Really Bad Eggs

Chapter 2 [It's not really all bad being dead. . .]

Welcome back kiddies!! I am so happy you liked chapter one!!! I went for a nice refreshing day of boogie boarding in Rhode Island and then I get back and there are 13 reviews for my fic! Honestly, I only expected like 3 if any! But, when I wasn't boogying, or reading Harry Potter V (for the 2nd time) or sleeping. . . I was working on chapter two!  But first, we'll have a little re·cap!

.:BOOMING ANNOUNCER'S VOICE:.

Last time on, Really Bad Eggs:

Are you sure these eggs are alright to eat? They look a little. . . funny."

-.-.-.-.-

"Wow. I guess those eggs weren't okay. . .

-.-.-.-.-

They soon reached the gates of heaven, which were as they both had imagined: gold and shiny and very tall. As they walked through them, Jack tried to scrape off a piece with his knife.

-.-.-.-.-

"NO! Of course not" the figure said laughing slightly. "To watch the movie on being dead. It's in 3-D!"

-.-.-.-.-

:hearty laughing: Those were some good times huh? Well, stay tuned for the next chapter of Really Bad Eggs!

[Small commercial break]

"Wow. . . look at it! It's amazing! A giant white heaven sail! Reminds me of my ship." Jack said, with a fake tear in his eye.

"It's not a sail, stupid!" Elizabeth said, "THAT'S a movie."

"Looks like a heaven sail t'me." Jack protested.

"Jack, even if there were such things as heaven sails, which I doubt, not everything has to do with a boat you know, you wouldn't really know what one would look like, would you? Since this is the first time you've seen heaven. And further more-"

"Wow. Ye be full of logic t'day, eh Miss Swann? Do us a favor and stifle your hole before me ears fall off." Jack spat, looking at her evilly. He turned his attention to the 'heaven sail' ignoring the fact that Elizabeth was looking rather disgruntled and staring at him with apt dislike.

Suddenly big 3-D letters appeared on the screan.

So. . . . you're dead.

Elizabeth and jack looked at each other with huge eyes. They looked back at the screen, eager to see what was going to happen next.

But. . . it's not the end.

Five robe clad figures walked onto the screen and smiled. They held out their hands towards the two, and a flock of doves flew out towards them. Well they were 3-D doves, not real. But they didn't know that.

"DUCK!!" Jack screamed, pulling Elizabeth down with him. They stayed down for a good ten minutes, when the woman that had given them their glasses gave a small cough.

Surprised that she hadn't been scared of the birds, Jack and Elizabeth looked up at her.

"Get up." She laughed. "I can see this isn't going to work." She said, walking over and taking the glasses off their faces. You're going to need to come with me for a better explanation. They stood up and followed her up a cloudy flight of stairs.

"Excuse me, miss." Elizabeth said politely. Jack snorted slightly and shook his head. It was a much different tone  than the one she usually used around him. She glared at him and continued. "Are you. . . are you God?"

The woman stopped, turned and looked at Elizabeth.

"Am I God?"

Elizabeth nodded. The woman smiled and then started laughing.

"Ohh, I'm sorry, Elizabeth, but that is very funny. No I am not god. When you see God, you will understand why I'm laughing. This way, please." She lead them through an old fashioned office door.

"How do you know my name?" Elizabeth said softly.

"I know everything about you. And you too, Captain Jack Sparrow." Jack looked up sharply at the sound of his name.

"Surly not everything. . . " Jack trailed off, they were now standing a junky old living room, with mis-matched plaid couches, and green walls. There was garbage all over, and blue cigar smoke filled the room. A short fat man with a cab drivers cap, beater and blue boxers sat in a recliner, eyes glued to the tv, which was broadcasting some baseball game. The only movement he made was when he drew his big fat cigar from his mouth, and blue forth another cloud of blue smoke.

"Sir, this is Elizabeth Swann, and Jack Sparrow. Oooh, Captain Jack Sparrow. Pardon me." She gave a small bow to Jack, who nodded.

"What happened to the 3-D?" the man asked.

"Well, they don't know about movies. It'd be better if you talked to them." The woman said.

"Okay. Very well, Mary-Weather, let me get a look at the new ones." He turned to them and a pair of spectacles appeared in his hand. He put them on, and stood up. The glasses magnified his eyes to about 5 times their normal size, and made Elizabeth and Jack look at him oddly.

"This, is God." Mary-Weather said.

Elizabeth and Jack's mouths fell open.

"What are you staring at? Let me see you. . . c'mere." God said, pulling Elizabeth down to his level. She knelt down, and the old man put his hands on either side of her face.

"Such a pretty girl." He smiled at her. He pinched her cheeks like every old person does and beamed. Elizabeth smiled back. She immediately took a liking to him. He reminded her of her grandfather a little.

"And Jack!" God cried, pulling Jack down too. He pinched his cheeks too. "Such a handsome man! I've been looking up on your records. You dog!" God said winking. Jack looked confused for a moment, then understood completely. He nodded and laughed too.

"Okay, here's what you need to know. For the first month, you are required to go to death support groups, to help you cope with the shock of being dead. . . obviously. You're separated into different groups, according to how you died. You guys ate bad eggs? You'll be in the food department. If you need anything feel free to contact me, but I gotta finish watching this game, I bet a bunch on the Angels." God winked, and went back to his chair.

"I'll show you to the food department." Mary-Weather said smiling.

They got there just in time for the next meeting. Chairs were arranged in a circle and they sat down, looking around in awe. Also in their support group was An old woman who was dozing in her seat, two surfer guys, a beautiful woman in a long red dress, a fat, bald trucker, a black bouncer, and a teenaged boy  with dark hair. The group leader was a man dressed in white robes named Carl.

"Welcome. I see some new faces. . and. .  some old faces." Carl said. Let's go around the circle and give our names and what you ate that caused your death. Let's start with you. . ." Carl pointed at Jack. Jack looked surprised for a moment then said,

"Aye, my name is Captain Jack Sparrow. . . and I ate a bad egg. . . " He looked at Carl to make sure this was enough said. Carl looked around the group.

"Welcome, Jack." They chorus. Jack jumped some, but regained his composure quickly.

"Um. .  my name is Elizabeth Swann. . . I also ate a bad egg. It's Jack's fault." She said.

"No, no, it's no one's fault!" Carl said calmly. Elizabeth rolled her eyes. The people continued around the group and when they got to the teenaged boy with the dark hair, he stood up.

"My name is Marty, and I ate a bad hamburger . . . and I've been here for 3 years." He declared.

"Wow." Jack mouthed to Elizabeth. She nodded. She didn't know what a hamburger was but the fact that he didn't get over being dead for 3 years made her scared.

After the group meeting, they left feeling very calm and happy. Jack went up to Marty and shook his hand.

"Three years?!" He asked.

"Yeah. I don't know why I keep going back. I mean. . I know I'm dead. . . It's just sad you know. But hey, we can still do stuff you know."

"Really? Like what?" Jack asked.

"Well anything really. . . just people cant see us. But, I know you know my name and all, but I'm Marty. . . I'm Teen Angel. There's a tv show about me!" He said shaking Jack's hand.

"Jack Sparrow. What's a tv show?"

"It's kind of like a movie."

"Oh. . " Jack shivered.

"Hey, you seem like a fun lovin' guy. . . a pirate right?"

"Aye!"

"You wanna buy me Booze?" Marty asked.

"Of course I will. Rum all around!" Jack shouted, causing a few people nearby to jump.

"Good! Let's go to Vegas! It'll be fun, we'll drink, we'll gamble, it'll be great!"

Jack looked as if all his dreams had just come true as they disappeared, leaving Elizabeth all alone.

"Jack?" She called, walking through the crowds of people.

"JACK?!!" She screamed. She looked around and whined. "Jaaaaaacccckkkkkk!!!"

And that's the end of chapter two!

Coming up next on Really Bad Eggs:

Will finds out that Elizabeth is dead and blames Jack.

Jack and Marty get married.

And the ghost busters bust a cap in yo ass. . . just kidding, but they do show up. ^^

REVIEW REPLIES:

Dragonmistress and Celticgirl: Thank you!! I'm glad you liked it!

Tora Tsuki: Oh, well, thanks! ^^ I tried my best to get Jack in character. . . mmm Johnny depp :sigh:

HappyChaos: Love your pen name by the way! And thank you!

Sheego Neko-san (japanese_cleopatra@cutey.com) : Yeah I know it was short. . . I'm thinking there's only going to be 4 chapters. . . so they're all gonna be pretty short. . . I think :ponder:

SNangel: : )

Twilight-Zone: Yes, whenever I saw Pirates I mostly paid attention when Jack was on screen (other than that I kinda slept, lmao jk) and realized what I great character he was. . . and I tried my best to re-create him most accurately.

Cheesey Little Hobbitses: So happy you liked it!

Mage Kitty: ::laughs crazily too:: I always enjoy a good giggle-fest!

Philosopherscat: :dreamily: yeah, Jack is always delightful isn't he? I'm glad you read this too! : )

Purple Orchid: Chiara, you're a whore. Just kidding! I love you. . . and no, I'm sorry, but your topless self at the beach doesn't make me think of Johnny Depp and Kiera Knightly eating bad eggs. . . I'm sorry. Lol!

MrsPitt: Yay! Weird!!! :dances: so happy!

telly belly (chantelle11@btopenworld.com): Orlando bloom will show up in good time, my dear. ; )

bad egg: Hey! Watch where you're poking that motivation stick!!! (but thanks!)

The Katt: Heehee golden gates. . . mmmmm gold.