out his name. With a sudden jolt and a sharp cry, she realized he was with her again. And she saw all he had been through since leaving her. Seeing Boromir, after death had taken him, brought tears to her eyes. And realizing the guilt Legolas felt over the capture of Merry and Pippin caused those tears to roll down her cheeks. After 3 days of endless pursuit, they finally stopped to rest for the night. Against his better judgment, Legolas accepted the consensus of his two companions even though he was certain stopping would pull the two Halflings completely out of their reach.

Celebruthiel finally understood why she had not been able to reach Legolas. His constant movement and lack of rest had prevented her mind from connecting with his. She found a small amount of comfort in the knowledge that while she was certain the time would stretch long before she was able to find him again, she was aware of the reason for the prolonged absence, that it was not necessarily death.

"You must break the link, Legolas," she whispered silently, her mind speaking the words her mouth could not. "You should rest."

"I cannot," he replied softly. "Knowing you are with me gives my spirit peace, something that has been missing since leaving Lothlorien's borders. There is a foul will over the land, Kala, one that causes a weariness like I've never felt. It has settled over my heart and gets only stronger the farther North we travel. Aragorn believes it to be the treachery of Saruman. And I am inclined to believe this as the Orcs we hunt carry his mark, a white S."

"We have heard news of Orcs that can travel under the suns rays. If it is true and these are the work of Saruman, I will try to persuade my father to take some action against Saruman's blatant betrayal," she responded in vigorous determination. Celebruthiel felt if she must stay behind, she would make herself useful in any way she could. That meant continuing to attempt to sway her father from the course he had set upon.

"I am sorry, Kala," Legolas said in a tone filled with despair. "I fear I have let the Halflings slip through my fingers. I should have pressed on, but I dare not leave my companions behind."

"Do not even think to do such a thing!" she insisted. "There was nothing you could have done to prevent their capture, short of dying for them. Now you must be the eyes and ears for Aragorn and Gimli. Lead them in the right direction and you will find Pippin and Merry."

"I only hope we are not too late," he mumbled.

"If you are going to think that way, you might as well turn around now. What is the point of pursuing if you do not believe you stand a chance of succeeding? You must do what you can, my love, and rest assured in the knowledge that you did your best," Celebruthiel whispered, reaching out, wanting to run her hand across his pale smooth cheek.

Legolas moved his face, as if leaning into her touch, feeling the solace she offered spanning the distance separating them. "Your Hobbit is not as silly as we all believed," he murmured. "He has managed to leave a trail for us, first his brooch and then several pieces of his cloak, so we are certain they haven't killed them yet. Though we did find 5 Northern Orcs dead yesterday. These were clearly not from Isengard. We can only hope Merry and Pippin weren't hurt in the foray."

"Hope is all we have left, my love," she whispered as she snuggled into his pillow as if it was the crook of his neck. "Do you remember the first time I saw you across my father's hall, sitting between Elladan and Elrohir?"

"Yes," he responded softly. "I found the way you looked at me from behind the pillar rather amusing. I was certain in my youthful vanity that you had to be fascinated with me. So I could not understand why when I finally thought I would favor you by seeking you out, you ran from me. My pride was bruised and so when I saw you the next day in the courtyard, I thought to teach you a lesson. Thankfully, before I could reach you, my father interceded."

"Teach me a lesson, were you?" she teased. "And exactly what were you planning?"

"I thought to encourage you to approach me and then turn my back on you. I was not so spiteful as to want to humiliate you in front of others. Even then, before I was aware of who you were, I wanted to protect you. I had already decided that you were to be mine," Legolas stated as he recalled his reaction to her that morning. She'd been sitting at the fountain, a book in hand. So engrossed had she been that he was not even certain if she was aware he was watching her. Her long silver hair had been braided back away from her face, giving him a clear view of how she chewed on her bottom lip as she read. He'd been ready to prance in front of her, anticipating her encouraging reaction, only to be stopped by his father's approach.

"Legolas, we need to speak," Thranduil had said to him as he approached. Legolas had glanced back at the object of his fascination to see Lord Elrond now sitting beside her. Surprised by this, Legolas had turned back to his father. "I have made a betrothal agreement on your behalf with Lord Elrond. You are to marry his daughter when the time is right."

"What!" Legolas had exclaimed. "How could you do such a thing? She is just an infant."

"Not that daughter," Thranduil had said sharply, nodding his head toward the now approaching Lord Elrond and daughter. "And I expect no gainsaying on this matter. You will not embarrass me, Legolas," Thranduil had demanded, his tone indicating if Legolas did so, he would regret it wholeheartedly. Thranduil was a hard Elf and Legolas had no doubts that his father would unleash his full wrath upon him if he voiced even the slightest protest.

So Legolas turned toward the direction his father was facing. "And there you were, walking toward me with Lord Elrond. I briefly thought my father was playing some sort of cruel trick on me, that I had displeased him somehow. I quickly dismissed that notion as I knew Lord Elrond would never involve one of his own in such sport."

" I can see that day so clearly. I knew at that very moment that my life would never be the same again. I was so truly frightened, being placed directly in front of you and being forced to speak to you. I thought you the most beautiful of creatures I had ever looked upon and felt so inferior beside you. Then you took my hand in yours and I just knew fate had intervened."

"Yes, I grasped your hand in greeting. Then I looked into your eyes and I was ensnared," Legolas whispered, reliving that moment when he'd realized his heart was no longer his own. "Is it not the oddest thing, knowing in that one moment, the turn your life must take to achieve happiness, while just only moments before, you were completely content alone?"

Celebruthiel giggled softly. "And then you insisted we walk around the courtyard. I tried to find a way for you to release my hand without insulting you, but you just refused to let go. I was absolutely mortified. I had not idea what to say to you and was certain you left that day thinking I was a fool."

"I might have, if not for Elrohir," he replied, a slight smile curving his lips.

"Elrohir?" she questioned, surprised as in all the years that had past, Legolas had never mentioned her brother before.

"While you have never been particularly close, know he loves you, Kala. He assured me that you are not a simpleton and not to get used to your good nature." Legolas laughed, recalling the encounter. Even though Elrohir had tried to appear the inattentive brother, he had given himself away with his next comment. "'She is shy and unfamiliar with the opposite sex. Give her time and treat her gently,' he said to me. And I never forgot those words he spoke."

"I never would have guessed any sentiment coming from Elrohir. He has always been a warrior at heart." Celebruthiel paused as she gave some thought to her brother's words. "Maybe we are more alike then I had ever realized. We were just never willing to bend to the other."

"It is not too late," Legolas whispered.

"You are correct, it is not. I will need to thank him because you came back. At the time I couldn't understand why, but you did. When I looked down and saw you riding through the gate, I could not believe my eyes. I thought you must surely be bringing news for my father, for my mind could not conceive any other reason for your return. But when you looked up and met my eyes, I knew you'd come back for me. I almost fainted right there in front of Elladan. If he had not made some obnoxious remark, I probably would have."

"Of course I came back. There was nothing that could have kept me away, Kala. I wanted to be with you every minute of every day and the separation was almost more than I could bear some days. But on those days, you always seemed to know, because you would suddenly appear in Mirkwood, either with Mithrandir or Aragorn."

"I have a confession to make. In the beginning, I would insist Mithrandir travel with me, making up some silly excuse, because I was terrified of arriving in Mirkwood alone. I was so afraid your people would see I was not good enough for you. I am certain Mithrandir knew this, because he never questioned my reasons, though some of them were so ridiculous, he should have." Celebruthiel laughed. "Even then, Mithrandir loved the adventure of it." She felt a sudden sadness fall over Legolas. "What is it?" she asked.

"Have you heard any news from my father?" Legolas asked almost reluctantly.

"No I have not. I will send word to Imladris on the morrow, asking after your father. If my father has not heard anything from Mirkwood, I will demand he send a scout requesting news. Is there anything you would like me to forward?"

"Just tell him I am well. And let him know that we are married if Elrond has not already. I did not get a chance to send word of our union before I left."

"I will do so, my love."

"I must go. Daylight is breaking. I love you, Kala." Then the link was broken and he was gone. Celebruthiel pulled the pillow closer to her body and smiled into it as the first rays of dawn broke through the trees.