Sapphire Deranged

This is my first fic here ever. Be nice pleeeeaaseeeee. I was bored and every channel on TV showed the same boring financial advisor electing show. So I wrote this. The Pokemon starred in this story are in my Sapphire version team.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. I would have owned the plot, if it were a good one. But it isn't, so IT'S NOT MINE! Umm... hehehe...

Cast:

Storm~ A relaxed and wisecracking Blaziken. He's the starter and thinks he is important.

Glacier~ A Delcatty who hates disorder and can never take a joke.

Cascade~ The ever-happy Pelipper who acts half his age. Thinks Marsh is his friend.

Marsh~ A Beautifly who is ungrateful and thinks the others are losers.

Soulbound~ A showy and unintentionally cross-dressing Gardevoir.

Zephyr~ An Absol that hates work of any kind but is very friendly nonetheless.

Cati~ Their insane trainer who gets frustrated easily.

*****

(The Pokemon are lazing around in Cati's room. Cati bursts through the door looking angry)

Cati: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THOSE BROADCASTERS WON'T SHOW ANYTHING BUT THE FINANCIAL ADVISOR ELECTION THINGY!

Zephyr: Zzzzz...

Storm: Zzzz...

Glacier: Zzzzz...

Soulbound: Do you think this dress looks good on me?

Cati: ARE YOU LISTENI- CASCADE! PUT THOSE DOWN!

Cascade: (eating peppercorns) Huh?

Marsh: Keep eating.

Cati: MARSH DON'T PICK ON CASCADE!

Marsh: I'm NOT picking on him! (Drops 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' on Cascade from the top bookshelf)

Cascade: OW! (faints)

Cati: ...ARE YOU LISTENING?

Glacier: (snaps awake) Yes?

Marsh: (Drops a rock on Glacier) Oops...

Glacier: OW! (faints)

Cati: NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! NOW I HAVE TO WALK ALL THE WAY TO THE POKEMON CENTER! IN THE RAIN!

Storm: (wakes up) I didn't know it was raining.

Marsh: That shows how much you know.

Cati: I WROTE THIS, AND I SAY IT'S RAINING!

Cascade: (magically revived) Its raining, its pouring, the Snorlax is snor- Marsh sing with me! ^^

Marsh: NO! Why can't it be sunny?

Cati: Because that would make you happy.

Marsh: So?

All: . . .

Storm: If you were happy, everyone else in the world wouldn't.

Zephyr: (yawn) Wazzap?

All: ... (silence)

Soulbound: HEY! There's a Beedrill in this pocket!

Cati: Right. How the heck would I fit a Beedrill into my fifth grade uniform pocket?

Soulbound: Because you're the au- this is fifth grade uniform?

Beedrill: (emerges from uniform)

(Freeze frame: Everyone standing still until lighting flashes and...)

All: AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!

Chaos: (happens)

Cati: (hanging off light fixture) Waita sec. Why are we running? I have Pokemon who can fry that Beedrill.

Storm: YAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Wild BEEDRILL came out of uniform pocket!)

Pokemon: ...

(Go Zephyr!)

Zephyr: I can't believe you would say something like that Cati! Be ashamed.

Cati: I am. NOW GET YOUR LAZY SELF OUT THERE!

Zephyr: That's more like it.

(Zephyr used Ice Beam!)

Beedrill: (runs around screaming like a kid)

All: ...

Beedrill: (stops suddenly) Alright, now get ready to taste my-

(Beedrill used Harden!)

(Beedrill's attack missed!)

Zephyr: What the-

Marsh: That isn't even possible!

Soulbound: It's 'failed' not 'missed'.

Cati: I just like picking evolutions of those wormy Pokemon. They look funny.

Marsh: I DEMMAND RESPECT!

Glacier: (Thunderbolts Marsh) THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR THROWING A ROCK AT ME!

Beedrill: (gets ready again) (murderous glare)

Storm: Uhh...

Beedrill: (Raises needle things)

Storm: ...

Cascade: Marsh didn't mean to hurt me, right? ^______^

Marsh: Yes I did.

Cascade: See? She said 'yes'.

Beedrill: (needles glow)

Storm: GUYS!?!

Zephyr: And girls.

Marsh: SEE? YOU DON'T RESPECT ME!

(Beedrill used teleport!)

(Scenery changes to... lets say Fallarbor Town.)

Glacier: Why Fallarbor?

Cati: I LIKE Fallarbor. And there isn't a gym so I don't have to do human dialogue.

Pokemon: ...

Cati: Forget it.

(Meanwhile, in the depths of the mind of our favorite psychotic butterfly, we have a startling realization.)

Marsh: The Beedrill teleported us to Fallarbor.

Cati: So?

Marsh: One, Beedrills don't learn teleport. Two, teleport transports THE USER.

Cati: So?

Marsh: Auuugghh... (flies away)

(Time passes. Its... in the evening.)

Marsh: I'll get a new trainer. Cati will regret that.

Stupid trainer: (emerges from bushes)

Stupid trainer's POV: (Wild female butterfly Pokemon appeared!)

Stupid trainer: WOW! (throws Pokeball)

Marsh: AHA!

Stupid trainer's POV: (You captured... that butterfly!)

(Later...)

(Stupid trainer has a Metapod and a Rattata.)

Marsh: So... how's life?

Metapod: What do you mean by 'life'?

Marsh: Ho boy... I wonder if I should be worrying about Cati and the others... They must be worried or something...

(Cati and co in their secret base)

Cati: SOULBOUND! USE PSYCHIC!

Souldbound: (defeats a... level 2 Spinda.) I'M KING OF THE WORLD!

Glacier: I feel something is missing...

Storm: You're right! We forgot the pizza! (pizza magically appears on table) Is everyone here?

Cascade: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Lets see. Trainers can only have six Pokemon so everyone is here ^^

Cati: I have taught you well.

(Back to Marsh)

Marsh: Maybe not.

Stupid Trainer's Rattata: Our trainer is going to challenge the Rustboro City gym leader!

Marsh: Fallarbor isn't even NEAR Rustboro!

Metapod: We know. But since any gym leader would clobber us, don't tell our trainer.

Marsh: AND THAT ISN'T A TRAINER! IT'S A LIVING ROCK WEARING CLOTHES!

Stupid trainer: I'm hungry. I have no food.

Metapod: Eat this insolent bug!

Marsh: I am NOT an insolent bug you uh... insolent bug!

Stupid Trainer: (looks at Marsh hungrily)

Marsh: 0_0 EEEP!

(Meanwhile...)

Cascade: Marsh is gone.

All: Huh?

Cati: Oh... darn... I guess we better look for her?

Storm: Nah, lets leave-

Cascade: LETS GO FIND MARSH!

(They set off. Three minutes later...)

Soulbound: I think I see Marsh.

Stupid Trainer: OW! GET OUT OF MY HAIR!

Marsh: 0_0 No!

Soulbound: I think that's her.

Zephyr: So what do we do now?

Soulbound: I dunno. Cati, what do we do?

Cati: Go get him.

Storm: Okay. How?

Cati: I guess you can go rip him off the trainer's head.

Zephyr: Is that a strenuous activity? My doctor says I can't do those.

Cati: You don't have a doc- I'll just go get her myself. (gets out Pokeballs)

All [other than Glacier]: NOOOOO!

Souldbound: Goodbye, cruel, harsh world!

Storm: I'll go get him! I'll be good! PLEEEEEAASEE...

Zephyr: At least grant me my last request and give me a pillow!

Glacier: Actually, a Premier ball is pretty good.

Cati: (insane laughter) MUAHAHAH! (throws Pokeballs)

Pokemon: (vanish into Pokeballs)

Cati's Pokemon: ...

Cati: Ehehe... (lets random wild Pokemon out of Pokeballs) Return.

(Cati's Pokemon return)

Stupid Trainer: OW! STOP PULLING MY HAIR!

Cati: ...

Marsh: CATI! I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER COME! (flies over to Cati, covered in ST's hair)

Stupid Trainer: Are you going to eat that?

Cati: (funny look) No way, its covered in YOUR hair.

Stupid Trainer: What's wrong with my hair?

Cati: Everything.

Stupid Trainer: Oh.

(Cati and Marsh walk off and Cati returns Marsh)

Cati: We need a change of scenery. But we don't have a Beedrill!

Glacier: (inside Pokeball) Use fly, you idiot.

Cati: I can't fly!

Glacier: Use your Pelipper.

Cati: How in the world am I supposed to ride on him?

Glacier: You can Surf on a Tentacool and Fly on a Pidgey and that doesn't bother anyone. And you writing about a Beedrill with teleport isn't too realistic either.

Cati: I wrote about a Beedrill with teleport?

Glacier: MAKE THE FREAKING PELIPPER USE FLY!

(Cascade used FLY!)

Cati: Where?

Pokemon: (anime sweatdrop)

Cati: FLY TO... MAUVILLE!

Cascade: (weird Pelipper battle cry that sounds like quacking)

(They reach Mauville in a few seconds. Not because they're fast, its how the game works)

(At Mauville...)

Cati and co: (fall out of sky and land on top of Game Corner. Things such as Pokeballs, pencils and a bike go flying out of Cati's bag.)

Cati: I want to get a new bike.

Zephyr: There's nothing wrong with the one you have already.

Cati's Acro Bike: (looks like scrap metal)

Storm: Looks fine to me.

Marsh: I CAN'T BE SEEN ON THAT!

Cati: I want to try the Mach Bike again. It's faster. I remember the last time I used it...

Glacier: The one you used at the Sky Pillar to fall down all the holes?

Cati: Yeah.

(Flashback: Cati and co see the door to Rayquaza.)

Cati: This is it! Do we have our Ultra Balls, Timer Balls and Pokeballs?

Cascade: Yea! All we have to do is go down one floor to get them ^^

Cati: WHAT!?!?!? I KNEW MY BAG FELT LIGHTER! Not that I'm complaining.

Floor: Ccrrrrraaaackkk.

All: 0_0'''' AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! (fall through crack four floors)

Bike: (collapses into a heap shaped like a Diglett)

Cascade: Now we go up three floors ^________________^

(End Flashback)

Souldbound: Rayquaza wasn't even worth it. You don't use him.

Cati: Neither was Kyogre, and he's hogging the Master Ball.

(In Box 12)

Kyogre: Ha ha ha... all you lowly water Pokemon are POKEballs I am in a MASTER BALL!

Water Pokemon: (tribal chanting)

Kyogre: Stop it.

Water Pokemon: (tribal chanting)

Kyogre: You can stop now...

Water Pokemon: Sacrifice to great Poke God! (aim attacks)

Kyogre: 0_o AAAGGGHH! (surfs away)

(Back to Cati and co.)

(SUDDENLY...)

All: YAAAAAH! (fall off the roof, crushing an innocent passerby who was coming out of the Game Corner.)

Passerby: (drops coins)

Cascade and Marsh: (flying)

Marsh: (scrabbles around collecting coins)

Other Pokemon: @_@ Owww...

Marsh: BOW DOWN TO ME MORTALS!

Zephyr: Oh yeah?

Marsh: YEAH!

(Zephyr used FIRE BLAST!)

Marsh: EeeeRRRrrGGGhh... (falls onto ground, dropping coins)

Cascade: Ooh... Cati, Marsh, look! Shiny circular things! (eats them)

Cati: (miraculously unscathed, jumps up) To the bike shop! (runs off)

Pokemon: Nooottt nooww...

Cascade: Cati! Wait!

Cati: (looks back) Huh? (slams into inconveniently placed brick wall)

Pokemon: ...

Cati: X_X

Soulbound: We mourn for our trainer. I GET HER CLOTHES!

Marsh: I GET HER ROOM!

Storm: I GET THE GAMEBOY!

Glacier: That isn't fair.

Storm: I'm the starter!

Glacier: I'm the favorite!

(They argue)

Zephyr: I'll take the bed.

Marsh: BUT THAT'S IN THE ROOM! AND THE ROOM IS MINE!

Cascade: I'll take all the toys ^^

Soulbound: The clothes are still mine. I'll take the money too.

Marsh: ALL THAT STUFF IS IN MY ROOM! AND I WANT THE MONEY!

Zephyr: I'll also take the computer!

Marsh: BUT-

Zephyr: EAT SMOKE, COMMON HOUSEHOLD PEST! (Fire Blasts Marsh)

Storm: THE GAMEBOY IS MINE! SHE WOULD HAVE GIVEN IT TO ME!

Cascade: But I would get the Sapphire game!

Glacier: NO SHE WOULDN'T!

Marsh: (getting up) I STILL GET THE (cough) ROOM!

Cati: (gets up still unharmed) I'M OKAY!

Pokemon: D'oh.

Cati: Huh?

Pokemon: (innocent looks) Nothing!

Cati: Okay. Now where was I... right! TO THE BIKE STORE! (slams into wall again)

Pokemon: ...

Glacier: I GET THE ROOM AND GAMEBOY!

Storm: Forget it. Just give me the food.

Marsh: I'M TAKING THE FOOD!

*****

To be continued...